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Asking For Help

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Marisa46

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I am in a weird place right now. Emotionally strange territory for me; I'm preparing for the surgery with all of the diagnostic tests; but I don't have a date for the surgery. I'm in this I'm pretty sure things are on track but I can't be entirely certain. Sort of an emotional no man's land. I'm not sure if I should be excited or apprehensive and I'm frequently both emotions at the same time.

 

Wednesday is my endoscopy; I'm arranging for a ride to and from the hospital. I thought I would be able to drive myself home but since the procedure is being done under general anesthesia I will need a ride. I hate asking for favors from people. It's silly of me to feel that way since I readily do or give whatever is asked of me by family and friends. My therapist asked me why I have such a hard time asking for help. I didn't and still don't know the answer. I feel like I should be capable of doing everything myself and since I've never married I'm used to doing everything or paying someone to do it.

 

If I ask for help I have to explain to the person why I need their assistance. Maybe I'm very secretive by nature or maybe I feel as if the person is judging me? I don't think it's fair for me to think that the people I'm asking are that small, because, my friends and family are good ( not perfect ) people. The fear is my hangup.

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My sister told me this - if you don't let others do favors for you or ask others for help, it really is wrong. When we allow others to help, we are helping them. They are then able to give freely, making themselves better individuals. We are all here to do for others, love each other, care for each other. Why should you not allow those in your life who care about you to show it? Maybe you don't feel you truly deserve it? Well, YOU do, as we all do. I think once you allow others to help, it might get easier. You will feel better, and those that are helping you will feel great for having done so. Bite the bullet, and let others do for you. Good Luck. Hugs to you.

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I'm the same way. I think it's a combination of not wanting to be "beholding" to someone, pride, and fear that they'll say no. In fact, in my experience, the few times that I have asked others for help 90% of the time the answer was no (oh, a very polite and with-oh-so-many excuses but still no).

I don't think I'm going to change my modus operandi and so I can't advise you too either :-) Spring for a cab.

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Part of this journey is overcoming some of our fears. You will have to learn to ask for help many times in this WL journey.... I have issues with it too, but believe me, let others in and let them help you. It's ok to need help. And it's ok to vocalize it.

Honestly, I think this issue goes hand in hand with how we used food previously although I'm not great about how to word it... we found solace and used food as a tool to help us deal with our secrets, our disappointments, etc. Did you use food previously as a way to overcome your being disappointed in other ppl? I probably did. I'm still trying to figure that out myself. But I do believe that overcoming such issues play parts in us making this journey successful in the long run, or at least that's what I'm wondering as this might be part of your challenge, as it is mine.

I hope you decide to open up and take a chance and that you find there are people in your life that will support you, if you only give them the chance. Good luck and hugs.

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Thanks Joni, Spatters, and Longer Life! You are all right! I do deserve the help, I am afraid that I'll be turned down, and I know that as a Christian part of our journey is about being of service to others so I shouldn't deny people the chance to help me. It is so hard! I told all of my immediate family and my closest friends. Usually I tell people stuff after I've finished it!

The hospital won't release me to go home in a cab someone has to be there taking responsibility for me. Security (liability). Good news--when I let people know I needed the help, two people were like "you know I'll do this for you--quit stressing"

That made me feel good. Spatters you know how hard it is to be rejected when you are in need, I'm so glad they said yes because it would have really hurt to have no one who would help me.

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