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Love And Other Misunderstandings

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Marisa46

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So, I'm mad at my brother Kevin and in response to being mad I stuff 2 chicken nuggets down my mouth quickly. Stuffing my face made me sick (nausea and heartburn). Having to face issues directly is such a pain in the ass but I'm going to have to learn how to feel angry with out hurting myself.

 

Somehow, writing about my struggle with my emotions in this blog helps me to understand my destructive behavior. Maybe understanding how stuffing my face is harmful to me now will help me correct the behavior. I hope so.

 

I have problems soothing the frustration I feel when I'm angry. I just don't know what to do with the feelings so I try to make them go away by eating. That strategy is not going to work anymore, but I want an easy way to deal with the anger and frustration. Hiding from emotions -- concentrating on the food instead of the feelings--has always seemed to be the easiest thing to do. Surgery has made that strategy almost as unpleasant as the emotions themselves.

 

When I'm angry, I feel like I need to act. The actions that first come to my mind(hitting, screaming, etc) are not acceptable. Eating used to be an enjoyable way to comfort myself. Anger and frustration reqire my immediate attention and I tried to calm myself by what was always immediately available--Food. I have to learn how to respond to my anger and frustration in a positive way. (DUH) So much easier to say than to do.

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:( I think most of us struggle with this. I miss being able to comfort myself with a bowl of ice cream. I know its probably not right to admit that, but there it is. When I cant use food, I feel very irritable. I agree that this is a learning experience and no one said it would be easy, but I really wish it was easier than this! Good luck with everything :)

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:( When I cant use food, I feel very irritable. I agree that this is a learning experience and no one said it would be easy, but I really wish it was easier than this! Good luck with everything :)

Thank you!

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The connection between strong negative emotions and the compulsion to action is usually our downfall. (So it is with food, drugs, alcohol... any addiction)

Some suggestions for alternative actions? (Some worked for me, some didn't. I tried them all until I found what gave me the ability to think through the emotion to a constructive rather than destructive action)

Get a glass of ice cubes. Crunch them in your mouth.

Compel yourself to a physical action (walk around the block, go up and down the stairs four or five times, play Wii, Xbox, etc. Something you can do right now to wear off the adrenalin of the emotional hijack)

Speak up - even just a little. Give yourself a voice. Stuffing what you think about the circumstances results in an emotional void needing to be filled.

Call someone you trust and set the timer to vent for five minutes, then talk through what action you need to take to be positive.

Journal - stream of consciousness - no self-censoring. Fill three pages with the thoughts in your mind. It won't be pretty, it won't be nice English, but it will get those destructive, habitual thoughts out of your head and into tangible form. After three pages, put the journal away and make a date with yourself to read it later. Later, when you do read it, make some concrete decisions about how you want to think about (______________) behaviour. (i.e., your brother's) Even if you can't talk to him, you can write him a short note taking personal responsibility for your response to his words/actions. Something like, "I was very (emotion) when you (action) and I need/choose/ask you to stop/change. If you don't, I will need to limit our contact for my sake. I choose not to be a part of that kind of encounter again." Or something similar. You may not be able to say it to your brother, but you can use the opportunity to practice self-advocacy. ;)

Lastly, use positive self-talk. When you're not in an emotional crisis, learn some things you can tell yourself when you are. "I am not compelled to action because I am feeling (emotion)." And other phrases that you learn when not under stress. Using them does make a difference. I promise.

Keep at it. All this stuff is so much easier to say than to do. But you already know that. Sometimes, just having extra tools/ideas can make all the difference in the world, one stressful situation at a time.

:) CE

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hitting is good ( a pillow)

screaming is good (alone in your car with the windows rolled up)

Next time you are mad at your brother why not imagine shoving chicken mcnuggets down his throat!

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I have trouble dealing with anger as well. When I am most angry I feel compelled to move something...be it myself thru pacing in a circle or stomping away or really losing it and throwing, smashing, or kicking inanimate objects. I've also attempted to get rid of anger or resentment by eating, and LOTS of it. This makes me feel worse afterward, I mean..who am I getting back at?? What problem does this solve? Only hurting myself....

I realized a few years ago that I "eat" my feelings....loneliness, sadness, boredom, disappointment, anger, resentment....just swallow it down. I have been working on changing that, even more so now that my surgery date is approaching. I have been a journaling person off and on for a great part of my life and plan on doing that more in hopes it will be a healthier outlet for my feelings.

CE has some great suggestions! I hope you and I both can find happier and healthier ways to deal with our anger. :)

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