My journey into WLS-land officially began in December of 2012. It's hard to write this without 15 paragraphs of backstory, but maybe that will fill in with time.
I was told that I would probably not be on any fast track to getting to into surgery. I hadn't been to the doctor in about 3 years & my diabetes and blood pressure had since been running out of control. Still, when they said it would probably be 4-6 months before I'd be up for the surgery I thought to myself that I could handle that. Besides, from the basic outline of the Lahey pre-req's.. it almost seemed like a minimum amount of 3 months would be needed to get everything out of the way regardless. I took this all very seriously & immediately rolled up my sleeves & got to work.
I record every single piece of food that goes into my mouth on the Daily Plate/Livestrong.com. I alternate a bit with my exercise, but try to get in an hour walk @ 3mph & now I'm adding in some basic bodyweight training at home. I'm recording my blood sugar daily. I'm keeping my calories under 1500 (without feeling deprived or hungry). I joined a group on Livestrong that challenges you to "lose 100 lbs in one year" with weekly weigh in's. I was also tracking my exercise on a fitness page with some kindred spirits (to a degree) but when I got it off my chest that WLS was in my future.. I kinda regretted it. I still look there for inspiration, but no more posts.
My progress seems to have paid off some. When I last saw my bariatric nurse I had lost 29lbs since 12/20 & the next day I got a call with a surgery date of 4/1. Immediately after the call was a "oh S**t" moment that lasted a good half hour. I'm not scared of the surgery.. I think I'm more scared of this being taken away from me now more than anything.
Thought I was at 7 weeks but I had a blonde moment. Lol
Well I am feeling a lot better, once I hit 5 weeks I started to feel alive again. I still get really tired but it could be from lack of food. Trying really hard to get calories, protein and fluids in.
Haven't been able to tolerate multi vitamin or B complex but Nut told me its ok to drink some milk to get multi down. Chewable's or Gummies still make me sick so milk is the only option. So glad CVS will take back the b complex I bought. She told me to try thiamin instead 50 mg it's the b i need anyway. Hope it works.
Still want to eat too fast, not happy they only want us to eat 3 meals a day. Just have to do what my body requires.
Was hoping diabetes would be a lot better but had to go back on my insulin pump for better control. Lost 65lbs and was hoping that would help. I'm not one of the ones that got better control. Maybe a couple more pounds will help.
All for now, I'm tired.
4 days to go and pretty uneventful, but I still want to blog every day, at least until I get to a certain point.
I was down another 2 lbs. this morning on the pre-op diet. Current weight: 268. The diet is actually getting easier, now that the headaches have stopped (for the most part).
I bought a new scale yesterday, our old one was crappy, the plastic cover to the button to turn it on broke, and I had to use my toe to turn it on. This new one is actually a Weight Watchers scale, that does weight, BMI, bone density and water level. All for only $29 at Bed Bath & Beyond.
Who I am now isn't so important as how I came to be this person, wife, mother, grandmother, sister. The history is what formed me, challenged me to overcome, compelled me to do better than those who came before me.
I was born near the mid-point of the last century, in a large western US city. My parents married because they had conceived me when my mom was 16. My birth father was 19. As it turned out, he was a violent paranoid schizophrenic and a pedophile. My mom was later Dx with Borderline Personality disorder. I won't go into detail, suffice it to say that my earliest memories are horrific. My two younger brothers and I suffered the abuse and neglect until I was 9 1/2 years old, when a neighbor girl was assaulted by my birth father, he was arrested and sent to a state psychiatric hospital for treatment. I was taken in to protective custody for four days, while my mother was investigated and cleared of complicity in my abuse. He was not allowed within 300 miles of me, upon his release, 4 years later. When I was 14, he committed suicide.
My mom had remarried in 1960 to a wonderful man I refer to as Dad. He earned my trust, respect and love. They had two more little boys in the two years following their marriage. My Dad died of sleep apnea in 1978, we were all devastated and heartbroken...it was the undoing of my mom and my dearest brother. My mom turned to scotch for comfort, inviting my 17 year old brother to be her drinking partner. My mom died 8 miserable years later of pancreatic cancer. Those 8 years were awful, watching my mom decline, my brothers suffer. She raged constantly, told me often that I had no idea of her pain, her suffering. She made life a living hell for her family and circle of friends. She was diagnosed and died in 12 short weeks later.
My brother died 14 years later, the victim of a predatory female who took advantage of his alcoholism, a recent injury, subbed his Rx pain Meds with extra strength Tylenol. Took him 3 weeks to die of liver failure, on our dad's birthday. My heart was broken. This brother was the first male I had in my life who loved me unconditionally. He was born when I was 11 and he was like a son to me. He was my husband's best buddy, my kids favorite uncle, everybody loved him. Yes, he was an alcoholic, very high functioning, but losing him was the saddest event of my life to date.
My brother has been gone for 12 years...I think of him every day. I remember my little grandkids running up to the car when I'd arrive at their house, all four of them would climb in the car hugging me, asking me "...is you sad? Did your Brubbie die? Sorry *****, usses loves you! ". They did this for months, until I finally told them I felt better because they healed my broken heart. I have 8 grandkids 6 teens, 2 in their twenties. The youngest 4 are all the same age, 3 identical girls and a boy. I am blessed.
Of my four siblings, two have passed. The oldest, died at age 51 as a transient. He inherited the mental illness genes and I never saw him after my mother's death. The next oldest lives in NM, his mind ravaged by years of alcohol and drug abuse. We have minimal contact thru FB. The youngest has never been able to form healthy relationships with anyone...I see him once per year when he comes to visit. He misses his big brother too. He tells me that his true home is wherever I am. I wish my mom had let me take him when he was 15 and she went on her 8 year binge.
So...this is my emotional history, in a nutshell. The other stuff doesn't matter, except to say that my family is healthy, successful and happy. We celebrate often, mourn together when the time comes and love and support each other faithfully. My kids have all been married to their HS sweethearts for over 20 years each. We have done better than the generation before us...the bar was low on my side, but my husband and his family were great role models. I'm thankful every day for their love, support and example. I miss them painfully.
Coming up on three years since I was banded. The eight months post surgery was understably the adjustment prior. The following year a wash due to cancer surgery and treatment. Things had actually started to move in the right direction until July '12 when the problems started. I'm 22 pounds lower than the day of surgery - given all the expenses involved, that's about $1,500 a pound.
To whit, I am 50+ pounds lower than my highest weight, but as a size 18w ain't no one going to call me "slim" - and I'm still a Type II diabetic.
The problems, which have been bothering me since July - please, if you're having any issues, go to your WLS ASAP - continue regardless of the medications. I have my follow up to the endoscopy this week.
Yesterday was classic. Out late the night before, so I slept in 'til about 10am(for me a real treat). Got up and had coffee. Not hungry, so I was working around the house i.e., on my feet on on the go. Around 2:30pm I felt hungry, so I made myself a piece of toast with Smart Balance. According to my WLS, I should be able to eat this... Nibbled it down and then it came back up or the course of six trips to the bathroom. Waited a bit and settle my stomach with some tea.
Around 7pm, I managed yogurt with no problems. Several hours later I was hungry again, so I scrambled 1/4 egg sub and cooked 1/4 oatmeal. The eggs I ate standing - no problem. Took my oatmeal downstairs to eat while watching TV. Got it down no problem. Watched an episode of a fav show on my DVR - fast forwarding through commercials, so sitting for about 45 minutes. Went back upstairs to go to bed. Felt blocked and stuffed, but thought it was all in my head. Took my bedtime meds and just made it to the bathroom for another three episodes of vomiting.
I'd hoped that having this procedure would mean that I could finally stop thinking about food all the time. Instead I'm thinking about it even more. What I can and can't eat. How I can avoid eating in social situations. How I can pretend eat so I can fake my way through family dinners. Knowing what I should eat, should be able to eat but choosing the slider route to be safe. God how I envy those with no food issues!
Like a child on Christmas Eve, once I had my first appointment with the doctors office I could not wait to get started on all my tast to be done. I ran home with my binder (they had given me) sat down and read the whole thing. I had a new outlook on life already. That same day I called my family doctor to write a letter of support and had them fax it in. I then saw my councelor and had her write a letter of approval and fax that. On Saturday ran out and had my blood drawn. I was on the road. I gave up the soda (I loved very much) started out to the store buying the right food and reading boxes. Ran to WalMart and bought the most expensive scale they had. I even started to buy babyfood for after the surgery. Wow, sice that first meeting I was too busy to notice my doctor's office had not done a thing. I found out that I won't even meet my surgon until right before surgery, When I call them with concerns they give me a line or 2 speak and hang up. I am starting to lose all the interest I have in thhis whole thing.
I feel I have shown so much effort and am not seeing anything in return, this is very discouraging an upseting. I need support with this, and even though my family is there, they don't understand. I need to see somethig from my doctors side that shows they are their and moving on their end as well.
If you have any feedback on this PLEASE let me know you feelings. I feel alone and ready to jump ship. I have even found myself crying on the phone with the doctors office and still got no where..
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OK so this is the same as what I posted in the My Story section of my profile...but I think its a good start for my first post!
I have been overweight for a large portion of my life. I started getting heavy when I was about 11 years old. I always knew I was overweight and I tried to lose weight more times than I can count. I've done it all: Weight Watchers, NutriSystem, my own diets, exercise, weight-loss pills, fad diets...you name it. I've even been an athlete for a good part of my life. I played soccer for 11 years and softball for 7 years. No matter what I did, the weight didn't come off. Sure some of it did, 10..15..maybe 20 pounds when I stuck to a program...but once I started to see a drop in weight-loss, I dropped that program. And some of them just didn't work.
Then, when I was 19, I just stopped trying. I decided I was happy and could live a happy life as an over-weight girl. I have plenty of friends who love me for who I am and don't ever judge me or make fun of me for my weight. I can't even remember the last time someone called me fat (probably because if you're over the age of 16 and use that insult, you are the one with no friends). So I started just doing what I wanted. Drinking on the weekends, eating fast food and unhealthy food...just not caring. But as the months went on and my friends and I started going out to bars and clubs more, I started feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. That was the low point. When you go out, and you're dressed up, hair and makeup done, but you still feel like you're not even half as attractive as the other people in the room is one of the worst feelings someone can experience.
That's when I realized I had to do something. So I started looking into weight-loss surgery options. I was thinking about having the Lap Band or the Realize Band, I just thought they would be the best option for me. Dr. Ballem was the first and only doctor I met with. He asked if I had ever heard about the sleeve surgery. I hadn't. So I did my research, decided that it was the perfect fit for me, and that was the day I started this journey.
My blog is going to be about my experiences on my journey to my goal weight along with my feelings, ideas, advice, food tips, and whatever else pops into my head. Enjoy!
This is a long time coming. "They" say that journaling is a good way for people on a weight loss journey to deal with "things". I am a little over halfway to goal, so I'd say it's about time. I thought I would start with my story- what got me to this point. The point of absolute desperation. The point at which I was so desperate to lose weight that I ELECTIVELY allowed a surgeon to remove the majority of my stomach. When it is put that way (and honestly when I tell someone verbally what VSG is), it sounds so ridiculous. I mean, who does that?
I wasn't ever a really fat kid. I was pretty active and grew up in the 80's, a time before video games, PC's, cable TV, and a lot of the technology that keeps kids of today sitting for hours instead of playing outside. I was just a little chubby until I became less active around puberty, then began the constant battle. I spent my high school years gaining weight, until I was a little under 200 lbs by the end of my junior year. I was also by this time a "secret eater". I worked in a bakery when I was 15, and would sneak in a big bag of bakery fresh cookies to my bedroom and eat them all when no one was looking. And so it went on, until the summer between junior and senior year, when I went on the Nutrisystem diet plan and lost 45 pounds before the start of my senior year. My senior year was pretty fab- I was a drama geek, and due to the weight loss, I landed the lead in the fall play and a significant part in the spring musical.
In college, I gained it all back. Over the years, I have lost and gained probably hundreds of pounds. I got married in 2002 at 217 pounds, had a baby two years later. A week after my son was born and all the water weight was gone, I was at 245 lbs. In 2007, I was up to 285. By this time last year, I was at my all time high, 302 lbs. My mom called and asked if I would be interested in WLS. She said she would help me pay for it. (Backstory: my 32 year old brother died suddenly in Feb 2011, and she was/is really afraid to lose another child). I went to the information session in April 2012 and had my 1st appointment in May. Over the next several months, I completed all of my pre-op requirements, including losing 30 pounds. Due to my crazy work and school schedule, I had to have my surgery just before Christmas, on December 17, 2012.
It has been kind of a crazy ride, and I am still learning how to "work my sleeve", but so far, it has been so amazing. I couldn't have done it by myself. After more than 30 years fighting this battle, this I know.
I had my first experience with getting the slimes a few days ago. I had eaten a little too much in hopes of trying to get a little more calories and protein in for the day. I wasn't all that hungry. In fact, I'm never really all that hungry. I find I am less hungry at 4 weeks post op than I was at 2. It is probably because I am eating denser food which takes time to digest, but it is a weird feeling. I go basicaly the whole day without really feeling hungry. Yesterday, it took me 5 hours to nurse down my protein shake! Some days are better than others. Most mornings I can just drink the whole thing down in like half an hour.
Well, I vowed that I would never eat too much again because the slimes is not an experience I wanted to have again. Fast forward a few days AND I GOT THEM AGAIN!!!
This time it was because I think I ate too fast. I was eating some slivers of pecorino romano. Everything felt fine. I didn't feel anything stuck in my throat, my belly didn't feel full at all. I thought it was the easiest thing do go down I've tried so far. Maybe that was the problem...it was too easy going down. Sure enough, maybe 20 minutes later my mouth started salivating and I started "dry heaving" so I ran to the bathroom. I stayed there for awhile while I "almost" puked. Just to put it in perspective, I've always had a problem with puking...meaning my body doesn't like to give it up. Even in my college days, when I used to party all the time I could never puke. I would get sick and dry heave, but never puke! I want to puke because I know it will feel better after I do, but it just never works out that way. So I always get the dry heaves without the vomit...and it is extremely annoying. I think I've puked twice in the past 20 years. One of those times was when I had extreme food poisoning. After about 20 minutes of being in the bathroom, I felt a little better. I went back to my room and sat on the bed. And then burp! And after that burp I felt sooo much better.
I vowed I would never slime again, but I realized I don't have this all figured out yet. I've been eating healthy, getting my protein and water in etc. The cheese I ate was pretty healthy, but maybe it was too dense for this belly. I haven't had any problems with any of the food that I have eaten thus far. My taste buds haven't changed. The same food that I ate before still looks delicious to me. I think the difference is I don't have that hunger to push me over the edge where I reach for it and put it in my mouth. I kind of just walk past it and say, "that looks yummy." I'm struggling to get in 600 calories a day and 80 grams of protein so I am not at all tempted to eat something that isn't going to fuel my weight loss.
So what I've learned?
1. Even if a food goes down easily I should still eat slooooowwwwwwwww.
2. I don't have everything figured out yet. I'm probably going to make a few more mistakes
3. Don't force myself to eat more if I'm not hungry...even if my calories have to suffer for a day (I'd rather listen to my body)
4. I haven't tried every food yet...there might be something my tummy doesn't like despite the good luck I've had thus far
5. I HATE SLIMING. IT'S NASTY!
6. I have to find my own way. I can always seek advice and see other people's stats and what worked for them, but each person is different and I have to find what works for me.
“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.”
― Heraclitus
“Not I, nor anyone else can travel that road for you.
You must travel it by yourself.
It is not far. It is within reach.
Perhaps you have been on it since you were born, and did not know.
Perhaps it is everywhere - on water and land.”
― Walt Whitman
Hi everyone!
I got back from my plication surgery yesterday. I am a little sore and have a little bit of discomfort but overall I am fine! I redid my bandages this morning and put on the wound care. I am also finishing out my prescription of antibiotics. Honestly the experience was pretty much what I expected. Everyone was very nice to me and people were constantly cleaning. Everyone wore gloves and used anti-bacterial soap when being treated, so I had no worries on germs, etc. The quarters were cramped and there were two patients in each recovery room. I did pay to get a private room at the hotel the next two days and was glad I did. It was only $56.00 a night with a king-size bed! The hospital/clinic has a full time nurse in one of the rooms at the hotel. We would then get shuttled back and forth to get our IV nourishment/medicine, drain tubes taken out, x-ray for leakage, etc.. Everything went well. I even went shopping with a group on Revolucion for gifts for my family! It was safe during the day but you don't go out at night or if you do, stay in a group!
Any questions anyone has please feel free to ask! I am excited to be continuing my journey to a happier and healthier me! Woooooooohoooooo!
Steve
This morning I gingerly stepped on the dreaded scale, and much to my delight, it showed me I was down 20 pounds since pre-op! Of course I did a happy dance, and then turned around and checked myself out in the mirror. Something I haven't done for a while. To my amazement, I noticed I lost a roll in my back. I went from two to one! I'm starting to get a waist back again, and I feel lighter. Then, to add to my reverent state of mind, my husband comes up to me telling me his underware is like hanging off of him, and he needs to go buy new underware. We are both obese, and since I've started this journey, he's been by my side, and doing well for himself too. He's lost now 18 pounds I think? He said to me, "When you're doing good, I'm doing good too." Awe.
I just got back from Costco, and noticed something while I was there. I noticed that my entire outlook toward food has changed. And I haven't even had my surgery yet! Normally, I would stop at every free sample station to try them out. Not today. A guy walked by with a big slice of pizza, loaded with toppings. I looked at it in disgust! I feel a sort of disdain toward food, like it's the food's fault for letting me get to this point. I just got the same feeling when a Red Lobster commercial came on the tv. Normally, I would have been salivating, and wanting to gorge myself. But again, disgust. I'm not sure what it all means, just thought it was interesting. I suppose a psychologist could give me some insight into what it means.
First, the good news - I'm down 4 lbs since yesterday! So strange.
Before pre-op diet, I was 274 lbs on my home scale.
Pre-op diet:
Day 1 - Day 2: UP 1 lb.???? (275 lbs.)
Day 2 - Day 3: Down 1 lb. to original starting weight (274 lbs.)
Day 3-Day 4: Down 4 lbs. (270 lbs.)
OK, now the not so good news. I'm having doubts about this whole thing. Doubting myself, thinking "why can't I just do this myself?" It's just that it's all seeming like a huge diet - high-protein, low-carbs, measuring and weighing food. I've had some good success with low-carb diets in the past, only to gain it all back (plus more) when I went off them. Could I lose all this weight on my own if I was strict with my intake, and avoid such a drastic measure? Maybe. But I hope that this will be a tool to help me maintain the weight loss once I get to where I want to be. I know it will be a lot of work, and I'm ok with that. I just hope that it will eventually become second nature, and not always constantly measuring and weighing my food.
But then I see all the success stories here, and read about people who had the exact same doubts I am having. I've seen very few people say they regretted having this surgery. Even the ones who had complications are saying they would do it all over again. That is very reassuring, to know that I'm not all alone.
Sooo I have had my surgery on Feb. 21 2013 just 10 days ago. I had done extremely well in the hospital barely took the pain med' at all. Starting two days after i came home i had gotten bad dizzy/ nausea spells they would come and go till now. I then had my follow up with my surgeon who did tons of blood work, which came back normal. Within the first week i had lost 15 lbs what a great loss!!! The day after my blood work i started to not eat or drink which was a big concern so the nurse from the surgical office said go to the er if symptomys still occure after taking Zofran. The night before my two year old decided it would be nice and hop on mommy's belly! Not a pleasant feeling. So now Saturday rolls around (yesturday march 2) And symptoms still there nothing changed. I then decided to go get checked out at the ER they thought i had a leak because i had many symptoms. They started me on iv fluid because i was extremely dehydrated and did a CT Scan. They Ct came back normal Thank God! 3 Bags of fluid later i left. Since thursday i have gained 1.5 lbs which i didnt want to see on my scale! Was that from the dehydration ?? Today i have been trying to get some water down and my body has no interest still has any one had this prob????????????? I even bought popsicles and everything no interest in eating them. What could this be from????
So im feeling more sensitive lately about my weight than ever before and im about 50 days out still for my surgery! I was doing really good and lost 3 pounds in a week and now im eating for all the wrong reasons again. I questioned my husband on him being faithfull and broke down crying cause i cant understand why he is with me when im not a skinny beautiful wife. I dont know if this is normal before surgery or not but i guess im putting a lot of pressure on myself to get healthy and i have a lot of accountability to live up to. Im scared about failing i guess but then the next minute im excited and looking at all my old clothes and getting ready to be able to wear them. Im a hot mess right now i guess and hope these feelings get easier to deal with. Ive heard a lot of people talk about how emotional this journey is and i never realized it until now, and i havent even had the surgery yet! UGH....Any advice??
Tonight is the first time in my entire life that I have cancelled plans to go out because I didn't feel comfortable in my clothes or own skin. My friends that I cancelled on (who weigh 125lbs soaking wet) are pretty upset, but I just told them I wasn't feeling good.
I have been feeling pretty terrible about myself lately, and that just makes me think negatively about my approval for the band, my sex drive is at an all time low for the first time that I can remember, and now this, crying on the way to Seattle for a concert and having to turn around and go home.
I feel blessed that I am able to talk openly with Ty and my best friend April, as she knows how I feel right now because she is 9 months pregnant. It's different, but the same.
My approval/denial news can't come soon enough. It's to the point where the weekend is becoming a burden because I know it's not a business day.
Happy losing everyone.
Hi all,
Just curious im two months post-op I have lost 31 lbs(yaY) My question is if anyone use protein bars as one of their meals or mainly as a snack??? I really want to stick to just 3 meals a day but not sure if i should use the protein bar/drink as a meal I am having a hard time getting my 60-80 grms of protein daily thru regular food so im curious if i should use a protein bar/drink as a meal. I visited gnc today and purchase quest protein bars and isopure drinks. quest bars gives 20 grams of protein per bar and isopure drinks gives 40 grams protein.... by no means do i plan to eat more than one bar a day or drink one isopure a day I was sso surprised to see so many drinks bars shakes etc to choose from.(my first time ever visiting gnc) I am happy to have my sleeve but i find that i have to purchase more things to help with protein since i cant eat 60-80 grms daily.... There are some pros and cons to this whole wls.... by no means am i unhappy just have to get creative and not break my pocketbook buying all these vitamins supplements protein etc. Any feedback would be appreciated!
TD41
Ok so, two days post op. I was discharged yesterday and hone by like 1:30-2:00. Lots of sleep since then. Still getting up and walking on the treadmill for 15-20 minutes at a time. Funky starting to move some gas so that's a relief! I'm having a he'll of a time getting anything in. Liquids and protein are like impossible. I'm just not hungry. Everything I make tastes terrible, I really need to get some recipes or ideas that are low volume but high protein ...not so much luck on that right now. I either end up with what feels like could be 3 days of protein shakes. Or like an ass flovered paste lol.
Hopefully this gets easier!
Two days down on the pre-op diet, and MY GOD the headache I had last night! I went to bed at 9 because the pain was unbearable. It's still there a bit today. From what I've read, everyone seems to say that day 2 and 3 of the pre-op diet is the hardest.
I started this to help me and help other, with a place to tell me and everyone what is going on. I just got my surgery date and is happy and sad to loose a friend. Thats my first BAD joke, I just can not image myself thinner... So, send me your good or bad stories. I will do that when and if they happen for me.
I'm literally almost crying reading this. Mostly because I'mon this pre-op diet and these last two days have been difficult... but also because I needed this! Thank you! Congrats! And a BIG congrats on quitting smoking a second time! It was hard enough to do it once... So - when I say BIG congrats... I mean BIIIIIG congrats! ❤️
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