Intense Desperation and Fear

[JAM72 16]

Looking for others who may have felt the same way before WLS:

I suffer from mild, general anxiety and have been seeing a wonderful counselor for about 6 months. During that time, we started talking about my weight, whether I wanted to do something about it, and what that might be. This led me to finally move forward with WLS, which I had thought about on and off for a couple of years. I am 40 days out from my sleeve surgery.

However...

In my heart of hearts, I feel that something is fundamentally "wrong" with me. I am pretty driven and resilient and have been "successful" in other important areas of my life (school, career, marriage, family). But my weight is the ONE THING I haven't been able to tackle successfully on my own. Why?? How on earth did I allow myself to get this way? And why should I expect that this time is going to be any different than all the other times I've tried to lose weight?

I feel desperate and scared. WLS is my last chance - the "nuclear" option. I am so worried that I will fail again. I know the statistics are on my side in terms of success, but my many, many past failures make it really hard to believe this is going to work. I can't seem to shake this feeling.

Did anyone else go through this? Did it get better after the surgery when you started having success?

Thanks to all who reply!

[James Marusek 5,244]

After my RNY gastric bypass surgery, I completely lost my hunger. It was not difficult for me to lose weight when hunger was not constantly, continually gnawing at my bones. It was a completely different experience from dieting. Sometimes I had to remind myself to eat. It doesn't mean that you don't have to follow the program requirements for fluids, Protein, meal volume and Vitamins but it really is a different experience.

[laceemouse 631]

Looking for others who may have felt the same way before WLS:

I suffer from mild, general anxiety and have been seeing a wonderful counselor for about 6 months. During that time, we started talking about my weight, whether I wanted to do something about it, and what that might be. This led me to finally move forward with WLS, which I had thought about on and off for a couple of years. I am 40 days out from my sleeve surgery.

However...

In my heart of hearts, I feel that something is fundamentally "wrong" with me. I am pretty driven and resilient and have been "successful" in other important areas of my life (school, career, marriage, family). But my weight is the ONE THING I haven't been able to tackle successfully on my own. Why?? How on earth did I allow myself to get this way? And why should I expect that this time is going to be any different than all the other times I've tried to lose weight?

I feel desperate and scared. WLS is my last chance - the "nuclear" option. I am so worried that I will fail again. I know the statistics are on my side in terms of success, but my many, many past failures make it really hard to believe this is going to work. I can't seem to shake this feeling.

Did anyone else go through this? Did it get better after the surgery when you started having success?

Thanks to all who reply!

I don't have anxiety and have never needed to see a counselor. I was normal weight in high school, gained some in college but lost it back, was normal weight when I got married and normal weight when I got pregnant the first time.

I too have graduated from college, I have been happily married for almost 29 years, birthed and raised 4 kids (homeschooled them as well!) Every other aspect of my life is pretty awesome.

I had 4 pregnancies in 6 years, gained a lot of weight, never lost it all back and continued to gain even after the last one was born.

I can tell you, for myself anyway, I am hungry all the time. I rarely drink soda or eat junk food, I don't eat when I am emotional, I don't binge.

It really doesn't take much, just a couple hundred extra calories a day, to pack on the pounds over the years.

Unlike most people here I haven't lost and gained back over and over again. The most I have ever lost is 40 pounds, and of course I gained it back and more.

I usually can't stay on a diet for more than a couple of weeks, I am TOO hungry.

I will eat a healthy dinner, and an hour later I am hungry, in the kitchen looking for something to eat!

For me, the sleeve is all about being able to feel satisfied with less food. I don't know why I can't do that without the surgery, but I can't. And the older I get the harder it gets. In 10 years I will be 300 pounds if I don't do this thing!

No one knows for sure what causes obesity. Eating too much and not moving enough, yes, but hormones? Maybe a combination of things??

Keep in mind that the average person who loses 50 pounds has a 2% chance of keeping it off for 5 years. The odds with surgery are MUCH better! And I need to lose twice that much.

It isn't just about looks either. Being 100 pounds overweight will take 10 years off my life.

You shouldn't feel like you are weak if you get surgery. Go on YouTube and watch videos (search VSG, WLS, etc) You will be amazed and inspired!

Edited October 8, 2016 by laceemouse

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

... we started talking about my weight, whether I wanted to do something about it, and what that might be. This led me to finally move forward with WLS...

my weight is the ONE THING I haven't been able to tackle successfully on my own. Why?? How on earth did I allow myself to get this way? And why should I expect that this time is going to be any different than all the other times I've tried to lose weight?

I feel desperate and scared. WLS is my last chance - the "nuclear" option. I am so worried that I will fail again...

Did anyone else go through this? Did it get better after the surgery when you started having success?

What might happen if you were to think of surgery and losing weight as the logical route to what you want for yourself rather than as a test, where failure probably is one of two options? If you made those past attempts because you thought you had to lose weight, no wonder. We tend to start and stick with the things we want, not the things we tell ourselves we have to do. It's a matter of choice rather than some notion we impose on ourselves.

I don't see that "desperation" really is at play. Even if you weren't to lose weight, would your successes in school, career, marriage and family come crashing down? Be negated? I doubt it.

To answer your specific question, I didn't go through your emotions because I came to WLS in a different way. What I know as a human being is that you'll do best if you allow yourself to be human. Early results are a wonderful source of energy and eagerness to keep going. This doesn't mean that there may never be a challenge. Real life is still in the air. You'll give yourself the best chances if you keep working now on the underlying issues about weight and how they relate to other areas of your life. Surgery isn't neither weight-loss magic nor psychological magic. It's an aid, a partner, if you will. We're the ones who must put it to use.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

... Surgery isn't neither weight-loss magic nor psychological magic.

Should have been "Surgery is neither..."

[shedo82773 1,236]

You are NOT ALONE!! I am 3 years out from my RNY, I had kicked around the idea years before I had my surgery. My best friend went thru stomach stapling 18 years before I did mine. She lost her weight but gained quite a bit back and has had a terrible time with her health. Of course, she didn't do all of her junk like take her Vitamins etc. At that time people were pretty much out there without any support. I'm so glad I didn't have it back then!! So when I started to check into my options I went to a surgeon out of EUGENE, OREGON who told me that he would only do the Lap Band. Well, my hubby had that done also and had tons of problems with it. But that is another story. Once again I was left out here to start and fail many many times with everything I had tried my whole adult life!! So fast forward I got a Surgeon 2 hours away who would do my RNY BTW the other Dr said he would only do the Lap Band because I have PSORIASIS. So for the answer, if I was worried that I will fail? That is a HUGE YES!!! I told myself what if I can't do this? Well hon, let me tell you from my perspective after my RNY there was no way I couldn't lose the weight!! Your body has this tool that works to help you out . Like was said above not having the hunger helps a whole lot. Now like I said I'm 3 years out I still have no physical hunger but the mind hunger is a BITCH!!! I fight this everyday!! We are given this amazing tool notice I say amazing tool! Yes, it is the big helper but we still have to work for it. We have to change so much and keep trying forever!! You are new out from your surgery but just know YOU have An AMAZING TOOL to help you out!! No worries by the time your hunger comes back or if you are lucky like me you won't get it back . You will be so excited to buy nice clothes have your health back and recapturing your lost body and soul. You will just be awesome and thrilled that you had WLS!! Good luck my friend!! KEEP ON KEEPING ON!!

[Cervidae 2,389]

Sounds like we are kindred anxious spirits. My strategy was to approach the entire process and each stage moving forward as "well, this is where I'm headed but I refuse to believe it is actually going to happen. I'm just aiming for this, and if it works, it works, and if it doesn't, it doesn't. No point in getting my hopes up". This may not work for some people but for me, it's the only approach that kept me sane. When my insurance approved, I was pleasantly surprised. When I got my date, I was ecstatic but hesitant to actually admit it was happening. When I went under for surgery I resolved to accept the possibility that I could wake up and the surgery wouldn't be done for some reason or another. During the healing phase as the pounds melted off I did my best but prepared to stop at any time and be stuck at 350 pounds, 300 pounds, 250 pounds, etc. Now I'm approaching my goal weight and here I am, still moving forward, still waiting to see if I somehow fall apart and fail and gain everything back. In the mean time, I enjoy my triumphs and successes and continue forward with my goals.

[tinabina5 3]

Looking for others who may have felt the same way before WLS:

I suffer from mild, general anxiety and have been seeing a wonderful counselor for about 6 months. During that time, we started talking about my weight, whether I wanted to do something about it, and what that might be. This led me to finally move forward with WLS, which I had thought about on and off for a couple of years. I am 40 days out from my sleeve surgery.

However...

In my heart of hearts, I feel that something is fundamentally "wrong" with me. I am pretty driven and resilient and have been "successful" in other important areas of my life (school, career, marriage, family). But my weight is the ONE THING I haven't been able to tackle successfully on my own. Why?? How on earth did I allow myself to get this way? And why should I expect that this time is going to be any different than all the other times I've tried to lose weight?

I feel desperate and scared. WLS is my last chance - the "nuclear" option. I am so worried that I will fail again. I know the statistics are on my side in terms of success, but my many, many past failures make it really hard to believe this is going to work. I can't seem to shake this feeling.

Did anyone else go through this? Did it get better after the surgery when you started having success?

Thanks to all who reply!

This is also me. I'm 5 days post op for sleeve and I'm more confident bc I recognized that this is not a hail Mary. It's work and it will always be work. I've also told myself that once I hit goal, I'm not allowing myself to overly relax. If I do I'll come back to square 1 and I refuse. Lastly, I'm relying on my faith and know that all is and will be well. Don't be afraid. You'll get through this and accomplish your goals just as you've done in other areas. I also had to know that this time is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. Some may say drastic and it is, but it's the best choice for me and my future.

Sent from my SM-G935P using the BariatricPal App

[JAM72 16]

@@James Marusek @@laceemouse @@WLSResources/ClothingExch @@shedo82773 - thank you so much for your replies! Hearing from people who have gone through the surgery is SO helpful, and I really appreciate you taking the time to write a response. I know the surgery is a tool and I fully intend to follow the rules laid out by my surgeon. I also know I am going to have to closely monitor my food intake and weight forever and continue to work through my food issues with my counselor - all part of the deal. I'm just struggling to comprehend how this tool will affect the desperation and hopelessness I have felt about my weight situation, watching my weight creep up and up for years despite all the diets and exercise routines I've tried. And that's where your insights are really helpful to me. Thank you again!

Edited October 10, 2016 by JMill 72

[JAM72 16]

@@Cervidae - YES and YES!! Thank you so much for sharing your story! I also can't quite wrap my mind around the idea that this will actually work since I've failed 100% of my past attempts. This is also where the desperation comes from - the idea that I may be overweight forever. I love your approach. I read a post by someone recently who said they never actually set a goal weight. They just followed their surgeon's program, focused on making healthy choices, and let the chips fall where they may. And both of you have had tremendous success! I think I need to follow your lead and surrender myself to the surgery, so to speak. Focus on controlling what I can control, which are my choices but not the outcome. Thank you again for taking the time to reply! Your success is so inspiring!

[JAM72 16]

@@tinabina5 - Thank you so much for sharing your perspective! I feel exactly the same way - this is a drastic step, but one I feel confident I need to take. I also intend to remain vigilant. I really don't ever want to feel the way I physically feel today. I read a quote recently that said, "There is a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results." I think that's going to be my new motto after surgery to help me stay committed to following the steps I need to take. Best of luck to you with your journey! Hope you are starting to feel better after surgery!

[roger star 2]

Oh, how I understand after year after year of failed diets! Losing 40 pounds every year just to gain it back! Suffering from degenerative disk disease and realizing what I'm missing out on! My little grand children 2 born this year and I can barely walk! I'm 20 days out from my Bypass, still feeling sick! Went to Tijuana Mexico was treated wonderful! We have this each day will be better!

[shedo82773 1,236]

roger star, My hubby also went to Mexico but we went to Jurarez. I'm happy that your trip went so well. We did hear great thinks about Tijuana. Our experience wasn't good. But it is what it is. Due to so many problems with his Lap Band and a failed Revision to the RNY they had to do the Sleeve, I had a RNY on July 2, 2013 and have had excellent results. His Sleeve was on June 3, 2016 and he is losing his weight pretty slow. But his mind hunger is getting him in trouble!! Good Luck on your results!!

[gowalking 10,790]

When I was banded in January 2013, I expected to fail. It's why I was banded and not something more invasive. I figured it wouldn't work, I'd have it removed, and continue to eat myself into an early grave. I was terrified and went into this kicking and screaming. Well..it managed to tamp down the hunger enough for me to make good choices and watch the volume. I lost enough weight to become an active member of the human race instead of watching from the sidelines. I can move without pain, I can play with my grandson...and could not with my granddaughter. I fit everywhere and got my life back.

What you are going through is normal. Believe me...this will work for you as long as you work it.

[JAM72 16]

@@roger star - Thank you for the support! Good luck to you on your journey - you'll start feeling better soon and will be able to enjoy running around with your grandchildren!