I'm an office manager at a RE/MAX office. I sit at the front desk and everyone notices what I do, what I eat, etc. The agents ask me where I'm going, or why I had to go to the doctor, etc.

I recently had to have a conversation with my boss about some breast issues I've been having, so that he would understand why I had so many doctor appointments.

I need some suggestions as to how to tell my boss I need off for 3 days in November. If I tell him it's for a personal medical reason, he'll wonder why I can't tell him (since I just told him every detail about my breast issues last week).

I have to find coverage from our other office, so the girl I ask to cover me will want to know why.

I know I don't legally have to disclose anything, but these people are accustomed to me telling them more than they need to know.

Any suggestions? Anyone out there have a similiar experience? Not only will it be hard to get off work for the surgery, but also to explain the liquid and mush phases.

Help?

Hi Stephanie-

I am a closet bandster. I told my colleaugues at work that I had an intestinal blockage and needed surgery for it (I actually did have an intestinal blockage, and my post-op liquid diet took care of that :-). This not only explained my time off, but also my liquid diet and subsequent weight loss. Now I am telling my colleagues that I am so happy with my weight loss that I am going to keep working on it. Fortunately when you are banded the weight loss is not as drastic, so it all makes sense.

I work as a teacher with 60+ other females. I am also the type to talk about just about everything, and in detail, lol. When I cleared my days off with my principal I said, "I am going to have a minor surgical procedure on the 28th and will need off X days for it. It really is minor, I am just worried about cramping or bleeding.... plus I will be on medication for pain". She said fine and didnt ask anything else about it. I'm sure she assumes it is female related. When I actually take the days off is when I expect the questions from co-workers and friends. I am going to be a closet bandster (at least until I lose enough to feel like I can justify and handle any critisism). I told several ladies I am close to that it is just minor female stuff and left it at that. It is easy for me, they all know I have so much trouble with fibroids and cysts, I think they all assume that is what its over. But really, it is your body,your health, your peace of mind.....flat out lie if you need to and arent comfortable spilling your guts over this. I have just found that being evasive about it makes everyone think I just dont want to talk about it.

p.s. regarding eating, I only have lunch to deal with. I figure I will just say the pain meds made me nauseous. It wont surprise anyone to see me decide to go on a "slimfast" version of a diet. Ive been on one diet or another for years it seems like.

Stephanie-in-al, good idea asking this question. I too will be having my surgery in November, and I cannot think of a 'good' way to explain my days off to the teacher I work with. I DO have problems with fibroid tumors (similar to glitterqueen) as well as pcos, maybe I can mislead her into thinking that I am having a procedure done for that. I dunno. It's a bit dificult, but I do not want her or anyone else at my job site to know that I am getting the band.

I just told my boss I needed the time off, said it was for a minor surgery, "you know....female stuff...I'd rather not go into it" and kind of waved my hands in the direction of my uterus. He couldn't approve it fast enough and didn't want to hear.

Then upon my return I told people that I'm lo carbing it. People really got on board when I told them I was dieting. I said "well, since the surgery, my doctor suggested I should lose some weight." If they press you on the "woman stuff" surgery just shrug and say "well, I'd rather not talk about it....it was just some clean up work" or something similar.

You don't have to feel pressured into telling ANYONE. The trick is to seem confident in your answers and not like you're trying to cover anything up.

No one has to know. No one at my work knows and I like it that way.

I finally had to say somethin g in the office, a rumor spread aroun dthat I had cancer - can you believe that one!

I started slippin gto people I had my gallbladder out and it's my reasoning for eating better to.

How about just saying it is personal and I don't want to discuss it. Beats telling a lie anyday.

Its nobody's business period !

I told my boss it was personal. And he didn't dare ask because if he did, he can get into some serious trouble. I'm guessing he thinks its female related lolol.

Personally I'm keeping it very quiet until I feel comfortable about telling anyone. People just don't understand.

I'd be leery of referencing any vague "female stuff" unless you are confident they won't leap to the conclusion you're having an abortion. That sort of rumor can be professionally more damaging than people thinking you're having weight-loss surgery.

But in general, saying "it's personal, I'd rather not talk about it" should be enough for anyone. If they're close enough to you that they might feel put out, they are close enough to understand that if/when you're ready, you'll tell them. If they're only acquaintances they have no right or reason to be prying into your personal life in the first place.

I think that if you expect people to respect your boundaries and be clear on where those lie, you'll be pleasantly surprised.

I'd be leery of referencing any vague "female stuff" unless you are confident they won't leap to the conclusion you're having an abortion. That sort of rumor can be professionally more damaging than people thinking you're having weight-loss surgery.

Egad....that thought never EVEN crossed the minds of anyone near to me. Pretty much if you have a male boss and say you are having "female issues" they don't want to hear anything more.

I told people I had a hiatal hernia fixed, which was true. I was suppose to have a liver biopsy at the same time, but the doctors decided not to mix the two. Remember, just because it's the most important thing on your mind right now, in a day or two, they'll forget you were even out.

The least said the better!

Thanks everyone! I think I'm just going to go with the "I'm having a minor surgical procedure". This way, when I do return to work, he'll understand if I'm groggy or not my self for a day or two. He can actually be pretty mean sometimes, so this way he'll try to be on his nicer side when I return. And it won't actually be a lie.

stephanie-i am glad you brought this questions up...i tell EVERYTHIING..it is just in my nature. for this, i have decided to just say "intestinal blockage" and wave off any other questions. be prepared for more questions though. my boss and i are "work" friends (we get along great and go to some of the same social events) when i told her today i had an appointment about my stomach issues she asked me many questions about which doctor i am using, will i have a lower GI, etc

she is asking out of concern, not because she does not believe me, but i was caught off guard all the same (i am a terrible liar)

i would rather tell the truth, but i know how people are...i do not need any more judgements!!

I told everyone that I was having the band (I work in a really small office and my boss is also my neighbor). They have all been very supportive, but I almost wish now that I hadn't told anyone, because I always feel like I'm under a microscope, even my kids and husband watch me closely at times.

I completely respect your decision not to tell, but I am posting this just so you, and anyone who is reading, can know that it is not always a problem. I was honest with everyone, even my male boss, and I do not feel like I am under a microscope. Instead, I found lots of support, love, and understanding. If you don't give people the chance to learn about something, how can you blame them for not understanding? Not raggin' on you, please understand...just raising a question for consideration. Good luck with whatever you decide to do...it isn't anyone's business and it doesn 't have to be. Take care of you, Cindy

I didn't tell anyone except my daughters..."so they would know where to find the will if it went badly". :-) I don't intend to tell anyone in the future.

I asked for two days off for a long weekend. Personal reasons. Nobody has the right to ask why you need personal days.but if I was afraid of my boss, I rather like the hernia story!