I feel so different...

I read thru the posts over the year.....and I feel like I am the only one this happened to... and I want to share it, but its so different than everyone I am affraid I will look like I am putting down people or showing off or look like a total liar.

I LOVE this thing that happened to me and no one understands and I have no one to talk to about it,, and I hope I can not ramble too much and be clear.

I would like to know if others felt any of this... or if they can explain how its even possible. magic? lol

sooooooooooooo

info:

I got a tight fill two and a half months ago. My first real fill experience with restriciton and all that.

I was so tight, I was on liquids a month and mushies a month and just started solid food a week or so ago.

I couldnt take but a sip of juice upon waking... and after a couple hours I could add more sips of juice or milk slow but didnt try to come up...All day long I struggled with thin Soup and milk and juice....the later in the day the more I could get in.. Then I could have some mashed potatoes and thicker soup......late at night I could have chips, Cookies, sherbert, more soup and mushies, toast, and lots of juice and milk wiht it..but not solids.

I ate the same thing's for 2 months...(see above)

The MAGIC:

I always stopped eating when the band gave me the warning feeling, I did NOT try to have more and push it and feel like I couldnt help but have some more.... I simply stopped.

I didnt Pb or slime or golfball or any of that stuff. And still havent.

(I did spit up real gently sips of juice in the A.m. until I figured out what was too much and I had to gag myself a few times when I ate too many chips or drank too much to releive the pressure, but within a few weeks I knew how to avoid that)

PLUS: IT DIDNT BOTHER ME MUCH AT ALL... eating so little, so different.

Those two things dont make sence to me. NOt reality!

I do not use any self control to stop or to feel fine about it. (well alittle)

It was just automatically what my brain wanted to do and how it felt.

But that was NOT how my brain felt before......(quite the opposite) and HOW could the band change my brain?

LOOK WHAT I MEAN:

Prefill eating habits....just a few months ago this was my life:

I HAD to have fast food daily, many times more than once..I would feel all uptight if I couldnt get my little burger, KFC snacker, cheese curds, hershey pie, egg mcmuffin, ect...

I had a rootbeer float or a coffee drink or a smoothie everyday, minus maybe 4 times a month. Sometimes 2 or 3. I had to have one or feel sad.

I could drink 1 to 5 slurpies a day in the summer.

I drank a gallon of milk and juice per day. There had to be milk in the house at all times and everyone made sure of it, daily ritual. If I was out of juice and no one would get me some I would cry and feel lethargic until It came and then I would gupl it like a maniac feeling blissfully refreshed and alive again.

I went out to china, resturants, KFC, buffets, about 4 times a month.

I would spent bill money on it unable to resist. I did this all the time..

I spent money we couldnt afford on pizza and fast food all the time. I would seriously be holding the money, knowing i cant do it and the food was just too tempting.

The house food I ate was corndogs, nachos, frozen foods, candy, chips and cookies, cerial.. we made a simple meal maybe once a month. I liked fast small amounts of junk foods over a meal.

I didnt eat alot at once. but I ate plenty.

Soooooooooooooooo.... WHY.. HOW.. is it not bothering me that I am missing out on all this.. I thought it would be tormenting.. I thought it would SUCK...

I dont even notice the fast food joints when I used to plan my day around them.

I got a slurpee and a cofee drink and a smoothie once and I never finished them, didnt care for the thickness becasue it caused restriction and I rather use it for milk and juice. Now I dont get drinks (cept root beer float)

Of course we havent gone to a resturant for months... that was out life!

I watch my kids eat the corndogs and pizza and cerial and nachos and I sometimes take one bite and chew it and spit it out and otherwise I dont give it much thought.

??????????????I should be drolling over the pizza, saying "god i want some" and moan and groan and make it get away from me...??????????????

Ya know..

I have been dieting for 20 yrs... I have tried it all and it has always been so hard.. I would feel deprived and want it even more. It would take a HUGE effort to refrain and follow my plan. IT was Hell and full of anxiety and fear and hope and failure.. I made rules all the time. no milk, no carbs, no fast food, ect ect.. and it never lasted.. EVERY diet sucked cuz I couldnt stop my desire and craving for the foods I liked.

So... how come I dont care now that I cant have it... just cuz the band makes it so I cant eat it all doesnt mean I dont still want it and crave it...like I always have..

I started each day guzzling ice cold OJ...and taking two vicodan before I got out of bed. Couldnt live without it.

How can I keep from just gulping more without caring about the consequences...and regret it later...??

Now I take a sip or a couple slow drinks of warn grape jice and NO PILLS...

and so be it...

I dont even cry over MY PILLS.. HEllo! I needed those..

I took 6 a day and now take 6 a week. I am in pain but I am accepting the pain too... and I HATE PAIN and I never in a million years would of thought I could give up my pain releif... I mean I would of thought I would get an unfiill before giving up pain control! (I couldnt crush them cuz I couldnt keep it and the juice down until about noon)

HOW in the world Could a tiny little feeling from my band make me stop eating and not care about food... after you can see how I was before.

Well... I assume the band just tells my brain and thats that... Or my brain reacted to the band in that way.... and its just one of those things...

HOw lucky am I!!!!!!!!!

I see people on here having so many problems..... with the restriction and control and being hungry and obsessing over food and going through all that stuff I always went through before... and thats normal..

But becasue I have NO problem stopping eating and NO problem with cravings and dont even mind being hungry....(when the band restricts me). And as tight as I am I do not Pb and that stuff....

I wonder why this didnt happen to more people like it did to me.

NOW... when I am not restricted i am as out of control as before and cant resist........

RESTRICTION in the smallest form...controls me and protects me...

Its like a gift from another realm....

Sometimes it feels so easy.... I cant understand fully how many problems people have with it and then treatrd like its all normal.....and part of the process...and OK...... Sometimes I just want to scream 'hello.. if you really stopped eating the MINUTE you felt that weird band feeling, you would never have these problems... and 'I can feel it easily way before it gets close to getting bad, so why cant you?.... and 'who gives a crap about food... god, we are surpose to be letting go of talking and thinking about food food food... who cares if you never eat this or that again, ect ect..

BUT I know that they are doing is normal and what I am feeling is rare....

I have this rule about never allowing my self to go too far and not letting food be my slave... BUT, How am I following that rule I made is beyond me.

I dont know if anyone would read all this..

But I am wondering if anyone was like changed like magic in any way...

lamadam

I can only speak for me..I know for me that when my restriction level is good..I do not even think about food. It is the strangest thing..there is NO obsession on when I'm going to eat again or what am I going to eat. ..sometimes I forget to eat.

>>>>>>>>>>>>

THIS IS WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR!!

WOW

I am so excited that You (one of the most successfull bandsters) had that experience..

I so so wanted someone else to have experienced that...

I am really psyched out over it.. thats why I call it magic.. cause, I have spent 20 years trying to get food outta my head and never could and cant see its possible.. but it is.. lol

Yeah.....

CHGIRL)

Oh Nykee, you are doing totally awsome!!! In less than a year's time you are already redefining your lifestyle.

No more fast food, that's huge to give up, I also notice you have given up a lot of the really sugary foods and drinks, how great is that!!!

I don't know of anyone personally who stops the instant they feel the restriction the way you do!!!

>>>>>>>>>>>its downright impossible... I still think that too, when obviously it is.. I keep thinking something fishy is going on.. lol

You need to give yourself much more credit than you do for having self control.

>>>>>>>well, as I wrote this post... it got me thinkng alot.. and I started to think maybe I should contemplate if I can have some credit.. Maybe I make up so many reasons why its NOT me because I am so used to KNOWING for a fact I am a loser...

I can give my self credit for stopping as to not Pb ot those things

cuz I had these thoughts before I was banded like "I am not gonna have PBs these people are crazy.. sounds like hell to me.. watch.. I wont let it happen to me. (but I didnt know there was lots of other things..i WAS THINKING A pb sounded awefull and It would probably be enough to keep me from risking it .. i was thinking Fear of Pain would control me.. But thats not how it works)

and then it was explained to me here that its not that simple and its part of the process and I realized I was being nieve about avoiding them..

And the fact is I can go alot further and be no where near a Pb..

But I just have this thing where I stop right away.. and I feel proud.

But the fact that I dont crave and mourn my fast food and buffets and thick drinks and guzzling of juice and milk and so on..

THATS NOT ME!!!!!!!!!

I have tried to give these things up countless times..

One time we went milkless for 3 weeks...(plus my month of low carb diet)

One time we went without fast food for about a month..

Otherwise nothing lasted more than a week..

AND THERE WAS PAIN AND STRUGGLE the whole time..

right this minute I said in my mind "No way.. I LOVE my fast food and buffets and KFC and I love them and want them so bad"

then immediately I thought "no I dont" (cuz i dont.. i dont care)

hummmmm

My mind is wrestling with reality....

Thats new,... I seriously just said it like it was a fact.. and then remembered it wasnt.... and got confused and couldnt decide whats real..

I guess all i can say is.. I do not care or find my self desireing to eat like I listed in my first post. I know what obsessing and wanting food so bad feels like and its not happening at all... THATS a fact.

I ate that way for 0ver ten years and it WAS my life.... and the above fact isnt a possibility I think can exist.. and if it does it sure in the heck is some kind of mental trick... or brain damage.. not of my will.

gosh.. I cant stop trying to figure things out.. (sorry I am doing it in my responce to you.. lol)

I actually went crazy and am gonna make a new thread..

Thinking is fun.

Nykee, I just finished reading your post to me and I have tears rolling down my cheeks. You are actually proud of yourself, I never thought I would see you admit that, it's incredible!!!!! You have every right to feel proud and then some. I wish I could express into words how much you are helping me and I am sure countless others. You were so sure that you could not do this, that you could not change your lifestyle, and I thought, how awful, she's not going to succeed with that kind of thinking. I really felt sorry for you, but I certainly don't anymore. My God did you prove me wrong, and I couldn't be happier about it.

It obviously was extremely hard for you to make this lifestyle change, as it is for all of us, but you have done it and done it well!!!! What an inspiration you are to me. I love hearing your postive thinking. I'm glad you're trying to figure things out in you own mind, that's what all of us need to do, because that's probably the biggest reason we all have weight problems, is we are emotional eaters, most of us anyway. Sure I think all of us love food, but it is so much more than that, it's very complicated. I am so glad to hear about someone who is pushing past what they've always done in the past and doing something they never thought they could. That's you, that's exactly what you are doing and you are helping me to follow your example in my way of thinking.

You are doing so great on your weight loss and I can't wait until you can finally feel the difference, I know it won't be much longer, because you've already lost so much. You are going to be thrilled.

Take Care,

Cindy