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LAP-BAND Patients
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Everything posted by Nykee

  1. Nykee

    Starting over, 5 years after surgery

    My band is not slipped and my pouch is not stretched out. I got it checked a few months ago. I live with it being too tight because it doesnt work for me otherwise.
  2. Nykee

    Starting over, 5 years after surgery

    wow this is my same exact story. Its been 8 years for me and I have Not had the unfill - Im scared to death of gaining weight. Ive lost 140 pounds BUT I have over 140 left to go- For years its just pain, stuck, choke, cant take my meds, malnourished, eating is a joke, constant heartburn, etc etc... but no weight loss to show for it. I KNOW if I got the unfill, I would gain the 140 back, soooo I cant risk it.. Im even thinking about getting a fill to see what happens. I wish I could get a gastric bypass. - Good luck on your do over! Let us know how it goes!
  3. 8 years. And no major problems. (I did have some small issues in the first year)
  4. I really need to keep track. I am eating WAY TOO much! Easter: March 27 8am 4 ounces grape juice............................15, 0, 70 11am Cake mix cookie................................. 8, 3, 65 Cookie dough 2 Cookies....................... 19, 7 140 Jelly Beans 12:30 3 spoonsfull deviled egg filling............... 2, 32, 320 2pm 1/2 deviled egg...........................................0, 5, 56 About 10 Egg noodles with parmesean sauce...... 22, 4, 155 3 meduim plain shrimp.......................................0, 0, 25 5 bites of dark meat chicken................................0, 1, 25 A cup of ceasar salad..........................................8, 11, 130 A peice of garlic bread about 2 inches by 2 inches.... 3, 4, 35 16 ounces of chocolate milk............................. 52, 9, 350 4pm 6 mini kit kat bites..................... 19, 8, 54 Fruit Icee....................................63, 0, 247 7:30pm KFC chicken snacker....................... 31, 16, 320 14ounces grape juice........................ 67, 0, 270 10:45 Easter cookie..(coconut, jellybeans)....... 39, 5, 210 8ounces milk 1%...................................11, 2, 100 11:50pm fritos 2 ounces......................................30, 20, 320 8ounces milk......................11, 2, 100 TOTALS: TOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH! Total when I added it up best I could on Fitday: 472 carbs 130 fat 3369 Calories Notes: Eye opening for sure. I LOVE FITDAY! (thanks to all who referred it) I cant wait to custom add everything and get exact totals! I really hope I do not eat like this everyday.. I am in serious sh*t here. I am really upset. Am I ruining my band? I am scared. I need a fill real bad. I am looking into getting it done here in Oregon, cheaper and less trouble. Thats really good news I just found out about today. We'll see what I eat tomarrow to see if THIS HORRIFIC first entry has shocked me into any kind of sensibility! I do love me!! I do love me. I do lov me. I do love me. I do love me. I do love me. I do love me. I do love me. I do love me. I do love me.
  5. I was banded in 05. That is 6 years. .. wow. So I struggled the first year with getting the right fill... Then I lost 100 pounds pretty fast. (I started at 420 pounds) My fill was nice and tight. And now for like 4 years I been the same weight. Between 305 and 320. In the 4 years I have lost many many inches and my body has changed alot. And people constantly tell me how good I am looking. BUT THE FACT IS. I HAVE LOST NO WEIGHT.. NONE. ! I cant get another fill because mine is already really tight. Its very finiky too. It tightens up more during my period (swells up?) and during other times I cant figure out, but during those times I cant even take ONE SIP of Water. And sometimes I go two days without eating. SO IF I tighten my band, than during those swelling up times I would CHOKE on the SIP of water.. And then CHOKE for two days, and well I experienced that in year one, and although I feel like I can tolerate anything.. the body wont allow you to choke, it produces so much saliva that you cant just bear thru it. I had to have an emergency unfil in the ER cuz I let it go for two days and got dehydrated.. ANYWAY... I WOULD LOVE A FILL... BUT for that reason I CANT DO IT. As for now. I bring up my food, almost daily. I take a bite, see if its 'OPEN".. if not, I have to bring the food up out of my esophagus. ITs never PUKE because it never enters my stomach. THen I wait and try again later. Till I find the time where I can eat. What I do is drink first. Then I eat. Cuz usually when I am not open, I am not open to anything, not even liquids. ANd I DO CHEW.. completely.. and I DONT EVEN TRY to eat food that isnt soft. I gave all that up years ago. I HATE bringing food up and I HATE the stuck feeling. I TRY TO AVOID IT at all times. I never go out to eat. I cant eat in front of anyone. So mostly if I am not stuck, i will chew food and spit it out. (I cant do this when not open, as you know even the juice will get stuck) BUt If I am open, I will chew food like chicken and then feed it to my doggie. lol gross huh. Anyway. When I am open I usually choose to just drink chocolate milk. As it is FILLING and SOOTHING and YUMMY. The only real food that ever stays down in my stomach is refried Beans with melted cheese, tiny chopped onions, sour cream and tortilla chips, which I eat about 5 times a week. Im sick of trying to eat anything else. Just sick of it. I also eat alot of chips and dip and Cookies when I am open. THIS IS WHY I AM STILL FAT. So.. Obviously, in order for me to lose more weight. I need to STOP drinking the Chocolate milk. STOP eating the cookies and chips. I know everything i can have instead. I know exactly what to do. JUST WONT DO IT. For 20 years I wouldn't do it, and still.. humm I WONT DO IT. The 100 pounds i lost.. WAS ALL BAND.. It was the restriction. And it worked for exactly 100 pounds. I LOVE RESTRICTION. I DONT EVER force food down, I JUST accept it. Its the BEST THING ever. I LOVE IT> BUT when I am not restricted, I eat what I want. I WANT TO BE RESTRICTED. MORE. BUT That doesnt look at all possible. Prednisone takes the swelling away, but thats a dangerous drug and I cant be on it daily. IF I COULD be, THAN I could get a fill. Im just kinda upset.. that I have to have a finicky band, that isnt consistent.. cuz if it was. I would have it consistently tight and i would lose all the weight I need to lose. In the beginning, I got a lot of flack for having a really tight band. But it works for me. My pouch is not stretched, It didnt slip or erode. That is cuz I dont force anything, I just accept it. IF I CANT EAT. I Cant eat.. I dont care.. YET, if I can, I do. And I cant stop myself. I dunno what kind of advice I want... I have to lay off the junk food and the milk and juice.. PERIOD. I KNOW I DO. BUT WAH WAH BOO HOO>> I WANT THE BAND TO DO IT. !! (I have tried, I hope you know that is just a given, I have tried everything, know that!) NOW.. I WANT A GASTRIC BYPASS... but, no one will do it cuz my band is intact... and its considered a success. I cant self pay. I KNOW it would work for me.. CUZ just like now, when i cant eat, I DONT EAT... And if my stomach was too small and it caused discomfort, I would NOT EAT.. just like I dont now, when my band is too tight. .. I would NOT FORCE IT, as I NEVER do now.. I WOULD NOT stretch the stomach as I HAVE NOT my pouch. Something about being restricted physically works for my brain.. HOW DO I CONVINCE the Doctors of this, when I am BEGGING for a GASTRIC BYPASS!!!?!? THANKS FOR ANY HELP !! xoxo
  6. Just... in the exact same position I was when I left off here years ago. I am STILL around 320 pounds... and i am STILL TIGHT and have restriciton problems constantly. But instead of trying to fix it with prednisone, I just deal with it. I choke every day. On food or water. I think.. ill just start off with a food journal. I just gave up cookies yesterdaty or so I tell myself, we shall see. I gave up candy 10 months ago, and have had NO candy since. Which is mindboggling. I have not done a food journal for months. I got to see where I can make changes. See if what I THINK, is really the Truth. Tuesday April 12th 11am. - 2 pills and one gulp of 100% Grape Juice. 12:45pm- 4 tortilla chips 2:30 - One inch section of granola bar ariel handed me and I took. 3:30 -Now.. and Im hungry. but... ya. I can still feel that granola bite, in my throat. 5:00 = 3/4 cup mashed potatoes with gravy (from this dinner thing, i fed the meat to the dogs) 20 ounces 1% milk, with nesquick 7:40 - eating Rye chips right now. hey. I should go to fit day.
  7. I wont post in here any more since i am making people uncomfortable... Ill come back when I am doing all the right things and have just great things to report about my situation.
  8. Thank you. I thought everyone got dumping syndrome. I was counting on that to keep me away from the sugar. I guess I better do more research. I dont want to eat those things, I just cant seem to stop, no matter what I try. I was hoping the dumping syndrome would work for me. Thanks again.
  9. I think your right.. but then I think, NO.. the junk food is providing enough calories to justify my 300 pounds. People think I dont eat and are confused, but really choc milk and cookies add up fast. I also eat Beans, sour cream and chips. So I AM getting the calories and all that. I think about the health thing and then I think about how I was in a wheel chair 5 years ago.. and my diabetes was out of control.. and I had sleep apnea.. and NOW I DONT.. I healthier than I have ever been.... and I just want the next 100 pounds to come off, to be even more healthy. but, still.. I know what you wrote it right.. Thank you.
  10. The fact that I say I will not follow the rules.. is because for 6 years I have tried and I have had the best of intentions and I have failed. I might follow the rules for one day or one week.. or even a couple months.. but, I always fail eventually.... I dont feel LIke I am MAKING EXCUSES, as I am just stating FACTS... MAYBE one day I WILL do it, and succeed, but I have not so far so why should I continue to fool myself and lie to myself that I will.. Im just staRting to believe i NEVER will. I DONT have eternal hope for the situation. Thats all... I tell myself not to buy the cookies, all my family isnt allowed to get me cookies and never do, my care provider will not get me cookies., but I still find a way.... I dont know any one here is saying that I am so horrible.. when isnt there thousands of obese people on this site, of whom ATE TOO MUCH, DID NOT HAVE CONTROL< ATE shit that wasnt good for them... for many years, always failing to stay on diet, always giving in and eating junk, .. I know Im not the only one.
  11. i decided to go get an unfil. And then go back and get a fill. And just kinda start the whole process over again. As I have been stuck for a few years now, in this rut, where I cant lose any weight, yet my band is really tight, I eat Cookies and drink chocolate milk so the calories and fat get thru.... and I choke on real food every day... and I have been afraid to get an unfil because I have lost 100 pounds and I dont want to gain any back. So I decided to just TRY this, at least its SOMETHING... I figured if It doesnt work, i can always go back to being overfilled (in order to not gain weight) So how long do I stay unfilled.. What if for just that ONE or TWO days, I realise how normal It is, how free it is and how I been living in misery all these years.. What it I come to my senses and I dont allow my self to be overfilled any more.. and what if that leads to weight gain, BUT I choose the weight gain over ever going back to living this way... I kinda tell my brain right now, that Im just sick and there is no way out of it. Ya know, like an unfil is not possible and I just have a sickness I will have to live with... and well, thats what I do, I just live with it... I HATE EATING FOOD. I LOVE NOT being able to eat food. I LOVE how I always turn down going out to eat, and I always so NO to all food that is offered me and i never eat in front of anyone. I LOVE how I am not a slave to fast food, and how I just dont care about pizza and Chinese food any more. YEA I still feel like a slave to fruit juices, flavored milks and cookies and chips.. (BUT NOT CANDY!! I gave up ALL candy 10 months ago! I made it a rule one day and I never touched candy since, I used to eat it all day long, cuz even if the band is tight, it can usually go down) I wish I could make a rule about cookies now, and milk.. but I feel like I would starve, im already hungry constantly as it is. So. I think I am gonna do it. I SURE HOPE the fear doesnt get the best of me. I wish I could say the right thing right here.... BUT being honest, my goal is to get another nice tight restriction. I DO NOT WANT TO BE ABLE TO EAT.
  12. What are you talking about? If I can eat cookies than I can eat real food. Cookies crumble into almost nothingness.... and chips. And slip thru the band. DUH
  13. Thank you so much.. !!!! I guess I was thinking of the gastric bypass like the band, like I would have permanent restriction... thank you for pointing out that is not true. You also gave me the best idea I have heard.. A start from scratch thing. .. What if I go get an unfil with every intention of getting another fill, later. I can start over to find that sweet spot. I would have to deal with finding a good fill, the money it cost, figuring it all out. It would be like starting over. I would get gung ho again, and I would try to follow the rules.. and maybe I would actually succeed this time. who knows. BUT ITS WORTH TRYING.... this is the only thing that has ever made sense to me, as to a reason to go get an unfil.. I can tell my brain that I am being banded again or something. I can tell my kids, and they can help me, they do so much for me, but I sneak the junk, If this whole Journey was like REDO.... everyone would rally around me again.. THank you.. Im crying.. I know what I am gonna do. !! (when I get my tax refund, lol)
  14. Thank you for the link. OF course I know what the RIGHT advice is. Basically the right advice is, DO THE RIGHT THING .. OR... STAY the WAY you ARE. (and try to be happy with yourself) BUt.. I am NOT WILLING to stay the way I am and be happy with it.... and I am PROVED to be Incapible of doing the right thing.. SO I AM Going to find a way to lose the weight.. whether its the right way or not. ANY WAY.. ANY WAY.. ANY WAY I can do it.. is what I am gonna do... I am just at such a desperate point, that I feel, when is it time to stop TRYING to do the right thing, .. and just do what will WORK. So far, THE ONLY THING THAT HAS EVER EVER EVER WORKED FOR ME, is having a really right band, that limited my intake of food. THAT IS THE ONLY THING that has worked... sooooooo, ya.. IM stupid and im selfish and im crazy, what ever. ALL I WANT TO DO IS LOSE THE WEIGHT. I figure the Gastric Bypass will allow even less food, drink, calories... into my body, and thus it will work!? They say that people can stretch their stomachs out, but I dont do that, cuz when my body says you cant eat, I dont force it. I will only eat as much as the bypass allows me to, without discomfort. ahhh forget it.. I keep going on and on.. II do thank you for your help. tho. oo
  15. I went to counseling for probably 10 years total. I have been a part of dozens of support groups. I have taken specific therapy sessions. I have done all different kinds of I also have a BS degree is Psy, with some work beyond that. (they dont offer financial aid for masters programs or I might of gone further) And used to council at women centers and Rape crisis, ect.. Myself.. You dont know me. You just cant handle real honestly when you see it. I assume. I KNOW what is going on... I KNOW why I am fat... and KNOWING is not the key... That is another thing I wont wait another 20 years for, WAITING to be Mentally fit enough to stop eating too much. I been working on myself inside and out, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year.... and I have failed. JUST LIKE everyone else here who might still be obese 20 years later. Just because I cant get a hold of "whats eating me" doesnt mean I dont deserve to lose the fat.
  16. Your right and im sorry. . I dont want to offend anyone. I cant be a part of a support network usually .. cuz im this way. Thank you for your advice. I sure hope I can muster up what it takes to do this correctly too, ... And yes we should all strive to do the right thing... and I DO.. What makes you think I dont? I know nothing about you, but maybe you have been overweight for many many years, and maybe for many years you never did the right thing, by dieting and exersizing enough to lose the weight... I mean if you did, you wouldnt be overweight or needing the band. IF you were too fat for 5 years or 10 or 20 and you failed to lose the weight, than you WERE NOT DOING THE RIGHT THING.... its just a fact.. I am SURE you tried and you had good intentions and you did everything in your power to do the right thing.. but you didnt.. and neither did I... And now I find my self STILL NOT doing the RIght thing... thats all... Dont think for one minute I have gave up. I haven't. ITs quite the opposite. I am looking above and beyond and I KNOW what I am doing is worth it. The whole doing it the right way, never has worked, so Im not gonna sit here for another 20 years and wait to see if this is the year, as I believed so many times was IT, MY TIME, THE TIME it will work for me. .. Im gonna go about it back assward if that is how I have to defeat my obnoxious selfish sick brain.
  17. I did watch it. I watched it over and over. I made notes. I got the book. I kept it in my purse. I beleive it in whole heartedly. I KNOW its the right way to be. ... but.. I fail at it.
  18. Its not that I am unwilling. I am willing. I WILL DO ANYTHING.. well, that is what I SAY.... and its not the truth. Obviously its not the truth when I fail and fail and fail and fail.. I just have come to a point where I have to figure out exactly what to do. Not what to TELL MY SELF I will do, and then fail at doing it. I dont know how to explain it. I know it prolly sounds like I just dont want to do right thing, or I dont want to try hard enough or I dont want to be responsible.... but this is Me here, after 20 years plus, or failing... and the ENTIRE TIME I was working on it, planning on it, doing it, trying, researching, digging, following, changing, I have been to support groups, dozens of them. I have seen nutritionist, I have been in therapy... I cant list out everything I have done.. BUT I PROMISE, I HAVE DONE IT ALL... ANYTHING ANY OF YOU SUGGEST for me to do, I HAVE BEEN THERE AND I HAVE DONE THAT>>> and probably more than once, more than twice... more than most actually. ITS ALL I HAVE BEEN DOING FOR years and years on end. Its my life.. its a daily thing, ... I agree with being unwilling to get an unfil... Until I see how that could work for me. Which I cant see why to do it.
  19. I eat when I am not hungry. So being full doesnt make a difference... And weird thing is, I was NEVER hungry before the band. Like ever. Now I am hungry ALL the time... I LOVE not being able to eat, if that makes sense. The sweet spot for me is not being able to eat. We dont really NEED to eat, ya know. lol..
  20. \ Thank you and I wish I could do more like that.. i have lumbar disc disease with stenosis. Sometimes I cant get out of bed. BUt your right. The only time I could ever lose weight it the past, is when I incorporated exersize
  21. THank you to everyone who posted. I just saw this and I read kinda fast.. Really wanna come back when I have time and read everything more. but didnt want anyone to think I was ignoring their responses. I Do have mental issues.. and im 100 percent honest person with my self and others.. Im just trying to fix this obesity problem, in a way that WORKS...doing the right thing, doesnt work for me. Never has, so when do I realise that and work around it?? In another 20 years.? What i mean by it doesnt work, is that I never do the right thing.. all i ever have are intentions and try's that dont succeed. Not gonna keep foolling my self as if THIS TIME I WILL DO IT... Im gonna figure out how to make it work, just like I did the first 100 pounds. I went thru ALOT to lose all that, NONE of it was the RIGHT WAY.
  22. Thank you for working around my problems and lending some advice that might really work.. This is all I can really do, I know.. and every week I try, and every month I have intentions.. and I buy things and they go to waste, while I run out and get the bad stuff.. I guess I will just keep trying... dunno what else to do. Thanks for the advice. ~
  23. I wont eat the right foods. I will eat MORE of the wrong foods.

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