Okay, so I have been on every diet ever invented! I even have a diet book that my Aunts used in the 60's & 70's that is falling apart. It has some of the weirdest diets you have ever heard of in it! I have really been thinking about the weight I have lost & regained in the past 5 or 6 years. I realized that when I get to the 300 lb mark, I always stop dieting & return to old habits. Of course the weight comes back + 20 or so. Why do I do this? I can't figure it out! Has anyone else done this & if so, why do you think you do it or did it? I have set my first SV or goal to be under 300 lbs. As of today I am 7 lbs from my first goal. I guess I'll see what happens. LOL!

I have no answer for this but WHOO HOO on your weight loss so far! You're doing awesome!!!!

Thank you! I'm trying!

Somewhere in the deep dark recesses of our subconscious minds, we all think we need or we deserve to weigh whatever our individual cut off weights are... It's all about our own little twisted psyche's... If you find yourself eating like a mad woman, and you have trouble fighting it alone, get a counselor. Talk to somebody.

I know where it all began - I pretty much know that I have feelings of insecurity due to massive childhood trauma. But I am not a counselor, and I have never been able to wrap my head around the issue of how to STOP with the self destructive behavior of eating all the time. It's just too comforting to give up without help.

So, I am getting the band as a first defense. If I can't manage myself with the help of the band, then I am going to spring for the counselling. It's clinch time for me. If I don't get this weight off NOW, my body will only get more messed up and less mobile.

You are younger than I am Jess. You have the opportunity for another 9 yrs of healthier living. Use the band to it's best advantage - but if that isn't enough, do what it takes to spend some time with a counselor.

:]

:]

I know you're right about the counseling. I went through 2 years of it already. Whenever she would bring up my weight I would always shut down on her. I probably should go back to see her. I'll think about it.

i agree with y'all. i also agree with something that dr. phil said. he said that we begin coping behaviors for one reason, but often end up continuing them after the problem has been resolved.

until age 16, i overate out of boredom, loneliness, and stress. once i was able to work through most of it--mainly through journaling and watching oprah, ha!--my eating habits self-corrected up to a point. i found other was to relieve my emotional stressors.

however, i still overate sometimes. still do. it is quick, easy, and fun to do. but i know when it's happening, and i'm able to talk myself out of it most times.

it's hard y'all.

BTW, i don't participate on most threads because i don't feel like i'm a real part of the community. y'all have all been real nice. but if there is anyone who is uncomfortable with me being here, please tell me. thanks.

Interesting.

I think there is more than one answer to this one. Sometimes it just may be that we really LIKE to eat and when we eat under the calorie count to maintain a certain weight our psyche's interpret it as "starving." Another factor I think may be our inner self-comprehension. And of course another part of this may be good old self-protection. Any or all of these can work against us.

My "usual" cutoff for highest weight has usually been about 200, but during my divorce process I got up to 312. I got down to 155 from that and then when I started gaining it back stopped myself w/ the band at 238. But it was very interesting in that when I got to about 210 I "recognized" myself. There was kind of a feeling like, "Oh THERE you are!" when I looked in the mirror. Part of me was totally disgusted, but somewhere there was almost a feeling of comfort... a "homesickness" kind of feeling. Strange, uh? I've never understood what that was about. But I have a feeling if society and health weren't issues I could be pretty comfortable over 200.

I'm starting to look and feel like a "normal" and even "fit" person now (I am extremely fit) and in some ways I feel like I'm trying to be somebody else.

It's strange alright.

Jessie, the folks here talking about counseling are right on! It really does help, and believe me I know from my own experience, even with the band, if you don't resolve those old issues, they will continue to run your life. I know it's hard to say the least, but soooooo worth it. It's interesting that you recognize that you quit going to the therapist when she started asking about your weight. Do some really deep soul searching if nothing else, and acknowledge if to no one else but you what the issues really are. It's sort of like being an alcholic, we won't be able to solve the problems until we own it and recognize it for what it is. Good luck and remember, if things get you down as you go through this process, we are always here for you, no matter what, no questions asked. I think you already know what a special group this is and how everyone really understands, relates and is so compassionate with one another. You are never alone as long as we are here!!!

Rory's Mom - I don't understand why you would feel like someone, anyone here would be uncomfortable with you being here. I have read your posts before and have never seen anything other than caring advice and thoughtfullness from you. I am really sorry you feel that you don't belong, we all belong. I know that we have at least one person here who has lost a great deal of weight and they aren't even banded. They still needed the support this group has to offer and they have supported us right back. It's a win win situation when we are able to help whoever needs it, regardless of the circumstances, which I am not sure what yours are. I have enjoyed your posts and if you ever want to talk privately you can always PM me or email me, just go to the member list and look me up, all my info is there. Hope to see you around.

Cindy

Hi Jessie

While I don't have any answers for why this happens, its always been the case for me as well. My magic number was 206. I've gotten there a few times, but never below it, since I had my daughter 7 years ago.

I was sure that this would be the same and the closer I got to 206, the more nervous I got. But I passed that number .. and I'm not well on the way to 190. I still get nervous and wonder, will I ever actually make my goal?? But its going to happen, for me AND for you!

Keep your chin up - you're doing fabulous

thanks, chichigirl.

i just don't want to come across as a know-it-all or as a person who doesn't really have weight issues (i will always have them!).

sorry to hijack!

edited to add: i really LOVE the support here. WONDERFUL.

I got down to 124 when I was about 22 years old and I remember walking down the street thinking that if anyone wanted to, they could just pick me up and whisk me away. I didn't feel "grounded" without some extra weight. There is, I believe a deep spiritual/emotional core to our overeating. I have tried counseling a little, 12 steps that are great is I work them, and many diets. Comes a time when I admitted my best thinkin' got me up to over 200 pounds. So glad I got the band. I was going after the bypass and stumbled upon the band, told insurance probably wouldn't cover something so "new" but got it anyway. I am very, very grateful.

I don't want to upset you in any way, however my old therapist told me that he had always discovered sexual abuse in a very heavy person.

I was, and gained weight to keep from being a target. As soon as I lost the weight I too gained it back. It made me feel very uncomfortable to have men leering at me.

Now I am 57 years old and there's very little chance that I would have that problem now.

In my own experience, I have had to go back and go through the memories and process them, and come to terms with it. This has really helped me not to be afraid to be a normal weight.

I don't want to upset you in any way, however my old therapist told me that he had always discovered sexual abuse in a very heavy person.

"ALWAYS"??? I'm sorry, but that is ridiculous. That may have been the case for you and that may have helped you, but if a therapist said that to me I would find another toute-de-suite! I think 312# is "very heavy" and I was never abused in any way. (Unless you count the unrealistic expectations of my family.)

Don't forget that Freud taught that every gay man always had a dominant mother. Actually, almost anyone who says "always" or "every" about ANYTHING is going to lose some credibility with me.

Every time.

!

Wow, have to agree I am shocked that a therapist would always connect weight with sexual abuse. I am in no way a victim of that. And as for the sexual interest FROM men, that is one of the things I really miss. I dont remember the last time a man actually checked me out. I love to feel attractive. I do however get stuck at certain weights. I gain and basically sit there awhile, and lose and gain back some then sit there for awhile. Whenever I gain another 10 or 20 I am always striving to "get back down to...." I love Jack's (? that posts on here ?) signature line......" i'm nearly down to what i swore i would never get up to".

well jessiebear your almost there keep up the fine efforts, we are both at the same I, have sevin pounds that I have been fighting for a month or soo to looose?

some times I find my self eating (even knowing Im not hungery ) and that Idon,t need it.for me its a habit a bad one..and it will take time to master it.

habits are tuff,emotion,s also play a role in how we eat, stress is good for killing your plan,s or diet! Because ("FOOD") is a comfort thing. Some place in are own deep psy.che we think food helps and like you said we Sabotaging are self,s

well my friend ( You can and will do it )You will lose that weight you have come so far hang in there!

you go girl you go!!!! I,ll work on losing my sevin.... C-Ya at the finnish line. Take care God bless.JOHNQ

I have definitely sabotaged myself and think I am in the midst of it now. I have lost 115 pounds but need to lose at least 30 more. I am getting so close to being normal and that scares me.

I have always had issues with feeling I deserve good things-a nice home, a good relationship, to look and feel good. I have the first two but the 3rd one is kicking my butt.

I need to go back to therapy; it has helped me in the past.