Hello all...

I need somewhere to vent, bitch, scream and get advice about my neighbor.

My neighbor has been divorced 2 years now. And has never "hit" on me before. I wish I could still that! He lives DIRECTLY next to me. SO we are talking I scream he could hear me.

Well lately he has been giving me compliments, telling me how nice I look, asked how much have I lost ect. I have been polite because he is also the Tae Kwon Do master for my daughter.

His comments have gotten down right embarassing in the last few weeks and yesterday blew it right out of the Water.

He approached me and clearly I could tell I was in TROUBLE. He said he had noticed I have said "things" to him lately that have put myself out there. Which I have not because first of all I am married, second of all, I am NOT the kind of person that can make comments like that. I am a very quiet person about sex. I told him no, he was mistaken and got up to leave. He followed me to my car out of the dojo (with my KIDS right there). I was very upset and uncomfotable and kept telling him to "get the hell out of here". He didn't get it. He then said

"We don't have to have an affair, you can just come over". I was speechless and wanted to cry. I felt harrassed and dirty.

I told him "No, that would make me just like your ex wife and I am NOT that girl". I didn't know any other way to get him away from me. My kids were 2 feet away from me and I am not even sure if they heard or not.

I am mortified and have been hulled up in my house. I want to tell my husband--but let's think about that one---WE LIVE next door to him and my man is the type to go out for blood. I have no doubt that my hubby would end up in jail. PLUS he is my daughter's Tae Kwon Do master.

I have no idea what to do. I want NOTHING to do with this man, want my child to have NOTHING to do with him--but there is NO WAY for me to make that happen without raising red flags. We own our home so we are no position to move.....

SO what do I do now? I can not handle confrontation, so me telling him off is close to zero. Plus I am acting very strange with my husband and have no idea what to tell him. I truly feel violated.

And then I am worried that he will take this out on my daughter---he already said she can't test after I turned him down, so he will go after her......

BBK~ I just saw this and I don't have any advice to offer because you have received some great advice already, but I do commend you for taking steps to get your DD out of there and a plan to get all of this documented.

What KC said "Go get em girl!"

Hi BBK,

I was just talking w/my hubs about this. He's angry you are going through this. He hates any man that will push a woman around.

He brought up something that I didn't think of. He scumbag threatened to deny your daughter he test unless you did what he wanted, he committed another little crime .... it's called blackmail. I'm sure your friend Doug will pick up on that. Just thought I'd pass it along.

Good luck to you

Hi BBK,

I was just talking w/my hubs about this. He's angry you are going through this. He hates any man that will push a woman around.

He brought up something that I didn't think of. He scumbag threatened to deny your daughter he test unless you did what he wanted, he committed another little crime .... it's called blackmail. I'm sure your friend Doug will pick up on that. Just thought I'd pass it along.

Good luck to you

OH! Tell your man thank you for that! I hadn't even thought of that! Doug is coming over tonight to talk to me while DH is at poker. So I will make a list of things so I don't get upset and miss anything.

Thanks for all the support ladies!

BBK,

I was thinking about you today. How did your meeting w/Doug go? I hope he was able to offer some advice and help!

Hubby didn't go to poker, so I couldn't talk to Doug. I plan on going to see him tomorrow. Thanks for checking in!

I really want to kick him in the balls for doing this to me. It makes me feel like I can't be nice to anyone. Why do men do this???

The men who do this, do it because they believe they can get away with it. I think you would be perfectly within your rights to kick him in the balls. Next time...give in to the urge! It'll make you feel great!

I hope this all turns out well.

Talked to Doug today---he is going to talk with him, but gave me very scary news. He has a PPO for stalking an ex RIGHT NOW! He is going to try to get to him in the next few days.

But the asshole had the nerve to come over and talk to me while my hubby was fixing my car. So I made it a point to leave. Later when I was back out I felt something looking at me. He was standing by his side window watching us.

I am thinking I am going to have to talk to hubby and that scares the shit out of me! Clearly this guy is NOT just an asshole anymore....

Wow, BBK, that is totally creepy!

As I read, I came up with new things to say, and now I just read what you said about him having a PPO out on him.

I worked in the family courts for three years, and we dealt with PPOs and POs, and though a PPO CAN be granted rather easily, they usually have to have some teeth to them. In other words, somebody can't get a PPO on somebody for something really trivial; however, once it comes time to get the permanent order, if he fights it, there has to be proof of abuse or abnormal behavior by him.

We dealt MUCH more often with PPOs/POs due to abuse and only rarely got petitioned for stalking orders.

That said, I too think it's time to talk to hubby. Remind him before he flies off the handle that 1) the guy hasn't exactly DONE anything (yet...), and 2) anything HE (hubby) does can land him in a lot of legal and financial trouble which then could take him out of the house and leave you and your kids vulnerable to him. Maybe if he's scared into the reality of what could happen, he'll think twice and allow the system to work.

The reason I think hubby should be told is it appears he already has fantasies that you are "relaying messages" to him -- which means he's psycho. To people like that, merely making eye contact could be construed as a "stolen moment" between you. I too am alarmed that he would act the way he does in front of your kids. That to me just assures how unstable he is. Add to that the fact that he's already being accused of stalking and, well...

Anyway, if hubby is aware, then IF this guy should grow a set of balls and choose to confront your husband that you two are "an item" or something, then he'll be aware of what's going on. It would be easier to have your husband in on it from the beginning than it would be to try to explain why all the secrecy later.

But again, I reiterate, he MUST be made to promise he will NOT endanger your family by doing something about it. He will have to show a level of maturity here that will protect all of you. Besides causing him legal grief, give him an image of this guy owning everything you have due to a civil suit.

Also, it will help keep you from having to explain why you're moving your daughter from his dojo. And if you can file complaints against him, DEFINITELY do so. To misbehave in such a manner while on the clock, even if he IS the boss, and going so far as to threaten to keep your daughter from testing should you rebuke him, is wrong no matter how you color it.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

Or I could just come up and kneecap him. I've eaten TKD dudes for breakfast.

You absolutlely need to tell your husband at this point. I had an incident with an ex a few years ago that involved stalking. I tried to brush it off at first thinking he'd go away on his own. First it was just text messages and emails.Well soon enough he started driving past my house and showing up everywhere I went. I got to a point that if I heard a noise at night I'd damn near jump out of my skin. It was at that point I realized by not doing anything I'd given him the power to make me fearful in my own home. That was my cue to final file a complaint and take back control of my life. If you can't stand outside and talk to your husband without him finding a way to make you uncomfortabe it's time to take some action. I know it's hard but you are protecting yourself and the people you love.

Brandy, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this!

You've gotten some GREAT advice!

File some complaints and tell DH. And get your daughter OUT OF THAT DOJO!!!!!

Take good care and keep us posted!

I have to add two cents... psychos like that know the sort of woman to harrass that way, not to say you did anything wrong, but he was betting on the fact you'd be afraid to tell anyone and might be intimidated "for your daughter's sake" to go along with his blackmail. That creep needs some real strategic lesson learning courtesy of every kind of law enforcement and complaint system you can throw at him. It would not be overreacting to do every bit of what is suggested here. I hope you are able to provide all those lessons for him. He isn't the kind to hear what you say that is a "no". He needs it from all directions. Then, sure as anything he'll be telling people what a little c*nt you are for causing all these problems for him. Heck, I'd take my daughter and warn all the other parents about him. When he has no more business, he won't be around very much longer. I know you can't slander him but if there's a way to "help" the other parents see what kind of person is teaching their kids "the self discipline of martial arts" they might think hard about bringing their kids back.

You go girl!! I hope it all turns out well for you and your family.

Talked to Doug today---he is going to talk with him, but gave me very scary news. He has a PPO for stalking an ex RIGHT NOW! He is going to try to get to him in the next few days.

But the asshole had the nerve to come over and talk to me while my hubby was fixing my car. So I made it a point to leave. Later when I was back out I felt something looking at me. He was standing by his side window watching us.

I am thinking I am going to have to talk to hubby and that scares the shit out of me! Clearly this guy is NOT just an asshole anymore....

I'm agreeing with the other ladies, your husband now needs to know...who knows what can come out of this and if he's kept in the dark, it could reduce his trust in YOU...I wouldn't take that chance. His friend Doug knows him well - get his advice on HOW to tell your DH...he may even do it for you AWAY from the home one evening to be sure your DH has time to "cool" before coming home and close to this creep....but again remember the #1 thing you need is his love and his support and you don't want him to not trust you, especially when you are the victim here, not the perpetrator.

We are all pulling for you girl...hang in there.

BBK,

So sorry this is happening to you, but like the others have said, you have gotten some really good advice here.

Keep us posted on what's going on. Did you decide to talk to DH? I agree with the others, best to keep things on the up and up between you and him.

Stay safe and let us know how it's going.

The PPO can work in your favor. Doug and the police will def take the situation as seriously as possible. it also shows a pattern of behavior.

He obviously thinks he women are his playthings to push around as he pleases. WRONG!

I think your hubs should be told. I also think you need to document everything, no matter how small it may seem to you. Like, if he's watching you, your kids, blah-blah-blah. When you document something put the date, time and sign each entry. This is what I was told to do when I was stalked back in the '90s.

Tell hubs, but tell him worst case scenario first, as far as HIS reaction. You could end up losing everything. He could be the one in jail w/charges against him.

I hope Doug had you fill out an incidence report on the situation.

Sending hugs and keep safe. And got get some mace to put on your keyhain. I never understood women who buy mace then loose it in the bottom of their purse. You want want it at hand.