Earlier today I was loading some pictures up on ebay and all of a sudden this temporary folder pops up and I notice that there are files in it with girl's names. I open them up and they are all dirty pictures. My husband and I had a problem with this a few years ago (we have been together for almost 5 years). I know some women don't have a problem with their husbands/boyfriends looking at this stuff, but I do have a problem with it. And my husband knows it. He said he wouldn't do it anymore and I believed him. I never did check up on him, because I trusted him. But now I am pretty sure that this has been going on for years. I confronted him with it and he says that he is sorry and it won't happen again. I know that he won't stop. What bothers me most is that he is downloading this stuff to our computer. I wasn't even looking for it, it just popped up. Should I be this mad and hurt? Has anyone else had a problem with this? I would also like to hear from some of the guys.

I think the bigger picture here is the lie involved. It doesn't matter what he promised to do, he broke that promise. He lied about this.

I for one don't give a rat's ass what my husband looks at on the internet. I don't care if he goes to the nudie bar. I know where he's at each and every night and i know where his heart is. That's what matters to me. What I do care about is whether or not he's honest with me. Lying to your spouse is breaking more vows than I can sputter out right now.

Telling him that he can't watch porn just because she's insecure is selfish and immature too. Placing demands upon him that he can neither meet nor admit to not meeting is hardly thinking about his feelings either. His feelings are as important as hers too, ya know. That works both ways.

I never once said that I was insecure. And I also never TOLD him he couldn't look at porn. I never even asked him to stop. He VOLUNTARILY told me that he would stop. There is a HUGE difference. I have huge moral issues with this, and my husband claims he does too, and that's why he wanted to stop looking at it. If you will read some of my previous posts, you will see where I said I don't care if he looks at it, I just don't want to see it and I don't want it downloaded on OUR computer where viruses can get in from it and where there is a huge chance that our 17 year old would see it. You haven't even read half of what I have said about it. I also don't appreciate being called selfish and immature. You don't even know me.

My apologies, Carrie, I was responding to what the other poster said about insecurities, rather than your words. That being said, however, you have said that your physical relationship with him is less than optimal for you, i.e. he doesn't compliment you or tell you that he finds you attractive any more. That implies a level of insecurity, even if justified by his inactions. I think it is that issue far more than the porn viewing that you should be addressing with your husband. If he was letting you know in no uncertain terms that you still rock his world, I don't think you'd care half as much about what he viewed online.

I won't try to debate the moral issues with you, because we just don't see the world the same way, but I do think you are helping to set up the circumstances for your husband to unintentionally hurt you. He might have volunteered the words "I'll stop looking" but if you dig into it, I'd bet he's saying that because he thinks it is what you want to hear, not because it is what he wants to do. Rather than try to hold him to his word to "never watch again", which only makes the act of viewing much more exciting and tempting, why not set up a situation where he can view safely on a separate computer or something? Second hand computers are cheap as chips these days, so it wouldn't take much to fix things, if the downloads and virus risk are really the only problem.

Again, I never tried to hold him to his word to never look at porn again. I even told him that I knew he would look, I just didn't want it downloaded. I don't see what the problem with that is. Some have made me sound like a monster for asking him not to download it. I don't see why it's a problem for him to meet me half way. I have heard from a lot of people to just buy him his own computer so he could do what he wants. I don't know how much money others have, but we can't afford a second computer with an internet connection. We are barely making our house payment as it is. There is no extra money for another computer just so he can look at porn on it.

Well you did phrase your initial question as "Should I be mad at my husband for looking at dirty pictures?" My answer to that, without taking into account the other issues, would be "No, it's pretty normal." As I said in my first post, the trust issues are another matter and I can see your point with that.

I think that if you asked your husband not to do something and he does whatever it is ive asked him not to do then he has disrespected you as a wife. it doesn't matter if it has to do with porn or anything else for that matter.. id be mad for the deception and sneakiness.

I hope all is well now for u!

good luck

amy

I think that if you asked your husband not to do something and he does whatever it is ive asked him not to do then he has disrespected you as a wife. it doesn't matter if it has to do with porn or anything else for that matter.. id be mad for the deception and sneakiness.

I hope all is well now for u!

good luck

amy

Thank you, everything is fine now.