Earlier today I was loading some pictures up on ebay and all of a sudden this temporary folder pops up and I notice that there are files in it with girl's names. I open them up and they are all dirty pictures. My husband and I had a problem with this a few years ago (we have been together for almost 5 years). I know some women don't have a problem with their husbands/boyfriends looking at this stuff, but I do have a problem with it. And my husband knows it. He said he wouldn't do it anymore and I believed him. I never did check up on him, because I trusted him. But now I am pretty sure that this has been going on for years. I confronted him with it and he says that he is sorry and it won't happen again. I know that he won't stop. What bothers me most is that he is downloading this stuff to our computer. I wasn't even looking for it, it just popped up. Should I be this mad and hurt? Has anyone else had a problem with this? I would also like to hear from some of the guys.

I still don't think some of you get it. The problem I have with it being downloaded is this is my computer too and I don't want to see it. And I'm sure he wouldn't want to see naked men if I downloaded them. It is about respect. And I'm the one that said we all do things in private that we don't want others to know about. And if he wasn't going to stop looking at it, he should have been honest. No, I probably wouldn't have liked it, but at least he would have been honest with me about it instead of lying over and over. And just for the record, I don't read romance novels.

Solution is simple.Its called "password protected files".Then you wont have to see it,unless you're interested enough to try and "hack"his password.Or, a stand alone harddrive or USB stick that he can unplug and take with him.

Edited April 6, 200917 yr by The Fireman

Solution is simple.Its called "password protected files".Then you wont have to see it,unless you're interested enough to try and "hack"his password.

Unfortunately, it's not quite that simple...a lot of porn sites also bring viruses and such with them. As a former IT Director, I can't tell you the number of times I've been asked to rebuild a friend's computer because one of their kids (or maybe the hubby) downloaded something from a porn site (or just a site that featured naked women) and along with the pictures came a virus.

If she's okay with him looking at it, perhaps he should get his own computer to do so, that way she will not run into it, and they can share his activities on his computer, where no household files (think bills, banking, finances, investments) could be compromised.

Just one more angle to consider...

Ebonyrose, it is very interesting that you should mention that. Because now our computer has a really bad virus and we can't get rid of it. It has taken over everything. We can't even get online or anything. The computer guy said that he might not be able to remove it at all. I know it could have come from anywhere, but now I am really starting to wonder.

The computer guy said that he might not be able to remove it at all. I know it could have come from anywhere, but now I am really starting to wonder.

Just an FYI I work in the Computer Industry and you are just as likely get a virus from myspace as you are a pron site there are 1000s of harmless looking sites out there you can get them from not to mention via Email so please dont use this as fule to add to the fire.

I know what you are saying, but since he downloaded it, there is more of a chance that it came from that. I don't download anything.

And I haven't used it to fuel the fire. I haven't even said anything to him about it.

Dear God!

I can not believe you ladies are still on this?

Law 1: Men are horny, its preprogrammed into us.

Law 2: Many men are biologically attracted to girls depicted in porn.

Law 3: Women can not and will not change Laws 1 and 2.

Let it go, it is natures way. No amount of watching Oprah is going to undo a million years of biology.

I have seen more harm done to marriages by Hunting, Fishing, Gambling, Booze, Drugs,and NASCAR than by any amount of looking at pixels arranged in the form of a naked woman.

Grow up ladies.

Dear God!

I can not believe you ladies are still on this?

Still on this? None of us have posted here in over a week, so how are we still going on about it???

Dear God!

I can not believe you ladies are still on this?

Law 1: Men are horny, its preprogrammed into us.

Law 2: Many men are biologically attracted to girls depicted in porn.

Law 3: Women can not and will not change Laws 1 and 2.

Let it go, it is natures way. No amount of watching Oprah is going to undo a million years of biology.

I have seen more harm done to marriages by Hunting, Fishing, Gambling, Booze, Drugs,and NASCAR than by any amount of looking at pixels arranged in the form of a naked woman.

Grow up ladies.

Men need to step up, grow up and have a bit of respect for women.

I am about to offend so many but hear it goes, WOMEN ARE FAR SUPERIOR TO MOST MEN.

I can see where some of you are coming from regarding the trust issue - if it's been discussed and he's agreed not to do it, it is a breach of trust if he goes ahead and does it anyway.

However, I think you are putting him in a pretty tough position to try to force him to stop in the first place. Guys like porn, they all look now and then and some will look more than others - with it becoming especially exciting if it is forbidden! So what is your poor hubby supposed to do when you put the hard word on him to "give it up"? Should he be honest and say "no I don't want to and chances are I would break my promise even if I made it"? How would you have reacted to that? I suspect hubby would be worried that this would escalate the situation into a fight. So he lies and tells you he'll give it up, all while knowing how unlikely that is...he's stuck between a rock and a hard place and can't win that one, so most people are going to go with the easy lie and hope to not get caught.

I really don't get why this is such a big deal for some women. It's pictures, for goodness sakes! Whoopdedoo! If he was cybering with some woman or exchanging photos with another person, THEN you have some cause for worry, but if he's not blind, he's going to be looking... May as well embrace it and look with him!

Noosagirl,

What a fabulous world we live in. I never thought I would have the opportunity to offend someone thousands of miles away, without leaving the comfort of my chair. Simply marvelous.

With regard to your statement. If men are in fact inferior (some of them really are, particularly the effeminized younger ones), then there is always the alternative.

Technology and the opening of minds mean you can live your whole life, raise a family, make a living, and accomplish whatever you want to, without one of Nature's "inferior models".

Relax, be happy, life is short. Learn to distinguish sarcasm from anger, it will make the trip a lot better.

Without women there is no man and vise versa.

With that said, I'd like to ask the men how they would feel, really, if their wife was viewing naked men on line and possibly taking care of themself without you. Because if men are viewing naked women, it's usually to take care of themselves without their wife involved. yes?

I believe that sex should be shared only between the married couple without the naked pictures, especially when one of the couples feels insecure about it and has requested it to be so. It really is a respect thing for the wife. It shows her husband cares for her feelings and doesn't want to hurt her in any way. When he doesn't comply, now the issue is more about the 'not caring' than the 'picture viewing'.

I can see where some of you are coming from regarding the trust issue - if it's been discussed and he's agreed not to do it, it is a breach of trust if he goes ahead and does it anyway.

However, I think you are putting him in a pretty tough position to try to force him to stop in the first place. Guys like porn, they all look now and then and some will look more than others - with it becoming especially exciting if it is forbidden! So what is your poor hubby supposed to do when you put the hard word on him to "give it up"? Should he be honest and say "no I don't want to and chances are I would break my promise even if I made it"? How would you have reacted to that? I suspect hubby would be worried that this would escalate the situation into a fight. So he lies and tells you he'll give it up, all while knowing how unlikely that is...he's stuck between a rock and a hard place and can't win that one, so most people are going to go with the easy lie and hope to not get caught.

I really don't get why this is such a big deal for some women. It's pictures, for goodness sakes! Whoopdedoo! If he was cybering with some woman or exchanging photos with another person, THEN you have some cause for worry, but if he's not blind, he's going to be looking... May as well embrace it and look with him!

What a load of rationalization and blaming the victim. If someone says they will do something or not, then they cannot blame the other person when they choose to break the commitment. Lying is the first thing on the list about addictions.

Putting his need for instant gratification over his wife's needs is selfish and immature.

Telling people that they have no right to be offended by the objectification of women is denying their right to their own feelings. Their feelings are as important as their husbands/partners. That is what relationships are all about.

Telling him that he can't watch porn just because she's insecure is selfish and immature too. Placing demands upon him that he can neither meet nor admit to not meeting is hardly thinking about his feelings either. His feelings are as important as hers too, ya know. That works both ways.

With all due respect to previous posters...

I think the issue is less with a husband viewing porn than with a husband (or a wife, for that matter) CHOOSING to view porn rather than express themselves to their chosen mate.

If you are choosing virtual sex over reality, then there's something that's not happening. Either the viewing party has expectations that are not being met (and if they are unspoken, they can NEVER be met) or there is a breakdown in the relationship to the point that the viewing party has CHOSEN to spend time alone in self-gratification rather than seek it with their domestic partner.

In either situation, there is a challenge / problem that needs to be overcome. It's not really about insecurity - it's that the online activity is viewed as a THREAT to the relationship.

If the online activity were, in fact, activity with another flesh-and-blood person, there would be very little doubt that its a serious issue. Why is it less serious because the "other person" happens to be a series of images / videos / chatting online? Being replaced by your significant other is a hurtful thing - no matter what form the replacement takes.

We could just as easily be talking about any of those other activities mentioned by Jabba the Mutt in his posting...

Yes, my DH looks at porn online; Yes, we do occasionally look at it together; No, I don't have a problem with it any longer, because the majority of the time he shares it with me and it's my choice to join in or not. What I originally had an issue with (and I'm not the original poster) is when he CHOSE to spend more time "relating" to the photos and videos and website he saw online than he spent relating to me as his flesh-and-blood wife. I see that as a contradiction to our vows that said "forsaking all others"...

I have not asked him to stop viewing, only to stop chatting because I viewed that as taking it a step further than I was comfortable with.

I might also add - all of this activity takes place on HIS computer - so if he downloads something that gives him a virus, it does not affect MY computer or the bulk of our household information, which is on MY computer because he chooses it that way.

YMMV...