I hate posting this post, but I need some help. I had my last fill at the end of September. As a result of my fill I lost 12 pounds in two months! During December I cheated like crazy. Don't pound on me, as I have beaten myself up, and continue to do so. I was able to eat, eat, and eat. I didn't seem to get full. I thought what the hell-let's just have a great time. Well to make a long story short I gained 5 pounds. OUCH. I did earn those pounds honestly. (Tip: Do not bake 50 dozen cookies, and only give away 40 dozen. Enough said.) Sometimes I was able to eat eight at a time, but even then I didn't get full. I figured it was Christmas. (Not a good excuse!) I did keep exercising, which is the only thing that saved me from gaining a lot more weight.

I was recently put on medication that causes cravings for carbs, and therefore causes weight gain. (No excuse.) I have also had a extremely stressful season. FAMILY- enough said. Also I was diagnosed with epilepsy- hence the medication.

I called my doctor at the beginning of December, because I could feel that I was able to eat more; but because of the holidays the earliest I could get an appointment was January 15th.

My issue I have now is that I feel really bad that I cheated over the holidays. I feel guilt that I have gained 5 pounds. I am wondering if I deserve a fill. I understand that we bandsters have to be responsible with our food, and the band is a tool, and just a tool. I feel that I wasted a whole month- I feel that I didn't respect myself or my band by chowing down during Christmas.

I am trying to slim down and I am using my bodybugg. My calorie count is still high. I have cut sugar, and bad-for-me carbs. I am not eating out. Having said that it is 2 in the morning and I woke up starving. In one hour I was able to eat:

(I did wait 15 minutes before I ate the next meal, but I was still hungry.)

2 servings of cheerio’s and 1/4 cup of milk

1 Quaker granola bar

1 sugar free hot chocolate

10 crackers with peanut butter

(So much for bad-for-me carbs, and sugars.)

I am finally full.

(Please don't lecture me on my food choices. I just put them out there to show you the quantity I am able to eat.)

My concern is that I feel that I don't deserve the fill. I fill like a failure. I have been banded since October, 2007, and I lost 75 pounds- well now 70 pounds.

My question is should I go to my doctor's on Jan 15th for a fill? Or should I try and lose the weight on my own? Has this happened to anyone else? What did you do? Would you go for a fill if you were in my shoes?

(This is the first time I have gained weight with my band.)

Amy, you DO rock!! You have done great, notwithstanding the perils that come with the holiday season. My advice to you, before you try to make a decision on your upcoming fill, is to first visit this thread http://www.lapbandtalk.com/f178/starting-holiday-detox-early-anyone-wanna-join-me-84070/ . You will see that you are far from alone. Then, go to the Surgical Weight Loss 5 Day Pouch Test site and follow the diet plan there. It has helped many people get back on track.

You can do it!

No it would be YOU DO DESERVE A FILL!!!!! Just get the fill and get back on track ok!!! Good luck and quit beating yourself up!!!

You are not a failure, you are human just like the rest of us. I know you feel guilty and bad about gaining, but it's only 5 pounds. Remember the days pre-band when it would have been 10, 15, or....? No one wants to gain, but we've all been there. And yes go in and get a fill. That's what it's for. That's why we were banded because it's adjustable and it will get you back on track. And of course you deserve to get a fill. Don't punish yourself. Get in, get the fill, and get back on track. Until then, yes of course do the best you can, but stop beating yourself up. I know it sounds corny, but negative self talk can sabbotage our efforts. And believe me, I'm not lecturing. I'm my own worst enemy as well. No one could ever be as hard on me as I am. That's why I can understand what you are doing to yourself. STOP!! :thumbup:

You've done an amazing job and will continue to do so. Try the pouch test diet if you can and want to. I myself can't seem to stay on it. It feels too much like a punishment to me, but if it helps you, then go for it. Otherwise, just try to eat more healthy foods even if you can eat more than usual. At least you'll be getting your nutrients in and that will make you feel better.

Now, what's done is done. It's over and you can't go back. It's a new day and you get to start over. Go back to the "bandster rules" and act like you are a newbie. Chew well, take small bites, drink your Water, etc. You already did something very positive during the holidays, you continued to exercise. Excellent!! Try eating more lean Protein to curb your hunger and break your craving for sugar/bad carbs. Add whole grains and veggies to fill you up. You're going to be fine. You are doing great!!!! :wink_smile:

Amy Amy Amy

If you the touchy feely type: let me give you a hug.

If you are a cynical girl: shut the hell up.

Pick which one works for you and then let's begin.

What happened in 08 is in the past. You ate Cookies. You will not rot in bad lapbander hell. You need to leave that in 2008. This is a new year and if you don't let your past actions go and let go of the gulit you will carry that burden into this year and it will bog down your success.

Try to give yourself permission to let it go.

Then sit with your self and figure out what you can do to get back on the the losing train. Is it a fill? Is it cleaning out your fridge? Is it committing to journaling your food?

Well then here's the harder part than even forgiving yourself and letting go of the guilt.

Ready? This is tough...do those things you determined will you need to do. Call for the fill, journal, clean.

You don't need to explain your actions to anyone but yourself. And you don't even need to explain them to yourself but you do need to forgive yourself for them.

Make some peace with your actions. You can.

Edited January 5, 200917 yr by OH Juli

Go get the fill if your hungry

That's what they are for ..

Go for the fill!!! Let it help you get back on track. You know what you need to do... Don't look back ~ Just move forward.

What do you mean "do I deserve a fill"? We all deserve our fills!!! I sure dont feel bad for needing them

Amy,

Get your fill, you deserve it. Last year is finished and gone with a brand new 2009 ahead of you. You've already lost 70 pounds and that's phenomenal. Get back on track, get your fill, and stop back here soon to tell us about your success!

I've found that sometimes when I think I'm hungry, I'm just really thirsty, so that may be something for you to consider until you get your fill. A protein shake is very filling for me, or even just some crystal lite or protein water. Just an idea that works for me, maybe it will help you too.

Good luck, and congratulations on your weight loss so far!

Lisa

I wrote this post just after I ate all the crap in the house. So I was feeling REALLY BAD! Where the hell was my self-control?? I was in the middle of a pity party. I am usually stronger, but when it comes to my weight I need to grow a back bone.

I appreciate all the advice, I am going to get back on track. Do my best until my fill, and then get my fill.

Good thing I didn't cancel...

Amy, we all have pity parties... luckily we're here to support each other through them and help each other get out of them and move to a more positive outlook. You can do it, girl! BTW, you really do rock!! :wink_smile:)

im going in for a fill tomorrow if u need it go in and get it...

I understand how you are feeling, I too gained 5 lbs. I had no fill at Thanksgiving, went for a fill on Dec 8th I had lost 6 lbs. Was feeling great and was excited about it. My best friend of 20 years passed away suddenly, was upset, depressed, found myself eating alot more, Christmas needless to say I gained 5 lbs. feel horrible and depressed that I let it happen. I too beat myself made myself more depressed and feeling unworthy in alot of ways. Had to shake myself out it. I am scheduled for a followup on the 12th and thought about not going because of the shame. But I realized that if I dont go it will get worse. That is what they are there for. So, needless to say I am trying to eat healthy and stop the snacking. I am going to my appointment and I am going to hold my head up high. Hey, I got the lapband because I needed help. I knew it was not going to make me control my habits. We all fall short and mess up that is with everything in life but we cannot give up. You go and get your fill and start a fresh. This is a new beginning. Its not the falling short that matters it is that you get back up and back on track. Hold your head up and get back in the groove and don't put all the added guilt on yourself. I know I keep rambling on about it but GET YOUR FILL! Today is a new day. Your not alone. I will pray for you I UNDERSTAND. Stay off the scale for a while. It will help too. You can do it. No one else sees you the way you do. Your harder on yourself. They are there to help.

Tanya, you took the words right out of my mouth. Bravo!

Amy, I hope you get your fill. I know you can do it. I'll be cheering for you!

I'm a little confused....do you usually drink with a meal? The 1/4 cup of milk with the cheerios seems to be the same thing as drinking??? But maybe you know that and are just admitting to not following this rule also? I'm not sure but it sounds like a simple matter, get a fill, and read your band rules to reninforce what you probably already know.

Ah, this isnt the same as the "I ate a burger 2 days after surgery" thread that got so much tough love. This is more common garden variety breaking out.

I do it too on occasion and yes, when you do it, it snowballs and you do it more and more. I could eat what you just described in an hour, and I have what I consider good fill. I'm WAY less likely to do it with good fill.

Its not a matter of "deserving" your fill, its a matter of using your band. Not to stop you being able to eat that much but to stop the desire to do so.

5lb is only 5lb, its not a lot, thank goodness it wasnt worse. You do need to deliver yourself a good hard face slap though and yell STOP. There's no other way than to just STOP. No more bingeing. Fill up on good food if you need to, get the fill, keep up the exercise and put it behind you.