Hey everyone, I havent posted a thread in a while because I have been doing great, but sometimes I just feel so unattractive, and about an hour ago I spoke with some of my friends that were hanging out at the local pool and I couldn't go because of my co-morbidities. I have finally realized that even if I woke up banded tomorrow that I will never get to be a real teenager because this horrible disease (obesity) has taken over my life! All of a sudden I just had a nervous break down, I realized that I didn't break up with my bf because he thought I was too fat (which he never said, I felt it was implied), but maybe he is just trying to be a teenager too. For the past 5 years I feel like I have been holding him back and mentally forcing him to feel like he needed to cater to me, but in reality everyone deserves to be a real teenager, even me, but that time is gone now, I will never lose the weight fast enough to be able to go out and do stuff like everyone else. I think my bf finally realized that I do have a serious disease and problems and that they will not be fixed in time to do much of anything, I just want my senior year to work out, but it's already July 14, school starts back August 15 and I still havent heard from the insurance company or my orthopedic surgeon, and I won't be able to go back (I have been homebound since March 1) until January. That means I'll miss homecoming, but its not like I even know those people, I haven't been to school enough to know them, I miss so much. I JUST WANT TO BE A TEENAGER!!! But we can't go back in time can we?? I have wasted so much time being fat that I forgot that I could be skinny, and everytime I think about the fact that I will be someday with this surgery it makes me tear up with happy tears, but then I remember that I won't be able to spend the new "skinny time" with anyone that I have grown up with. Lately I have been kind of crazy with jealously and depression, everything is getting worse because of the obesity and I am jealous that all my friends can go out and have fun and be teenagers, but I can't I have to stay at home on the couch so that my legs will be rested enough to go to college at night.

:cry P.S. Sorry to be such a downer all the time, but I really need this place to be able to let out my feelings and emotions to real ppl, not psychiatrists

I have a bf, but not many friends because I never see anyone because they dont know me. My only friends are my bf(ex), and this one couple that I have known forever, other than that I have nothing. It does matter when I get this surgery done because if by any chance I over indulge and gain about 10 more pounds my knees are most likely to collapse, this surgery is not all cosmetic, as a matter of fact I would not mind being this big if I could walk and use my hands and body parts more. I am just ready not to hurt and to not be complaining ALL the time, it gets on my nerves so it has to get on everyone else's. I just don't know why everything stupid happens to me and when I really need something, I can't get it or really just have to fight and fight and fight and fight for it, and sometimes I don't win and sometimes it's too late. I miss going to school, I don't mind it (except waking up early), I just want to go do normal things with ppl, like I cant even hold a conversation with anyone my own age because I haven't been to a party and/or don't go to school, basically there is no common ground.

I had another hard night, but my ex was here and I talked to him so that I could explain to him how I felt over certain issues that pertained to me breaking up with him, but I still feel like crap, I guess I need to make an appt. with my therapist because I just cant get out of this hole.

Hey Jodie:

Sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. Maybe it would be a good idea to talk to your theripist. I too am from a small town, ok very small town, and yes. everyone knows everything. I can relate. I also work with teens from struggling homes and lives. You are actually lucky to have a friend, boy or not and this sight that sooo many people care and are worried about you. a good pick up would be to literally write down the good things in your life. I have found latly that writiing on a piece of paper the success I have, then I can re-read them when I am down, then I feel like I have accomplished something and I feel better about myself.

There is a group of young motivational performers that you may want to hook up with. their address is: R_5online.com I have family members, myself and my own children who struggle with similiar issues, you do know it is not only the weight right? depression sucks and the weight may add to the depression, but there is more there. I am sure you know all this, but the mother in me is telling myself about the child issues in me and you bring back alot of memmories. I wish someone would have told me what all of the people have told you, high school seems sooo important now, but hell, in the realm of life, hs means nothing, so don't let it. the last 20 years have flown by, I actually thought I was 29 last week, NOT!! my kids are in hs and I would never want to deal with all there is out there for teens now, but if I could do it over again, I would laugh threw HS and all those "jerks" cause one day, they might end up working for YOU!!

Prom and Homecoming - yeah, didn't go, didn't get asked and that hurt, but last night I sponsored a formal dress dinner for my youth council group, and we had soo much fund and wore the formal I was never able to in hs. Let me tell ya, I looked HOT!

Well, I did have the confidence to go to prom this past year, but I have said this before and I mean it, Weight has always been a problem but I could still go and do stuff, now because of all of the comorbidities I dunno that I will be able to use my body to get out of bed in the morning, some days I have to lie in bed ALL day. My bf never invited me to go and do stuff because frankly I couldn't do it because of all the aches and pains.

I am still having some hard days dealing with my weight and its relativity to my depression, and frankly I feel like crap on those days, but I come on here and see ya'lls before and after pics and I feel so much better that I will be posting mine in a few more months

Have you see a doctor for some antidpressants?

They do make a HUGE difference!!

Yeah I am on two anti-depressents, I used to take Zoloft, but I had a reaction to it so I switched to Welbutrin and I have been going to therapy for a year and been on anti-depressents for about 3 years now