I ask myself that question alot and was just curious to see what others thought.

I was always the chubby girl in school. When I hit 14, I decided bulimia was the way to fix it - and of course, it worked. At 15, I was wearing a size 8/10. Looking back at those photos, I looked quite good. I always thought I was huge though.

Since being banded, I've lost 36 lbs. I'm feeling heaps better and I've noticed when I walk down the street, I generally tend to hold my head high and look people in the eye, rather than staring at the ground. I have social anxiety and hate public situations, so I reckon that's a good first step.

But I still wonder when I hit 155 lbs, if I will be happy with my appearance, or if I'll always see myself as the fat girl in the room.

I'm satisfied and Iam not even at goal.

For me it is not just the physical transformation of weight loss but all that goes with it, like feeling better, more energy, less aches and pains, smaller clothes. doing more with my family & friends, more social etc..

I still see myslef as being obese when I look in the mirror but my size 10's tell me Im not obese any more, its hard to get away from it after so many years, but I know Iam healthier and happier then I have been in my entire life

To me that is satisfaction

hi parvathi,

I am new and this is my first message on this board.

I often think of that question also. I have not been banded yet but am in the process of joining a clinical trial for those with a BMI between 35 - 40 who do not qualify under insurance for the band. I have been reading a lot of these posts to see what i will be in store for once I do get banded. This topic truly interests me because when i weighed so much less years ago I always saw myself as very heavy. When I look at pictures now I wonder why I was not happy with myself and so regret not feeling better and enjoying myslef more. I've been thinking about going to therapy after the band so that maybe I can figure out why even at a healthy weight I feel fat. funny thing is I recently spoke to someone about this same topic and he said "blame the american media." It's so true. When you are subconciously comparing yourself to Jennifer Aniston or Demi Moore of course a size 14 seems obese (when in fact it's the average size of an American woman). I hope that if there is a next time for me - I realize what I have when I have it. hope you find that peace within, Daniela

Same here. I think back to all the time I was smaller and think how I used to think I was soooooo fat. I cant remember a time that I didnt think I was fat or needed to lose some weight. I wonder how I will be when I get to goal. I have alot of loose skin on my tummy and I know I will definately need surgery to fix it...maybe after having that done I may be alot happier with who I am.

What does it take to be happy with who you are when you have spent an entire life hating or not liking who you are?

Like La_Madam, I'm satisfied and I'm nowhere near "goal." It's purely a mental thing, and I truly think being dissatisfied with our appearance is something we can change.

That said, it's not easy to stop thinking of ourselves as the fat girl. I don't ever expect to let go of that self-perception no matter how "thin" I get. But that's not the same thing as being dissatisfied with my progress and current state of health.

This is a great question, and Ive thought about it many times.

Is true happiness found in being 190 pounds? ...150 pounds? ...125 pounds?

I think this is where alot of us get "number confused" - including myself! And we think, "If only I could get to a certian weight."

I remind myself why I started this particular journey - NOT for what the scale says - but for what my body says.

So, for me, true happiness is in going to an Amsument park and spending 6 hours in the heat and NOT having to stop and rest in the air condit. shops because I feel like Im truly going to DIE. Or going to the Water park with my kids and not focusing on "if they are looking at my fat". Or (this is the best one) my 9 year old putting his arms around me for a hug and saying, "Mom, I can wrap my arms all the way around you".

Who cares what our goal weight is???

Our challenge should be in how we feel, not a number!

Oh Paula-I love that about your 9 y/o. Isn't that the absolute best? That means so much more than any of the other to me.

Me too. I remember when Gillian first wrapped her arms around me, she was thrilled.

Ah yes, body dysmorphia. What an evil little social malady. Yes, the media is definately one of the culprets, but I think we have to look at the role the billion dollar diet industry plays in this. They are invreably invested in making us feel like crap. Size 10 isn't good enough, you too can be a size 4 with the N*system--sure you'll endagner your gallbaldder, but you don't actually need one of them anyway...

I believe people are easier to controll if they are depressed, feel bad, and/or have low self esteem.

Part of it has to do with the intense focus on the scale and BMI. It doesn't take into account any differences in human phyology. When i was 18 I weighed 190 pounds and thought I was enourmously fat. I wasn't fat, I was a size 11/12. I was an athlete, but I couldn't recognize that either. I mean, fat girls don't get to be athletes.

I don't have a goal weight. I have sort of a goal size, but all my goals are performance based. I don't let my current weight keep me from donig anything now, so I don't know that there will be much stopping me when I weigh 100-ish pounds less.

I know now that my weight has been holding me back professionally. I figure that by losing my extra weight I'll remove an extra obsticle in my plans for taking over the world.

But I still wonder when I hit 155 lbs, if I will be happy with my appearance, or if I'll always see myself as the fat girl in the room.<!-- / message --><!-- sig -->

__________________

WOW!!! YOU COULDNT HAVE SAID IT BETTER!!! I OFTEN WONDER THAT TOO!! ITS HARD TO IMAGINE EVER GETTING TO THAT POINT AND BEING SATISFIED BUT I BELIEVE WE WILL. I JUST GOT APPROVED SO I HAVENT GOTTEN A SURGERY DATE YET BUT I HAVE ASKED MYSELF THAT SAME QUESTION. WILL I SEE A DIFFERENT PERSON IN THE MIRROR? WILL PEOPLE NOTICE A DIFFERENT ME?

Heck...I've got a very long ways to go before "goal", but I am already satisfied with what my band has done for me. I haven't been below 250 for over 10 years and I feel so much better about myself.

Like you Parvathi, I find myself looking up and at people instead of shuffling around looking at my feet.

But personally, I have a terrible time thinking of myself of as fat as I was (am). That's why any time I look at a picture of myself, I am shocked even after all these years. That can't be me! Who is that? Now as I'm losing weight I see the me that I picture myself emerging.

Thanks all, for taking the time to comment Its a bit of a relief to know I'm not the only one that has these feelings at times.

When I walk into my office building, you can see quite clearly your reflection in the glass doors. I used to think "there's something distorted w/these doors; I can't be this fat" Well, guess what. Now I look at the reflection and I am so happy! Obviously there was no distortion. I'm not near goal yet, but I look a whole heck of alot better.

I think I'll be very, very happy & satisfied when (if?) I reach 140!