Hi all. My name is Jackie, I am a lurker but have posted as I am in the process of being banded as well.I keep reading post by people who are keeping their surgery a secret? I don't understandy why? I would think people would want the support system of their friends and family? After all from my understand there is nothing to be ashamed of in taking this extra step to help us lose weight to improve our health and overall life?I have told my close friends at work, my personal close friends, and most of my family. I want their support - I would think that would be easier. I don't want to lie to anyone when they ask me how I lost the weight becuase I am sure we will all get that question?Just want to find out why keeping this a secret is a good idea? I mean did I do wrong by telling people in my life?

Jackie.. you did nothing wrong by telling the people in your life.. I have told EVERYONE.. even people I don't know if they ask me why I am not eating a lot or why i am being picky I will tell them.. There is nothing to be ashamed of and I feel the more support the better.. I think some people are concerned about the negative responses they may get, but I think most negative responses come from those who are not fully educated on the process and unfortunately you will run into people who are not fully educated, but that is ok.. Help educate this if they want to know and if they don't well that is their loss, because almost everyone is this world knows some one who could benefits from WLS ... Keep talking to people.. Build your support and don't be afraid to tell people they positive step you are taking in your life.. best wishes :eek:

I mean did I do wrong by telling people in my life?

absolutely nothing wrong.

i would tell anyone who would listen (well minus MIL), however i was banded the same day as my husband. he is ULTRA private, and a bit embarrassed he let himself go. it's his wish we keep this to ourselves, i only told my family; parents & brothers when i was down 50lbs. they were very supportive, in fact my oldest brother got banded a few months back.

our closest friends & hubby's family just know we are dieting & exercising....which is the truth.

good luck on your journey!!

Hi Jackie: Great question!

For me personally, I do not ever discuss my medical/health information with friends or co-workers. This has been a standing policy of my own, not out of shame or fear, but just out of maintaining my privacy. I tend to keep things private, such as money matters, health matters, or family issues.

As an example, when I had my gall-bladder surgery, I did not feel compelled to discuss this with friends and coworkers. Likewise, when I had to have surgery three different times for a re-occuring cyst on my right ovary, I did not discuss this with friends and coworkers.

Thus, with the WLS surgery I am having on November 11, I am taking vacation time from work and my co-workers and friends do not know what I am doing. I will be under FMLA protection for follow up appointments, but my employer does not need to know my medical issues. Nor do I care to know their medical issues.

My siblings know I am having surgery as I told them just in case something happens to me. If something should happen to me during the operation, my siblings will help my two young adult children with financial matters.

Hope this perspective helps.:smile:

Hi Jackie: Great question!

For me personally, I do not ever discuss my medical/health information with friends or co-workers. This has been a standing policy of my own, not out of shame or fear, but just out of maintaining my privacy. I tend to keep things private, such as money matters, health matters, or family issues.

As an example, when I had my gall-bladder surgery, I did not feel compelled to discuss this with friends and coworkers. Likewise, when I had to have surgery three different times for a re-occuring cyst on my right ovary, I did not discuss this with friends and coworkers.

Thus, with the WLS surgery I am having on November 11, I am taking vacation time from work and my co-workers and friends do not know what I am doing. I will be under FMLA protection for follow up appointments, but my employer does not need to know my medical issues. Nor do I care to know their medical issues.

My siblings know I am having surgery as I told them just in case something happens to me. If something should happen to me during the operation, my siblings will help my two young adult children with financial matters.

Hope this perspective helps.:smile:

You did no wrong in telling everyone that you are getting the surgery done and don't let anyone tell you any different. I have told everyone I know and like you those that I don't know. I have let me work know so that I will be getting the surgery so that when I am out for a couple of week they know why and my co-workers know why. And of course then they will understand at luncheons and birthday cakes and such why I won't be able to eat everything that they have. I think it's just making people aware and supportive as well. If someone is not supportive then that's their problem not mine.

hi the same here tquad64, unless you want people to know, it,s noones business, only told my bf, an my two children my 19, year old son, an my 18 year old daughter, they are with me all the way,maybe after surgery i will tell my sisters,&other family members but i see no reason to go blurting it out all over the place, i,m a private person anyway.unless they ask i ain,t telling noone.something people have the tendency to judge. my psych told me i should shout it from the rooftop.i,m like yeah right.it,s up to the personwho,s having the surgery regardless.

Hi Sil: I agree. It is a totally individual judgment call for each person to make.

Hi I am new to this site & saw that your stats were the same as mine. Hope you don't mind me questioning you. I am 5/3 at 200. I have no real health issues & was wondering if I would be approved? did you have any health conditions? also what was recop time like? I have a 2yo & was wondering how & when I would be able to care for her. Thanks so much!! Faith

Other than my immediate family, I only told two cousins. The reason I told no one else is that I didn't want to hear a lot of negativity.It seems that anytime weight loss surgery is mentioned, it's always "don't do that it's dangerous" or " oh let me tell you what I heard happened to woman that had that surgery".

In the past I've had co-workers (slim co-workers) that would always attempt to sabotage any diet or weight loss effort by the heavier co-workers. I think they're afraid we will lose weight!!!!!

Thank you everyone for letting me know. I just wanted to make sure I did the right thing for me and I know I did. I love having a support system. And so far I have heard only positivie feedback and everyone is all for it.

This is for Newtolapband. I tried to reply to your post and for some reason I am not able to. Please feel free to email me any questions you have jackiemhornig@yahoo.comI will be more then happy to help you with any questions that I am able to answer for you.

Thus, with the WLS surgery I am having on November 11, I am taking vacation time from work and my co-workers and friends do not know what I am doing. I will be under FMLA protection for follow up appointments, but my employer does not need to know my medical issues. Nor do I care to know their medical issues.:smile:

Is it because of no vacation left that you have to use FMLA? How much vacation have you planned to take? I am wondering because we don't get much around here. Fortunately my job involves sitting at a desk and not doing much moving so I don't think I'll have to budget that much time away.

Other than my immediate family, I only told two cousins. The reason I told no one else is that I didn't want to hear a lot of negativity.It seems that anytime weight loss surgery is mentioned, it's always "don't do that it's dangerous" or " oh let me tell you what I heard happened to woman that had that surgery".

In the past I've had co-workers (slim co-workers) that would always attempt to sabotage any diet or weight loss effort by the heavier co-workers. I think they're afraid we will lose weight!!!!!

I feel exactly the same way. I often want to call my BFF and ask her "what are your thoughts about WLS? But I have a feeling it's negative. My other friend has a coworker who was banded and who never lost a pound and I don't want to hear THAT either. I always swore I'd only do this if someone told me I needed to lose weight and would die tomorrow if I didn't. Now I just want to be able to get on with my life and not worry about dropping dead of a heart attack when I am 47. :smile:

Hello Shira:

No, I have plenty of vacation time and leave time in my work accounts. FMLA can be used in cojuction with sick time, vacation time, or any other type of leave program your employer offers you.

Let me provide an example: Let's say you need to see the doctor several times for a medical condition. In my case, I am going to have lot's of follow up appointments with my WLS surgeon, as she requires extensive follow up, plus I will need time off work for my fills.

Thus, I am going to need my employer to allow me to go to several medical appointments throughout the year without penalizing me for not being at work. In this regards, FMLA would protect me from my employer firing me because I had excessive time off from work.

You can use FMLA if you have no available leave bank hours left. Leave bank hours include, vacation, admin time, sick leave, or PTO just to name a few. OR you can utilize FMLA in conjunction with your leave bank hours.

I have utilized FMLA two times before, when I had surgery last year and was off work for a month. And when I had other medical issues, which required me to have several medical appointments.

There are some requirements you must meet in order to qualify for FMLA. Below are two links to help you learn more about FMLA. You can always talk to your doctor about FMLA and you can talk to your HR Department.

You do not have to disclose your medical issue, health problem or treatment services with your employer in order to take FMLA.

U.S. Department of Labor - Employment Standards Administration (ESA) - Wage and Hour Division (WHD) - Family and Medical Leave Act

Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993 - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Good luck.

Like a couple of others, I've only told a few people. I feel I have a WONDERFUL support system in my DH and my mom and the few friends that I told. I've not told my dad or sister or the rest of my family and don't plan on it. My DH insisted on telling his folks b/c he felt they should know in case something happened during surgery and they've been very supportive as well but I would have preferred them not to know. I'm also a very private person and don't feel every one should know our business. I'm more of an "only need to know basis" type of person.

Another, minor reason for not telling the world is that I don't want the constant scrutiny of what I'm eating, how much and what I have or haven't lost, or how fast. That happened on WW and I will NOT go through that again. I was constantly defending what I was eating, how much of it and being asked how much I'd lost. It was nuts!

Telling the world or not telling the world, telling only a few or not telling any one is fine. It's up to the person going through the process. You need to do what is best for YOU and only you!

I am reading into your post (and I'm not sure I'm taking it right, so bear with me!) that you feel by telling no one or only a few people that there is no support system. If I'm correct, I just want to let you know that my best support system are the few who know about the surgery and support me 100%. Telling everyone (for me) would just be fluff and possible negativity and I don't need that in my life.

Thanks for your post! Have a beautiful day! And best wishes on your upcoming surgery!

Edited October 23, 200817 yr by heartfire