<sigh> I havent posted in awhile. Ive just been lurking and hiding out. So today I have finally had enough. For the last 2 weeks I have been very, very bad. I have been eating non band friendly items, and I feel so guilty for my behavior. I know old habits die hard, but it seems my old habits are creeping back into my life. Those bad habits mad me weighing 363 pounds at one time. Its been 5 months since I was banded, and Ive lost 46 pounds and many inches. I dont want to go backwards. I feel like if I get this out it will help. Ive been hiding what Im eating, which is what I use to do. Last week I had a blizzard from Dairy Queen not just once, I had 4. Not in the same day though. 4 days in a row. Ive been eating more than my 4 ounces and I know it. Ive also had some fried food which I know is a NO NO! To top it all off yesterday I had a HUGE slice of pizza and a small cherry pie. Im starting to think I have lost my mind. Im getting a fill on Monday, and I know that will help, but damn what is wrong with me. I was doing really good. I thought things were on track. I know I have had a great deal of changes in my life in the last few weeks, which may be the source of my eating. My boyfriend is moving in with me in a few weeks, and he is so very supportive of my band. I guess Im scared that when he comes I wont be able to have a "treat" every now and then. Ive also lied to him about the food Ive been eating in the last 2 weeks. Besides the guilt I just feel like Im going backwards instead of forward. I dont want to hide what Im eating, I dont want to have to be all hush hush about what I put in my mouth. Ive been so bad, and Im afraid I cant stop it. I know I need to come clean with my boyfriend about what Ive eaten. I guess if I didnt tell him then I didnt have to admit I was a failure and an addict. Does the food addiction ever get easier? For the most part I do ok during the day, its the night time that gets me. I come home, go to the gym, and by the time Im ready for dinner I just go nuts. I still also get cravings for all the things I shouldnt be consuming. Im scared for myself, and my band. I paid a lot of money to get healthy and I am sabotaging myself. Any words of wisdom out there? Thanks for reading.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I could have written your post. I too am having SERIOUS issues being a food addict. I can't offer any help. But, know that you are not alone.

Allis, sounds like you were just suffering in Bandster Hell. How did the fill go? Are you back on track?

I was starting to have the same problem and after a fill and a tweak, I'm back on track! Sounds like nothing a good tight fill wouldn't solve.

Also, sounds like you are like me, there is a big divide between lunch and dinner. I've started having a SF pudding while I'm making dinner. Soothes my chocholate addiction and puts something in my tummy while I wait for dinner. If I wait too long to eat, I was overeating before the fill, and now I PB if I let myself get too hungry. I try to eat too fast and it's never a good thing. The pudding is really helping with that and only 60 calories!

So give us an update, how are you doing now? Is boyfriend in the house yet?

Allis, I think there are many of us that could have written your post.

I must confess, I know I'm past due for a fill, but I've actually enjoyed being able to eat a variety of food, but entirely too much. As for the 4oz, I was never just a 4 oz person, but I did make better choices. I've made all kinds of excuses as to why not get a fill until after the holidays, one of which is a 2nd honeymoon. I'm leaving for Acapulco on the 13th, I know I won't be going for a fill before then, LOL.

Allis, I think that we get happy with our life and complaisant, but for heaven sakes, stop being a closet eater, right now! Be honest with your Bf that you feel you're entitled to a "treat" from time to time and that you prefer to have this treat with him. I would also inform him that if he starts to begrudge your decisions, it could do more harm than good. Five months is a long time, but try 4 years! It's ok, you've realized what you're doing wrong and it's time to take a deep breath and make positive things happen....you CAN do it!

Stay in touch, that's what we're here for.

Hugs