I'm wondering if you can help me out here...

I'm really confused on who I should tell and who I shouldn't tell. I'm booked for surgery in September. I don't know if I should tell the whole world, or keep it to myself. It's not as well known here in Canada as it is in the U.S., so most people don't quite understand this whole procedure, so if I start telling people, they might be less ignorant, but then I might be exhausted from trying to explain it all (I'm thinking of making my own information pamphlets just to hand out). I think I'm still wondering myself if I have to deal with the fact that I failed at everything else, and whether people will consider me to be a failure by doing this. We have a busy social life so it's not like it won't go unnoticed.

But if I don't tell people, they'll wonder why my portions have gotten so small. I don't want to tell my 80 year parents as they'll just worry, but then I'm feeling the guilt of not telling them.

How have you all dealt with it?

So excited for you. Will be looking forward to hearing updates and don't be too upset with your wife sounds like she is a good woman who just wants to make sure she is there for her man. :thumbup:

It is as personal a choice as deciding this it the tool for you. I decided a few months ago that I was going to get banded after a year of research. The hardest person for me to discuss it with was my husband. He does not understand weight issues--he is PERFECT. He was concerned about the safety, but once he understood the process he was fully supportive. I told a few of my closest girlfriends and only one was not supportive--she said "I could do it myself if I was serious". Oh well, not her decision....all in all, do what is best for you!

It is definitely a personal choice to tell or not. I told my boss (who is very supportive) and one good friend. They have been very supportive of my decision and asking good questions. My husband on the other hand, has not been the best about this. We were separated when I finally decided to do this for me:tongue2:. Now that he is trying to be back in my life, I explained about it. His concern seems to only be excess skin. I told him that I am doing this for my health (being smaller is just a bonus:wink_smile:). I also told him to roll with me or move out of the way.:thumbup: It is no one else's business. I have some people at work that live to spread gossip so THEY shall not be on my list of people to tell, that is for sure.

I have only told my husband at first. I now have 1 friend and 1 family member that also know. I kept it hush, hush because I didn't want people watching/analyzing my every move. That has worked well for me, even six months out.

slim-n-tn

Registered User

hey girl all I can say is ... the famous line from Joe Dirt ...."Keep on Keeping on".. sounds like your on the right track and in the end when you are doing it for you and nobody else that is when you are the winner!!! I have my consults this Friday looking forward to the skinny me!! Scared .. yes... excited .. yes... but worth it in the end... YES!!!! )

I told everyone and I am glad. I go to Water aerobics with about 30 other people and they can be a huge help. They are so supportive. When I get in a rut they will pick me up. I have never regretted it.

Wow, I read EVERY post and it took until the last one to finally find someone who thought like myself.

I told everyone (once i had it, prior to it was my medical business and nobody elses). I wanted the support, and am VERY proud of what I've decided to do for myself.

Alcoholics are not chastized for getting help, nor is anyone else with a crutch, problem or yes even Addition!

I may be crossing the line, but I don't mean to :-)

Its my personal experience that many many woman are the ones who fear letting everyone know, where as the guys are more willing to accept the consequences and gain the support.

I might be way off, if so I apologize but its just a personal observation.

Let the world know, the more help the better!!

At first I only told my husband, mom (regretted it), 2 close friends and a few people at work. Later, I ended up outing myself on my blog. I need the support and I also figured that if I can help 1 person on their journey, it will be worth it.

The few people I've told have had negative reactions, so that makes me reluctant to tell other folks. I haven't had the surgery yet, but I'm hoping to just "go under the radar" and have it without a lot of fuss and bother from others.

On the other hand, I have a small daughter and someone will have to take care of her in the event I need to stay in the hospital overnight (hopefully this won't happen).

The negative reactions were mostly on the order of, "Oh, isn't that drastic?" and "Wow, that will be hard," and so forth.

I might as well make this my very first post and chime in on this one....I am in the process of insurance approval, but my wife had the lap band done almost 3 years ago.

So here's my theory....Thin people don't understand. They just think that hard work, determination, and diet should take care of us that are overweight. Unfortunately, hard work, determination, and diet don't always work, and unless you've been in our shoes, you won't understand. I really think overweight people give you a bad reaction, because of a slight bit of jealously, whether it be because they have been turned down and/or cannot afford it. But at least they understand what you are going through. As far as those close to you are concern...all they hear is the word "surgery". And technically, WLS is still an elective surgery, even though insurance is paying for it more and more. They don't understand why someone would subject themself to a surgical procedure. Just my take.

For me, I'm 38 years old with a BMI of 35.6 with multiple co-morbitities. I'm doing this for me AND my family. I need to be here for my wife and kids, and someday grandkids. I'm fortunate that I have great insurance that will cover WLS.

My wife has done wonderful over the last 3 years and Lord willing, we will be together for a long, long time...happy AND healthy. We were somewhere the other night and someone asked me what my wife had done to lose so much weight. Not wanting to overstep my bounds, I told this person that she has done a lot of hard work. My wife came over and the person asked her what she did to lose the weight and my wife says..."I had the lap band." If people truly love you, respect you and care about you, they will accept your decision...although it may take a while to get past someone's ignorance of what you re going through and the decision you have made.

Out,

Big Daddy

I need everyone to know so I can get as much support as I can. I am an emotional girl and do not like to hide things.

I didn't tell too many people until I absolutley made up my mind on it...Now my surgery is October of 22!! Out of all the people I have told, so far only one person has been negative. But my parents and siblings and room mates and good friends have all been very supportive. So I am happy telling people...it's not like they won't know soon anyway!! But what ever choice you make, it is your decision. You have to do what is best for you!! Good Luck

Wow...everyone's imput has been outstanding....THANK YOU!!!

I've come to the conclusion that I will tell those that won't judge me...and I should tell my parents out of obligation...I can live with the constant phone calls, and ya...some home made chicken Soup.

Thank you, everyone!

Initailly I didn't even tell my husband about the apt with the Dr. for the consult. I was embarrassed, ashamed and couldnt believe I had come to this decision. Then I realized, I couldnt keep it a secret. My life is pretty much an open book I am very open about pretty much everything in my life. So I told him. He is beyond supportive, jealous, he wants the surgery too but has not made the appt. I told him I would go with him but I wont make the appt. He has to do it. I told him dont tell anyone. Then I decided to tell 1 of my sisters who is pregnant. She was 50/50 she felt that I look fine, I carry myself well, but also knows I have thought abou this for a very very long time and told me to do what makes me happy. I told her it is more about healthy than happy. I wasnt going to tell my parents not sure why as I am very close to them. All my life I have ALWAYS looked for approval from them in everything I do. School, marriage, car purchase ect.. but this was not one of them for some reason. But while on vacation with my dad who is a retired ICU nurse I told him about it. He wanted more information. I told him what I know, I should him the pamphlet and he too said if this is what I need to do then go for it. Just do your "research" babygirl. I then told my brother who has been amazing. I finally told my mom and she was ok. Telling coworkers was not a choice I wanted to do but I told my peer as we are managers together in a group home and rely heavily on each other. She is very supportive. I then decided "screw it" and told one of the people I know will tell everyone and she was great. She asked ques and asked me to speak to her husband who has wanted to do it but is afriad.

So I think all in all my "coming out about the lap band was good" I think you should not look for approval from others. Tell those who you feel need to know. Others feel them out. I started my telling by"I want to tell you something, NO I am not pregnant, I have something I want to share it is my decision so no judgements, please listen to me for a minute" and that is how each of my conversations went.

I agree with the man who spoke. Skinny/thin people dont understand unless they have had the band. They have no idea. good luck be strong.

Maranda