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Ready for a New Chance at Life
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j_war06 4 posts
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HarleyNana 2 posts
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dylansmom 1 post
I would like to start out my membership on this discussion board to tell everyone my history. I am 17 years old and am awaiting approval from my insurance this week in order to have lap-band surgery in the beginning of May. All my life I have been way way overweight and my mother had me on my first diet when I was probably 2 or 3. My mother has always been heavy-set and so was the rest of my family, basically I thought I was normal until I started daycare. I soon realized that the other kids were thin and had absolutely nothing in common with me. I liked to watch t.v. and suprisingly I did not eat very much, but when I did it was always something very unhealthy and fried, since my parents were not pulling in very much money, it was just easier to eat fried hamburger meat, mac and cheese, and beans for supper. When I began private school as a pre-schooler I realized that all the kids had a lot more energy than me and always ate way more than I did. They started calling me fattie and lazy and whatever else a 4 year old's vocabulary can expand to. At private school they made you eat every meal, which is not good for an already large child with the metabolism of a snail. It is true that I did not like to play outside, or even with other children, I have always preferred to do everything on my own. I became severely depressed by the time I was in Kindergarten, having no friends that came over to play. When I was in second grade I plunged deeper in depression when one small kid exclaimed to me, "Your the fattest white girl I've ever seen." That was truly heart-breaking, from then on every two-three nights I would get in the bathtub and just cry and cry until my mother would have to come and sooth me and tell me that yes I was different than the other kids, but that doesn't mean I can't try to be friends. My depression continued to deepen, as I made friends I plunged into a life of anorexia in the 6th grade at 12 years old. I did not eat breakfast, two-three bites and two sips of something for lunch, walk 2-3 miles in P.E., then come in and eat half a plate to nothing for supper. I dropped about 50lbs within 5-6 months and when I was still fat even after that, plus I had had 3 nervous breakdowns and passed out twice in P.E. I realized all this effort wasnt working. I was in with the "popular" crowd, yes, but wasn't happy. When they began to date and have boyfriends and even begin to kiss a little, I was hung back and gradually withdrew myself from them. At Jr. High you could eat whatever, whenever, and I did, and becoming increasingly depressed with everyday, I never had boyfriends, I think I had a total of 3 or 4 that would not even hold my hand. I became best friends with a guy, eventually, we became best best friends and started doing everything together the only problem is that he is very good-looking and I have never felt very pretty and have continued to eat, and go on diets, and eat and so on.... I am dating the guy now and I now see a psychiatrist to treat my severe depression, which is fading off well, but I still have times like today, when I feel like I do not deserve my boyfriend or my few friends who love me no matter what I look like. I have severe knee problems, because I was supposed to be skinny, my small bones can no longer hold the weight. I have never had life, and up until probably November or December I felt like the living dead, and wanted to die everyday. I am finally starting to live. I have withdrawn from public school because of the severity of my knees and cannot wait till I get my surgery so that I can go and celebrate my senior year with everyone. I am ready for my life to finally begin! I cry everytime I think about getting the band, I am so happy. I look forward to all your advice on here.