I am in tears. I know more about nutrition from school, weight watchers, and battling and researching my weight since I was a child, than most naturally thin people!

I have to vent and get some support. I think it's my decision and my life is crumbling apart after failed diet after failed diet. I'm 21 and tonight I counted and it took me thirty seconds to get out of the bathtub, and I feel back in once! Is this any of her business?

She says that because she is a nursing student (and me just a silly writing student who must not know ANYTHING about being healthy because I'm fat?) she knows how bad bariatric surgery is. She says it should be reserved for people much more dire in need than me. (My BMI is 40) She sat dow on my bed like she was my mother and said "I know you can do this, just stick to the weight watchers, ok? It's not healthy, those surgeries are so unhealthy, have complications and the weight just comes right back on."

I know she is wrong. I know she is ignorant. I know she just wants to help. But I am in tears. I couldn't bring myself to argue with her. She just made me feel so stupid and lazy. Anyone ever encountered this situation? Can I get some good juju? I don't want to go and talk to her (we are not friends) but I just want to feel a little better about my OWN decisions! I am not a child!

This is YOUR Life not hers ! Do what YOU Feel is best. Frankly this is none of her business. I would tell her " thank you for your concern when i want your opinion i'll ASK you for it "

Mindy

Or how about a dose of her own medicine?? As a nursing student and someday a nursing professional (and I use that term lightly) she will need to learn that giving advice based on personal feelings should only be provided when ASKED for!! :blushing:

do you have a band or are you thinking about it. im really fortunate that i did not have a weight problem till my late 30's , but i did try too to lose weight with a personal trainer and all the diets. fact is ....i want what i want when i want it. so pizza was too hard to turn down. the band FORCED me to eat less. thats what it took for me to lose the weight. i feel bad that you have people like that around you. im sure they have good intentions. they are simply lacking knowledge........ unless they have been there they dont know. good luck and maybe your reaction is due to the frustration. i can understand that frustration. its like you try and fail and people think you dont care about yourself. well it isnt true. someday people will see that obesity is more complex than we know...... i think we are just starting to learn ............. good luck with the band.....

tell her to research the percentages of morbidly obese people who keep their weight off after dieting down to a healthy weight. then tell her to look at the serious complication rate of being obese (100%) and compare it to the serious complication rate of having bariatric surgery (0.5-1%). then tell her to mind her own biz!

i'm sorry she made you feel bad. don't let that sway you; WLS is an AMAZING tool and shouldn't be something to feel guilty about.

best,

sarah

Tell her that as a nursing student, you're surprise she's so FREAKING IGNORANT about lapband surgery. And feel free to use a different F work for Freaking, if you are so inclined. :blushing:

I really can't imagine the gall of someone to come into someone's room and give them a big lecture based on watching what pages they web surf. For all she knows, you have a close family member who is thinking about getting the surgery and you are here to learn how to support them.

In fact, I couldn't imagine barging into someone's room and giving them unsolicited advice even if they were doing something really stupid -- like taking up smoking or doing hard drugs. So I sure wouldn't do it over something like this.

Polite people wait until the other person brings it up; nosy parkers barge in uninvited and start spewing. Nobody likes a nosy parker. :thumbup:

I guess it depends on how much you want to fight a battle with someone you aren't friends with. And how much you want her blabbing your business to others.

If you are going to have the procedure and don't want her to know. Thank her and tell her you've decided after your chat that you are going to do things the healthy way under the care of your physician. Let her draw her own conclusions about what that means. :blushing: And repeat as often as needed. If she offers more advice, say firmly I'm following doctor's orders and this is working for me. What "this" is, is none of her business.

I don't care who knows about my surgery. But I didn't tell people that I thought would give me negative feedback beforehand. But if you really don't want the world to know, is it important to win the war of words with someone you really don't care about?

Just nod and smile, nod and smile because when it really comes down to it you are not going to get her permission to get the surgery. It is very personal and you will get 100 different opinions on it. You have to do it for you, screw what she said, she isn't the one miserable from the weight. Yeah you can do it, you can do whatever the heck you want!!!

Nursing major smurshing major... I, too am a nursing student, but that doesn't make me qualified to decide what is best for your health. The decision is between you and your dr. not some nosey girl who obviously doesn't know much about WLS.. I haven't been banded yet, but I can't wait to do it! I am 19 years old with a BMI of 40 so we are kind of in the same boat. Don't let ignorance get you down, I have had a fair share of negativity from people I care about and others who have just overheard a conversation and decided to chime in. Just keep in sight your ultimate goal of living a healthier life and undoubtedly, you will make the best decision for YOU. My suggestion, just keep researching, best thing you could do.

Hi,

I'm so sorry you went through that... I have not been banded yet I'm in the process of going through everything now... and I have a BMI of 40 too and I have also heard you really aren't that big to be getting it, are you sure you don't want to go back to WW, etc. and let me tell you I certainly feel big enough! I mean seriously how much more do my thights need to rub, how many rolls do I need over the top of my pants! LOL

Listen don't worry about it, you know what you want to do, you have researched it and you have so much support here on the boards... I wouldn't give it another thought... You know you will feel better, you know what you are capable of and you know what works for you... I don't care what her major is, she is not an expert! If I were you I wouldn't even let her know it bothered me... I would say nicely I thank you for thinking of me, but I will do what's best for me and I do not wish to discuss this further... and end it! What a b*tch! Don't let anyone make you cry! Don't give anyone that kind of satisfaction! We know how we feel and we know we have tried every diet known to man... probably at least twice!!! I say pick your head up, move on and be happy with your decision... from reading the boards it sounds like the best decision we can ever make for ourselves!

Best,

Shannon

Wow.....the things people say....Maybe she is jealous...jealous that you will look hotter than her!

Don't tell her....say you took her advise and decided to do a medically supervised program. You won't be lying...after all the lapband is medically supervised....and you do have to follow a healthy eating and exercise plan to be successful!

Unless you don't give a hoot....and care less if she tells the whole campus you had WLS......

instead of you being able to tell people.... but remember your choice not hers!

you dont owe her or anybody else any explanation. ignor her and do what you know will help you, and give you the quality of life that you deserve.

Would she say the same thing to a very small breasted friend that was considering breast enhancement? Probably not, plastic surgery is considered different from WLS. Makes no sense, we don't need bigger breasts for health, but getting rid of 100 pounds we do.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against plastic surgery, but just against the opinion that WLS is any different of an elective procedure and can produce live saving changes.

You're completely right, she is ignorant. She is a STUDENT nurse, not a doctor and not YOUR doctor. There are lots of nurses on the forum and there are several doctors that have been banded themselves.

Tell her to shut up and until she is willing to get informed about the band and is able to have an intelligent conversation about the band with you, there is nothing to discuss. How can she advise you about something she knows nothing about?

That kind of stuff makes me angry, and I'm sorry that you're upset by it. Try to roll with it. Maybe look at it as the opposing view for you to get further information. You have heard what she has to say, you can research what she says to find the validity of it in your research of WLS.

Information is never bad. Unsolicited opinions - different story. I'd say thank you very much, and hand over some pamplets to her for her to read.

tell her to keep out of your business.. I'ts your life and your decision... tell her discussun is over and if she cares she will support you unconditionally.

It's your life and your ultimate happiness. You should tell her that if she's your friend, she should support you no matter what decision you make. You don't need to justify a decision to a friend, they should just understand.