I had a dream last night that I was pregnant. It was a wonderful dream... The worst part was when I woke up, and remembered that I am not pregnant, just fat.

I need to do more than want to lose weight.

I need to do more than plan to lose weight.

I need to do more than talk about losing weight.

Bottom line... I need to actually lose weight.

But how do I do that? I mean I know the basic principles... Eat less, exercise more. That's all well and good, but how does someone like ME do that? I apparently have less willpower than the average bear, and a sick emotional relationship with over-eating. I often feel completely hopeless about my situation, and it is at those times I make rationalizations that "one more pizza/donut/cheeseburger/trip to the buffet" won't hurt.

I know it does hurt, but sometimes I hurt so much that I would just rather have a mouthful of calories to concentrate on chewing so that I don't have to think about the sinking ship that is my health, and my body.

I'm going to have my husband take a picture of me now. I always avoid pictures... Hell, there are only two mirrors in my house... and they only show me from the neck up! I need to face what I have become... an obese woman.

Yep... That's me. The truth is not pretty folks. I'm only 25 years old. I'm young. I want to feel young. I want to leave my house and do fun things without the constant fear that someone is going to mock me. I dont want to feel so insecure that I cancel plans with friends because I am afraid to look for pants that fit. I want to be able to get pregnant, and not only that... I want to be a fun and active mother!

I just want to feel like I am living my life... not like I am just sneaking through it trying to avoid embarassment. I guess you could considder this an epiphany...

Hey Staind

I agree with shortgal, if you can do this without weightloss surgery by all means go for it. You seem to have a very positive attitude and that will make all the difference. CONGRATS!!!! What you have done on your own so far is AMAZING!! By the time your insurance decides to cover the band you probably won't even need it. What part of Fl do you live in? I have family in the Vero Beach area.

Staind..check out this web page. Its the medical coverage guidelines for BCBS FL. Just type bariatric sugery in the search box. It does state most policies don't cover this but it also lists the criteria you would have to meet for it to be considered medically necessary. Might give you something to work if should ever decide to do the band. By know means am I pushing you toward that, i'm not even banded yet myself. I just thought it maybe helpful.

BCBSF Medical Coverage Guidelines (MCG)

Hi Staind, I would strongly recomend WW. I lost 2 # a week doing it years ago. Problem was that I moved from the area, staRTED a new job and gained it all back plus 30 more. But it's something you can do now and maybe later have LB if it doesn't work or if you just can't keep it up. It's a good, very healthy way to eat.

Wow!!! I see so much of myself in your story. I try not to think about it, but the little everyday reminders are always there. I cant wait for the day when my butt doesn't hit the arms on the chair when I sit down or when the inner thigh part of my jeans isn't the first part to wear out.

OR A SIMPLE THING LIKE WHEN SITTING IN THE BATHTUB DOESN T MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A HUMAN DAM~DUE TO NO WATER IN THE BACK~AND A FLOOD IN THE FRONT.

I AM OVER 50 AND HAVE FOUGHT MY WEIGHT ALL MY LIFE-FINALLY REACHING ALMOST 100# ABOVE MY NORMAL..AND WAS ELIGIBLE FOR THE LIFE SAVING LAPBAND.

I CAN SIT WITHOUT MY THIGHS TOUCHING THE SIDES AND BLOCKING WATER.....FINALLY.!

AND I STILL HAVE 37#TO LOSE...

THIS IS BY FAR THE THREAD I HAVE NEEDED.YOU COULD ONLY UNDERSTAND THESE THINGS IF YOU ARE HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND REALLY ARE UNHAPPY BEING THIN INSIDE~BUT TRAPPED IN A FAT SHELL.

THE BEST THING IS KNOWING I WILL NEVER~NEVER GAIN THAT WEIGHT BACK AGAIN.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN SURE OF THAT BEFORE.

staind~do you have feelings like, if I dont look in the mirror I can think and try to believe that I look on the outside how I feel on the inside. Thats how I am. I trick myself into thinking if I cant see myself (god forbid a picture) then I can just pretend that I look the way I feel? Does that make any since. Because I still think of myself the way I used to be...ya know....smaller and only when I truly look at myself or the dreaded picture am I reminded that, that is not who I am. It is so sad. I am getting the band on the 3rd of April and I have decided to put all the crazy confusing thoughts out of my head and instead I have a mental picture in my head of what I want to become, not what I actually am. Thats all I see....the future. And when I have weak moments....I start picturing the future. I hope some of this made since and helps. We are all here for the same thing....support! ~good luck~

ok so my ticker thingy is not working...I have followed all the directions and cant seem to get it....DUH

bthin...instead of copying the text for your ticker just right click on the image itself and select copy. Then go to edit your signature and paste it. Right click where you want the ticker and click paste.

Thanks Nikki, I will check out that site! You never know what the future brings... I live in Polk County btw... Exactly halfway between Orlando and Tampa.

bthin I feel that way EXACTLY... I am always kind of shocked when I see a picture of myself because that is not what I envision myself being! I also am focusing on the future... and I am so motivated to lose weight! I just KNOW I can do it!

I really dont think I ever tried to lose weight before the last year... If that makes any sense? I was pretty normal until 21 when I seriously gained 100+ pounds in 3-6 months. I've known I am terribly obese... but it was easier to ignore it than to focus on it!! I want to focus on it now... I want to face it!!

Thank you so much everyone for all your wisdom and support. Each and every one of you is an inspiration to me!!