staindgal

Dear Plumpy Pad, So I went to the gym last night straight after work, I was excited to get there by 5:30PM because I was going to do the "Zumba" group fitness class, and then the "BodyFlow" class after that. I got there at 5:34PM, walked up to the doors, and saw that everyone was already really going to it... and I got nervous. They were all jumping and moving around so fast, and plus there was SO MANY people in there... I just got nervous and walked away. I let myself NOT do something I really wanted to do because I convinced myself I couldn't do it, and that everyone would laugh at me. I am so ridiculous. Instead of doing the two classes I had planned to do, I sat in the locker room for a while (and pretended I was tying my shoe any time someone walked in), and then I got on a treadmill and started walking. I didn't go far because I just felt discombobulated. I did a half mile and then left after only being there 20 minutes! 20 minutes is a far cry from the two 1 hour classes I had been planning to attend. :rolleyes So I was a workout failure. I know I need to just not care what random strangers might think of me... but I just can't!!! When I walk into the gym I am just POSITIVE everyone is thinking, "She's here a few years too late!" I wish I wasn't so worried about what random people might or might not think/say about me. BAH! I just make myself SO ANGRY!! In an attempt to end this journal rant on a positive note, I will say that I have been sticking to my 500 calorie per day diet like rubber cement. The scale gets lower every day, as does my hubby's blood sugar. :biggrin1: We are counting down to November 5th. That is the day we can end the 500 calories per day diet and move up to 1,000 calories per day!! After 100 days of this low-cal regimen, I think I will probably actually start to look like I have been losing weight. That is something that excites me. I mean the scale tells me I have lost 18 lbs. in the last four weeks, but I am so overweight that that is not a change that can be easily seen. I am really looking forward to the day when people start to say, "Hey, are you losing weight??" Until that day, count on me for daily random updates!! _______________________________

Dear Plumpy Pad, So my husband has been put on a 500 calorie a day diet due to his diabetes, and I am matching him day for day to be supportive AND lose the weight I drastically need to lose. Today the thing I always dread when I go on a diet happened... A friend decided to tell me 500 calories is way too little and it will give me jaundice, kill me, etc... I know they mean well, but c'mon... no it won't. My father is a doctor, and he knows me pretty well, and he is supportive of the 500 calorie and under diet. It is for 100 days, and then we will both step up to 1000 calories and under. I just cannot handle it when people try to tell me I'm not eating enough... Hello? Have you seen me? Plus it's not even like I'm unfulfilled and hungry all the time either! I feel full, I have my 475 calories today and I feel great! I guess I just can't talk about what I'm doing with my friends because that will be the reaction I get. In high school I only ate like 200-300 calories a day and none of my friends got in my face... :: oh well... I'm still going to continue with it.

I have had a ridiculous fever and other assorted ailments for the last week.... As soon as I can stand up without feeling dizzy I will weigh in! blob.... :x

I don't think I'm staying on plan today... :tea: 8:51 AM and I already ate yesterday's leftover take-out!! BAH!! TOMORROW I will stay on track because I hate the wayI feel today!!

I am staying on track today because I want to be slim and sexy again!!

Dear Plumpy Pad, So yesterday I was bad.... REALLY bad. I let temptation for a quick, cheesy, fattening bite rule my actions! :tt2: I went way over my calorie allowance yesterday by binging at Arby's, and even though I didn't eat as much as I would typically eat on a fast food binge, it is still NOT OKAY! :biggrin: I got fat eating my feelings through massive fast food consumption... Why would I let fast food get ahold of me again?? I am recognizing my mistake, and fixing the problem TODAY. Something the old me used to do was just say, "Well, since I already slipped yesterday I might as well have that gallon of ice cream tonight." NO MORE! I have to take things one day at a time, and today I am getting back on track so I can look amazing again soon! FOOD REPORT: March 6, 2008 I ate: vegetable pasta (500) and dry noodles (280) My total calories were: 780 Calorie Debt: 540,085 - (3000-780) = 537,865 March 5, 2008 I ate: grapes (115) and arbys disaster (1910) My total calories were: 2025... EEEK!!! Calorie Debt: 541,060 - (3000-2025) = 540,085 March 4, 2008 I ate: ramen noodle soup (380) My total calories were: 380 Calorie Debt: 543,680- (3000-380) = 541,060 March 3, 2008 I ate: nothing (0) My total calories were: 0 Calorie Debt: 546,680- (3000-0) = 543,680 March 2, 2008 I ate: homefries w/ fruit (260) and tilapia (260) My total calories were: 520 Calorie Debt: 549,160- (3000-520) = 546,680 March 1, 2008 I ate: meaty penne (510) and strawberries (200) My total calories were: 710 Calorie Debt: 551,450 - (3000-710) = 549,160 February 29, 2008 I ate: penne pasta (565) My total calories were: 565 Calorie Debt: 553,885 - (3000-565) = 551,450 February 28, 2008 I ate: penne pasta (355) and chow mein noodles (140) My total calories were: 495 Calorie Debt: 556,390 - (3000-495) = 553,885 February 27, 2008 I ate: chicken w/ sun-dried tomato noodles (580) My total calories were: 580 Calorie Debt: 558,810 - (3000-580) = 556,390 February 26, 2008 I ate: chicken with vegetables (250) My total calories were: 250 Calorie Debt: 561,560 - (3000-250) = 558,810 February 25, 2008 I ate: nothing (0) My total calories were: 0 Calorie Debt: 564,560 - (3000-0) = 561,560 February 24, 2008 I ate: mac 'n cheese w/ spinach and onions (560) My total calories were: 560 Calorie Debt: 567,000 - (3000-560) = 564,560

Dear Plumpy Pad, So yesterday I was bad.... REALLY bad. I let temptation for a quick, cheesy, fattening bite rule my actions! :cool2: I went way over my calorie allowance yesterday by binging at Arby's, and even though I didn't eat as much as I would typically eat on a fast food binge, it is still NOT OKAY! :thumbup: I got fat eating my feelings through massive fast food consumption... Why would I let fast food get ahold of me again?? I am recognizing my mistake, and fixing the problem TODAY. Something the old me used to do was just say, "Well, since I already slipped yesterday I might as well have that gallon of ice cream tonight." NO MORE! I have to take things one day at a time, and today I am getting back on track so I can look amazing again soon! FOOD REPORT: March 6, 2008 I ate: vegetable pasta (500) and dry noodles (280) My total calories were: 780 Calorie Debt: 540,085 - (3000-780) = 537,865 March 5, 2008 I ate: grapes (115) and arbys disaster (1910) My total calories were: 2025... EEEK!!! Calorie Debt: 541,060 - (3000-2025) = 540,085 March 4, 2008 I ate: ramen noodle soup (380) My total calories were: 380 Calorie Debt: 543,680- (3000-380) = 541,060 March 3, 2008 I ate: nothing (0) My total calories were: 0 Calorie Debt: 546,680- (3000-0) = 543,680 March 2, 2008 I ate: homefries w/ fruit (260) and tilapia (260) My total calories were: 520 Calorie Debt: 549,160- (3000-520) = 546,680 March 1, 2008 I ate: meaty penne (510) and strawberries (200) My total calories were: 710 Calorie Debt: 551,450 - (3000-710) = 549,160 February 29, 2008 I ate: penne pasta (565) My total calories were: 565 Calorie Debt: 553,885 - (3000-565) = 551,450 February 28, 2008 I ate: penne pasta (355) and chow mein noodles (140) My total calories were: 495 Calorie Debt: 556,390 - (3000-495) = 553,885 February 27, 2008 I ate: chicken w/ sun-dried tomato noodles (580) My total calories were: 580 Calorie Debt: 558,810 - (3000-580) = 556,390 February 26, 2008 I ate: chicken with vegetables (250) My total calories were: 250 Calorie Debt: 561,560 - (3000-250) = 558,810 February 25, 2008 I ate: nothing (0) My total calories were: 0 Calorie Debt: 564,560 - (3000-0) = 561,560 February 24, 2008 I ate: mac 'n cheese w/ spinach and onions (560) My total calories were: 560 Calorie Debt: 567,000 - (3000-560) = 564,560

I am staying on track today because I really fell off the wagon yesterday. (We're talking Arby's... way too much Arby's...) I don't feel good about what I did to myself, and I want to regain the sense of pride that I am working hard to lose weight!

I'm sure you will, I always drop a bunch of water weight after!! I cannot wait to dance across the county lines of TWOterville with you very soon!!!

I had a dream last night that I was pregnant. It was a wonderful dream... The worst part was when I woke up, and remembered that I am not pregnant, just fat. I need to do more than want to lose weight. I need to do more than plan to lose weight. I need to do more than talk about losing weight. Bottom line... I need to actually lose weight. But how do I do that? I mean I know the basic principles... Eat less, exercise more. That's all well and good, but how does someone like ME do that? I apparently have less willpower than the average bear, and a sick emotional relationship with over-eating. I often feel completely hopeless about my situation, and it is at those times I make rationalizations that "one more pizza/donut/cheeseburger/trip to the buffet" won't hurt. I know it does hurt, but sometimes I hurt so much that I would just rather have a mouthful of calories to concentrate on chewing so that I don't have to think about the sinking ship that is my health, and my body. I'm going to have my husband take a picture of me now. I always avoid pictures... Hell, there are only two mirrors in my house... and they only show me from the neck up! I need to face what I have become... an obese woman. Yep... That's me. The truth is not pretty folks. I'm only 25 years old. I'm young. I want to feel young. I want to leave my house and do fun things without the constant fear that someone is going to mock me. I dont want to feel so insecure that I cancel plans with friends because I am afraid to look for pants that fit. I want to be able to get pregnant, and not only that... I want to be a fun and active mother! I just want to feel like I am living my life... not like I am just sneaking through it trying to avoid embarassment. I guess you could considder this an epiphany...

Thanks Nikki, I will check out that site! You never know what the future brings... I live in Polk County btw... Exactly halfway between Orlando and Tampa. bthin I feel that way EXACTLY... I am always kind of shocked when I see a picture of myself because that is not what I envision myself being! I also am focusing on the future... and I am so motivated to lose weight! I just KNOW I can do it! I really dont think I ever tried to lose weight before the last year... If that makes any sense? I was pretty normal until 21 when I seriously gained 100+ pounds in 3-6 months. I've known I am terribly obese... but it was easier to ignore it than to focus on it!! I want to focus on it now... I want to face it!! Thank you so much everyone for all your wisdom and support. Each and every one of you is an inspiration to me!!

Hey! Deciding on a surgery is a MAJOR decision! Take your time and make choices you are secure with! Take everything one day at a time... Try to impress yourself everyday! That's been my method, as I do not have the band at this time. Just remember that whatever concerns you have, odds are someone here has had the same. Good luck on whatever path you choose!

Congratulations on a successful surgery Bama!! Glad to see you back in the swing of things so quickly!

That's really good to hear... because I do feel like I can do this if Ireally work at it. This is a lapband site so I understand the general push towards WLS... but I really think I can do it on my own! I love this site because it is the best support forum I have found - PERIOD. I don't want to feel like an intruder here because I have not had WLS, I totally respect the choice to do it! I've just never really tried to lose weight on my own... and I owe it to myself to do it! I'm struggling with willpower, but I am winning the battle most days... I just need a LOT of support! I am keeping a food log and started swimming 5 days a week... I really want this. I really want to just be ME!

Dear Plumpy Pad, HELP ME! I was watching TV today, and I cannot handle the delicious commercials for taco bell, arbys, burger king, pizz hut, etc... All I want in the world is an arby melt! Only, when I say I want an arby melt, I mean I want 4,000 of them!! This is so horrible! I am so good at making justifications... I don't want to ruin how well I have been doing, but I don't know what to do!! ARGH!! Here's the food log so far for the day... I'll update later... Updated. As you can see I jumped off the fast food cliff... :biggrin: FOOD REPORT: March 5, 2008 I ate: grapes (115) and arbys disaster (1910) My total calories were: 2025... EEEK!!! Calorie Debt: 541,060 - (3000-2025) = 540,085 March 4, 2008 I ate: ramen noodle soup (380) My total calories were: 380 Calorie Debt: 543,680- (3000-380) = 541,060 March 3, 2008 I ate: nothing (0) My total calories were: 0 Calorie Debt: 546,680- (3000-0) = 543,680 March 2, 2008 I ate: homefries w/ fruit (260) and tilapia (260) My total calories were: 520 Calorie Debt: 549,160- (3000-520) = 546,680 March 1, 2008 I ate: meaty penne (510) and strawberries (200) My total calories were: 710 Calorie Debt: 551,450 - (3000-710) = 549,160 February 29, 2008 I ate: penne pasta (565) My total calories were: 565 Calorie Debt: 553,885 - (3000-565) = 551,450 February 28, 2008 I ate: penne pasta (355) and chow mein noodles (140) My total calories were: 495 Calorie Debt: 556,390 - (3000-495) = 553,885 February 27, 2008 I ate: chicken w/ sun-dried tomato noodles (580) My total calories were: 580 Calorie Debt: 558,810 - (3000-580) = 556,390 February 26, 2008 I ate: chicken with vegetables (250) My total calories were: 250 Calorie Debt: 561,560 - (3000-250) = 558,810 February 25, 2008 I ate: nothing (0) My total calories were: 0 Calorie Debt: 564,560 - (3000-0) = 561,560 February 24, 2008 I ate: mac 'n cheese w/ spinach and onions (560) My total calories were: 560 Calorie Debt: 567,000 - (3000-560) = 564,560

Dear Plumpy Pad, HELP ME! I was watching TV today, and I cannot handle the delicious commercials for taco bell, arbys, burger king, pizz hut, etc... All I want in the world is an arby melt! Only, when I say I want an arby melt, I mean I want 4,000 of them!! This is so horrible! I am so good at making justifications... I don't want to ruin how well I have been doing, but I don't know what to do!! ARGH!! Here's the food log so far for the day... I'll update later... Updated. As you can see I jumped off the fast food cliff... :thumbup: FOOD REPORT: March 5, 2008 I ate: grapes (115) and arbys disaster (1910) My total calories were: 2025... EEEK!!! Calorie Debt: 541,060 - (3000-2025) = 540,085 March 4, 2008 I ate: ramen noodle soup (380) My total calories were: 380 Calorie Debt: 543,680- (3000-380) = 541,060 March 3, 2008 I ate: nothing (0) My total calories were: 0 Calorie Debt: 546,680- (3000-0) = 543,680 March 2, 2008 I ate: homefries w/ fruit (260) and tilapia (260) My total calories were: 520 Calorie Debt: 549,160- (3000-520) = 546,680 March 1, 2008 I ate: meaty penne (510) and strawberries (200) My total calories were: 710 Calorie Debt: 551,450 - (3000-710) = 549,160 February 29, 2008 I ate: penne pasta (565) My total calories were: 565 Calorie Debt: 553,885 - (3000-565) = 551,450 February 28, 2008 I ate: penne pasta (355) and chow mein noodles (140) My total calories were: 495 Calorie Debt: 556,390 - (3000-495) = 553,885 February 27, 2008 I ate: chicken w/ sun-dried tomato noodles (580) My total calories were: 580 Calorie Debt: 558,810 - (3000-580) = 556,390 February 26, 2008 I ate: chicken with vegetables (250) My total calories were: 250 Calorie Debt: 561,560 - (3000-250) = 558,810 February 25, 2008 I ate: nothing (0) My total calories were: 0 Calorie Debt: 564,560 - (3000-0) = 561,560 February 24, 2008 I ate: mac 'n cheese w/ spinach and onions (560) My total calories were: 560 Calorie Debt: 567,000 - (3000-560) = 564,560

I'm staying on plan today because 303 is the lowest I've weighed in years, but it's not where I want to stay.

ahem... I just wanted to make an announcement... I AM DOWN TO 303!! Is that still morbidly obese? Yep, but it's the lowest I have been in years!! Hey NikkiD, BCBSFL (my plan at least) still has a strict restriction against WLS. So if you would all cross your fingers for me to win the lottery or something, that would be SPECTACULAR! :thumbup:

MARCH THRU MARCH WEIGHT LOSS CHALLENGE! reach goal weight by 3/31/08 Name................Starting........ Loss.......Current.....Goal......ToGo staindgal..............315................12...........303.........295.........8 MrJumbles............288.................5...........283..........268........15 RidinMyHDDream....256.................0............256.........247.........9 LilMissBand-Aid......269................0............269..........259.......10 Globally Yours........308................0............308.........290........18 Insubordination......273................0............273.........268.........5 I just couldn't stay away from the scale! I only went 3 days without weighing in before I caved!!! :thumbup: However, I'm glad I caved in because I was beginning to rationalize fast food feeding frenzies! Now that I've seen the drop on my scale achieved by being good I can toss those massive cheeseburger dreams aside! :w00t:

I so want a cookbook!! That seems like a wonderful idea!

I am staying on plan today so I can weigh 215 pounds by September 1st!!

Dear Plumpy Pad, Last night I began my exercise plan! I went to the pool and swam laps, I had my husband time me to see how long I could swim for... and did laps for 20 minutes! Then I hooked onto the side of the pool and just kicked for another 10 minutes. My plan is to go swimming 5 days a week, and hopefully build up my stamina so that I am swimming for longer and longer periods of time! Now this all sounds well and good, but I have a history of making exercise plans that I then quickly abandon due to my excessive laziness... I am demanding that I actually follow through this time!! DEMANDING!! :thumbup: Only 11 days until I next jump on a scale... I am mega excited to see the progress 2 weeks can make! FOOD REPORT: March 4, 2008 I ate: ramen noodle soup (380) My total calories were: 380 Calorie Debt: 543,680- (3000-380) = 541,060 March 3, 2008 I ate: nothing (0) My total calories were: 0 Calorie Debt: 546,680- (3000-0) = 543,680 March 2, 2008 I ate: homefries w/ fruit (260) and tilapia (260) My total calories were: 520 Calorie Debt: 549,160- (3000-520) = 546,680 March 1, 2008 I ate: meaty penne (510) and strawberries (200) My total calories were: 710 Calorie Debt: 551,450 - (3000-710) = 549,160 February 29, 2008 I ate: penne pasta (565) My total calories were: 565 Calorie Debt: 553,885 - (3000-565) = 551,450 February 28, 2008 I ate: penne pasta (355) and chow mein noodles (140) My total calories were: 495 Calorie Debt: 556,390 - (3000-495) = 553,885 February 27, 2008 I ate: chicken w/ sun-dried tomato noodles (580) My total calories were: 580 Calorie Debt: 558,810 - (3000-580) = 556,390 February 26, 2008 I ate: chicken with vegetables (250) My total calories were: 250 Calorie Debt: 561,560 - (3000-250) = 558,810 February 25, 2008 I ate: nothing (0) My total calories were: 0 Calorie Debt: 564,560 - (3000-0) = 561,560 February 24, 2008 I ate: mac 'n cheese w/ spinach and onions (560) My total calories were: 560 Calorie Debt: 567,000 - (3000-560) = 564,560

Dear Plumpy Pad, Last night I began my exercise plan! I went to the pool and swam laps, I had my husband time me to see how long I could swim for... and did laps for 20 minutes! Then I hooked onto the side of the pool and just kicked for another 10 minutes. My plan is to go swimming 5 days a week, and hopefully build up my stamina so that I am swimming for longer and longer periods of time! Now this all sounds well and good, but I have a history of making exercise plans that I then quickly abandon due to my excessive laziness... I am demanding that I actually follow through this time!! DEMANDING!! :biggrin: Only 11 days until I next jump on a scale... I am mega excited to see the progress 2 weeks can make! FOOD REPORT: March 4, 2008 I ate: ramen noodle soup (380) My total calories were: 380 Calorie Debt: 543,680- (3000-380) = 541,060 March 3, 2008 I ate: nothing (0) My total calories were: 0 Calorie Debt: 546,680- (3000-0) = 543,680 March 2, 2008 I ate: homefries w/ fruit (260) and tilapia (260) My total calories were: 520 Calorie Debt: 549,160- (3000-520) = 546,680 March 1, 2008 I ate: meaty penne (510) and strawberries (200) My total calories were: 710 Calorie Debt: 551,450 - (3000-710) = 549,160 February 29, 2008 I ate: penne pasta (565) My total calories were: 565 Calorie Debt: 553,885 - (3000-565) = 551,450 February 28, 2008 I ate: penne pasta (355) and chow mein noodles (140) My total calories were: 495 Calorie Debt: 556,390 - (3000-495) = 553,885 February 27, 2008 I ate: chicken w/ sun-dried tomato noodles (580) My total calories were: 580 Calorie Debt: 558,810 - (3000-580) = 556,390 February 26, 2008 I ate: chicken with vegetables (250) My total calories were: 250 Calorie Debt: 561,560 - (3000-250) = 558,810 February 25, 2008 I ate: nothing (0) My total calories were: 0 Calorie Debt: 564,560 - (3000-0) = 561,560 February 24, 2008 I ate: mac 'n cheese w/ spinach and onions (560) My total calories were: 560 Calorie Debt: 567,000 - (3000-560) = 564,560

I am staying on plan today because I want to plan a fun vacation that requires a flight, and I don't want to freak out that I might need 2 seats!!

I am staying on plan today because I want to buy a full length mirror, look in it, and not cry.