Divorce After Weight Loss

[Kat817 19]

Comparing your life and situation to the OP, Kel is like comparing apples and oranges----2 different situations.

What you are dealing with entails infidelities, and emotional trauma. Advising you to do the same things would be worthless.

I would make sure to get some serious counselling on his dime, while I was working on my band.

Good Luck!

Kat

[Kelgirl68 0]

Sorry Kat, just saw you replied.

Yes - I have two kids, one 16 and one 18 and they both do live at home. Would love to go to a hotel one night or away for a weekend, but my 18yr old can be a little sh*t so I don't want to leave him at the house unattended just yet. Actually I think he would be fine but my husand thinks of the worst all the time. Men...sheesh! :thumbup:

Our time will come again, just have to wait it out!

Have a great day!

Kel

[belle75067 0]

I had my surgery in August of 06. My soon to be ex-husband was supportive of me getting the surgery and all the way through it. It seemed the more weight I lost the less he wanted me. Me and my husband are now going through a divorce. Before we seperated we didn't make love and he wouldn't even look at me. I have lost 100 lbs. Don't get me wrong, I am not blaming all our problems on my weight loss but it did seem to contribute.

[coltorismom 0]

i'm not sure but i think I've met you. Were you at the doc yesterday? I do hope things get better with you & your hubby. I will pray for you.

Actually, having only lost 38 lbs, people say,"Hi, skiinny!!" I think "yeah, right." You're doing well sounds like.

Take Care!!

monica

[sallen21 0]

This is my second marriage. My first husband died suddenly, and I was overweight at the time. Out of stress and depression I immediately lost 50lbs. That made me feel better physically, so I started seeing a personal trainer and really taking care of myself. I had two children. About a year after my husband died, I met my current husband who started out as just a friend. When things started to get a bit serious, he expressed that he was concerned about my weight! I had lost 100 lbs at that time and was really feeling good about myself. To hear him say this was more than I could bear, so I told him to leave me alone. He came crawling back, and in less than a year wanted to get married. Marriage had really never crossed my mind. He had no children of his own, and told me that he wanted one. I did care about him, and I sort of felt like this was my last chance, so we got married. I knew good and well that having another child and being tied down in marriage would bring the weight back on me. He assured me he would watch the kids for me to go to the gym, etc.. All was well for a while, so when I was able to exercise after the baby, I stared going to the gym 3 times a week and joined a weight loss program. The next thing I know his mother calls me to tell me that he says that I'm always leaving as soon as he gets home. That just sent me over the edge. I completely gave up. I have not felt the same towards him since. Now that I'm about to have this surgery, things seem uncertain, and I think he knows it deep down. He is helpless at home. He does not help with the house, kids, or anything. He does mow the grass, but I do everything else along with working a full time job. The stress is very intense for me. He's always making comments about clutter in the house, etc.., but all he does is come in and sit on his rump and expect me to wait on him. BIG changes are about to take place. I'm not going to be sitting on the couch with him much any more. I'm going to join that gym again and take the kids with me so I don't have to listen to his complaining. I don't really want a divorce, but I am through letting him and other people stand in my way. If he wants to stay with me and see his child more than every other weekend, he needs to get off his butt and experience life for a change. Oh, by the way, he's 40 lbs overweight himself.

Just remember, if you're not happy, no one around you will be either. I know that from losing weight the first time.

[aubrie 6]

I met my current husband when I was 16. We were high school sweethearts. We dated for several years, and he wanted to marry me way back when. But he wanted me to move to Alaska with him. NOT!!!! Well, he went, I wanted him to have the experience and we drifted apart. We both ended up marrying others. My other needed a "mama", and I wanted to be a wife and a lover. Not a mama, so it didn't work out. We were married 8 years and I had two sons. My sweetheart came back into my life 18 years ago. The sparks flew and we were married right away. It's been wonderful up until the last 4 years or so. He got really distant and our HOT love affair and romance went on the back burner. I was convinced he was seeing someone but he has and still vehemenently denies it. I have steadly gained weight since we got back together and ended up at a whopping 252. He NEVER said anything about my weight, so his distance always puzzled me. He told me he loved me, but his actions said just the opposite. We didn't fight any more than usual, and he never abused me in any way, but he just didn't touch me anymore. He told me he was getting old, and that he physically couldn't do it anymore. We even tried Viagra. He hated it. He said it was stress, his weight, fatigue, impotence........But we didn't even cuddle or hug anymore! The confusion, hurt and pain the physical rejection caused, has not gone away. I don't know how many nights I cried into my pillow wanting some affection from him. When I told him about WLS he was very supportive. Well, we had a heart to heart, and he told me, and I quote, "For men, sex is a visual thing. When you didn't look like you anymore because of your weight, I just couldn't get into it." That's fine and dandy but couldn't he turn the lights out? I've lost 58 pounds and am starting to look like my old self again. I colored my hair, whitened my teeth, bought some youthful clothes...... Well, needless to say, I'm again getting the attention that I so desperately wanted. Even other men are noticing. So his pecker worked just fine. He basically lied. Don't get me wrong, I'm loving the sex, but at the same time I resent him for turning his back on me for three years. The damage that caused is hard to ignore. I want things to be the way they were. He's the love of my life. I admire him. I respect him. I love him so much, but I hate him for the way he made me feel. It's like I don't trust him with my feelings anymore. I'm so confused and the stress that's causing is horrible. So where does that leave me? Torn between shamelessly throwing myself at him and enjoying it or standing on principal with my head up and leaving the wall there and feeling empty. He truly doesn't understand why it makes me angry. I'm the same person inside I've always been. I may have changed the wrapper, but I'm still me damn it! Alwyas have been. Fat or no fat.

[sallen21 0]

I totally understand how you feel as this is how my husband treats me. Only problem is that I know myself all to well, and when he starts showing me that attention again, I know I will not respond well. I want the "for better or worse." I want to be loved unconditionally. I really think I deserve it. I really feel like we're going to have serious problems when the weight comes off. It's like with every pound I get more and more confident until finally I just don't care what people think anymore. Reading your reply really helped me. Thanks.