Moderator and Privacy Issues on LBT

[Penni60 45]

Alex, I want to thank you as well for all you do.

This site has been a source of joy and heartache for me over the past year. I have met some great friends and will keep those friendships with me in my heart forever. It would sadden me to see this site discontinued if that is what Alex decides is best. The mere thought of that brings tears to my eyes.

The moderators have had a rough time the last few weeks. In hindsight we should have gotten together along time ago and set up guidelines. But we didn't. Things were working for awhile. I am not quite sure why they stopped working. I know there are lots of people here that have strong personalities and we are a diverse bunch of humans. All with differing values, morals, ideals, hopes, dreams, desires, etc. Sometimes the strong can overpower us. We just have to hope and pray that we each can come to some middle and neutral ground of understanding that we are all human and we all make mistakes at some point. And as long as we learn from those mistakes we can move forward.

I am willing to do whatever Alex suggests to make this site WHOLE once again. I love you guys. You are all my family in the banded world.

[hagerteresa 3]

I agree with Penni. I love this sight and for a very long time things ran very smoothly. I personally believe that peace can be restored. I enjoyed LBT more before we had so many moderators. Small bickers might start then but never anything compared to present. I even thing the last day or two has seemed more pleasant. I don't know anything about people with false identities. I have not felt intimidated or anything and am obviously not understanding what all went on. I am ussually on here at least once or twice each day so not sure what/how I missed it. Thanks again for such a great supportive web site. Teresa

[cadydid 0]

Alex:

I am notoriously a lurker and because of that, I only read topics that catch my eye. Therefore, I have no idea what happened, how, who was involved, etc. But one thing I can say is that this is a great board with lapbanders who are supportive, caring, concerned and even have a great sense of humor. We all mistakes and hopefully we can learn from them.

I am hoping that no-one has to leave and that everyone can move on and just consider this disaster a learning experience for posters and moderators.

This board is easy to get around and so informative that just the thought of it no longer being available scares me.

Please, everyone, can we just move on.

[whippledaddy 5]

I was fat. I was miserable. I was dying. Then I typed Laparoscopic Band into my browser. I clicked on this forum. I had found others, but when I started reading here, I didn't want to stop.

Hours later, cheeks rough and reddened from dried tears. I shut off the screen and went to bed. That night I was visited by visions of hope. Dreams of a life less humilitating. A life lived to the fullest. A life without one second in it devoted to wheezing 'cause I'd just tied my shoe.

Here I met people. People like me. Some had a band. Some didn't, they were trying to have one, or were afraid, and needed comfort.

Here were people telling me that I could do it. That all would be well. I was told that the waiting would one day end, and I'd be allowed to take the first step of a journey to a better, and happier, me.

Here were people as tender as the buds of April, and as rowdy as the winds of March. Here were people who were sage and wise. Here were those who made me laugh, made me cry, made me think.

It was an Eden of sorts. And all these people and myself were like innocents, children playing on a summer's day. Laughter like chimes of crystal, eyes shining like the stars, exhuberance, and joy, and gleeful gasps of sweet baby's breath, filled the shimmering air.

One day a child slipped. A wrong step on a wet patch of grass, perhaps, and that slide knocked down another. Knees were scraped, elbows skinned. Someone called someone a "Poopiehead" and was responded to in kind.

The happy players became an angry mob. The sun was darkened by a cloud, and it didn't stop raining. Some of us became so sad, so tired of the dreary gray sky, and the hopelessness of a rainy day, that we left the playground.

And yet, I look out the window, at the magic place I had lost, and I see that the sun's not peeked out. And, while it's not raining any more, still the puddles haven't dried up, not even a little bit.

Then, even in my simple child's heart I realize: Someone's got to run the playground. There must be a Moderator. But there are so many players, and more coming each and every day (it's a really good playground, so very successful). There's just too much for the Moderator to do. The Moderator needs assistants. But one has to be the Moderator, with veto powers, the rest are assistants. Why? Because you can't run a country, a business, or a playground by committee. We've all seen it happen. Or, actually, not happen, if you get my drift.

And, if we rely in the Children to govern themselves, well, it will kill the magic. The magic that was here. That magic that made all these people come and the magic that made me stay that very first day. Because you can't play your best if all you can do is worry about who you're offending. But, if you can follow the list of rules back by the gate, you can play to your hearts content.

I don't know if that certain magic is gone, or just hiding. Was it killed outright or is it hiding, like a frightened kitten, waiting to come forth once again and delight all who gaze it's way? I don't know.

I don't even know if we can get it back. But, oh, how I wish it could be so. But, then again, maybe I don't. Maybe pure innocence isn't all good. Maybe we need a dose of reality now and again.

In any case, I, for one, am saddened at what I and so many have lost. I really do feel like my best friend has died. Also I am fearful of the dark and dangerous look of the thing that took it's place. I can see the playground now. And these children aren't playing, no. They are walking about carefully, heads down, careful not to look anyone in the eye.

But, that said, I am hopeful. Hopeful that from this can come something better, more useful, and maybe less flamboyant, but with a quiet, serviceable magic all its own.

with respect and love,

Ryan.

[GeezerSue 7]

...but too many cooks spoil the broth/soup/stew.

And, Alexandra really is a genius at this moderator stuff. Not that the others are not great... but genius needs to be recognized.

[GeezerSue 7]

And I can't comment on Penni because of her angel-ness.

[Jammin & Losin 1]

I'm not sure what to say that hasn't already been said. I feel like in this case 1 apple has spoiled a whole bunch. This apple has stired the pot til it reeks!!!I

Also I am very upset with the thought that anyone would act like they are someone their not only to get attention from inocent people looking for help and support. Also going as far as pming people with comments under a FAKE name just to keep the pot stired. SO CHILDISH.

As far as the Moderators I have nothing against any of them . As a matter of fact I commend them for taking time out of their daily lives to help with the suport Here on LBT.ALL of them have been a big help though one of the toughest times in my life and for that I am forever thankful. PLEASE KEEP LBT HERE FOR US!!!!

I don't know what actions need to be taken ,but I know that the last few days seem to be getting better here on LBT. I hope it will stay that way. I need this site and lots of others feel the same way! I think some guidlines are in order. That would have kept alot of this in control before it got out of hand.

I also want to thank you Alex for even creating this site. I want you to know it is of great value to so many. You will never know the joy I felt or the tears I have cried from the suport I recieve daily from the loving ,caring , people that share their lives here on LBT. To take that away would take hope from so many....

Thank you for your continued efforts to keep LBT the BEST suport site there is!!!

[La_madam 20]

I feel like in this case 1 apple has spoiled a whole bunch. This apple has stired the pot til it reeks!!!I

Also I am very upset with the thought that anyone would act like they are someone their not only to get attention from inocent people looking for help and support. Also going as far as pming people with comments under a FAKE name just to keep the pot stired. SO CHILDISH.

Very well put Jammin and I applaud all those who had the courage to come here and post on such a delicate subject matter many are in fear of those threatening PM's continuing which is why so many have yet to reply.

[HarleyNana 10]

Alex, I just reread your announcement and you stated, "how you suggest we fix the moderator and privacy issue on LBT.", before I could answer this or give any suggestions, I would like to know exactly what rights do the moderators have that we as members do not. Is it true they can read our private messages, while they're being written and after they've been sent? From what I understand threads can be deleted, locked, or edited. When you have time, please clarify their exact position AND what it guide lines you have given the moderators and if you think they are abiding by those guidelines. I almost forgot to mention, for the most part I applaud the moderators for devoting their endless hours to this site. This site WILL heal.

Thanks again for LBT.

[princess_n_thep 2]

My involvement was quick and then I was out. I really don't even know what is going on now. But I was one of the ones who decided it was best to "lurk" here and post very minimally and use the PM for talking to friends.

The site is WONDERFUL though for information and networking. As far as the moderator issue goes, I really don't know if I have an opinion one way or the other. Other than a few catty words I had very briefly, I haven't been affected by any moderator I don't think. Heck, I don't even know who the moderators all are.

Bigchix had responded to my post and about me "leaving" but I made it clear I wasn't "leaving" but deciding to cut back and just watch for awhile.

Some of you know, as being my trusty internet friends, that I am an emotional wreck these days. And on top of it all, I get my monthly friend (aaargh). So I think I jumped into a conversation that had NOTHING to do with me and I was just buttin' in with my 2 cents that really weren't called for. And some of this stuff I don't even know about (bigchix, pm's, deletion of posts, etc). But I would like to admit my faults for my part in the mess.

I have apologized to those I feel I need to and am moving on with things.

Never, in any of the time spent here, have I meant to diminish anyone or make them feel terrible in ANY way. I apologize if I stuck my big nose in anyone's business or made any comments that were mistaken for anything other than friendly.

Posting/Typing can be read one way when it is actually typed with a whole different idea behind it. I apologize for not recognizing this and being more careful with any words/quips/one-liners/jokes/or otherwise.

As someone becoming banded soon I need this site to get support/encouragement/ideas/information/networking etc. etc. etc.

Love and Hugs,

Jenna

[Guest dawn1]

Hi, my name is Dawn and I am NEW to LBT as of this evening. Am I to understand that the posting that I just posted a little while ago will be ignored by some of these people that have been on LBT for a while and have lots to teach me? I was so delighted when I found this sight and now I don't know if it's worth it. What's going on and am I going to be able to get the advice that I asked for? I mean how do I prove that I am a wonderful, caring person who would like to help others as well as get help and advice? Or am I jumping to conclusions here? Is this the place to be? I certainly hope so from what I've read so far. I am really impressed and I feel that God or a higher power has lead me here for a reason. I hope this is not the beginning of the end.

[claraluz 2]

Dawn, please don't worry. We will respond to you. This has been a wonderful, supportive board for a long time. Many of us have come to feel we know each other. In the last week or two, some very ugly things have been said and done, but we are trying to work it out.

I agree with Darcy, Becky, Michelle, and the others who have spoken out in support of

Marie, Alexandra, and the other moderators. I do not feel any of them has done anything wrong. However, I have been afraid to speak my mind because I have heard that doing so can lead to getting negative PMs. This is a crying shame. It leads to self-censorship which can cripple the board.

I do feel there is one person on this board who needs help beyond what we can provide. And she is ruining it for a lot of people.

My deepest thanks to those who have been so supportive, to the moderators for their service, and to Alex for starting this board. Sorry I could not have been more concise.

Nancy

[Penni60 45]

HarleyNana: In my understanding Moderators cannot read others Private Messages period.

Alex, I just reread your announcement and you stated, "how you suggest we fix the moderator and privacy issue on LBT.", before I could answer this or give any suggestions, I would like to know exactly what rights do the moderators have that we as members do not. Is it true they can read our private messages, while they're being written and after they've been sent? From what I understand threads can be deleted, locked, or edited. When you have time, please clarify their exact position AND what it guide lines you have given the moderators and if you think they are abiding by those guidelines. I almost forgot to mention, for the most part I applaud the moderators for devoting their endless hours to this site. This site WILL heal.

Thanks again for LBT.

[TrishS 3]

Ugh!! I want to say something.. say so much.. I just dont know how to put it all in words....

Alex.. Thank You for a great site/board.. it has given me so much... I havent been here long but everyone has been supportive... As far as what should be done... well Your the creator.. you need to make the decison on what needs to be done.. im sure what you decied everyone will go with... Thanks again!!

[vinesqueen 2]

First off, Alex B, I want to thank you very much for providing us with the band width for Lap Band Talk. I for one really appreciate your time and effort, and I know that I’m not alone in my gratitude. The moderators have my thanks as well. Moderators have a difficult job. As the moderator on a small camping list, I cannot even imaging their task on something as large and active as LBT. <o =""></o>

I have belonged to other boards that were not moderated, and they were total chaos. I do not want to see LBT unmoderated. I did not weigh in on the censorship thread because I have been trying to figure out what I wanted to say. Moderators are charged with being the editors of this board. Sometimes they are heavy handed, but usually they are not. Editors are not censors, but when they are presented with a post full of hate and vitriol, it is entirely within their duties as moderators to edit those posts. I am specifically referring to the entire mess from that person from Belighter. Not only did she post a terrible attack that I found hurtful and offensive personally, she posted multiple copies on just about every single thread on every topic. The Moderators did their job by removing all but one of these posts. They did their job by editing the hurtful things out of the post. This is not censorship, it is good stewardship.<o =""> </o>

I think that if people are truly receiving threatening PM, then we need a policy where those PMs should be forwarded to Moderators. The sender of those threatening PMs should be banded from the site based on their IP. Please don’t think that I am discounting anyone, that is not my intention. My only other suggestion to this situation is the creation of a privacy policy that clearly states what expectant people have for privacy from this site. Alex B, I would be happy to help craft one if you like, or we could use a simple boilerplate policy.<o =""> </o>

I will be banded soon, and the support and information I have received here has been so very important. There are so many insightful people here, and I have been able to take in their words of wisdom and words of silliness to help me spark my own journey into the unknown. I know that my posts tend to be a little wordy, but, well, that is par for my course.<o =""> </o>

I am totally clueless. I mean, totally clueless. I don’t read several of the discussion boards, because I don’t really have anything to add to some of topics, so I can only guess that the brouhaha happened on one of those threads. Yes, I read some of the postings from the fall-out from part of the ruckus and I know that some tempers were hot and things were said that cannot be un-said. I have read many, many threads, and I haven’t read anything that I could personally construe as an attack, but others reacted to what I didn’t perceive. <o =""></o>

I suspect that because people are used to being attacked on so many levels in their lives, bullied about their weight, and hurt people tend to react to things that are not there. I also know that some people are apt to read things into threads that are not there. I know that I have been asked by others if I read anything that felt like an attack, an I honestly couldn’t find what this person was perceiving. But like I said, I am clueless. <o =""></o>

Just as there is no expectation of privacy in a public place, there is no expectation of privacy on the internet. We have seen it time and time again where someone sends a sensitive and potentially embarrassing e-mail to a lover, only to have that letter made public to a billion people. Everything we say on the net needs to be thought of as a postcard, especially in a public forum.<o =""> </o>

I know that I haven’t been active in the last week or so, but I’ve had several large projects and assignments due in class that take precedence over anything fun.