Yes, sometimes this board gets out-of-hand and ugly. We can't always be warm and fuzzy. The whole point of LBT is for "support." Support comes in many forms, and while the best form of support is probably one-on-one weekly sessions with a highly qualified professional therapist, most of us don't have the resources, time or the qualified shrink.

In the past, I have seen therapists, who encourage vigilant, candid honesty. ALL of them keep boxes of Kleenex at hand because we often cry, sometimes hysterically. NOT ONE THERAPIST has ever told me to calm down, watch my mouth, mind Ps and Qs, or be nice. That's what therapy is for - it's a forum to "let it all out." I've cried and even screamed at my therapists before and banged my hands on the arms of my chair. As long as you sit in your chair and don't throw shoes or become physical, the therapist cheers you on for letting go of all the aggression, anger, hurt and fear. After the session, after the sobbing, after the "letting go" we take some deep, cleansing breaths, and then they give you homework - usually writing or reading of some enlightening sort.

Megan, may I borrow this post from you? From Megan - "This thread is EXACTLY why I love this board. I don't think everyone has to agree all the time to be a happy group. I think discussion like this actually helps everyone. [she was referring to a discussion that got ugly]. I think it's fantastic that people can post what they feel, apologize if they think they have hurt someone, and still maintain their own individual feelings about a subject. That's what makes this board unique."

Things get ugly on occasion. We say things that hurt other people. We all agree that we are fat, yet we don't all agree that obesity is a disease, or that we can control our eating, or that we can overcome this, or that the sky is blue. But that is what this "SUPPORT" group is for. We have to be able to yell and kick and cry and scream. We can't be expected to hold back, bite our tongues, remain dignified, watch our manners or post only things that won't offend others.

If this board goes away, or if someone kicks me out, I'll have no choice but to start another board. I simply CANNOT go on with my life without constant support and/or an avenue for venting. If I see a post with inaccurate information, I want to fight and argue till I'm blue in the face because I am passionate, and I never argue unless I know I'm right. I don't waste time debating a topic that I'm not 100% sure about.

I am OFTEN accused of being a nasty bitch because people take what I say the wrong way. What you all have to understand is that I'm simply trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me! Why am I a freak? Why do I eat till I can't breathe? Why am I so sick? But people often get damned defensive, and it turns into a fight. When I'm wrong, I apologize. But when I'm accused of something or offended or attacked, my claws come out and don't retract till I get the last word. I can't help it; it's who I am. And it's good!

This is America, land of the free, home of the brave. I am free, and I am brave! And I say what's on my mind without sugarcoating my words. I am brutally honest so sometimes people think I'm mean.

So, if there's a topic or a discussion that offends you, or you blush in embarrassment because something isn't tasteful, then please move on to another thread and let us vent, cry, kick, scream, and mentally throw shoes at each other! In the end, we all (I can only speak for myself) come out clean and refreshed and laughing at each other and ourselves.

Boy, I feel like I should pay cash for this session, this was a good vent!

If you are looking for other threads, don't waste your time reading this one. Once again, if you don't like it, move to the next thread. By adding negative comments you'll only perpetuate further discord. If you re-read this thread carefully, you'll see that it's all about healing and therapy, which is the essence of any support group. This isn't about this week or last week or select individuals - please don't read between the lines because there aren't any (though you can find them in lots of other threads.)

This type of thing happens around LBT from time to time and will happen again in the future; the timing was right, and the topic is open for discussion, not insults.

Personally, I go through this stage of being angry at the world and whoever is in my way gets the brunt of it. So I try to use this board as my therapy so that when I am in one of those stages I force myself to look at another person's point of view. It IS THERAPY for me.

I love the fact that I can come here and vent. I also LOVED (notice the past tense) the fact that I could post MY opinions and not be personally attacked or accused of threatening someone by stating those opinions. I have tried to mend fences but have been ignored. That speaks volumes to me.

I am currently finishing my internship to be a licensed therapist in counseling. It is my opinion that LBT is quite different than therapy-naturally. But, that is not to say that it doesn't offer equal, and sometimes better healing than a therapy session may have. I say this because it is comprised of people coping with similiar difficulties-who are able to share struggles, discussions, and offer advice. As a therapist-I NEVER offer advice. It is my job to help others discover the answers within themselves.

I so appreciate the candid honesty, and support on LBT. Even if I don't post in every thread, sometimes I just read them and know I am not alone....

It is my wish that everyone continues to share their points of view. Arguing is part of life, and isn't a "bad" thing.

Thank you Joanie for seeing the other side of this thread.

I am currently finishing my internship to be a licensed therapist in counseling. It is my opinion that LBT is quite different than therapy-naturally. But, that is not to say that it doesn't offer equal, and sometimes better healing than a therapy session may have. I say this because it is comprised of people coping with similiar difficulties-who are able to share struggles, discussions, and offer advice. As a therapist-I NEVER offer advice. It is my job to help others discover the answers within themselves.

I so appreciate the candid honesty, and support on LBT. Even if I don't post in every thread, sometimes I just read them and know I am not alone....

It is my wish that everyone continues to share their points of view. Arguing is part of life, and isn't a "bad" thing.

Blossom, that's the kind of hypocricy that started all the arguments in other threads. If you didn't want to participate in this topic, you wouldn't have read or RESPONDED to it. For your information, this board was prescribed to me by my Band surgeonS, who agree that it's an excellent source of therapy. "Therapy" does not mean you have to lay on a couch and talk to some person with lots of capital letters after there name, it comes in many forms - one being message boards. Where on LBT does it say that this board is for informational purposes only? From my computer, I see a whole lotta therapy going on.

Hi Lisa,

I recall a time about a year ago when I got abused by a young girl who posted here. She wanted to know if it was OK to drink with the lapband. This was someone who was having 4-5 drinks on a saturday night a few weeks post op. I gave my opinion about her not being serioius enough about her weight loss, It got ugly and I kinda took a break for a day or two and came back here. Sometimes people dont want to hear an opinion. They just want to vent. And sometimes a topic that wouldnt normally bother the majority offends a minority. Stuff like this happens on all support boards, especially when they are growing and there are new people who dont understand the warped sense of humour of some of us folks on LBT. Its not possible to get along with everyone even if you meet them face to face in a social setting. Although this is a broad sweeping generalization (and I will probably get my ass grilled for this statement) I find that many obese and formerly obese people including myself want everyone to like them. Many of us have depended on our strong personalities and the strength of our intelligence to overcompensate for the way we feel inadequate about our physical self. It is natural that as a whole group of strong individuals that we will occasionally argue and disagree over certain topics. Anyway, as far as I am concerned, there really wasnt anything in the previous posts that offended me. Lets be kind to each other. We are all in the same boat and all oif us need to row it together even if we dont have the same final destination.

Babs in TX

Hi Lisa,

... Sometimes people dont want to hear an opinion. They just want to vent. And sometimes a topic that wouldnt normally bother the majority offends a minority. Stuff like this happens on all support boards, especially when they are growing and there are new people who dont understand the warped sense of humour of some of us folks on LBT. Its not possible to get along with everyone even if you meet them face to face in a social setting...

Babs in TX

Absolutely could not agree more! I love the fact that I can say what I'm wondering, but can't ask anyone in the outside world who doesn't understand obesity &/or the lapband, and count on the either brutally honest or warped humourous responses from you all, that will either give me the answer or let me know that right or wrong, I'm not alone in this.

I started this whole thread off wrong. I should have explained it better. The entire reason I began this thread is because the bullshi$ was bleeding into too many other innocent threads. I figured if I opened this one up, we could divert the fire here and continue our debates without upsetting other topics. I like this thread.

Barbara, that's a great response... I wish I would have written that! From now on, if things get heated elsewhere, I suggest coming here to this thread to duke it out so only the people that are involved have to see what's going on.

That's what this thread is for... a big rubber boxing ring with Nerf bats.