people treating you different

[KimA-GA 540]

did you notice people treating you different after loosing weight ? good, bad, crazy??

family? coworkers? acquaintances?

i have lost 100 lbs but just kinda proportionally shrunk a little, not huge transformation yet. (skin is starting to be a little jiggly instead of tight on my fat and a slight reduction to my many chins) so haven’t experienced a big difference, yet!

what have you experienced?

[Muffinman1119 84]

About a decade ago, I started to lose weight on my own and lost 195 lbs (using phentermine, and diet and exercise). However, I gained about 115 lbs of that back. When I was lower in weight, I did notice people would treat me differently (particularly in the dating scene). Now, with the sleeve, I'm not noticing it too much in regard to being treat differently, just comments from co-workers, family, and friends. I do think people look at you differently though, I don't really know how they couldn't.

[kcuster83 1,502]

So far I haven't noticed people treating me differently.

I have read and heard on MANY occasions females tend to get more attention or treated kinder in general by the public but I haven't noticed it for me. probably because I am still fat even after loosing 150 lbs. haha

I do however notice I treat myself differently, unintentionally.

Pre-op I would wear big clothes, to "hide" my fat body. Always jeans and a tshirt, and always preferred the tshirt loose. Now, post-op and 150 lbs less, I noticed it annoys me when my clothes are too big or loose. If my jeans are falling off, I am anxious to buy smaller ones. I like my tshirts more fitting. I also notice, I tend to migrate more towards "non" tshirts too. (I don't know what to call them..hah blouse?) Probably because I actually look smaller when things fit, and I can see the change massively!

[catwoman7 10,843]

People are more likely to smile at me and/or strike up a conversation. I've gotten some male attention (some of it unwanted), which surprised me since I'm in my 60s. Attention has been positive - as opposed to negative attention that I got (that is, when I got it...) when I was obese. For instance, no being laughed at or pointed out by adolescent males - and no one peering into my cart at the grocery store to see what "fat people" eat. Also, it still seems very weird to me to be able to eat in public without people looking at me. Oddly, I still feel anxious about doing something like walking around eating an ice cream cone, even though I know no one is going to think or say anything, like they might have when I was obese. So yes - I'm treated differently - at least in some instances.

[ShoppGirl 3,340]

I have gone up and down in my weight soooo many times throughout my life and people absolutely treat me differently. I have pointed it out to my husband who didn’t believe me at first but now he notices it too. I notice it from both men and women. People are more helpful and likely to strike up a small talk type conversation when I am closer to a normal BMI. Having said that, I am a little on the shy side and have been told by more than one person they misinterpreted that as my being a b**** in the very beginning. Oddly enough this has only happened when I was at my skinniest. My take is that people tend to think that I am nicer or more approachable as long as I’m not too thin and hot but if i’m a little too heavy I am not even worth their time for some reason. Basically society tends to prefer me barely “normal” to just slightly “overweight” from my experience.

What I absolutely hate is when it is someone that I have known for a long time that treats me differently because of my size and this absolutely has happened to me a few times. Thankfully not by any close friends but by people at like bowling league and stuff like that. I have gone from practically invincible for years to someone they all of a sudden want to talk to every week. I just want to scream from the rooftops that I am the same exact person I have always been and sorta want to tell them they are not worth my time because that’s what their actions have been telling me for so long. Of course I don’t say anything. I just hope that by me being nice to them now that they learn not to judge the next person. It can be frustrating and I definitely do vent to my husband about it sometimes but I know people truly don’t do it on purpose so I try to let it go.

[ShoppGirl 3,340]

If you ever want to test this firsthand as a female just walk around a store for a while at your goal weight. Especially one with a majority of male workers like a home improvement store. it’s crazy how much more help you get. Like they go out of their way to offer help. It’s kinda crazy.

[summerseeker 1,826]

I don't really post on social media or talk about my surgery and weight loss. To be honest very few people know how well I have done these last 11 months. In the UK we tend not to poke our noses into others business. It's seen to be quite rude.

I went out with my husband to the local service men's club. Everyone in there knew the fat me but failed to figure out who the thinner person was with my husband. All evening I felt like I was in the Exorcist movie. Heads were definitely turning in my direction, seriously, their necks must have been aching. I don't know if it was because they realised who I was or thought my 70-year-old hubby was flaunting a mistress. It did make me chuckle, it's a long time since I was the subject of local gossip.

On the bus and trains, people sit next to me now and I don't know if that's a bonus or a pain. I do like to travel alone. On an aeroplane this summer, I never had the 'oh no look' when I approached the empty seat next to them.

[Tomo 1,135]

When I was heavy, I was considered "cute" so people smiled and approached me all the time. It was annoying. People I didn't know would even try to offer me food (ugh). Well, I don't have the cute, round, approachable look anymore so now, not so much. They are still nice, and I get compliments but I don't get the "pat on the head" type of endearments anymore. I don't miss them though lol.

[HotWing&APrayer 1]

I don't think that we can attribute it 100% to other people. If we think about it, the way we felt about ourselves at a higher weight compared to a lower one. The way we carried ourselves and the body language we showed. Do you think it was always welcoming? Did I look like the girl who wanted to be talked to? Probably not. I was depressed, and not confident and my self-image in my head was totally not the same as it was when I was smaller. I know for a fact that shows and can be off-putting to some. In no way does that excuse people from being arseholes, disrespectful or rude.

But I always think back to a friend who said when you don't want to be bothered at work "walk fast and look worried." LOL. If that can keep people at bay, I am sure that my depressed, overthinking look will keep people away.

[learn2cook 485]

I disliked the comments from other shoppers about what I was buying. I did enjoy being bigger and taking up space so that I could not be ignored. Now I fly under the radar most days, or I’m treated like a pretty doll and not respected. So, I find I have to project my Professor McGonagall. Recently, I was jumping to turn off the overhead smartboard screen, and a co-worker commented “oh I thought you were way taller.” I guess the staged mannerisms worked!

[Arabesque 6,420]

I didn’t really have any negative experiences when I was overweight at least not ones I was aware of. I agree with @HotWing&APrayer. Often our confidence decreases & anxiety/self consciousness increases with our weight. Then any negative experiences crush us further. I was only at my obese weight for about 5 years so body dysmorphia probably helped me because though I knew I was obese I only saw myself as overweight which was ok in my mind. Though I know I also was more aware of not doing overt things that others may judge as ‘no wonder she‘s fat’.

With my weight loss I’m certainly more confident which has made me more chatty with shop assistants, service providers, random strangers, etc. (Yep, I’m the one holding up the line chatting to the check out person or the stranger who starts talking to you the shoes you’re trying on.) It does make most of my experiences more positive. It’s either my weight loss or I’m turning into my mother & grandmother 😱😆.

Have noticed more negative experiences for getting older like old person stereotypes & being ignored over younger people which annoys me A LOT. Not afraid to say about it something. The girl who presumed I was a grandmother got an earful!! LOL. I may be 57 but I don’t even look like I’m close to that ( & very grateful for that).

[qtdoll 534]

I was disabled for 6+ years, weighed almost 300lbs, used a cane & I was TRULY invisible to men. No one ever looked my way but I found comfort in that through out the years as I didn't want people to point out 'the disabled lady' - I just wanted exist with everyone else.

I'm 183 today, no loner need a cane & while I'm not thin, the attention from strangers is already catching me off guard. I'm a very kind outgoing person so when someone talks to me, I happily chat back because normally we would just move on with our day 2mins later. Now a few men have wanted to know my name, some contact info, etc. I'm just especially not used to it because I was locked in the house disabled for so long. Itll take a while to get used to that kind of attention from strangers

[ShoppGirl 3,340]

Okay, Hotwing&aprayer and Arabesque got my attention and I have been thinking about whether I carry myself differently at different weights. I don’t think I really do. Anyways, this Is what came to mind.

Has anyone ever seen the fat suit experiment that Tyra banks did years ago? I am not able to find it anywhere in video form but I just read a review of it to refresh my memory. They sent her out to the store, on the bus and on three blind dates in her suit. People as you probably expect were horrible to her. In An article speaking about it Tyra said "It was one of the most heartbreaking days of my life." Noting that people "snickered" and "laughed" when she walked down the street, Banks admitted, "I had no idea it was that blatant."

I know it’s not a perfect design but it’s about the closest we’re probably ever going to get to seeing how differently people treat us based on weight alone. After watching something like that I was convinced that the problem does lie with society and with certain people to a large degree and not in large part with the obese person or how they carry themselves.

I’m sure that we do carry ourselves at least a little differently when heavy vs thin but I doubt that putting on a suit could change someones Confidence overnight yet everything seemed to change in the way People approached Tyra the second she put on that suit.

Thoughts?

[SpartanMaker 676]

48 minutes ago, ShoppGirl said:

I’m sure that we do carry ourselves at least a little differently when heavy vs thin but I doubt that putting on a suit could change someones Confidence overnight yet everything seemed to change in the way People approached Tyra the second she put on that suit.

Thoughts?

I 100% agree, but it's far beyond how badly obese people are treated in the grocery store. I can't speak for other countries, but lots of studies have shown that workplace discrimination against obese people is rampant in the US. Worse, it's not protected by law, unlike discrimination based on race, religion or gender. Those same studies have shown the odds of encountering discrimination is highly correlated to weight. In other words, someone that's merely overweight has a relatively low chance of encountering outright discrimination, while someone that severely obese will almost assuredly encounter it.

In short, in the US, if you're obese you can be turned down for a job, denied promotions, or even fired due to your weight and it's perfectly legal. Most companies wouldn't admit to doing this, but if you doubt that it happens, look at the c-suite of any major company. The odds of finding an obese person is virtually nil.

[The Greater Fool 1,932]

It's been years now since anyone ran into a wall, a pole, or even other people because they were staring at me.

Social distancing was normal for me back then, as in a crowd the area around me would just organically be people free. Now I have to deal with crowds like everyone else.

People used to be very concerned that I might want to sit on their fragile chairs. Every chair was fragile back then. No chair worries anymore, people must have stronger chairs now.

Don't get me started on eating in public. I shoulda sold tickets.

I guess folks might be right, it was probably how I carried myself. After all, there was a lot of myself to carry.

Good luck,

Tek

Edited October 27, 2022 by The Greater Fool