Am I weird?

[SleeveToBypass2023 2,680]

I noticed quite a few people don't want to admit to having WLS, and I totally get it. But when hubby and I go to a restaurant, I always tell the server that I had gastric sleeve surgery and I will definitely need to make a couple of substitutions on my meal and I will need a to-go box (any time we go out to eat, my meal is good for that night and at least 1, sometimes 2, more). I've had a few ask questions about it, and they all have always congratulated me and were more than happy to accommodate my needs for the substitution (typically I swap out potatoes and/or rice for a side salad or extra veggies). I'm always proud to tell them I had the surgery, and I usually include how far out I am from surgery and how much weight I've lost so far. Is that weird? I don't feel the slightest bit awkward or uncomfortable about it. Not at all. My family and friends all know and cheer me on. I was never shy or worried about telling people, and I don't particularly care if anyone has a problem with the fact that I had the surgery. Again, is that weird?

[summerseeker 2,389]

Lots of people on this forum have had bad results from telling others about this surgery. Before this surgery I didn't want any negative input from people, so I only told my husband, son and BFF. Even now I have only told larger people who have seen the change in me and were genuinely interested in how I managed such a big loss.

I am not an open person; the British reserve is a real thing. We don't share our feelings. I would never tell a waitress/ waiter why I wanted different choices, just that I did. If more people were like you then maybe some of the stigma would disappear.

[kcuster83 1,505]

I don't think it is weird either way.

Everyone has reasons for wanting to share or not wanting to share. To each their own!

[SleeveToBypass2023 2,680]

I absolutely understand why some people don't want to tell anyone, and it makes me sad that they have to feel that way. This shouldn't be something we need to feel bad about. This is an amazing, lifesaving procedure and should be celebrated as such.

[NP_WIP 274]

As of now, I have only told my husband, sister, BFF and business partner. Not even my mom who lives with me.

I feel like family/friends want to have an uneducated opinion or become food police and personally if they didn't bother mentioning what I was eating while digging myself in a grave, I don't want to hear it now. So, I decided it to keep it to myself until it is done, and then it will be on a need-to-know basis.

But I do think there should be no shame in getting the help we need to be healthier and have a better quality of life.

[ShoppGirl 5,072]

I don’t think it’s weird whether someone chooses to share or not share. There is a lot of stigma associated with it and some people are not prepared to deal with that stigma and lack of understanding if they are presented with it. Others are. I think it’s amazing that you are proud of yourself and so willing to share with others. Just Keep doing you!!

[SHORTY_ 155]

I don't think it's weird at all. As a server, it may be a bit of an overshare, but not weird. Unless it's maybe asking for a kid's portion etc. But things like swapping out sides or needing a box when your meal comes are pretty common requests.

When I went to Disney, getting on the flight I had my sealed Protein Shakes with me and they were going to make me toss them all until my sister-in-law spoke up for me and explained why I needed to keep them. They made me open them all to test them and then sent me on my way. But so far that's really been the only incident I've encountered where It was necessary to explain to anyone outside my circle.

[ms.sss 15,818]

I, for one, don’t believe i feel bad nor harbour any shame about my wls (or any other medical/surgical procedures i have had). I think its just not my bag to share my business to all indiscriminately (i mean, i have even been known not to tell new acquaintances my real name for months lol 😉 )

I have a friend who does keto/low carb. Whenever we go out to a meal together, she has a several minute conversation with the server about her food choices and why, and sometimes shares how much weight she has lost to date (or gained recently by “cheating”).

Meanwhile, i just quickly ask to swap out my potatoes or whatever for salad and internally hope (while simultaneously outwardly looking like i’m waiting patiently, ha) for my pal to finish her discussion so we can get our food already!! 😂

But i get it, she is passionate and proud of her lifestyle and progress, and she’s a sharer, so of course she wants to share. And if/when she finds an eager listener, then score! Win-win.

At the same time, there are others (like myself) who prefers to discuss aspects of my life to a curated audience.

Ain’t nothing wrong (nor weird) with either.

Edited October 17, 2022 by ms.sss

[Recidivist 1,141]

5 hours ago, summerseeker said:

Lots of people on this forum have had bad results from telling others about this surgery. Before this surgery I didn't want any negative input from people, so I only told my husband, son and BFF. Even now I have only told larger people who have seen the change in me and were genuinely interested in how I managed such a big loss.

I was/am exactly the same way. I told only a very small circle of people about the surgery. However, when an acquaintance with a weight issue asks about it, I feel it's important to let them know about the surgery. What I accomplished is really not possible with diet and exercise alone, and I don't want to mislead anyone into thinking it is.

[SpartanMaker 1,345]

This made me think about my own decision not to share my surgery with anyone that didn't have a "need to know". Virtually everyone I work with has never actually seen me in person, only via zoom, since we almost all work remotely. I didn't tell anyone, even my boss that I was having weight loss surgery.

Quarterly, my larger team (50-60 folks) gets together in person now, but I've put off traveling for these meetings for most of the year. I used my significant hearing loss as the main rationale. I do have a significant challenge hearing in crowded rooms due to my hearing loss, so it's absolutely an issue. If I'm honest with myself though, I put off going mostly because I was ashamed of my weight. I also knew that after surgery, I'd be closer to a "normal" weight and while some might notice a difference between "video" me and "in person" me, I figured it won't be nearly as noticeable for most folks. Anyway, mid-December, I'm finally planning to go to the quarterly get together.

Fair or not, I know 2 things are true, and I made the choices I did based on this:

1. Being obese carries a significant stigma that we are lazy, have no self-control, are morally bankrupt, are unattractive, etc. I've seen and felt this personally and its impact on promotions and work assignments. No one will ever admit to feeling this way or letting it impact business decisions, but it happens consciously or not. (I digress here a bit, but if you doubt this is real, look at the C-suite in any major corporation and one consistent theme is that it's exceptionally rare to see someone that's even overweight, much less obese.)
2. Many people think that WLS is the easy way out, so don't associate weight lost this way as "redeeming ourselves" for the laziness and lack of self-control. In effect, only if you lose weight "naturally", are you proven "worthy" again.

Frankly it sucks that these attitudes are so prevalent, but they are. I made the choices I did because I don't need anyone at work judging me or my motivations. As someone else said, I did this to save my life. We should be celebrating it. Instead, it's just more stigmatizing.

Edited October 17, 2022 by SpartanMaker

[Spinoza 1,521]

Yeah interesting thread - I see my weight, my weight loss, and how I did it as totally my information to share or not as I see fit. Some of us are just more reticent than others - that's life!. I've had a lifetime of being judged for being overweight and obese so I'll decide how I live my life at a normal weight with no obligation to explain it to ANYONE. Nothing wrong with one or other approach - I just don't think I especially owe a waiter any explanation/justification of why I want my meal a certain way. I just assume they'll bring it as I ask for it cos that's what waiters do (and this is said in the knowledge that I and all of my family have done that job at some time). 😁

[ms.sss 15,818]

42 minutes ago, Spinoza said:

I especially owe a waiter any explanation/justification of why I want my meal a certain way. I just assume they'll bring it as I ask for it cos that's what waiters do (and this is said in the knowledge that I and all of my family have done that job at some time). 😁

Haha good point.

When i ask for a glass of Water no ice, plus a glass of just ice, no server has ever asked me “why?”.

(Nor when i ask for everything on the side, or when i ask for an extra empty glass plus some celery salt in a saucer, or when ….the list goes on, lol)

PSA to servers: dont fear me when i come in, i tip well 😂

[SpartanMaker 1,345]

I had another anecdote to share:

My wife is also overweight, but she's decided WLS is not for her. That said, she's been doing a fantastic job of losing on her own. She told me yesterday that apparently the rumor going around her work is that SHE had weight loss surgery. She even had people ask her if she had surgery and some people didn't believe her when she told them no. According to her, these almost universally seem to be other overweight/obese people?

It's as if they are saying that she must have some magic secret for all her weight loss and we all know that weight loss surgery is magic so that must be it...

[Arabesque 7,596]

I only told my mum, one brother & sister-in-law, & one friend (she was my transport😉) at first then slowly let other friends know. There are still some who don’t know. One because she’s always been very competitive with me so there was no way I was telling her. She thinks I went to a dietician which is partially true. I didn’t tell my other brother because I knew he & his wife would be very judgemental. When I first started losing he congratulated me & was supportive but then he found out about the surgery & has never said another word. His silence was damning in itself. Though at least I haven't had to put up with his criticisms…. probably because it’s been successful so far.

I find it easier to tell strangers about the surgery than those I know & the strangers have all been quite positive & inquisitive. When I had my gall surgery last year I had to explain why I needed to make changes to the menu options. Afterwards several nurses come in to ask about my sleeve & experience which was unexpected.

Wonder if family & friends have the potential to be most vocal about their negative (& often uneducated) opinions because they believe they have the right to tell you you’re doing the wrong thing & feel they have to ‘save/protect’ you from a such a terribly bad decision.

[Tomo 1,196]

No, not weird at all. I think most are like that.

I understand there are those that have been raised in a very judgemental environment, some brutally so, and I don't blame them for not telling anyone.

For myself, I am a very private type of person. No one's business but my own. I'm an introvert, most extroverts don't understand me. I don't like nor need attention, and I don't care if they think I am boring or antisocial because I don't share pictures on Facebook... Etc. They don't understand that I prefer a good book, enjoy time alone versus socializing. People judge us introverts all the time. They oversimplify and think we are hiding something, when it is just our personality. I'm not afraid what others will think if I tell them anything, nor am I shy nor lonely. Some people, like myself, are very comfortable not telling anyone anything about our personal business. Perhaps because I would rather sit and have dinner in peace and quiet.