Changes in attraction levels from spouse after gastric sleeve surgery

[Love&Light 15]

I had VSG a few weeks ago and lost weight since then. It has been the best decision ever - the gift that keeps giving. I am so grateful

Lately my husband has been giving me more physical attention wanting to be intemate. Before the surgery he would barely be intimate with me and it has been the case for a long time. We have been married for 12 years and I have put on weight over the years. I gained weight during covid and the intimacy has sort of died out over the last 3. With us not being intimate for almost a year.

I noticed him take an interest in me the last week or so. I feel awful. I am still the same person only slightly lighter. Help I don't know what to do.

[summerseeker 1,852]

Well is this him being insecure or a fattist or has a medical condition or just woke from a 3 year sleep ? Which ever it is its not the attitude a woman wants from her man. I would ask him to explain himself PDQ. You have been cruelly treated and if the answer is not the one you want then give him the cold treatment back. Hopefully talking can sort this out because you have a big rift in your relationship at the moment. Could you get couples counselling ?

[liveaboard15 1,292]

2 hours ago, summerseeker said:

Well is this him being insecure or a fattist or has a medical condition or just woke from a 3 year sleep ? Which ever it is its not the attitude a woman wants from her man. I would ask him to explain himself PDQ. You have been cruelly treated and if the answer is not the one you want then give him the cold treatment back. Hopefully talking can sort this out because you have a big rift in your relationship at the moment. Could you get couples counselling ?

I mean we all have things that attract us to someone and stuff that does not attract us. Would you expect someone who really isnt attracted to their significant other to fake it? 3 years tho is a long time to not really show any intimate affection. i would be having a discussion probably within the first few months. me personally i know what i am attracted to and what i am not attracted to. and i have been told by a girlfriend before that they are not attracted to me anymore due to my weight gain. but the good thing is they told me. but still the original poster its a bit messed up for being married that long and only now showing interest when you are loosing some weight.

[ShoppGirl 3,381]

My husband started showing that he was more attracted to me post sleeve as well. We aren’t any more or less intimate sexually but little things he does like pat me on the butt or notice when I have a new pair or jeans, stuff like that. I don’t really take offense to it, but I sorta think the same thing as you (hey, I’m the same person inside here) at times. I just tell myself that he can’t really help how physically attracted to me he is or was (you know that animal attraction thing). The important thing to me is that he never did stop loving me or showing me intimacy in other ways no matter what I weighed. Did he still show you that he loved you? We can’t tell you how to feel about it but to some men sex is just sex.

Edited May 14, 2022 by ShoppGirl

[Love&Light 15]

Well is this him being insecure or a fattist or has a medical condition or just woke from a 3 year sleep ? Which ever it is its not the attitude a woman wants from her man. I would ask him to explain himself PDQ. You have been cruelly treated and if the answer is not the one you want then give him the cold treatment back. Hopefully talking can sort this out because you have a big rift in your relationship at the moment. Could you get couples counselling ?

Thank you for responding, I am grateful. Counseling has been a topic I have raised several times. He doesn't think anything is wrong. I started counseling a few months ago and it is really helping. Let's say one of issues is that I have molded myself to suit him. I made a lot of effort in other areas and neglected myself. I stopped making effort in the bedroom a few months ago. I understand that some people are visual. It's just sad that it is so.

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[Love&Light 15]

I mean we all have things that attract us to someone and stuff that does not attract us. Would you expect someone who really isnt attracted to their significant other to fake it? 3 years tho is a long time to not really show any intimate affection. i would be having a discussion probably within the first few months. me personally i know what i am attracted to and what i am not attracted to. and i have been told by a girlfriend before that they are not attracted to me anymore due to my weight gain. but the good thing is they told me. but still the original poster its a bit messed up for being married that long and only now showing interest when you are loosing some weight.

It is messed up and reading what I wrote I have come to realize how messed up it is. Thank you for your input.


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[Love&Light 15]

My husband started showing that he was more attracted to me post sleeve as well. We aren’t any more or less intimate sexually but little things he does like pat me on the butt or notice when I have a new pair or jeans, stuff like that. I don’t really take offense to it, but I sorta think the same thing as you (hey, I’m the same person inside here) at times. I just tell myself that he can’t really help how physically attracted to me he is or was (you know that animal attraction thing). The important thing to me is that he never did stop loving me or showing me intimacy in other ways no matter what I weighed. Did he still show you that he loved you? We can’t tell you how to feel about it but to some men sex is just sex.

I set the bar very low for him. He has become accustomed to putting minimal effort because I automatically pick up the slack. It is one of the things I am working on in therapy. I think he loves me. He has never commented on any other area because I have everything handled. He has a substance absue problem which he thinks is under control. There is a lot which got us to this stage but its just sad that after all that we have been through (losing our first born among other things) that the affection that I have always wanted is happening because I am losing weight.

I wasn't think when he married me. I appreciate the share. Thank you

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[Toomany#s 59]

I’m not disagreeing with anyone else, but maybe your attitude toward yourself has changed as well which could also cause him to be more attentive. If you gave off vibes of disliking your body perhaps he picked up on it. You might be more confident now and that is showing to him. I feel more able to move around and enjoy myself than I did before although I still have a lot more to lose. These are simply some thoughts on my part. It’s sad if he just didn’t find you attractive and avoided you because you are the same person inside as you say.

It’s great that you are working on things in therapy. I didn’t feel like I deserved anything from anyone for a long time, but therapy did help. I also did everything for my husband for a very long time and thought that I had to be super wife. We split chores and stuff much more equitably now.

[Love&Light 15]

I’m not disagreeing with anyone else, but maybe your attitude toward yourself has changed as well which could also cause him to be more attentive. If you gave off vibes of disliking your body perhaps he picked up on it. You might be more confident now and that is showing to him. I feel more able to move around and enjoy myself than I did before although I still have a lot more to lose. These are simply some thoughts on my part. It’s sad if he just didn’t find you attractive and avoided you because you are the same person inside as you say.
It’s great that you are working on things in therapy. I didn’t feel like I deserved anything from anyone for a long time, but therapy did help. I also did everything for my husband for a very long time and thought that I had to be super wife. We split chores and stuff much more equitably now.

Thank you for sharing, will do 🤍

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