My husband and I grew up in two very different households when it came to food. Our relationships with food are very different. In his 40's, he's been on occasional diets but he's not that concerned with his weight. It is what it is. I grew up dieting from the age of 9/10. There are many days that I only eat maybe one meal a day. On the other hand, he wakes up hungry, wants to call and talk about dinner at 9am, calls at 1 to ask about what I had for lunch and reconfirm dinner plans, and wants to know when we are eating dinner before I can put my purse down most nights.

Yesterday was Mother's Day and while I don't have to start my pre-op until June 1, I have started a pre pre-op diet for myself. He just couldn't understand that I didn't want to go out to eat. I relented and we went. The place served bread which I didn't touch, my husband and kids shared an appetizer that I couldn't/didn't have, then salads before our entrees came out. I made a smart aleck comment of "Thank you for letting me know how much I'm appreciated by bringing me to a restaurant to watch y'all eat." Yes, it was petty, but I don't know how to get him to understand that this is a permanent change for me and restaurants are not really something for the foreseeable future that I'm going to enjoy.

Thanks for any advice.

3 hours ago, lizonaplane said:

I think you can't expect everyone in your life to change everything in THEIR lives because you are having surgery. He was trying to give you a day off from cooking, but it felt more stressful to you. If you're going to start resenting his way of handling food, you're going to have a hard time moving forward, especially if you know he doesn't appreciate your responses (snarky comments - no one likes those!).

I don't expect EVERYONE to change their lives. I don't think it's too much to expect my spouse who supports my decision to have surgery to accept when I say "No, I don't want to go out." He argued with me after I said no to the point that I relented and went.

I don't resent how he eats; his body his choice...I do want my choices respected and don't want to be put in the situations where every part of our lives revolve around food either.

As far as my snarky comments, it is just who I am. I understand that I'm not everyone's cup of tea and that's okay. We've been married for 16 years and we communicate just fine snark and all.

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