Lying about not getting surgery is awful

[nbw1220 58]

I wanted to chime in here to give another perspective.. first, of course you don't have to tell anyone you had surgery...its up to you to disclose you medical history. That being said, I tell everyone who asks. The reason being- I was soooo super scared of having surgery that I put it off for years and everyone I ever talked to about losing weight said that they did it "the natural way"..IT WAS A TOTAL LIE. I had people come up to me afterwards and tell me they had it done too but never tell people. I would have loved to to speak to more people who had it done and I wish I had done it sooner. Now I tell people who ask "how I did it" the truth. I don't care how they react but maybe I'll help someone who was like me.

Also I just had a revision surgery from sleeve to bypass and I plan on sharing that as well. Disclose what you would to who you like ...but remember how you felt before you had surgery & don't say it was "the natural way" if someone is looking for advice on losing their weight.

[JCF 9]

On 5/11/2021 at 12:21 PM, WanderingHeart said:

I believe we leak energy when we keep secrets because that act in itself requires energy and attention. However, I did keep mine a secret from many people before the surgery bc I’m susceptible to people pleasing and I wanted to be sure of my decision only for me, regardless of what anyone else says. Timing is important. I finally told my dads side of the family this week when I felt ready to answer questions.
Ultimately, everyone needs to do things in their own time. We all protect our mental health in different ways.

I so agree with you. At first I decided not even to tell close friends because I too lean toward people pleasing (working on that though😊) and to hear negative comments when it’s already such a difficult thing to do, would not be helpful. However, the alternative would be to lie to my close friends when I started losing weight and I did not want to do that either. I finally decided to tell those closest and felt I would know who was who based on their response. Not only did I not want to live a lie, I also did not want to “feel ashamed”.... that I didn’t tell others cause I had shame about having surgery. Secrets can do that. So I owned it and told friends and was rewarded w tremendous support and good wishes!!!! I also felt better inside. To talk about it, helped me to get over any shaming stigmas that if I kept to myself would be really damaging to me. Of course everyone must follow their own heart and what’s best for them.

[SunnyinSC 137]

I think who we choose to tell is a personal decision, as with all other medical things. I very much do not talk about depression and anxiety save for online where I am anonymous, or with some close family members I trust. It's not anyone's business and I don't have time for people who may decide I don't tick the right boxes for them to diagnose me, as if they're my doctor/therapist. Same applies here, this is a medical procedure that deals with mental health and I can keep that as private or public as I would like it.

For me, a lot of thought has went into who I picked to share details with. Most everyone knows I am having surgery because they're aware I will be taking time off, but only a few know why. Please keep in mind that for many of us (I'd wager all of us to some extent) we are taking not only the step of surgery, but have some mental aspect of eating we have to address. I would guess a great many of us (myself included) have a lot of difficulty with emotional eating and receiving negative comments from people we hold dear can send us into a dark place. Dark thoughts can be especially hard to deal with when new behaviors and coping mechanisms have not been established. They can quickly lead to bad choices and dangerous situations depending on how far post-surgery someone is, or their pre-existing mental state.

To tell people that they have to shoulder not only their own mental burdens, but also the increased mental load that comes from uninvited comments and negativity, all while they're trying to make very large life changes, is pretty unreasonable. Let people do their own thing, and tell people (or not) on their own time, in their own way.

[LadybugHashi 5]

On 5/13/2021 at 6:53 PM, Jaelzion said:

"How did you beat your cancer?"

"My doctor put together a treatment plan and it was successful."

No lies told, no details given.

"How did you lose so much weight?"

"My doctor created a treatment plan and it was successful."

No lies told, no details given.

No one is entitled to the details of another's medical care.

Thank you for this feedback. This will be VERY helpful. I don't want to lie but I also don't want folks all in my business. My surgery is scheduled for the beginning of August. I have NO desire to share this with anyone besides my husband. My kids will also not know. I have never discussed my weight or other medical issues with anyone before so why would I now. Eventually I may decide to share to help another or when I'm on the others side of this BUT that change should be up to me. I am a private person. Also, I feel I really just need to focus on getting my mind and body right before my surgery and reaching a healthier place. Again, thanks for this suggested dialogue.

Edited May 24, 2021 by LadybugHashi

[Dave In Houston 199]

I'll be having my surgery this Friday 5/28.

I wasn't planning on telling most people. Then my wife told me, "If you are losing 20 pounds or more per month and you don't tell people, they will guess that you have cancer."

After hearing that, I decided to tell the people that I see often. Besides family, I've told 10 friends so far. All were people I sing with, and I was telling them why I won't be able to sing for a month or so. All were very supportive, at least to my face. They congratulated me for taking control of my life.

For people I only see a couple times a year, I won't volunteer the information, but I will tell them if they ask.

[Kris77 1,508]

On 05/24/2021 at 16:52, Dave In Houston said:

I'll be having my surgery this Friday 5/28.

I wasn't planning on telling most people. Then my wife told me, "If you are losing 20 pounds or more per month and you don't tell people, they will guess that you have cancer."

After hearing that, I decided to tell the people that I see often. Besides family, I've told 10 friends so far. All were people I sing with, and I was telling them why I won't be able to sing for a month or so. All were very supportive, at least to my face. They congratulated me for taking control of my life.

For people I only see a couple times a year, I won't volunteer the information, but I will tell them if they ask.

From Houston? Where about? I’m just outside of H town

[Dave In Houston 199]

1 hour ago, Kris77 said:

From Houston? Where about? I’m just outside of H town

I'm actually in Sugar Land. People around the country don't generally know where that is, though.

[meressa 7]

On 05/11/2021 at 07:10, Recidivist said:

As I've said here before, I shared my surgery with a small group of friends and family--and I had a couple of very negative, judgmental reactions even within that group.

When other friends or acquaintances ask how I lost so much weight, I tell them it was a medically-supervised weight loss program. The only exception is if a very obese person asks, in which case I will tell the truth in hopes of inspiring them to do the same. I don't think it's fair to give them false hope that my results were achievable without surgery.

I will note that I have also had cancer and kept that information among a small group of people as well. Many people don't know how to respond when someone is dealing with cancer, and I didn't want to deal with that. It was a very personal and private journey for me.

I do the same keep it to myself unless someone who is obese wants to know then I will tell them. Unfortunately this time around I told my mother and I asked her to not say anything to anyone. So it would just be her and my husband who new. But the day of my surgery she made 2 group chats telling my aunts and uncles in one text chat to pray for me because I’m having surgery. Then made another group text with all my brothers and sisters and said I was having surgery to correct my “Gurt”. Naturally they all start texting me about why I didn’t tell them. And to top that off she posted on Facebook everyone pray for my daughter she having surgery to fix her “Gurt” so she won’t be a miserable mother and wife. I was so pissed I asked my mom why did she do that. She said I told them about your Gurt not the other thing. I still can’t get over it because people are texting and calling and asking what is Gurt. 😓😒

[A1220M 101]

Keeping personal medical procedures, conditions and diagnosis private is not lying and does not mean people are ashamed. Some people prefer their privacy.

Much agree!!! There's nothing wrong at all with keeping your business private.

Sent from my Pixel 4 XL using BariatricPal mobile app

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

On 5/24/2021 at 7:09 PM, Dave In Houston said:

I'm actually in Sugar Land. People around the country don't generally know where that is, though.

I have a great friend that lives there and still has her Lapband..... she is a wonderful person. I met her here on this page about......8-9 years ago.... we are still friends and have met in person when i drove through tx

[lizonaplane 1,605]

On 5/24/2021 at 5:52 PM, Dave In Houston said:

I'll be having my surgery this Friday 5/28.

I wasn't planning on telling most people. Then my wife told me, "If you are losing 20 pounds or more per month and you don't tell people, they will guess that you have cancer."

After hearing that, I decided to tell the people that I see often. Besides family, I've told 10 friends so far. All were people I sing with, and I was telling them why I won't be able to sing for a month or so. All were very supportive, at least to my face. They congratulated me for taking control of my life.

For people I only see a couple times a year, I won't volunteer the information, but I will tell them if they ask.

Unless you are the size of the people on "my 600 pound life" you probably won't be losing 20 lbs a month. You might for the first month. But yes, people will wonder how you are losing weight quickly. I posted on FB that I am having surgery, but that's just because I was excited and I'm an open book. I only had one negative reaction, and it wasn't from someone I knew well, so I don't really care. Everyone else was super supportive.

[ClarkKent 35]

1 hour ago, meressa said:

I do the same keep it to myself unless someone who is obese wants to know then I will tell them. Unfortunately this time around I told my mother and I asked her to not say anything to anyone. So it would just be her and my husband who new. But the day of my surgery she made 2 group chats telling my aunts and uncles in one text chat to pray for me because I’m having surgery. Then made another group text with all my brothers and sisters and said I was having surgery to correct my “Gurt”. Naturally they all start texting me about why I didn’t tell them. And to top that off she posted on Facebook everyone pray for my daughter she having surgery to fix her “Gurt” so she won’t be a miserable mother and wife. I was so pissed I asked my mom why did she do that. She said I told them about your Gurt not the other thing. I still can’t get over it because people are texting and calling and asking what is Gurt. 😓😒

I am pretty sure we have the same Mom!!

[Slownstedy 210]

On 5/11/2021 at 5:08 AM, BayougirlMrsS said:

to tell or not to tell is a person's choice. I've been on both sides of the fence and for me not telling is 100% better.

WOW, still looking fantastic !

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

1 hour ago, Slownstedy said:

WOW, still looking fantastic !

Thanks..... lifetime journey.

[Slownstedy 210]

2 minutes ago, BayougirlMrsS said:

Thanks..... lifetime journey.

Don't I know it. Take care. 😊