People post less about perfect

[BrighterSide 242]

Just a little thing to try and bolster folk fretting about all the less than ideal things (and the hard to compete with success stories) they read here, especially those who haven’t spent time on lots of similar forums.

Research online has been a chunky part of my day job, so although I’m not immune to the negative bias and hype I can pause and process that out.

If you only have time to dip your toes in, use your own past experience as benchmark. How often do you post when all is just jogging along nicely and you don’t need advice or support?

If you have more time, try ignoring the 4 worst experiences and the 2 best ones in every 10 posts and use a search engine to look for medical advice and evidence for things that mess with your head.

Context is king. Everyone starts at a different weight and with a different set of head, body and life complications.

So impressed by those who spare time to support all the concerned folk here and share the well deserved celebrations, but for those hovering and worried, this isn’t, in sum total, a real slice of life
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[GradyCat 3,697]

I try not to get caught up in the comparison game of people who had surgery the same day I did but have lost more weight than I have so far. I just have to worry about me and my own journey and I enjoy learning things here on this Forum that makes me understand my own journey better.

[summerset 5,265]

WLS boards are the big and mighty mothers of competitive behavior when it comes to weight loss, restrictive eating and exercise.

[jasmineinmymind 204]

I don’t feel competitive at all, I feel worried. If somebody has lost significantly more weight than me I feel like my surgery just isn’t working for me. Everybody says don’t compare but they also stress that the honeymoon period is short and I’m really scared that I will pass the honeymoon phase without hitting my goal weight

[Frustr8 7,886]

Yeah, I read about others the same distance out as ME and I wonder if I am suffering from Weight Retardation, not sure if such a thing is possible. Then I stop to think I was 319 at surgery, I am now 232, maybe that's not All That Bad? Off to Columbus this AM for yet another Endoscopy, is this my 10th or 12th EGJ? Bad when Hepatology/ Endoscopy calls you by name instead of Medical #. Haven't slept well, had shoulder surgery on the 4th, NPO since last midnight means no AM pain meds yet. BUT I will take a dose along for on the way back home. Had how they constipated me, had to take Mag Citrate Tuesday to break things FREE, Wednesday. was not a Pretty Day at Chez Frustr8.💩better, but arm throbbing this Morning! But better Days are Ahead, I will heal, and someday I will smile😝at the memories, in a Sleeker Body than this time Last Year! Just bumps and twists but my journey is not over quite YET! 🚧🚔🎭

[Greensleevie 451]

I’ve always wondered where people got their unrealistic expectations of weight loss after surgery? I’m a life long dieter, and if I’d have lost the amount of weight in the time most people complain about before I had surgery I would have been in disbelief of my success! I mean, sure we all lose relatively quickly at first, but then the losses seem to even out to more average amounts after the initial large losses. Our bodies can only do so much, even with surgery. I also assumed people knew that the more you weigh, the larger the losses. If you’re starting in the low to mid 200’s, you’re not going to lose at the same pace someone starting in the 300’s or 400’s will.

Anyhoo, the expectation thing has always perplexed me.

[karenbb8 21]

On ‎4‎/‎4‎/‎2019 at 2:48 AM, BrighterSide said:

Context is king. Everyone starts at a different weight and with a different set of head, body and life complications.

This is the truth! This should be a header or something lol

[mousecat88 2,281]

I don't feel competitive, but it's in my nature to compare. I know we are all unique and it is unrealistic to compare - but like someone else said, people talk about honeymoon periods and even my surgeon stresses the importance of losing "as much as you can as fast as I can" (which is probably a bad thing for them to do)... and it makes me feel a lot of pressure because I don't want to be a failure... again.... especially after, as my mom so aptly puts it... "mutilating my body".

[Aprilgal 91]

I feel that it would be nice to have more pt on the backs and celebrating of wins for people who are moderate or slow losers.

I have been even thinking of starting a thread maybe - does someone know if there is one already.

I think it is great when people drop 35 pounds in the first two weeks and reach goal in six months. It is incredible.

Not all of us are like that. I know a lot of pre-surgical people are primarily concerned with weight loss and how quickly they will reach their goals - and get super jazzed at hearing about people who have lost weight more quickly.

That excitement can then turn into disappointment post surgery when they don't drop 35 pounds in two weeks and it leads to depression and "what am I doing wrong...Im following my program". They aren't doing anything wrong - it is just their expectations.

Also people who haven't had the surgery often will tell u 'oh you will be droppingtons of weight'. They have good intentions but - they can also make one feel like your progress is disappointing.

I just think it would be nice to have a thread that gave newbies like myself and newbies more realistic expectations.

[Boldilocks 313]

6 hours ago, Aprilgal said:

I feel that it would be nice to have more pt on the backs and celebrating of wins for people who are moderate or slow losers.

I have been even thinking of starting a thread maybe - does someone know if there is one already.

I think it is great when people drop 35 pounds in the first two weeks and reach goal in six months. It is incredible.

Not all of us are like that. I know a lot of pre-surgical people are primarily concerned with weight loss and how quickly they will reach their goals - and get super jazzed at hearing about people who have lost weight more quickly.

That excitement can then turn into disappointment post surgery when they don't drop 35 pounds in two weeks and it leads to depression and "what am I doing wrong...Im following my program". They aren't doing anything wrong - it is just their expectations.

Also people who haven't had the surgery often will tell u 'oh you will be droppingtons of weight'. They have good intentions but - they can also make one feel like your progress is disappointing.

I just think it would be nice to have a thread that gave newbies like myself and newbies more realistic expectations.

Definitely! I fall into the category of super, ultra slow loser too. I don't really compare, but do feel that pressure and have a lot of anxiety that my window will close. I almost started a thread tonight for the ot6her tortoises like me.

[summerset 5,265]

1 hour ago, Boldilocks said:

I don't really compare, but do feel that pressure and have a lot of anxiety that my window will close.

There is no weight loss window that will close. Don't let that kind of pressure creep in. It makes post-op life unnecessarily harder than it has to be.

As long as you're in an energy deficit you're going to continue to lose weight, no matter how far you're out of surgery.

[summerset 5,265]

9 hours ago, Aprilgal said:

I just think it would be nice to have a thread that gave newbies like myself and newbies more realistic expectations.

IMO it's important to tweak your expectations according to age, gender,starting weight etc. - of course a tall, young, very heavy man will lose weight faster than a short woman in her late forties with a rather low starting weight.

Best is not to compare yourself to others - but honestly, I think this is impossible or at least next to impossible.

[Aprilgal 91]

7 hours ago, Boldilocks said:

Definitely! I fall into the category of super, ultra slow loser too. I don't really compare, but do feel that pressure and have a lot of anxiety that my window will close. I almost started a thread tonight for the ot6her tortoises like me.

Me, too. Completely.

[Aprilgal 91]

4 hours ago, summerset said:

IMO it's important to tweak your expectations according to age, gender,starting weight etc. - of course a tall, young, very heavy man will lose weight faster than a short woman in her late forties with a rather low starting weight.

Best is not to compare yourself to others - but honestly, I think this is impossible or at least next to impossible.

It has helped me immensely to see people who are moderate to slower losers reach their goals, because I agree with you.

As time goes by it is easier not to compare but when you see someone with the same exact stats as you almost and a similar surgery date with more dramatic results it can be a bit anxiety producing in the moment - even if you are happy for the person.

Anytime I feel discouraged I just tell myself look at the long term not short term picture and take it month by month. Little goals.

You can finish an apple in big bites or small bites just as long as you finish.

[Frustr8 7,886]

I can tell why people compare their weight losses
1, You rationalize it!--- Same time Same weight loss
2 Yiycsee Suzie or Sally be- bopping. along, walking 5 mikes daily, never nauseous, never dizzy, skin snapping right into shape, they don't have areas on their tummy or thighs that look like deflated rubber balloons. which leads to #3
3. Maybe I'm doing it all wrong. Maybe when's have more bloods era when they will find my vitaminn leveks al screwy , maybe I am so malnourised that there may Not be a any,hope of fixing ME.