After 7 months one of my teammates came up and directly asked me if I had surgery. I paused, then flat out lied and said no. I followed up the lie with truth. My Dr scared me into losing weight plus my Dad died at 58. Said I'm eating significantly fewer calories, tracking on an app, focusing on protein to keep me full, and exercising more. She said that it was inspirational, although she never really said I look good. Guess I just need to be satisfied with the inspirational comment. Most people who have come up to me have said I look good and asked what I've done to lose the weight, but until now no one has mentioned surgery. Wondering if others are thinking it. Regardless, I'm happy I'm keeping this private. #mysecretismine #liar

Froufrou the standard answer in my day- oh my Good Lord I sound like one of my relatives- cringe cringe was: If you will forgive me for not answering I will forgive you for asking such a question. A little heavy but it usually worked. And before I got educated about bariatric et all, I was one of the people that thought cancer, "Arnold", actually had a cousin with the name, is deliberately starving her and he really WAS that mean in other facets of life, she has developed anorexia, or they have lost their jobs and don't want anyone to know. Weight loss like we all are endeavoring to do- nope never entered my mind!
And to be honest at this point, saw a " shirt tale" kind of a step- cousin, her great- aunt married my great- uncle, anyway we're close to the same age, well I was honest, She came up and said " Frustr8 you look different, have you lost weight or something? "Yeah Pammy Jo, I am now almost half the woman I used be and twice as happy as I ever guessed I could be!." And she paused a minute and then threw her arms around me and hugged me. Praise God she didn't mention that I now resemble Great Uncle Henry, the one that made us related. I just as leave not hear that, he died in the 50s and I was Young then.

I hate this thread... I had to go through and like soooooo may well thought out responses my fingers hurt ?

2 hours ago, Healthy_life2 said:

I agree we are bombarded with weight loss Information and online forums to beat weight loss, diet, surgery, fitness, eating disorders and body image into the ground.

I didn't relate that to this board or WLS in general, it was something that seems to apply to so many people. It's the fact that these topics on the one hand are so omnipresent to the point of getting-on-your-nerves and are yet obviously embarrassing on the other hand that strikes me odd, actually since a few years.

2 hours ago, Healthy_life2 said:

Its not all about shame..

There are for sure many reasons and most likely everyone has an opinion about how legitimate or understandable these reasons might be. Can't force anyone to tell the (whole) truth when asked about "How did you lose so much weight?" or maybe (that's the question I'm sometimes asked in my current environment where people don't know me at another weight) "How are you able to maintain your weight? I seem to be struggling more and more as the years go by."

2 hours ago, GreenTealael said:

I hate this thread... I had to go through and like soooooo may well thought out responses my fingers hurt ?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on it x

I told a few close friends and family after I had the surgery. No one except my wife and a close friend even knew I was having the surgery. As far as my co-workers and others, I just say I am watching what I am eating and exercising, which really isn't a lie. LOL!

I come right out and tell everyone I did it, other ppl judge no matter what, I couldn’t care less what they think, I did this for me, and I never regret or look back, hopefully I inspire, which I have had many ask questions

2 hours ago, froufrou said:

I'd love to hear your thoughts on it x

@GreenTealael - I'm an idiot - totally missed your post earlier. I blame it on my computer that keeps not loading things properly!

Edited March 21, 20197 yr by froufrou

On 3/19/2019 at 9:54 PM, GreenTealael said:

I feel torn on the just tell the truth debate.

Most people would generally agree that you *shouldn't* ask certain questions or at least know your audience.

Some people disregard this in favor of shock value to disorient the person into giving a knee jerk honest answer... Interrogation. Unless someone is suspected of wrongdoings why use this method?

I have noticed that people who truly care or are inquisitive for positive/personal reasons tend to take more subtle or careful approach. Maybe empathy is partially in play instead of the Sherlock complex.

This is how I have decided who i tell when asked. I've lied to close associates and told the complete truth to strangers.

Zero Fs given.

I agree...some deserve the truth some don't

19 hours ago, SeattleLady said:

I hate the "cheating" thing. That usually comes from someone who is jealous or just a butt in general. Tell them the only thing you cheated was death.

I just say, if there's an easy way out, I'll take it. I don't think it's the easy way out, but if people want to think that, I don't care. Like I really want to do everything the hardest way possible. What am I, stupid?

On 3/16/2019 at 9:34 AM, voyagerslug said:

Im with summerset ... i don’t get why so many people fee the need to lie about having surgery. Who cares if you hd surgery to lose weight? It makes me think that part if the stigma is self imposed. If we treat surgery like it is taboo or worth hiding then isnt it always going to continue being thought of by others that way?

Agreed!!! I had the sleeve done 3 mo. Ago. I had a quadruple coronary bypass 12/2017, and no matter what I did, ate healthy, I go to the gym 5 days a week 2 hrs a day, take my meds etc.., my cholesterol and tryglicerides were still going dangerously high, I became diabetic, my blood pressure was all over the place... in my case it was all genetic, and my body was over producing certain hormones that raised all of those levels. My only option was to have the sleeve done. When anyone asks me about weight loss I have zero problem telling them I had The surgery. I've had a lot of people say "why?? You didn't need to do that" well the alternative is having a heart attack and if I survive, additional heart surgery...so yeah I did NEED to do that!

To anyone who thinks having bariatric surgery is the "easy way"... NO ITS NOT ! It's work, and it's hard work at that! Learning to eat all over again , figuring out what works for you and what will make you run to the bathroom to get sick etc...

If someone asks..I tell them the truth, if they judge me for my decisions I don't care. My concern is my health, not a judgmental persons opinion who has no idea what they are talking about ? Just be happy with yourself, don't put too much stock in the opinions of narrow minded people.

" those that matter won't mind...those that mind don't matter"

PS... all of my blood levels were perfect within 8 weeks of surgery!

Edited March 22, 20197 yr by EJ's Mom

I had a neighbor ask me today about if my mother was having surgery. I was actually taking off guard because this lady gossips and I am one to not gossip or tell anyone’s business. I told her I am not one to talk about anyone’s business ar to gossip. She knows this is how I am so why she asked is because she could not help herself but to ask. I believe it is the individual person to tell someone or not to tell. I did let my mother know about was said. I assume she was listening to our conversation on night on our back porch. ( She is a neighbor). I am a private person and I don’t even tell my mom things or anyone, that is just who I am. I won’t lie, but I would say I have told them exercising and eating a high protein diet like Ketoand leave the question unanswered.


So good for you, and congratulations for if the are curious and maybe even gossiping, it means you look fabulous and working toward your goal of what you wanted. Great job!

6 hours ago, JessLess said:

Like I really want to do everything the hardest way possible. What am I, stupid?

This. LOL.

Love the response. Will use!!

Sent from my Moto E (4) using BariatricPal mobile app

20 hours ago, summerset said:

There are for sure many reasons and most likely everyone has an opinion about how legitimate or understandable these reasons might be. Can't force anyone to tell the (whole) truth when asked about "How did you lose so much weight?" or maybe (that's the question I'm sometimes asked in my current environment where people don't know me at another weight) "How are you able to maintain your weight? I seem to be struggling more and more as the years go by."

I don’t judge people on their decision to disclose or not disclose. Freedom of choice is a great thing.

You are right, you can’t force people to disclose/tell the truth about their medical information. So, If I had cancer I should be "forced" to tell people about chemotherapy? Is not disclosing my cancer treatment out of shame?

You still get asked about your weight/ maintaining? Things have become mundane years out. I never get asked about my weight anymore. I have been this size for years.