After 7 months one of my teammates came up and directly asked me if I had surgery. I paused, then flat out lied and said no. I followed up the lie with truth. My Dr scared me into losing weight plus my Dad died at 58. Said I'm eating significantly fewer calories, tracking on an app, focusing on protein to keep me full, and exercising more. She said that it was inspirational, although she never really said I look good. Guess I just need to be satisfied with the inspirational comment. Most people who have come up to me have said I look good and asked what I've done to lose the weight, but until now no one has mentioned surgery. Wondering if others are thinking it. Regardless, I'm happy I'm keeping this private. #mysecretismine #liar

I’m in both camps and it will be situational.

First, I kinda had to tell my coworkers because of so many reasons, most center around the fact that we work in such a fast-paced closed environment that it would flat out be impossible to explain change in eating and drinking habits.
Also, I knew I would need their support and help for the self-care I would need moving forward.
Im a chain-retail pharmacist and we typically work 10-14 hour shifts with zero breaks for either food or bathroom and are going 100mph the whole time we are there. They needed to know that for at least a few months I was gonna need to tone that back a bit.
To have something like WLS and not tell them would be unfathomable because now I actually HAVE to try to eat and drink with some kind of regularity. In the past, we would all purposely dehydrate ourselves so we could get through a whole day without having to go to the bathroom.
That had to change.

Second, as a health care professional, it’s going to be difficult to flat out lie to my patients once they start asking questions. I mean, don’t I owe it to people to try to get on the path to better health by explaining the pros and cons of WLS?
Now that’s not to say that every jerk that comes through deserves to know: only those who could benefit from the knowledge or who I’ve built a relationship with throughout the years.
Besides, you never know when someone I’m helping could be either contemplating WLS or maybe just had WLS and if there is ANY chance I can help them with anything, it’s my professional duty to help.
I’m also a cancer survivor and I make sure that every patient I come across that has been newly diagnosed knows I’ve “been there, done that” and that I’m available to answer any questions or concerns that they have.
Surely I will need to carry that over to WLS and counsel people if I get the chance.

Now I do have many casual friends that have zero business knowing my business and if any of those people start to say something to me, I’m gonna tell them that I’m doing IF.
LOL, technically that’s what WLS surgery naturally does to you anyway so it’s not technically a lie.

I’ve not been secretive. Maybe I’m just at an age where I don’t care what people think of me? In fact, today, while conversing with someone who dibsed a bag of clothes I have shrunk out of, I mentioned that I’m about ready to have bariatric surgery, so there will be more clothes if she wants them. I have a great wardrobe and I want it to be able to be enjoyed. Anyway, she said that she’s lost 100 lbs so far, but is going the way of diet and exercise rather than surgery - as if diet and exercise isn’t a major part of losing with wls. I could have been offended, but instead just said that I’ve decided to add this extra tool with the diet and exercise that I’m employing. She clearly was just ignorant.

Chances are that she will regain, like I have previously and the vast majority of people who lose without surgery do. I hope she succeeds, but the odds aren’t in her favor. I refuse to pretend that the statistics are less grim than they are. That’s not a myth that I’m going to propagate.

However, I’m emotionally in a place where someone saying I’m taking the easy way doesn’t bother me. They don’t have a clue what they are talking about. 15 years ago it would have had an emotional impact, but not now. This whole wls surgery stuff is tough enough without having to deal with other people’s ignorant bs. I totally respect those who choose not to by keeping it to themselves.

Edited March 18, 20197 yr by AngieBear

Good for you my dilemma is my parents told almost all my family and every time a friend texts me I tell her I feel so dumb but oh well I just hope they don’t keep asking me about it I feel like it’s No ones dam business

On 03/18/2019 at 02:08, AngieBear said:

I’ve not been secretive. Maybe I’m just at an age where I don’t care what people think of me? In fact, today, while conversing with someone who dibsed a bag of clothes I have shrunk out of, I mentioned that I’m about ready to have bariatric surgery, so there will be more clothes if she wants them. I have a great wardrobe and I want it to be able to be enjoyed. Anyway, she said that she’s lost 100 lbs so far, but is going the way of diet and exercise rather than surgery - as if diet and exercise isn’t a major part of losing with wls. I could have been offended, but instead just said that I’ve decided to add this extra tool with the diet and exercise that I’m employing. She clearly was just ignorant.

Chances are that she will regain, like I have previously and the vast majority of people who lose without surgery do. I hope she succeeds, but the odds aren’t in her favor. I refuse to pretend that the statistics are less grim than they are. That’s not a myth that I’m going to propagate.

However, I’m emotionally in a place where someone saying I’m taking the easy way doesn’t bother me. They don’t have a clue what they are talking about. 15 years ago it would have had an emotional impact, but not now. This whole wls surgery stuff is tough enough without having to deal with other people’s ignorant bs. I totally respect those who choose not to by keeping it to themselves.

This is a great outlook to have.
Today I stopped into a new consignment store that is about to open and I basically just walked in and announced that I’d had bariatric surgery last month and joked that I’ll be doing a lot of trade/buy/resale with them.
These 2 girls combined probably weigh what I do currently, but I didn’t feel any shame in telling them that I’ve got a lot of size 20/22 clothes that fall off of me and my current size 18’s aren’t going to get me through April.
They were super excited to hear that I’ll be dropping off my old clothes because they said their biggest complaint is they don’t have enough plus-size clothing to resale because people never bring that stuff in. Then we talked for a moment about how hard it is to have any kind of fun looking for clothes as a plus size and how exciting it will be to move down the sizes until I find my goal weight.
During the convo I wasn’t at all self-conscious talking to two skinny young girls about negative body image and how difficult it is as a plus size to shop.
I can’t wait until they get enough inventory to open up and start getting some affordable things that will fit my ever-shrinking body

I think it's a personal choice. I get offensive because people automatically assume people have weight loss surgery because (and I quote this because it was said to me )" people are just lazy and don't exercise". Completely untrue. Steroid use left me unable to lose weight (chronic use for a medical condition) no matter how many calories I cut, how much i worked out, I couldn't get it off. It took me a year to consider my PCP advice to think about weight loss surgery. Afterwards, i decided that I was taking a break from treatments and specialist, I would continue to see my cardiologist, but I needed a break from my pulmonary doctor and oncologist. If my pcp thinks I need to follow up with them then I'll do so. As of right now, all my labs and scans are stable. And I contribute that to the weight loss, and able to get off medication that was probably damaging my body. I'm open about my journey. Considering that I lost a ton of weight fast, they were either going to come to the conclusion it was surgery or cancer. I'd rather explain the sleeve, then my medical history lol- it's pretty complicated. And I work in the field.

I feel torn on the just tell the truth debate.

Most people would generally agree that you *shouldn't* ask certain questions or at least know your audience.

Some people disregard this in favor of shock value to disorient the person into giving a knee jerk honest answer... Interrogation. Unless someone is suspected of wrongdoings why use this method?

I have noticed that people who truly care or are inquisitive for positive/personal reasons tend to take more subtle or careful approach. Maybe empathy is partially in play instead of the Sherlock complex.

This is how I have decided who i tell when asked. I've lied to close associates and told the complete truth to strangers.

Zero Fs given.

I told the people that I felt comfortable knowing prior to the surgery and they were very supportive and seeing my results others have followed me down the surgery path, as far as others go when asked how I've lost so much weight I tell them diet and exercise which is not a lie, the surgery doesn't make me get up at 5:00am every morning to go to the gym and the surgery may restrict how much I can eat but it doesn't do the shopping for me.

Some people can be so rude and nosey. I've had some people come up to me and ask me if I am sick or if I have cancer because I've lost a lot of weight. I haven't told anyone about my surgery because some people think that weight loss surgery is cheating and it is for lazy people. So when people ask me I just say that I'm taking care of myself.

Some people can be so rude and nosey. I've had some people come up to me and ask me if I am sick or if I have cancer because I've lost a lot of weight. I haven't told anyone about my surgery because some people think that weight loss surgery is cheating and it is for lazy people. So when people ask me I just say that I'm taking care of myself.

I hate the "cheating" thing. That usually comes from someone who is jealous or just a butt in general. Tell them the only thing you cheated was death.

Sent from my SM-J727T1 using BariatricPal mobile app

7 hours ago, SeattleLady said:

I hate the "cheating" thing.

Have fun with that. Simply say "So...?" with a raised eyebrow like you wouldn't mind any cheating at all and let the person go "Ummmmm...." ?

[emoji41] I hear you. "Cheating" is often a response giving by others have their own issues with weight/body image. I always attack back and educate.

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So many people have body/diet issues. I'm always a bit surprised about the way people talk about these things, you know "diet" and "calories" and "weight" - they always seem to be a bit embarrassed to talk about it.

It's a bit like talking about sex - it's all around the media, you're practically bombarded with it in the way that you feel it's a definite overkill and yet people are embarrassed to talk about sex and diet and calories and weight issues.

Let me start by saying this: There is no "right" or "wrong" choice to deciding whether or not to disclose WLS.

That being said, I have been very open about having WLS, both with close family and friends and total strangers.

“Isn’t that private or too personal?” Yes, it’s a very personal decision that should be made only after careful consideration. It is not the right choice for everyone. But was my weight problem private? Absolutely not! Though I could conceal the actual number on the scale, I’ve worn my weight problem every single day of my life, out in the open for all to see. My family and friends have seen me battle obesity since childhood. I joke that I learned basic mathematics by counting calories and Weight Watcher points. I have struggled and fought with my weight in front of anyone I’ve ever met, both those close to me and strangers I'd pass on the street. That’s the thing about being overweight....no matter how you dress it, there’s nothing private about it.

“Aren’t you worried about what people will think?” Yes, and that’s exactly why I decided to be open and honest. There is such a stigma about weight loss surgery, whether we want to acknowledge it or not. It’s something that causes people to judge you, possibly even ridicule or scold you, and offer completely unsolicited opinions. You’re made to feel as though you should be ashamed or embarrassed for even considering it. I struggled for over two years with whether or not I should have weight loss surgery. I was afraid if I voiced it, it meant admitting I was a failure, because that’s what society tells us. Society says surgery is “the easy way out” and “you should just diet”. I will never understand why we discourage people who are trying to improve? Like anyone considering surgery hasn’t tried every diet known to man? Ask me about the Cabbage Soup Diet! It was the worst! Let me tell you, there is nothing “easy” about having 85% of your stomach removed! Surgery doesn’t magically change what foods I choose to eat. I still have to make a conscious decision every single time I’m hungry. I still have to choose foods that will help me versus harm me. Surgery didn't prevent me from eating garbage. Weight loss surgery is just a tool. It’s all about how you use it.

Deciding to have weight loss surgery was one of the SCARIEST things I have ever done in my life and I am PROUD to tell everyone. If I can help just one person, it is all worth it! I have had multiple people come to me who were considering surgery but had no one to talk to or ask questions to. It's one thing to hear about surgery from a doctor or a website. It's completely different when you know someone who has gone through it. That's what makes it worth it for me, being able to help someone else. I will not feel ashamed for making this decision and I will continue to be as transparent as possible. I refuse to feed the stigma. If someone thinks I took an "easy" route, I take time to educate them. I honestly think most negative thoughts about WLS come from either a lack of knowledge or are the result of someone's own insecurities about their weight. The only way to change it is to talk about it! Most people have NO CLUE what WLS actually involves. And most aren't jerks, they're just genuinely clueless.

All of that being said, I do not judge anyone who chooses to not disclose or lie about their surgery. Everyone makes their own decisions for their own reasons. This is simply why I made the decision I made.

It's a really personal question... For those of you who can't understand, ask yourself WHAT question would be too personal for you. Your sexuality? Your money status? Your marital situation? I'm sure there is something that if asked would make you wince. Take that feeling and apply it to this situation. It doesn't have to do with being ashamed, embarrassed, etc. It can be a whole host of reasons.

2 hours ago, summerset said:

yet people are embarrassed to talk about sex and diet and calories and weight issues.

I agree we are bombarded with weight loss Information and online forums to beat weight loss, diet, surgery, fitness, eating disorders and body image into the ground. Wow, I don’t see many of these topics and being a closeted subjects.

To each there own about disclosing WLS. Some may want to shout the lifesaving benefits of WLS to the world. Others may simply be private people that keep their medical info to themselves. Some of us share with only people that are honestly interested. No need to beat your head against the wall with the many people that have negative opinions on WLS.

Are we lacking in getting the word out on WLS? No – Google it! About 253,000,000 results (0.65 seconds)

TV shows: Many discussing weight, WLS, my 600 pound life, Celebrities sharing there WLS experience, skin removal, diet, eating disorders, exercise, body positivity.

Social media: Drs and hospitals advertising WLS, Instagram, bloggers, bariatric recipe site, pod casts, fitness and food log apps, YouTube and forums including bariatricpal. How many of these accounts are WLS patients and professionals?

With all this information out there, Many of us don’t feel the need to be the weight loss or weight loss surgery spokesperson. Its not all about shame..

Side note: How many sites and forums on the topc of sex...LOL its a choice on how open you want to be on that topic as well.