Hi, friends. I am 12 weeks post-op tomorrow. I am still miserable. I semi-regret this surgery. I miss food so much. I miss gorging myself. I miss the way food made me feel. I hate being scared of food. I hate always thinking of food and worrying about it. I hate this life I am now forced into. Yes, I have lost 45lb since surgery. 55lb since pre-op diet. However, food made me happy. Now I am unhappy. I think I am going to go to a therapist because this feeling is not getting better over time.

Did food really make you happy? For 5 minutes or so possibly but then afterwards when it made you put on all that weight and become unhealthy?

Food is like a frenemy, yes it gives us instantaneous comfort but we tend to feel bad afterwards.

There is no reason for you not to still enjoy food you just need to experiment and start enjoying healthier food. Maybe take a cooking class or order some cookbooks and try new interesting flavours and tastes.

Hey jultrim I really appreciate your honesty. I am sorry you are feeling so bad. These are things that I and I think many people are/have worried about, and it is really really hard to face the reasons we overate in the 1st place, or to face the bad and for it to come to the surface, when food used to bury it. For me, food would numb me from pain. Some people may not have deep reasons they overeat, but I think many of us do. It would be good to see a therapist, no shame in that and just know that it took courage on your part to get this out and admit your feelings here and I don't think you are alone in them. We will not judge you for feeling bad; many of us get the feelings you have been having. I hope and pray you get to a place that you can find peace and happiness again, and soon. Let us know how you are doing and Hugs to you.

Edited November 9, 20187 yr by Byefat

Just curious, were you "press-ganged" into having this surgery? I ask cuz in your original post you mention "I hate this life I am now forced into."?

What did you think would be different once you had surgery? Did you receive any pre-surgical instruction from your RD or surgical team?

I ask because everyone's team is so diff! I had 6 months of in-depth work with the RD and my doc and doc's team and eating, and can still go see the RD whenever I need to do a tune-up--for the next 5 years. LOL. I went in with my eyes open and was relieved to have the opportunity of the change it represented and happy about the chance to live a normal, healthy lifestyle.

I think therapy is an awesome thing to do!!! For everyone!

I think therapy will be super helpful for you, and I'm going to talk from my experiences with MY therapist.

I understand what you're saying about missing the way you used to eat. From what I've worked through with my therapist, it's the ability to control what goes into my mouth. If I was having a bad day, if my abusive parents went off on me, I could gain control of my life again by eating an entire large pizza. If I was tired, if I felt like I wasn't going anywhere in life, I could eat an entire pasta bread bowl and cheese sticks. I could eat one, two three cheeseburgers because I wanted to, I was in control of how much I ate and went. That feeling of being full, of tasting that food over and over again, was what calmed me down.

Unfortunately, like more instant forms of self-harm, it's an unhealthy coping skill. You haven't gained any control by eating two large Double Double meals with milkshakes. All you've done is postponed your time to deal with it.

having surgery and having to be "forced" into a new way of eating takes this control away. You can't do what you used to do, so you feel like you're out of control.

You are worth so much more than gorging yourself on food. You are worth working through your feelings. You deserve so much more than what your brain may be telling you, and I'm so proud of you. ❤️

^^^^^Wow! This! 1000 times this!!! ^^^^^ Thank you for sharing!

@jultrim18 you are not alone in these feelings. I have started counseling as well because even at two weeks post surgery, I find myself miserable and repulsed by the "new" life I am living. If my husband takes me to the movies (to get me out of the house), I cry through most of it (happened twice already ?) because of the smell of popcorn and knowing I can't have it. We try to go visit family and have some sense of normalcy and I started crying at the dinner table...right into my 2oz of strained cream soup. I have already made the decision I will spend Thanksgiving home alone this year and send my husband and kids to eat and celebrate with the family. I don't want my depression to ruin everyone holiday. I know I am going to need help overcoming this and my husband and kids (age 16 & 19) don't know how to help at this point. That is where the counseling comes in and at this point I am really hoping it works or at least improves my Outlook as I adjust to this "new" me. ?

I’m 3 months post op, 54 lbs down, and still think about food. For me, food was emotional. I ate when I was sad, when I was happy, when I was mad, and it was my coping for when I became a young widow. In September we passed his 9th angel day, and I was more emotional than I have been in years! But I realized, it was because I wasn’t using food to mask my emotions! This journey is allowing me to deal with my whys ... why did I eat, why was I sad, etc. Therapy, soul searching, and support are all a piece of that for me. I wish you all the best in your journeys ?

I agree that therapy is a good avenue here; we all have different relationships with food and for some of us, it was an emotional coping mechanism. It’s worth checking out. I hope you feel better!

It took me over a year to break up with food. Gradually the compulsive thoughts about eating went away and I could eat without feeling like I was missing out. I couldn't remember when food was just food, maybe when I was three or four? Then it became my friend, therapy and drug of choice. But like any addiction you can overcome it. I find when I keep the sugar out of my diet the thoughts of eating compulsively are alleviated. Best wishes.

Once you have surgery there is no going back. This is the new life we chose. Old coping skills are something to work on. Therapy is a good option. I hope you can work out this feeling and move forward.

Surgery is life changing. The things you overcome in therapy can be a gift out of this process. We are all a work in progress.

Jultrim, not to worry. I LOVED food, could not stop eating, used to eat until I was sick. But now almost three years out, I’m ideal weight, no bp meds, no pre-diabetes, and I love clothes again. I still love to eat, but just not as much. Takes time to know when to stop, and sometimes I overdo it and don’t feel so good, but when I look at myself in the mirror, or I go to the doctor, I know it was the right thing to do. I never could have lost the weight on my own, and I don’t regret it one bit. I’m not going to kid you, it takes time to learn how to eat again, but I still love food, just differently. And now a lot of the time, I eat only because I need too, not because I want to. My only lingering problem is nagging reflux, which I had before, but is worse now, and when I make the mistake to snack to late, we’ll, that’s never good. But let me assure you, you made the right decision to get healthy and live longer, it’s just an adjustment which you will figure out. Good luck!!