Closest people not supportive?!

[habee 10]

Hello!

I’m Haley, 27 YO from Toronto, ON.
I will be seeing my surgeon in the next couple of months, and have been told I will have my RNY by the end of the year. I feel like I have been waiting FOREVER. (Referral to Bariatric clinic August of 2017.)
I have absolutely no complications, and all of my appointments have been a breeze.

This is looking to be one of the most positive things that I can think of for my life, so I have started preparing. Practicing not drinking before or after meals, restricting my calories and carb intake, and adding in some moderate cardio daily.
I am having this surgery not only to become a better version of myself, but to help with infertility problems. I have PCOS and it has gone into OVER DRIVE between the birth of my son, 3 following miscarriages, and losing and gaining back 60+ lbs two separate times.
I want more babies, sooooooooooo bad. My husband is the greatest dad, and he deserves more children as well, and welp my ovaries just aren’t cutting it in my hormonal condition right now.
I am also trying to deter a future almost guaranteed diagnoses of type 2 diabetes. My fathers almost entire side of the family has it, and I take after him to a teeeee. ( dad passed at 52 💔, aunt passed at 54)
I have never in my life been ‘slim’ or ‘skinny’ and I seriously mean neverrr.

BUT my family thinks I am crazy to go under the knife for this!
They think because I’ve done well and lost 60+ lbs twice in my life that I should be able to do it no problem.
I’ve tried explaining that it’s not the actual work it’s the maintaining and emotional state I get in when I’m putting in 2 plus hours at the gym 4 -5 days a week on top of maintaining a full time job in corporate, and raising my four year old to be a super hero.
I want this tool more than anything ( except another baby) and I am sooooo ready to work it.
My spouses support is seriously second to none. He has read every article, and just been right on top of it forever reminding me that he is here to support me.
But I just can’t help feeling sad, and angry that my two best friends ( mom and sister) roll their eyes and change the subject when I want to talk about this journey.
How have you dealt with close family members not being supportive? Did they change their tune after seeing your success after surgery?

HB.

[Hop_Scotch 1,625]

Sorry to hear you are not getting the support that may be expected from your family. Sometimes the issue isn't losing weight (as you can vouch for) the issue is the ability to maintain the loss over the long term. WLS is a tool that can help both in losing weight and maintaining that weight loss.

You don't want to be yoyoing with your weight, and you want to give yourself and husband the best change of another baby, plus you want to be as healthy as you can possibly be for your child/children.

Your mother and sister may not change their stance, but show that you are determined to proceed and have sucess. You can't force them to talk about it, but you can find others that will support you here on the forums and perhaps in various support groups where you are at.

[KimTriesRNY 1,853]

Just don’t discuss it with people that aren’t supportive. They may come around when you start doing well, they may not. Either way you need to do what’s best for you and your health. Their feelings about your decision are secondary. In a perfect world they would be happy for you but the world isn’t perfect.

As long as your husband is supportive that’s the most important thing. You can come here for support as needed from other women that struggle with their weight.

If they are not obese and do not have the same health problems as you it will be impossible for you to convince them that this surgery is necessary and you shouldn’t have to. You’re a grown woman with your own family and you do not need their approval.

Best of luck to you with your surgery!

[Matt Z 4,138]

Seems folks that are close, tend to go more with the fear of the change rather than seeing the benefits. It sucks, but more than likely they are not supportive out of fear for your safety and as odd as it seems, your health.

[Creekimp13 5,838]

Your sis and mom's reactions are probably motivated by fear. They might ramp up their objections right before surgery....prepare for that. And after surgery, when the fear is largely removed...they'll be supportive.

I might be wrong on this....but it's a fairly common reaction...particularly if either or both of them also struggle with their weight.

[nibble 201]

This is my response to anyone who does not support my treatment decision: I am having surgery to treat a disease I have had all my life. It will not cure the disease but it is the best treatment option for me currently available. In 2013 obesity was classified by the AMA as a disease - a chronic disease - a chronic, deadly disease. I call it a "gateway" disease, leading one on a pathway to pick up an assortment of other diseases, eg. high blood pressure, high cholesterol, sleep apnea, endometrial cancer, diabetes, arthritis, heart and circulation disease, bad joints, liver and kidney disease, respiratory issues. And more. I have some of those. I don't want any more. Insurance will finally cover the procedure, and at 70, this is my last chance for some relief and possible remission.

Like cancers and many other diseases, a singular core cause remains elusive, but includes multiple factors like genetics, environmental pollutants, chemicals, pesticides, culture, the food industry and biology, as well as lifestyle and coping styles. I am treating this disease with the medical knowledge we have today. If I had not treated my cancer, I would be dead. If I don't treat my obesity, I will be dead soon.

[habee 10]

On 06/29/2018 at 10:25, Creekimp13 said:

Your sis and mom's reactions are probably motivated by fear. They might ramp up their objections right before surgery....prepare for that. And after surgery, when the fear is largely removed...they'll be supportive.

I might be wrong on this....but it's a fairly common reaction...particularly if either or both of them also struggle with their weight.

They are also both obese, my sister has major PCOS as well, and my mom some health problems but nothing major.
I think that’s why I’m more confused of their lack of support.
I’ll hope that you’re right and lean on my husband and be more active in these forums if I feel I’m needing more support. ☺️ time will tell if their opinions change after surgery!

[habee 10]

On 06/29/2018 at 08:03, Matt Z said:

Seems folks that are close, tend to go more with the fear of the change rather than seeing the benefits. It sucks, but more than likely they are not supportive out of fear for your safety and as odd as it seems, your health.

Definitely a bummer! I have printed so many things for my mom to go over and explained my reasoning, but she just doesn’t seem too interested, or accepting. Glad I have people here who are in full understanding!

[habee 10]

On 06/29/2018 at 03:12, 2shea said:

Sorry to hear you are not getting the support that may be expected from your family. Sometimes the issue isn't losing weight (as you can vouch for) the issue is the ability to maintain the loss over the long term. WLS is a tool that can help both in losing weight and maintaining that weight loss.

You don't want to be yoyoing with your weight, and you want to give yourself and husband the best change of another baby, plus you want to be as healthy as you can possibly be for your child/children.

Your mother and sister may not change their stance, but show that you are determined to proceed and have sucess. You can't force them to talk about it, but you can find others that will support you here on the forums and perhaps in various support groups where you are at.

Yup! You’re spot on with my whys! Thank you for your input, I am super glad that everyone here has a full understanding when not everyone who I tell in my life will. ☺️

[habee 10]

On 06/29/2018 at 10:59, nibble said:

This is my response to anyone who does not support my treatment decision: I am having surgery to treat a disease I have had all my life. It will not cure the disease but it is the best treatment option for me currently available. In 2013 obesity was classified by the AMA as a disease - a chronic disease - a chronic, deadly disease. I call it a "gateway" disease, leading one on a pathway to pick up an assortment of other diseases, eg. high blood pressure, high cholesterol, sleep apnea, endometrial cancer, diabetes, arthritis, heart and circulation disease, bad joints, liver and kidney disease, respiratory issues. And more. I have some of those. I don't want any more. Insurance will finally cover the procedure, and at 70, this is my last chance for some relief and possible remission.

Like cancers and many other diseases, a singular core cause remains elusive, but includes multiple factors like genetics, environmental pollutants, chemicals, pesticides, culture, the food industry and biology, as well as lifestyle and coping styles. I am treating this disease with the medical knowledge we have today. If I had not treated my cancer, I would be dead. If I don't treat my obesity, I will be dead soon.

I fully agree with you, it is a lot more than just changing your eating and getting outside! My mom and sister are both obese as well and I had hope that one of them would join me on this journey, but absolutely not haha.
The food industry is scary in all honestly.
I wish you all the best through your journey, and you are more deserving of this, I’m sure your success will be ten fold, because you sound determined. ❤️

[TakingABreak 2,733]

I also started this process with the hopes to get pregnant after my 12 month waiting period. So I wish you the best of luck. You are doing the right thing. Its hard, but try and ignore the people who don't understand. I would also limit the people you tell, for a lot of reasons.

[nibble 201]

35 minutes ago, habee said:

I fully agree with you, it is a lot more than just changing your eating and getting outside! My mom and sister are both obese as well and I had hope that one of them would join me on this journey, but absolutely not haha.
The food industry is scary in all honestly.
I wish you all the best through your journey, and you are more deserving of this, I’m sure your success will be ten fold, because you sound determined. ❤️

Suspect that once your mom & sis see your results, they will get on board. May even express jealousy or envy, then ask for your help in starting their own journey. You will be the family trailblazer!

[Frustr8 7,886]

My thought on the subject
Reach out to your family,if they try to slap your hands, reach out again. You get the hea enly bo,us points, they only get eternal demerits.
People outside WLS don't really comprehend the ins and outs of it, the ups the downs. Come to us, we do understand, we have been there or are going through stuff also. You already and always will have friends here.

[Missouri-Lee's Summit 1,256]

@Haley. Your age, PCOS, and family history for diabetes is similar to someone else on this forum. You might want to read some of the comments intended for her as well:

Edited July 3, 2018 by Missouri-Lee's Summit

[Midwest Girl 29]

One thing to consider is your age. It gets harder and harder to lose weight and keep it off as you get older. When I was 27 my weight wasn’t that bad but it’s ceeeped up over the years. Now I’m 55 facing a gastric bypass that I could have qualified for earlier.