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Anxious - Lonely - No Friends to Support My Journey



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@AshAsh1. You are such a sweet person. Very eloquent and compassionate. The way I see it, people like you are the gift.

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3 minutes ago, Missouri-Lee's Summit said:

@AshAsh1. You are such a sweet person. Very eloquent and compassionate. The way I see it, people like you are the gift.

That is so incredibly kind of you to say! Thank you.

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@Orchids&Dragons . Uh, you're not getting away with a comment like that without more elaboration. What organs?! Some are more vital than others, of course. I've had my gallbladder removed. Is that one of yours?

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now I'm curious also. By the time one enters my decade of life,one has disposed of :gall bladder, appendix,tonsils adenoids. a breast or 2, a kidney or OMG 2 and most if not all of your female organs. And a hip, 1 or 2 knees,and even maybe an ankle fused. Fair to say, every thing has been removed or surgically stabelized, and here you are knocking on the front door of the BAriatric God's begging to have your gastrointestinal system monkeyed with. And that is the portrait I see being painted.🎆
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New girl in the app over here too but you have my completely support! You can do it girl👊🏻👊🏻

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Posted (edited)

I'm new here but wanted to welcome you to this forum where from what I can see you will be encouraged. Good for you for making the bold step to get surgery! You and I started around a similar weight. I was a few lbs more. I understand what you said so well - just wearing the same thing - feeling so frustrated that is difficult to make the effort. But you know what? You did make the effort and you have begun the steps to a new life! All of us here 'get it', we understand the obesity struggle :)

I hope that you are able to get some therapy and counselling assistance. Sounds like you have some things you have been through that surely you have looked to food to comfort you through it. I have not had such terrible experiences as you, but I have had trauma. Those things are root reasons to why we use food as a crutch. Working through the emotional issues is equally important as WLS so that we do not return to old habits rooted in our emotions. Are you able to access therapy?

Praying a safe surgery and looking forward to celebrating your progress with you. Hugs.

Edited by BajanSleeve
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2 hours ago, Missouri-Lee's Summit said:

@Orchids&Dragons . Uh, you're not getting away with a comment like that without more elaboration. What organs?! Some are more vital than others, of course. I've had my gallbladder removed. Is that one of yours?

Sorry, not nearly as interesting as all that! My sister (we're about the same size) and I always joked that we weren't really fat, we just had rotten parts that had swollen up to 80 lbs or so and once they were gone, we'd be normal sized. Well, turns out neither one of us had an 80# uterus or 80# tonsils. In addition, she didn't have an 80# gall bladder, and apparently the portion of my stomach they removed wasn't 80#s either. We're starting to run out of easily-disposed-of organs and still haven't determined the source of that extra 80#s. Curious, huh? ;)

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Congrats on making the decision for not only surgery and the changes it entails but also for saying you need help! Seriously it’s a a great step.

I’m also in the camp of finding a therapist to help. I spent some time earlier (not related to my sleeve) on working with a therapist on how I establish boundaries (with myself and family) but also how do I find friends as an adult (in a healthy way). Also helped me deal with some PTSD from childhood... basically I need more tools than I had and my therapist helped me build and use new ones.

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I've had 100+ hours of therapy at http://mocsa.org a few years ago. I was of "normal" weight then. My weight gain took off after I fell down some steps and mangled my right ankle. I had one unsuccessful surgery on it. Later, two ankle reconstruction surgeons told me there was nothing more they could do. I was sedentary and very depressed after that. It doesn't help that I have an autoimmune thyroid condition.

I'm not suggesting that more therapy might not help me but a sedentary lifestyle really derailed my ability to walk or do much in the way of weight-bearing exercise. It's been 10 years since I injured my ankle. Morphine is the only thing that even gets close to taking the edge off the pain. (And I tried many other non-narcotic meds first, plus holistic treatments. My PharmD daughter finally explained to me that being dependent on a narcotic for actual pain relief is different from being addicted to a drug when no physical malady is present.) Taking 300mg of morphine per day doesn't give me a "high"; it just helps me move around without writhing in pain. I also take oxycodone for breakthrough pain. Believe me, nobody WANTS to rely on powerful meds like these. It's weird to say, but I often welcome competing sources of pain (gallbladder surgery; lipoma removal, or even my knee replacements) to help keep my brain confused about where the pain is. I expect my bariatric surgery to be no different. There's nothing that my surgeon can do to my body that can overtake the pain I live with everyday. Boo-hoo me.

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Posted (edited)
6 hours ago, Missouri-Lee's Summit said:

I've had 100+ hours of therapy at http://mocsa.org a few years ago. I was of "normal" weight then. My weight gain took off after I fell down some steps and mangled my right ankle. I had one unsuccessful surgery on it. Later, two ankle reconstruction surgeons told me there was nothing more they could do. I was sedentary and very depressed after that. It doesn't help that I have an autoimmune thyroid condition.

I'm not suggesting that more therapy might not help me but a sedentary lifestyle really derailed my ability to walk or do much in the way of weight-bearing exercise. It's been 10 years since I injured my ankle. Morphine is the only thing that even gets close to taking the edge off the pain. (And I tried many other non-narcotic meds first, plus holistic treatments. My PharmD daughter finally explained to me that being dependent on a narcotic for actual pain relief is different from being addicted to a drug when no physical malady is present.) Taking 300mg of morphine per day doesn't give me a "high"; it just helps me move around without writhing in pain. I also take oxycodone for breakthrough pain. Believe me, nobody WANTS to rely on powerful meds like these. It's weird to say, but I often welcome competing sources of pain (gallbladder surgery; lipoma removal, or even my knee replacements) to help keep my brain confused about where the pain is. I expect my bariatric surgery to be no different. There's nothing that my surgeon can do to my body that can overtake the pain I live with everyday. Boo-hoo me.

I'm so sorry to hear that. Please don't give up on someday improving enough to get off pain meds. My brother had been on morphine for 8 years for chronic pain and, like you, he hated it. He often "slept" standing in the hallway leaning his head against the wall because of the agony. Just in the last 3-4 months he started with a new pain-management doctor who has gotten him completely off morphine and he's feeling so much better. I'm not saying that your cases are the same, just not to give up hope for relief.

Exercise-wise, our nutrionist/physiologist had us in a class where we were doing chair exercises. I was sweating my butt off. She teaches that because so many of the patients getting surgery weren't sufficiently mobile to walk for exercise yet. So maybe that's a possibility? Can you swim or exercise in a pool?

Love the fun avatar!

Edited by Orchids&Dragons

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I'm familiar with many non-weight bearing exercises and have no problem working out that way. Walking was my preferred form of exercise before my injury. I also enjoyed making a fool of myself dancing to oldie music in private.

I keep up on all the new research in pain management. Meds like ziconotide (Prialt) which is derived from marine cone snail toxin. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ziconotidehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ziconotide There is also research exploring the powers of yeast to aid in pain relief for those suffering from moderate to severe pain.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4924617/

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@Orchids&Dragons Yes, It is a fun avatar, isn't it? Much better than that big capital M with a green background. I was pleasantly surprised that I was able to upload an animated gif, too.

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Lee's Summit - I think a lot of people may not get how exhausting and emotional chronic pain is . My heart goes out to you. You have gone through A LOT but yet you persevere and press on. Admirable

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@BajanSleeve Thank you for your kind words of acknowledgment and support. Tomorrow is my surgery. I'm #3 on the surgeon's OR schedule so I have to wait until around 1 o'clock for my turn on the table. I feel okay. Joining this forum was just what I needed. I feel as though I'm getting a big group hug from people who not only understand and empathize with me but wish me well. So many beautiful people here... It's ten minutes to midnight. Time for me to stop my liquid diet and prepare for tomorrow. I hope I don't forget anything like my glasses or C-pap. I better start packing now.

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1 minute ago, Missouri-Lee's Summit said:

@BajanSleeve Thank you for your kind words of acknowledgment and support. Tomorrow is my surgery. I'm #3 on the surgeon's OR schedule so I have to wait until around 1 o'clock for my turn on the table. I feel okay. Joining this forum was just what I needed. I feel as though I'm getting a big group hug from people who not only understand and empathize with me but wish me well. So many beautiful people here... It's ten minutes to midnight. Time for me to stop my liquid diet and prepare for tomorrow. I hope I don't forget anything like my glasses or C-pap. I better start packing now.

All the best for your big day tomorrow. Don't forget Chapstick, oral rehydration gel (will save your life!) and if you can take an electric heating pad that really helps 48 hours out of surgery to comfort the pain in your belly. I took GasX which really helped 2nd day even though the nurses did not want me to (wanted me to walk walk walk the gas out) I am so glad I took day 2. Do you have nausea Patches? I had the surgeon put one on me right out of surgery. I had NO issues with nausea and it worked great.

You only NOW packing? girl you are certainly not Type A like me LOL I was packed 3 weeks in advance ha ha.

I hope you got good earphones and an ipad or something to listen to some nice music or a youtube inspirational message as you wait.

Hopefully you can post in a few days to let us know how you are doing

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    • AshAsh1

      Just wanted to give an update. I've been really busy lately with work and my husband had recent surgery. I was off work last week and taking care of him, amongst a nice visit from my mom.
      I'm getting super close to Onderland! I keep teetering around 201-203lbs. Its been this way for the last two weeks.
      I went shopping this past weekend for fall/winter clothes. I am officially no longer a plus size woman. I wear dresses every day, so it's crazy to say, but I hadn't bought any pants since I was a size 20. I only replaced my pants once from a 26ish to a 20 and then I just bought size 12/14 jeans this weekend  And I'm wearing a large in tops (previously a 4X) . It was such a surreal experience going in and being able to shop in this HUGE section of the store. Although, I'm learning, no matter what your size, clothes are still hard to shop for. I thought size would open all these wondrous opportunities, not so much LOL.
      Basically, I'm keeping busy and keeping my mind healthy. A part of that is I'm not hyper focused on the scale. I get more comfort from the NSV anyways.
       I hope to be online more this week  
      · 13 replies
      1. Missouri-Lee's Summit

        I've noticed your absence, and you've been missed. You were here for me when I first joined this forum, so I'm a bit attached to you as well as grateful for your kind support early on.

        I enjoyed hearing about your shopping experiences. I can relate to the plus-size woes. I'm not anywhere near being out of 3x-4x, but I'm living vicariously through you and your size 12/14 shopping for now! I wear dresses exclusively because I've always enjoyed their comfort, variety of style, and the way they make me feel (like a woman!). I can't remember the last time I wore pants of any kind. It might be nice to wear jeans again someday.:)

      2. AshAsh1

        @KimTriesRNY Its such a good feeling, congrats to you as well!

        @Missouri-Lee's Summit I know, I've been so occupied lately, I like to be active on here, but sometimes time just gets away from me. I very much appreciate your kind words! Dresses are the best :) I will probably still wear a lot of them with tights, going into the winter. But it feels awesome to look good in jeans again. You will be there before you know it! I hit the 3 month mark and my body started changing at a rapid rate. I had lost a lot of weight in the first 3 months, but my body didn't seem to reflect it until then.

      3. macadamia

        I'm glad everything is going well on your end. Family first, always and of course, but we do miss your presence here. Congrats on your clothes shopping! I recommend to not go overboard, since you are still losing and will probably be much smaller by the time it gets really cold.

        Way to go!

      4. AshAsh1

        @macadamia thank you :) I am being careful not to buy too much, but my weight loss has slowed substantially. I'm not losing 10lbs-15lbs a month like I previously was. I'm lucky to get off 5lbs a month now. Not to say that I wouldn't lose a size after a couple months, but it's not as rapid. Plus I buy all my clothes from Marshalls and TJMaxx (who's return policy is practically forever), so if they don't fit when it gets time to wear them... then I'll return them for store credit to buy new stuff.

      5. macadamia

        Always thinking ahead - awesome!

      6. View All Replies
    • SleeveinIL

      Stall is finally broken and I am losing again. Stalls suck but I understand them much better now. I am still feeling great and have kicked my workouts up a notch. I went to an arm/abs class that turned out to be all men and "me".  The dudes walked in with their 30 lb hand weights and I have my little 7.5/10 lbs and I was thinking to myself...what did I get myself into, and am I going to embarrass myself?  Well I decided to stick it out and although I couldn't do everything the dudes were doing, I did a pretty darn good job of keeping up and I am proud of myself for being able to stick with it. I decided I am going back again tomorrow and I am going to kill it again. I belong there too! 
      · 1 reply
      1. Orchids&Dragons

        Good for you! I'm still on 3lb weights :( But, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. I'm glad you're feeling so well and able to work out so much! I'm sure that's really taking the inches off!

    • Kaseyn2boys

      The whole time I kept having a nightmare I wouldn't lose weight after all this. How horrifying to have it come true. I had surgery on the 8th. I haven't lost anything since. i drink my water, my protein shakes, I walk, but nothing. How could this be happening. Am I just doomed to be overweight forever? I am beyond devastated. Maybe something changes in the next couple months, but I am no longer hopeful.
      · 1 reply
      1. Orchids&Dragons

        Calm down. You're still very swollen. Many doctors advise against weighing the first month because it can be very disheartening. Everyone heals at different rates. Just keep with your plan and you'll be ok. I promise, the scale will move soon - and BIG! It can take a full month for all the abdominal swelling to go down.

    • Judy17  »  kkinner

      I get my sleeve Wednesday and I’m so excited 😆 
      · 1 reply
      1. Orchids&Dragons

        Good luck! Hope all goes smoothly!

    • Judy17  »  kkinner

      I’m getting used to this site and how to
      work it!😜
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
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