Don't pray for me

[TakingABreak 2,733]

14 minutes ago, Syntax_Attack said:

You can cut out people from your life but you don't get to choose how everyone else interacts with you and if you can't handle that I honestly don't know how you expect to make it through life.

While I can see with both points of view, I resonate with this comment. There is a lot that I find offensive in life. I mean, I started to type out a list, but it's too long. If I chose to take all that I find offensive, personally, I wouldn't have relationships with all the people in my life. Everyone has a different set of morals and beliefs. Everyone sees things differently. SERIOULSY PEOPLE, imagine all the things you find offensive.... what if you took this closed minded stance with everyone.....

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

The crux of what the OP said in the first place is NOT lost on me.

There is an element of rudeness (or, in a worst case, bullying) when one describes ones feelings and beliefs to friends, colleagues and relatives ... and still one is not respected for the individual opinions or choices.

The OP was not against mistaken comments ... but more annoyed, I thought, by people who were in full knowledge who chose on later meetings to try to ignore his/her opinions or feelings.

It is rude by some to impose their beliefs and lifestyle on others who live/believe differently.

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

I'm not likely to ask up front if I can offer up best wishes or prayers, if I feel strongly that the person is seeking comfort I give it in my own way. That is all anyone can do to show support. Now if I know you are allergic to bananas I won't bake you a banana cake, but from now on I won't offer the OP any cake.

i am not bashing the OP or other like-minded posters about their right to believe or not believe in anything, but on the same hand they could also do the same and move on.

[elforman 234]

1 hour ago, Rainbow_Warrior said:

The crux of what the OP said in the first place is NOT lost on me.

There is an element of rudeness (or, in a worst case, bullying) when one describes ones feelings and beliefs to friends, colleagues and relatives ... and still one is not respected for the individual opinions or choices.

The OP was not against mistaken comments ... but more annoyed, I thought, by people who were in full knowledge who chose on later meetings to try to ignore his/her opinions or feelings.

It is rude by some to impose their beliefs and lifestyle on others who live/believe differently.

38 minutes ago, Sosewsue61 said:

I'm not likely to ask up front if I can offer up best wishes or prayers, if I feel strongly that the person is seeking comfort I give it in my own way. That is all anyone can do to show support. Now if I know you are allergic to bananas I won't bake you a banana cake, but from now on I won't offer the OP any cake.

i am not bashing the OP or other like-minded posters about their right to believe or not believe in anything, but on the same hand they could also do the same and move on.

You both make decent points, but the crux of the matter is that if you are really trying to comfort someone, then make an actual effort and do not assume that what comforts you comforts them. Why is it so hard to accept that not everyone believes in your fairy tales and horror stories and that it's very arrogant of you to assume such. Instead, if you don't know the person well enough, why not ask the person you're trying to support what you can do to help. If the person says "You can pray for me, I'd appreciate that," then fine, you're in the clear, go ahead and get on your knees and pray you head off.

But until you can provide absolute proof that your imaginary friend actually exists, do not invoke him/her/it/them in an effort to comfort me or anyone else unless you know it's wanted. That's called simple politeness. Don't treat everyone as if they're exactly the same with the same needs, same wants and same beliefs. Either respect those differences and make a miniscule effort or just remain silent.

The fact remains to me is that there is absolutely no proof whatsoever of an supernatural being and I do not need reminders of how people believe in that idiocy to the point where they let it run their lives and use their believes to try to justify their trying to legislate the behavior of others. As an atheist, can you imagine how it sounds to hear government officials cite the bible in supporting separation of children from their parents simply because they're trying to escape poverty and violence? Don't give me this crap about "Well, they're not real Christians," because that's total bullshit. Every Christian thinks they're the true Christians, and it's going to be that way until there are no more Christians.

Religion makes everything worse, period.

Edited June 18, 2018 by elforman
Typos

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

You notice, I never resorted to vitriolic name calling and judging, so can we just stop scratching the poison ivy now.

[TakingABreak 2,733]

This post is beating a dead horse, UNFOLLOWED.

[Hop_Scotch 1,634]

5 hours ago, elforman said:

Religion makes everything worse, period.

I find what makes everything worse are peoples' attitudes. Case in point, your post from where the quoted sentence comes from.

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

5 hours ago, elforman said:

do not assume that what comforts you comforts them.

Ta dah!

Yes.

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

6 hours ago, elforman said:

Religion makes everything worse, period.

Religion has been making things worse for many tens of centuries ... wars, prejudice, hatred. (If only they could live like respectful, non-religious people, eh?)

[BajanSleeve 244]

@elforman I usually ask first, do you mind if I pray for you? A person has a choice to refuse or accept and that is fine. Someone may be Hindi, Muslim or another religion than Christianity and I have found that most are willing to accept a prayer regardless because it usually stems from kindness. But it is an individuals prerogative to say 'no thanks' and we (the offerors) should not get offended by that.

Edited June 19, 2018 by BajanSleeve

[foxcblue 21]

I haven’t gotten to the end of the thread, but everyone is entitled to their feelings. The OP gets to be offended by this - because that’s how he feels. I’m a Christian, and I do pray for people and if I know that it will be a comfort to someone, I’ll tell them. If I know or am not sure that will comfort them, which is the point of sharing that, I won’t. They might be comforted by “being in my thoughts”, or just me telling them “I’m here for you”. The intention does not dictate the receipt. Just something to think about.

[sideeye 1,440]

I'm a pretty solid atheist (despite my mother's best efforts), and for the first few years after making that public declaration I was pretty reactive to all "I'll pray for you" or "God bless you" or other religious-themed messaging, but I think it was residual irritation from the same feelings that made me leave religion in the first place.

Basically, I stopped going to church quite young because I knew bone-deep that I did not believe any of the same things that the people around me believed, and it felt wrong to fake it or even to be silently present. It's just weird to sit in a group of adults who have gathered to profess earnest faith in something that you think is unreal, it makes you feel uncomfortable and vaguely feels like you're gently mocking them (you're NOT mocking them, but the feeling is too close to when you're playing with children who have very firm rules and opinions about a game of make-believe, and you don't want to treat religious adults like children, so everything can get pretty uncomfortable). So I think when I fixed myself solidly in the secular world, I resented it when people thoughtlessly brought their religious talk into my newly-fixed sphere. Along the lines of "hey, I respectfully didn't bring up science and the fallibility of the Bible in the spaces where you worshipped something I don't believe, so have the same respect for me in my non-religious spaces".

Eventually I mellowed and decided that a lot of religious jargon is just another way for people to say "I'm thinking of you". I mean, there is a certain quality of tone - you can definitely tell the difference between an "I'm telling you that you're important to me and in my thoughts" and an "I am holy and godly and this is another way that I make myself feel good by being publicly pious you heathen" type of pray-for-you - but overall I can mostly shrug it off as a turn of phrase. Part of the mellowing may have occurred from living in areas with not just a huge variety of religions but also some non-Judeo-Christian cultures and languages sprinkled in, so you eventually get used to people just using their own heartfelt phrases to indicate that they value you and want you to know that. (I mean, I never realized that watching a couple of teenagers shout and stomp and stick their tongues out at a suited man in an airport would make me tear up with emotion, but then I was regularly exposed to hakas.) At a certain point it's all just habit, it's the intent that matters.

Except for the church ladies who are engaging in holier-than-thou posturing. THEY can cram it, but then again, don't we all feel that haughty better-than-you people can cram it in general? Some people just use religion to do it.

Edited June 20, 2018 by sideeye

[millerla4 48]

Don't bring your politics into this, it offends ME

Sent from my SM-G955U using BariatricPal mobile app

[Sleeved36 356]

WOW! Just stumbled on to this thread.

I do think it is a little tone deaf to offer prayers to someone you don't know. Saying that you will pray for someone assumes that they have the same belief system as you.

A public semi-annonamous online community isn't the setting for offering prayers. It seems a little trite when you don't know their real name. This is an open forum where people of all beliefs should feel comfortable.

I comfort people of all different religions as part of my job, ICU RN. I would NEVER offer prayers unless I was sure they wanted it. I ask every family if they would like someone from spiritual care, yes or no question either answer is fine.

Our spiritual care department doesn't even force prayer on people. Instead, they ask how they can be supportive. Everyone deserves respect and to be met in their time of need with whatever comforts them.

[insta_adventurer 1,046]

As someone pretty open about spirituality, or the lack thereof, I find myself simply focusing on the perceived intentions of the well wisher.

If you’re bringing me positive messages, whether they align with my own faith/beliefs/dogma/etc. or not, I will be appreciative.

But that’s just me.