Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Married people....8 out of ten of us will get divorced within 2 years



Recommended Posts

i'm not "worried" about it per say, but am definitely aware of it. about 6 years ago I lost almost 50lbs and it really put a strain on my marriage. we weren't one of those classic situations where the fat person puts up with many things they shouldn't, because they have such low self esteem and think they can't do better etc etc and then they lose the weight and realize they're worth it. we had a great marriage, he is a wonderful man, and the issues were all brought on by me and coincided with some budding mental health issues. we sought counseling and made important changes, and tho it was a dark time we made it thru and can say we're grateful for the experience now. it hardened us like fire, and made our relationship so much better.

so i'm hopeful that we've already gotten the "weight-loss relationship issues" out and dealt with, already, so that this time will be different.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There are a lot of issues that can contribute....transfer additions are a huge one. Where people who used to use food to cope turn to alcohol or other substances and end up damaging their relationships/careers/etc.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On January 29, 2018 at 1:03 PM, abefroman329 said:

When I talked to my therapist about it prior to surgery, she suggested I keep in mind that my wife was with me at my heaviest and loved me the same as she does now, so I should keep that in mind if I'm considering leaving her for someone who would then leave me if I got back to my heaviest.

...

This logic didn't stop my ex-wife. She lost a total of over 350 pounds (she was over 500 pounds at her heaviest). I sold my house to pay for her multiple plastic surgeries. Once she had her new body she left me for a thinner richer guy. She was shameless about it -- no sign of guilt no feeling bad.

Edited by CalGuy64

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

After my ex-wife lost her weight her personality totally changed. She became pretty damn narcissistic.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Obesity is heavily correlated with mental health issues. Not saying everyone who is fat has mental health problems....but there's crossover for sure. Many mental health medication contribute to obesity.

https://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/758035

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm grateful to have defied the odds. :) I had the VSG in August of 2015, and though the first few months post-op were challenging, overall as I've become healthier so has my marriage. I had been very concerned prior to having surgery. I have Addison's disease and PCOS, both of which impact my physical as well as emotional wellbeing and can make it more of a struggle for me to calibrate my emotions properly when I'm stressed, and that is intensified even more when I'm hungry. I was worried I'd become unreasonable, intolerably cranky, and have difficulty reigning myself in because I'd be constantly ravenous, but I actually wasn't (yay!). I was scared I'd make him feel deprived and like he had to radically change his lifestyle to fit mine, but also that I'd feel resentful if he didn't, putting him in an unfair Catch-22. I was very worried that I'd lose all my hair and develop loose skin, but neither of those fears were actualized, either. My hair thinned a bit, but that's it. My skin is tighter and more toned now than before surgery. But I'd made my husband watch "skin" videos brave women who'd had WLS and a lot of loose skin had made and uploaded to YouTube, so that he could see that it could possibly happen to me. We talked about a lot, and made plans and compromises in advance.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

19 hours ago, CalGuy64 said:

This logic didn't stop my ex-wife. She lost a total of over 350 pounds (she was over 500 pounds at her heaviest). I sold my house to pay for her multiple plastic surgeries. Once she had her new body she left me for a thinner richer guy. She was shameless about it -- no sign of guilt no feeling bad.

Sorry to hear that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

19 hours ago, Creekimp13 said:

Obesity is heavily correlated with mental health issues. Not saying everyone who is fat has mental health problems....but there's crossover for sure. Many mental health medication contribute to obesity.

https://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/758035

Its also associated with adverse childhood experiences (which of course can be related to mental health issues). My ex was abused (both physically and sexually) as a child.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Its also associated with adverse childhood experiences (which of course can be related to mental health issues). My ex was abused (both physically and sexually) as a child.


This is more common then people thank. Have seen my inlaws in the same scenario which you have described in your relationship. I’m sorry you had to go through that.


Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thankfully I have found the opposite to be true in my marriage. I think me losing weight and in a way getting my self confidence back has made our marriage stronger because I've in a way became myself again, the person I was when we first started dating way back in high school. I think it's important to realize that your spouse is going through this too and things like increase attention from the opposite sex and financial strain due to medical costs (if applicable) and increase shopping needs could put stress on a relationship. I just make sure I'm communicating well both what I need and asking what he needs in our relationship.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can totally see it. I am just beginning on this journey and I already feel like my husband is not 100% behind me. He's made the comment a couple times that he thinks I'm gonna loose weight and leave him

Sent from my VS988 using BariatricPal mobile app

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Interesting, But I'm not too concerned I've been with my husband since we were 14....22 years later still going strong and I haven't always been overweight and he's always been my strongest supporter through all my health issues. My guess is if your relationship is rocky before hand chances of it getting better after are slim but ya never know. May be a good time to have a nice sit down with your significant other to voice any concerns either may have. Communication is key!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Both my husband and I had WLS in December (him, early December, me late December). The whole journey has strengthened our marriage. We have opened up to eachother like never before. We are also there to support eachother as no one really knows what we are going thru unless they have had WLS themselves. We are happier as individuals so our marriage is better.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

10 hours ago, bookworm1983 said:

Both my husband and I had WLS in December (him, early December, me late December). The whole journey has strengthened our marriage. We have opened up to eachother like never before. We are also there to support eachother as no one really knows what we are going thru unless they have had WLS themselves. We are happier as individuals so our marriage is better.

My husband and I are also both going through this process together, though we are at a much earlier stage and our surgeries will likely not be that close together. But so far, it has been nice being able to discuss it so openly with him. We've talked about different things we find in our research and about lifestyle changes we need to make. We've been enablers for each other to not eat healthy, so its time for us to support each other through this change.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recent Topics

  • Most popular:

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Krestel

      How can a bowel movement make me lose almost 4 pounds? How much poo am I full of?
      · 3 replies
      1. lvidacovich

        I haven't pooped in a weed and I'd love a 4 pound poo right now lol

      2. ms.sss

        Lol, yeah, I've been known to drop 3-ish lbs after a good (and long awaited) poop.

        .....or even after a moderate to severe dumping episode. yikes.

      3. FluffyChix

        Those are championship cups for both you guys! :) I personally came up a 1.4lb winner this morning. ;) hehehehe.

    • *Meaghan*

      I met with my surgeon on Friday.. I've completed all my tests and all my nutrition meetings as well as meeting the weight loss requirements for my insurance. We are officially submitting to insurance for approval and I was given a surgery date of January 16th 2020 (13 days before my birthday!) Fingers crossed all goes through 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Krestel

      Ok, now im getting old...my body gets me up at my normal 5am dog walk even when it's the weekend, vacation, and most importantly when I'm sick. So now that I have more energy, my body wants to make sure I suffer even longer during the day when I have a cold! Damn being healthy again! (:D)
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • GreenTealael

      At my Primary Physician appt, the Doc said you know you lost a whole person. When you started seeing me you were 265lbs now you're 148lbs.
      She's right... I lost the fun me 😂 Joking Joking Joking. It's amazing who keeps track when you don't like insurance and browsers feeds
      · 2 replies
      1. Orchids&Dragons

        I think you're fun! You must have been a firecracker before!

      2. GreenTealael

        I don't even drink anymore 😂

    • Krestel

      First head cold since the surgery....at least I know that my body is back to "normal". /sigh
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Trending Topics

  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs
    ×