Why do so many bandsters set their goal weights so high? I mean, many of the ones that I've seen aren't anywhere near a healthy weight. Yes, it might be healthier than their starting weight, but it still isn't a normal weight. Is it a fear of failure? Is it because the doctors set their patients' goal weights high in order to fudge their weight-loss statistics? Why not aim for a healthy weight? Why aim for a weight that is still considered to be "obese," in many cases?

I can understand someone deciding that the weight they are currently at is one that they feel good at, but I just don't understand making the logic of "well, I just wouldn't look right if I weighed less than X pounds."

So, people who try to get down to a lower weight are not confident, and unhappy with the way they look?

I agree with you, Chicke. That comment offended me, and I'm nowhere close to reaching my goal weight yet. It certainly would offend me if I had reached my goal weight, since it implied that anyone who does want to be a healthy BMI thinks that they are better than everyone else and that they are never happy with the way they look.

Eh, if this is not being confident, and hating my body, I'll take it.

I rock, my body is hot, am becoming quite the fashionista, I am fitter than most people could ever imagine, and I am as happy as a pig in mud.

Yup. I'll take it thank you very much.

Oh, I agree, I've just wasted hours of my time trying and trying to encourage people to see that they can do more than they ever thought possible.

I guess I spent that time because being where I am now makes me feel sad, unfulfilled and bad about myself.

Chickie, I don't think I used any word or words to imply that people who get down to a lower goal weight or want to get down to a lower goal weight are not happy with themselves or confident. What I am saying is that people should feel good about themselves period. There are people who are never going to be happy and will lack confidence no matter what.

And just because someone can't or doesn't want to get to a lower goal weight, it does not mean that what they have going for them is any less than someone who does get to a lower goal weight.

I just don't want to define myself by some number on a scale and I am sure that many others do not want to also.

Personally, I am delighted and happy for people who reach their goals. I have goals myself, but in the meantime, I don't see any point in criticizing anyones goal no matter what it is. Health and beauty comes in all sizes. It is the attitude that a higher goal weight is somehow not as good or unacceptable that I object to.

I agree with you, Chicke. That comment offended me, and I'm nowhere close to reaching my goal weight yet. It certainly would offend me if I had reached my goal weight, since it implied that anyone who does want to be a healthy BMI thinks that they are better than everyone else and that they are never happy with the way they look.

I don't find it offensive, it's different.

I worked really hard to get to a healthy BMI. Now I question if most newbie types feel that anything "those in a healthy BMI" range say is exaggerated confidence and I question why we are all here spending time working with anyone.

Maybe one needs to be MO to have merit in what they say. When I was 50lbs fatter nobody assumed that everything I wrote was directed at them. They took it as intended, in a generic manner.

Chickie... not sure but I think it was you that made a comment once about how people were not responding to posts you wrote, feeling you were no longer one of them as though this has turned into them against us .. I don't recall details. I just remember thinking that I didn't feel that way at all and I had a long way to go before a healthy BMI and I was glad you were here. You and all the others that were at goal. Nobody understands like one who has been there.

I remember when I was probably half way to goal. I was sick, I was barfing ALL the damn time. Foods that went down well were crap foods so I worked hard on finding alternatives I could do. Instead of malts and shakes I was sucking down protein drinks. Instead of cookies I was eating parmesan crackers. Instead of crap foods I was finding alternatives I could do.

I was walking and running until my feet were covered in blisters, I was reading everything I could get my hands on regarding banding, complications, issues, what was normal and expected, what was not normal and expected.

Someone came along (in all fairness, it was someone from OH trying to stir some pooh) and told me that essentially I was cheating because due to band problems I couldn't help but to lose weight. ??? WHAT? At that point in time with the complications I had, I could have (and wanted to) eat things that tasted really good like liquid calories. I could have been sitting on my big fat butt. Instead I was devoted to trying to find a way to make this work and in a healthy manner while quite literally running my ass off. And she claimed I was cheating?

I wasn't offended then, it was different. Just like right now.

Laurend, I believe you have taken what I said all wrong. Nowhere did I say or imply that anyone who wants to be a healthy BMI thinks they are better than anyone else and that they are never happy with the way they look.

I hope to be one of those people myself one day.

Health and beauty comes in all sizes.

Beauty comes in all sizes, I'd have to disagree with you that health comes in all sizes. To claim one can be obese and healthy is simply not true. It's the starting point for many issues that are not the least bit healthy even if those issues haven't shown themselves yet.

Laurend, I believe you have taken what I said all wrong. Nowhere did I say or imply that anyone who wants to be a healthy BMI thinks they are better than anyone else and that they are never happy with the way they look.

I hope to be one of those people myself one day.

In a passive aggressive way you have.

Such as:

Some people just have to keep pushing to prove to themselves that they are better, the best or superior to others. I think they sometimes do this by pointing out to others that they are somehow not up to snuff.

Considering there are those of us on this very thread TODAY that you have been reading - are writing that we push ourselves in our own way beyond our own previously thought limits, I'd say Chickie and Lauren are onto something here.

It really does become "Them vs Us" sometimes because there tends to be a attitude of "Oh, well, you have just forgotten what this is like" & "Its different for you"(I think that someone has actually said that) I try really hard to overlook a lot of the posts, and try to keep in mind that the written word is a different animal, and tone is everything, but sometimes....

When the general tone of the board is "Skinny is ugly" it does become personally offensive. Especially when people are pointing out celbs who are your weight and height and say they are "anorexic and disgusting"

I wasn't so much offended by Phyllis's comment as amused. It really did read to me like people who are thin are overcompensating for their terrible lack of confidence. Nothing could be further from the truth for me, and a few other "at goal'ers" I know.

I wasn't offended, just amused that obese people are not allowed to be judged, yet thin people can be.

Oh, I agree, I've just wasted hours of my time trying and trying to encourage people to see that they can do more than they ever thought possible.

I guess I spent that time because being where I am now makes me feel sad, unfulfilled and bad about myself.

I am not saying that people who've reached their goal weight is unhappy at all. I am just saying that you chose your goal weight for you, and that is great. Others like myself who've chose a high goal weight did it for them. And pushing how you felt once you achieved it on someone so they will change theirs isn't right, just like folks who use fat jokes to make someone loss weight. You seriously have to do you, and let them do them. Theres an old saying that says, what's good for the goose, isn't good for the gander. No one should be made to feel ashamed or that they don't measure up because they want to be a plus size person at the end of their journey. It's not right...

There is no need to offense to what phyllisc said...

Just like to add, that I have to go grocery shopping (Folks! I eat! A lot!) and am not running away, but I may not be back to reply for a few hours.

... I never was a SMALL woman, and I don't want to be SMALL now.. Not because I don't believe I can make it to what the charts say... I personally want to be a size 16/18 shoot even a 20, because it works for me. What's wrong with a woman being plus sized? ...

Diva,

... Attitude is everything and if you like the way you look it probably comes through and others will see you the same way. Screw them if they don't. Inner beauty and self confidence shines through... Likewise IF you are unhappy with the way you look that is going to be reflected in your appearance also... SOME people just have to keep pushing to prove to themselves that they are better...

So, people who try to get down to a lower weight are not confident, and unhappy with the way they look?

I agree with you, Chicke. That comment ... It certainly would offend me if I had reached my goal weight, since it implied that anyone who does want to be a healthy BMI thinks that they are better than everyone else and that they are never happy with the way they look.

OK All I'm sorry for quoting so many people and editing so much of there original posts. But just to be a Devil's Advocate here on the Rants and Rave board, I thought I'd post that even though I CAN see how some here have might read phyllisc's post negatively. I chose to read it as simply trying to be supportive of SSDiva's personal positive self esteem at her current weight when some (I repeat SOME) people aren't lucky enough to have as good a self esteem no matter what weight they are.

Though I have to add I can't say I've met a single person here on LBT that I would ever point to as "proof" of someone with an unhealthy self-esteem, DEFINITELY NOT any one of the posters I have seen here so far, with the possible exception of myself. I know I struggle daily with the "where am I?", "where am I going", "where do I need to be" and worst of all the "how will I recognize it if I ever get there?"'s I pray everyday to find the strength to be happy where I'm at while I continue to decide where I need/want to be. I worry that I may never be satisfied with who I am no matter how matter how far the scale moves.

I don't find Jachut or Chickie TOO Thin nor have I read anyone here's post as intentionally trying to say that. Even though I know some cruel people have done this to them in PM's and elsewhere. NOR do I consider anyone who chooses to remain at a higher BMI as failures and again I don't believe Chickie, Jachut or anyone else here has intentionally tried to say that either.

OK - I'll duck now while everyone takes there shots at me. (Why, oh why, do I like these Rants and Raves areas when they are so much trouble?:drama::biggrin1:)

and why am I responding to posts that had nothing to do with me to start with? But then if I can't do it in RNR where can I, right?

and why am I responding to posts that had nothing to do with me to start with? But then if I can't do it in RNR where can I, right?

Hey, post away! You sound like a very intelligent person, so I think you'll be a ton of fun to debate with! :biggrin1: And, we don't really hold grudges here, so we'll always be supportive on the rest of the board, no matter what tiffs we might have here in RnR. (Tiffs? Who has tiffs in RnR? )

Originally Posted by WASaBubbleButt

Beauty comes in all sizes, I'd have to disagree with you that health comes in all sizes. To claim one can be obese and healthy is simply not true. It's the starting point for many issues that are not the least bit healthy even if those issues haven't shown themselves yet.

That I totally believe and is what I was saying in the beginning.

Obese is not as healthy as you could be and there is simply nothing you can say to refute that. As far as your health is concerned, you are settling for mediocre. It is healthIER than morbidly obese, but you are still at risk of diabetes, heart disease and early death and more than that, nearly everyone gains as they get older and they lose muscle and their metabolism slows. Its part of aging. The likelihood of becoming morbidly or seriously obese again is quite high when you have not achieved a healthy BMI.

Beauty now - that is totally in the eye of the beholder. I can think of plenty of people who I think are stunning who are overweight or obese, just as I can think of many normal weight people whose looks I dont envy. And losing weight has not made me anymore than what I already was, a normal, average looking person. Perhaps I radiate more attractiveness becuase of the way I feel about myself and because I fit the mold more than I did before, but I still have crappy hair, would like nicer skin and hate the fact that I'm getting older.

Those are perhaps the two things that make me even care about this issue - the fact that people simply are not seeing the ultimate reward for their hard work and the fact that they kid themselves that they're healthy becuase they appear "pretty normal", "not too fat" in a society where obesity is probably our biggest killer.

What do I base that on? The fact that when I had surgery at 245lb, it was totally cosmetic - I loathed the way I looked, I felt fat, frumpy and old and totally and utterly unattractive. What's blown me away? That I didnt realise how absolutely terrible I felt. I cannot believe the levels of energy and wellbeing I have now, I was a complete slug in my former life and I just didnt know it. I thought everyone felt that way. Its like my son and his asthma, there's no point asking a 12 year old asthmatic if he feels normal because he's never had any other experience than being terribly asthmatic. He just doesnt know that normal for him - tired, out of sorts, breathless, isnt how everyone feels. Its the same with being obese when you've always been - you may feel loads better than you did at 300+lb but you just dont realise how freaking GREAT you could feel. 20, 40 more lbs, it DOES make a big difference, probably more than the first 50 did.

Other than that, I am not going to argue that its more beautiful to be thinner, I've never thought that or said it.