Anyone become invisible after surgery?

[cb750 5]

This is a drama/dump post so please ignore if you're not interested in drama.

I got gastric bypass, lost 120lbs, went down to 150lbs and am wearing size 32 pants. Cured my type 2 diabetes. No huge folds of skin or sagging.

I should be happy but I am miserable. Its not that I can't eat the foods I want. Those all became yucky to me. I don't care about food anymore.

Its that I feel so invisible now. My friends pretty much ignore me. People in general do not notice me. Most certainly I do not show up on women's radar in the slightest. Sure my friends were "happy" I lost weight but it was blah and I always have the sense they thought I cheated somehow even though I did this so I didn't have to take 5 shots of diabetic meds each day and die at 55.

Now I didn't think being thin was a cure all given when I was overweight I routinely saw thin people who were alone. But I thought it would have some sort of positive effect. Instead I can no longer go drink beer, go do a pound down of food, can't eat anything at a party, I make dates angry cause they order a sandwich and I order a half of something off the kids menu and not finish it. I have to wonder if the only reason my friends were friends was because I was the fat guy who did everything with them and was fatter than them and so they felt good about themselves.

The world is so hollow and empty to me now. Whoppie I can wear some nice clothes and am not the Michillan man anymore. But I don't see any grand benefits other than health. when I was obese I was looking at the world from the outside. Now I just feel farther outside.

[dmelch 30]

this was my post last week. read.

dmelch 17

• Senior Member
• 
• Gastric Bypass Patients
• 17
• 69 posts
• Surgery: Gastric Bypass
• Surgery Date: 11/09/2016
• Height: 5 feet 3 inches
• Starting Weight: 237 lbs
• Weight Lost: 87.1 lbs
• Current Weight: 149.9 lbs
• Goal Weight: 145 lbs
• BMI: 27

Posted Monday at 07:17 AM · Report post

I have lost almost 90 pounds and I am thrilled with the way I look, the issue is I think I am going crazy. I am yelling and angry all the time. I have no patience with people, especially my husband and daughter. I have so much rage inside of me and I never was like this before the weight lose. I was the jolly, happy person, or was I?

I think I mask a lot of my feeling through food, but now that I am not eating is the real me shining through? I hope not, because I do not like the new me inside, but love the person I see on the outside. I need help and do not know if this is normal or just me? Any advice would be appreciated.

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blondie66 99

• Expert Member
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• Pre Op
• 99
• 166 posts

Posted Monday at 07:44 AM · Report post

Congratulations on your weight loss! If anger is the way you're responding you have to figure out what thoughts you're thinking to make yourself angry and allowing you to treat people badly. It's the thoughts you're thinking that is making you angry. Change your thoughts and change your behaviour. Possibly you feel like you're missing out, possibly you feel you deserve better and it's making you resentful which is fuelling your anger. Losing weight is not synonymous with being angry. From my personal experience I have slightly less patience cause I'm not stuffing my feelings but I always ask myself what would be the most loving response. It's not always easy but worth it.

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James Marusek 3,401

• Bariatric Legend
• 
• Gastric Bypass Patients
• 
• 3,401
• 7,293 posts
• Location: Indiana
• Surgery: Gastric Bypass
• Surgeon: Christopher Evanson
• Surgery Date: 05/16/2013
• Height: 5 feet 6 inches
• Starting Weight: 260 lbs
• Weight Lost: 117 lbs
• Current Weight: 143 lbs
• Goal Weight: 150 lbs
• BMI: 23.1

Posted Monday at 08:05 AM · Report post

As you lose weight, the chemicals and hormones that were stored in your fat cells are being released into your body. These will pass through your kidneys and are expelled in your urine. But they can generate a flush of hormones during the weight loss phase. They should simmer down once you transition into maintenance. It is important to meet your daily Fluid requirements, because it take fluids to flush these hormones from your system.

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inspyrdbyu 36

• Senior Member
• 
• Gastric Bypass Patients
• 36
• 94 posts
• Surgery: Gastric Bypass
• Surgery Date: 08/01/2016
• Height: 5 feet 1 inches
• Starting Weight: 192 lbs
• Weight Lost: 77 lbs
• Current Weight: 115 lbs
• Goal Weight: 120 lbs
• BMI: 21.7

Posted Monday at 09:29 AM · Report post

I am 9 mos. out from gastric bypass, and I could have written this myself. I've lost the same amount of weight and been having the same issues. It's horrible. Very good advice from blondie66. I will be putting forth the effort to change my thought patterns and see if it helps. Not an easy thing to do, but completely makes sense. Please keep us posted if you find anything else that works for you, and know that you're not alone.

[Redmaxx 740]

38 minutes ago, dmelch said:

I have so much rage inside of me and I never was like this before the weight lose. I was the jolly, happy person, or was I?

WOW! That is me to a t. I am really hoping that it goes away in time.

[deflationinprogress 17]

A lot of us used food as a coping mechanism previously, now you cant. Food cant be the center of your outings, attention etc. Find new hobbies, things you enjoy that do not involve food. Find new things to do with your friends. If your friends are annoyed with you because of your food choices or because they think you 'cheated' then maybe its time for new friends, real friends would not do that. Are your friends overweight? A lot of times when one friend loses weight and the others are still overweight they unintentionally push the new healthy friend away. YOu have to worry about you and your happiness and screw anyone else that does not want to hop on the happy train with you. It is amazing that you have lost that much weight, and you should be insanely proud of yourself. You have extended your life, you can do SOOO much more. Your options are limitless. Enjoy your life. IF there are poison people in it then 'F' them.

[blondie66 271]

This is a drama/dump post so please ignore if you're not interested in drama.

I got gastric bypass, lost 120lbs, went down to 150lbs and am wearing size 32 pants. Cured my type 2 diabetes. No huge folds of skin or sagging.

I should be happy but I am miserable. Its not that I can't eat the foods I want. Those all became yucky to me. I don't care about food anymore.

Its that I feel so invisible now. My friends pretty much ignore me. People in general do not notice me. Most certainly I do not show up on women's radar in the slightest. Sure my friends were "happy" I lost weight but it was blah and I always have the sense they thought I cheated somehow even though I did this so I didn't have to take 5 shots of diabetic meds each day and die at 55.

Now I didn't think being thin was a cure all given when I was overweight I routinely saw thin people who were alone. But I thought it would have some sort of positive effect. Instead I can no longer go drink beer, go do a pound down of food, can't eat anything at a party, I make dates angry cause they order a sandwich and I order a half of something off the kids menu and not finish it. I have to wonder if the only reason my friends were friends was because I was the fat guy who did everything with them and was fatter than them and so they felt good about themselves.

The world is so hollow and empty to me now. Whoppie I can wear some nice clothes and am not the Michillan man anymore. But I don't see any grand benefits other than health. when I was obese I was looking at the world from the outside. Now I just feel farther outside.

I'm sorry you're feeling sad and left out of things going on around you. Since you've met your goal why can't you have a beer and wings? Maybe you're being too strict with your new lifestyle and stopping yourself from being involved in normal activities. If you don't like beer take the ladies out for some wine and share an appetizer. You don't need to be eating off the kids menu. You don't even need to talk about your surgery or what you can or can't eat...it's no ones business and most peeps don't care and it bores them especially once we reach our goals. Have you joined a gym? Get lifting some weights join a hiking, running club? cycling club? Buy a dog!! I meet lots of people at the dog park. Get out there! The surgery is a tool at almost 2 years post op most peeps wouldn't even know I've had it by what I eat. It's a tool but it doesn't have to control your life. You made the right decision for your health and you've done great! Get out create a new life make new friends. Good luck! Let go of worrying about what you are not eating and what people think and try adding in some food...if you find you gain some weight at your weekly weigh in then do 1 or 2 days of Protein Shakes and you'll lose it. It's about enjoying life and balancing out our food consumption not never eating socially again.

[Berry78 4,261]

For many of us, food was our hobby. Time to find a new one.

[cb750 5]

The point of my post was the reaction from other people to my weight loss. I fully understand that food is not a hobby. But to so utterly lose friends etc over this. I have to wonder what my roll was with them. Was I just the fat guy they partied with?

As for beer, I usually avoid it cause I can't drink a lot plus my body weight is low that I can't hold my liquor. If I eat a meal I get sick cause the food either nauseates me or I can't eat even a 10th of it. And yes when I eat one chicken wing the topic comes up... why aren't you eating? People kind of notice I do look like skeletor. I don't bring the subject up.

[BigViffer 3,545]

It sounds to me as though you are wanting life to happen to you. You sound pretty young, are you in the career you want? If not, focus on getting the training or education to get it.

Were you too embarrassed to go canoeing or white Water rafting when you were bigger? Go do it now.

Always wanted to join a league of something but was afraid of the attention? Now is the time.

Go LARP'ing.

Do disc golf.

Climb some rocks

Don't hold on to the life you had before surgery just because it is what you know and are comfortable with. If you are invisible to your "friends" now, get out in front of some different people and make new friends. Stagnation is where depression dwells.

[jhope71 105]

Sorry you're having a tough time. My thoughts are if your friends and dates actually get angry when you don't eat/drink the same as them, they're shallow. Real friends should be happy for your healthy results, and real women don't measure what their dates eat. I think some of the other suggestions to find new hobbies and activities are helpful. You'll get to try new things and meet new people. If anyone asks why you aren't eating, just say "I'm not hungry" or lie a little and say you had a big lunch. If they're decent people they'll accept that and move on. Good luck!

[blondie66 271]

I remember at 1 year post op I could eat maybe 2 or 3 wings it was embarrassing so I learned to share an appetizer with peeps get nachos and eat what u can...most people lose track what you're eating as long as they get their share. I still get comments ..like oh you're eating more today look u ate almost all your sandwich...then I wait an hour and have dessert just to piss them off lol...I think u must be in early days from your surgery...if you're getting too skinny start lifting more weights and add carbs. It's about finding balance in life. You won't be able to drink the same amount as before. What I do is 1 glass of wine then Water and keep doing that. People honestly will get over your surgery. You're still the same guy start looking at the positive and maybe make new friends. I did that...kept my old but also made new ones. What you're experiencing will pass just stay positive and create the life you want.

[summerset 5,265]

On 10.5.2017 at 7:41 AM, cb750 said:

The world is so hollow and empty to me now. Whoppie I can wear some nice clothes and am not the Michillan man anymore. But I don't see any grand benefits other than health. when I was obese I was looking at the world from the outside. Now I just feel farther outside.

What is you describe is one of the reasons that I always cringe when a user talks about "starting this new life".

The life after WLS is not a new life. Of course there are changes and for some people it might really be life altering, depending on the level of (physical) impairment they were experiencing because of their weight.

However, when you're already holding a full-time job and/or have a spouse or family there might not be that much change at all. The job is still boring or exhausting, the husband comes home late from work, the wife is nagging too much, the kids are still getting on your nerves, you're still short of money, that damn knee is still hurting etc.

The health benefit is a really big one though if you're experiencing it. Don't play it down.

[neyney1960 23]

For many of us, food was our hobby. Time to find a new one.

I think thats it in a nutshell!