I'm just venting.

Lately all of my heavy friends that know i've had my sleeve are irritating the living **** out of me. They all know i'm working really hard on losing weight. They all know i'm not big on eating out anymore because it's a complete waste of my time and money.

But yet all they want to do is ask me to go out to eat more unhealthy **** with them. I realize that they don't get it. But it's beyond annoying. I wish they would understand that i don't need to do that anymore.

Side note: one of my other friends sees me with my shakes now so she started to do them too. She hasn't quite figured out that it's not going to work for her if she just eats junk food for the rest of the day and doesn't exercise.

Sorry for being so bitchy. Can anyone relate??

Yes, people will be very CONCERNED ( in my sarcastic voice) about your eating habits now. I know most of the time it's jealousy because you were rave enough to take the bull by the horn and change your life for a healthier lifestyle. Brush the haters off and keep working. You owe no one anything . I have had so many co workers/ friends make little snide remarks about my food choices and surgery as well as my clothes being too big and I just say something bk to them to shut them up. This is my journey and will not be interrupted by jealous people who want to take me down.... not gonna happen. FYI, if they had opportunity to switch places they would in a heartbeat. Stay strong n keep pushing to goal.

I never thought of it as jealousy. I honestly just thought they were lovable clueless idiots.

They are somewhat supportive. They just haven't figured out that in order for this to work i have to make life long changes. I can't pig out with them anymore.

3 minutes ago, xoxococojay said:

I never thought of it as jealousy. I honestly just thought they were lovable clueless idiots.

They are somewhat supportive. They just haven't figured out that in order for this to work i have to make life long changes. I can't pig out with them anymore.

Maybe they aren't jealous but it's been my experience that 9/10 there are envious feelings that lead people to make the comments that they make regarding this surgery. But if they are just clueless, then try educating them on why you have to make different food choices and the size of your stomach and all that good stuff. Good luck.

3 minutes ago, xoxococojay said:

I never thought of it as jealousy. I honestly just thought they were lovable clueless idiots.

They are somewhat supportive. They just haven't figured out that in order for this to work i have to make life long changes. I can't pig out with them anymore.

A favorite quote of mine is, "The problem with Slimfast shakes is that they go so well with cookies."

This is going to be a long time recurring issue. And it just never seems to get less annoying to me either.

This is the real reason I told no one about the sleeve. Now I only have to listen to the irritating comments about weight loss and what I shouldn't eat now. Thank God I do not have to discuss my surgery or have some watching what I eat and commenting. And wanting to be the first to tell someone else about my surgery. I haven't forgotten one person here saying no one but her HR head knew about her surgery, and then everyone at her job knew about her surgery.

If it's coming from a place of jealousy and sabatoge, it's time to find some new friends... try joining an activity where slightly fitter people might gravitate to--I joined swing dance lessons and have already met lots of women who aren't complete couch-bound sadsacks like I used to be but also aren't complete gym bunnies who are going to scoff that I wear the biggest size in Lululemon. Or see if you can meet other post-bariatric friends your age to hang out with. I found a core group of girls in a local bariatric support group and we get along great and know what each other are going through.

If it's coming from a place of love and cluelessness... try and invite them to do activities that don't involve food. Invite them to a movie and bring your own snack. Join an art class, or try out a drop in dance lesson, or get mani pedis together, or go bowling. So much of our socialization revolves around food and it doesn't HAVE to, but if it's all you know, it's hard to break out of that mold.

Either way, there's nothing wrong with expanding your friend group, as well. I haven't ditched my friends from when I was fat by any means, but I have made some new friends too.

Sometimes it comes from jealousy but the longer I have been on this path the more I realize most people are straight up clueless about what is actually healthy.

Most restaurants make 12 ounce steaks the norm, but that is 3-4 times the amount of steak you should eat at once. 3-4 ounces of steak is not a barbaric portion, that is a proper portion size. That is what everyone is supposed to eat. That is why is so annoying when people whine about only being able to eat a little bit for the rest of their life. No, you will actually be eating how everyone else is supposed to be eating. We are a society of gluttons and gluttony is encouraged at every turn.

When you eat right around people that eating wrong, fat or skinny they know already they are eating wrong and you eating right it makes them self conscious. The more weight I lose with more results, people look at how I eat, everyone gets pizza, I get a chicken Cesar salad, and eating the toppings off a piece or 2 of pizza, everyone gorging on pizza looks at how I eat. Not because it is so different but because it really isn't terrible, especially to get the results I have. So now people are thinking, wow why can't I do that? How people feel about you losing weight is really complicated and they may not even know why they are in their feelings.

Having your fat friend go healthy is just like having your party buddy get married or give up liquor. Now you lost your partner in crime. Not eating with your fat friends is the same thing.

I was lucky post-op that I lived in a new area, where I did not know anyone. I never had to worry about how anyone felt because I never saw anyone for more than a few hours at a time. If I treated myself the every 2 to 3 months I hung out with someone I knew it didn't matter. My macros were still fine, and my idea of a treat is different than most people.

I suggest people distance themselves from people they enjoyed their old habits with until they really have a good handle on their new lifestyle. Just like any other addict.

@teacupsaucer that was literally some of the best advice ever. Thank you for that. I started doing boxing class which was fun so who knows i might make new friends there.

@outsidematchinside i agree with you on that. I have several friends that don't understand what a normal portion is so they think they're being healthy but they still eat way to much.

8 hours ago, Pescador said:

I haven't forgotten one person here saying no one but her HR head knew about her surgery, and then everyone at her job knew about her surgery.

I remember that one too. It was sad to hear.

@xoxococojay

That was the issue I had with low carbing before surgery. I would always eat too much even though my carbs were low, my portions were nuts

I have said this many many times over the past 8.5 years..... that one of the things to watch for are the "friends" that don't want you to succeed because it reflects on their failures.

Your fat friends want you to stay fat so you can be just like them... a member of the Herd.... They will still want you to go out with them but mostly to places to eat... and not good stuff. Every pound you lose is a punch to their self image. They well become jealous of you... they can't help it.

Watch out for the thin friends too..... they don't want you to succeed either... they want you to stay fat. You know there is always at least one skinny girl in the group... She's the one that when you go out... the men talk too.... This is because she is the thin one.... She doesn't want you to be skinny... then she won't get all the attention anymore. So watch for that too.

Good luck,

Chris

I can relate. Try to keep in mind you changed, they didn't. So if that is what you used to do with them they don't know to do anything different. You might have to start doing the inviting so you're inviting them to other activities. You may also find that some friendships, no fault of anyone, will change.

Surround yourself with people that support your new lifestyle it makes it so much easier to maintain it.

Best wishes!!!

I kept it to myself for the most part. Told my immediate family in case I didn't make it off the table. I have kids and I needed to know they would be alright if I didn't make it,

Powerful words experience is the best Teacher.