Eating healthy but worried about others

[Mindy78 372]

Mainly my fiance. I'm worried he's finding what I loose weight wise. We eat out a lot... With 2 full time jobs, he's in law enforcement I in healthcare, karate he teaches and I attend, church activities 5 days a week, he's a pt pastoral student, I'm planning our wedding next month and going to the gym 3x a week, plus parenting a 10yr old home schooled with autism, we are always going. When I do cook, I make healthy dishes and can cook smaller portions, leaving less leftovers, but when we go out there is so much left over. I separate my food as soon as it arrives. He says it will be lunch tomorrow but normally not the case. He Snacks on it later. I worry about him. I don't know what to do. I don't know if it is a problem or if it seems like a lot since I eat so little now. I don't know how to approach the situation. We used to go to the gym together, but our local Golds closed and he refuses to go to planet fitness I attend now. Any advice?

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[Bufflehead 6,358]

You really can't control his eating or his health. He has to take care of that himself. And yes, it can seem, after surgery, that people are eating insane amounts of food -- and our reference points tend to be a bit skewed. That said, there are some strategies you can use that benefit both of you:

--stop eating out so much -- this will help your pocketbook as well as both of your health. Surely with a wedding coming up and a special needs child to support, a bit of extra cash in your bank balance will be welcome?

--when you order, order healthy food. Even if he eats a lot of your leftovers, if all he is getting is grilled chicken and broccoli, it shouldn't make him put on weight or otherwise affect his health. If your dish comes with a side such as rice or potatoes, make sure you tell the server to hold that side.

--make sure you order the smallest healthy thing you can find. appetizers, small or half portions (some restaurants offer these) are your friend. Again, this will help save you some money too.

--if you order a regular size portion of something, when you separate it out, keep it for your own leftovers. You can have it for Breakfast the next day or lunch.< /p>

Good luck!

Edited January 3, 2017 by Bufflehead

[gowalking 10,790]

Interesting question @MindyMe. I must tell you that I had a boyfriend...not a fiance, but nevertheless, we were a couple and he gained weight because he was eating his portion, and what I left over. I know he felt like he was out of control and it was a facet of our eventual breakup.

My current boyfriend also eats some of what I don't, but he's learning to let me bring home leftovers and not always eat them. I know he's gained some weight and I've also told him I want him healthy...which is true. I don't care that he's chubby...it's not what he looks like, but who he is that makes me love to be with him. Other than that, I leave him alone and say nothing.

Now having said the above, the takeaway is that you are not the food police....and you cannot make him eat less, and stay away from your leftovers. You can try to do more sharing if that works because we know how much excess food there is when eating out, but otherwise, leave him be because you can't do anything about it anyway and all that would happen is he'd start to resent you being on his case.

[gowalking 10,790]

You really can't control his eating or his health. He has to take care of that himself. And yes, it can seem, after surgery, that people are eating insane amounts of food -- and our reference points tend to be a bit skewed. That said, there are some strategies you can use that benefit both of you:

--stop eating out so much -- this will help your pocketbook as well as both of your health. Surely with a wedding coming up and a special needs child to support, a bit of extra cash in your bank balance will be welcome?

--when you order, order healthy food. Even if he eats a lot of your leftovers, if all he is getting is grilled chicken and broccoli, it shouldn't make him put on weight or otherwise affect his health. If your dish comes with a side such as rice or potatoes, make sure you tell the server to hold that side.

--make sure you order the smallest healthy thing you can find. appetizers, small or half portions (some restaurants offer these) are your friend. Again, this will help save you some money too.

--if you order a regular size portion of something, when you separate it out, keep it for your own leftovers. You can have it for breakfast the next day or lunch.

Good luck!

LOL! I must admit, you said it better and offered more suggestions than I did but we both basically said the same thing...you cannot control what someone else eats...and how much of it.

[Mindy78 372]

That was my thoughts as far as ordering healthy and I normally order lunch portions or just app. I did cook tonight and that helps when we are home long enough. I got a veggetti for Christmas, so it was chicken, zucchini, yellow squash, light Tomato sauce, and low fat cheese. He really liked it too. I don't want to control him or be food police, which is why I haven't said anything to him, but I don't want to be an enabler either.

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[LittleBill 2,231]

I used to tell my children, "I can't make you do anything. But I can make you wish you had." Unfortunately, you don't even have that option. The best you can do is to lead by example. If you are at church that much, prayer is a valid option. Use it to your best advantage.

[Mindy78 372]

I used to tell my children, "I can't make you do anything. But I can make you wish you had." Unfortunately, you don't even have that option. The best you can do is to lead by example. If you are at church that much, prayer is a valid option. Use it to your best advantage.

I most certainly do thanks you're right

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[Aggiemae 739]

My husban, how is (was?) average weight has gained 12 pounds since I had my surgery 9 weeks ago. I am worried. I don't have any advice for you just commiserating.