I went out for dinner for the first time with my husband last night. I ordered Soup and ate about 3/4 cup. The server asked me if everything was ok? With concern. I assured him it was delicious and prayed the owner did not also come and do the same. It was a flashback to 10 years ago when I was first dating my husband and I had a lap band and waiters would do the same thing. It was embarrassing because it happened on almost every date. My husband would probably have never noticed it had everyone else not kept pointing it out.

How do you handle this?

@@Travelher, seems to me that you're making too much of it.

The question isn't about you as much as it is whether the kitchen is doing a good job. I've been in restaurants and had chefs come out to my table to ask if everything is all right. Yes, I say, it's wonderful (only good restaurants ask here; I don't know about chains anywhere) -- I love the contrast of textures, flavors or whatever the case may be. I go on to explain that I ordered more than I can eat at one time and will take my leftovers home. It's always true.

The other thing I notice is your mention of your first dates with your now-husband. Okay, you told him 10 years ago about your surgery and he married you anyway. He has seen you through a second bariatric surgery. So what's the problem? Why dredge up dead news?

Because I haven't seen it discussed on here as something that people did not anticipate or prepare for after surgery. I have seen many posts from newbies who want to keep their surgeries secret. Now those people who may not have considered this have some tips and tricks for how to deal with this issue. Thought that is what these forums as for?

I also have the cards from my surgeon asking that I be allowed to order from the child's menu, but I have yet to use them because nothing on the child's menu looks very appetizing. I order a normal entrée and ask for a 'to go' box when I order. Knowing that I will sometimes get 3-4 meals from one entrée is this bargain shopper's delight! And sometimes I just order a bowl of soup. I feel no need to explain myself to my server. I pay for the meal and I tip. If I have a complaint about something I will speak up. I am always a pleasant customer and try to leave with a smile on my face.

I eat out a lot and not once have I felt I need to explain my small intake. I have gotten comfortable asking for an aduustment for how something is prepared and/or substituting something. My experiences have been great. Servers want to help you have a good experience. I am glad I like leftovers.

If we don't think of ourselves as different, others won't either.

I don't eat at very many sit down restaurants due to the fact I really don't like leftovers and my hubby just had his Sleeve in June. He can still eat more than me but I don't want him to have my extra's. He doesn't need it either. I have a card that my DR gave me but I have never used it. Mostly because the kids menu isn't very healthy. Also, I don't feel like I need to get "SPECIAL" treatment because I had WLS. I would rather just get something to go and then just eat what I want and get rid of the rest. My daughter comes over regular and she eats our leftovers if we have any. LOL

I've had this happen a few times. At first I felt awkward about it, but then I realized why should I care? Even today, the cashier at Golden Corral made a comment about it. GC is probably my favorite place to pick stuff up after class. I can get lean grilled chicken breast, veggies and other healthy options and not have to worry about cooking lunch (I've tried leftovers but Chef Mike makes me ill - I think it is from the food dehydration) especially on days when my husband is at work. Either way, it usually comes to about $2 and some change for my lunch. "What do you have in there, a salad?" What does it matter to you? I'm not going to explain my life story and why my container only weighs a few ounces. That is my business, not yours.

I took my wife out the night this thread was started, we went to a new and well-reviewed steakhouse, as we hadn't been out together in AGES and I was starting week 6, which was "try anything and see how you do with it" time, according to my nutritionist and surgeon (avoiding fats and sugars of course).

My wife up and mentions to the server that he shouldn't be surprised when I don't eat that much, and that it won't be due to the quality of the food...but that I just had weight loss surgery! I was surprised by it, but not really embarrassed...it doesn't really matter to me if someone knows, particularly not a stranger. But the waiter then revealed that he's "a boxer" too, because he has Crohn's disease...so not to worry!

That dinner did make me aware that this change is also a big one for my wife to handle. We couldn't get the appetizer that we both normally would have, because I couldn't eat it anyway (not and have any room for the steak), and I ate like 10% of my food...although I enjoyed it THOROUGHLY. She felt a little weird with me boxing up 90% and her taking home maybe 20% of hers. But the fact of the matter is, I feel like I actually enjoyed the meal MORE than I would have two months ago, and for the right reasons. The flavor was amazing, and I really appreciated it. I didn't just wolf it down.

For me, I don't really care what anyone thinks. I did this for myself, not for them.

^{None of it should be a problem to worry much about. The wait staff are just doing their jobs, if they see someone not eating (it's normally why people are there after all ) they SHOULD ask. They often get a confused look when I don't order anything to drink with my tiny amount of food. (they assume I am cheap perhaps and offer Water, which I decline also) None of this is a reason to be annoyed at them.}

^{Order what you want, take home what you like when appropriate and enjoy the weight loss that comes with why you got here in the first place.}

. But the fact of the matter is, I feel like I actually enjoyed the meal MORE than I would have two months ago, and for the right reasons. The flavor was amazing, and I really appreciated it. I didn't just wolf it down.

For me, I don't really care what anyone thinks. I did this for myself, not for them.

Two very important thoughts.

I've had this happen a few times. At first I felt awkward about it, but then I realized why should I care? Even today, the cashier at Golden Corral made a comment about it. GC is probably my favorite place to pick stuff up after class. I can get lean grilled chicken breast, veggies and other healthy options and not have to worry about cooking lunch (I've tried leftovers but Chef Mike makes me ill - I think it is from the food dehydration) especially on days when my husband is at work. Either way, it usually comes to about $2 and some change for my lunch. "What do you have in there, a salad?" What does it matter to you? I'm not going to explain my life story and why my container only weighs a few ounces. That is my business, not yours.

This brings back my only truly awkward/shocked/speechless moment. I had just been cleared for soft foods and I went to the market's salad bar to get my teeny tiny lunch. At that time, I was especially fond of their chicken salad and their seafood salad. I got MAYBE two tablespoons of each in the salad bar container (knowing I would take half home) and went to the register.

The cashier, a big girl herself, looked at me (remember, I was just about 6 weeks post op and still quite the fatty) and said, "Girl! You know you eat more than that! Who you trying to fool??" in the loudest voice. And yes, everyone in line turned to look at me and my pathetic salad. I was hormonal, stressed at the idea that any food I ate still came back up because of my stricture, and absolutely floored that anyone would say something like that. I barely held my **** together, told her I had stomach cancer and moved on through.

She's not looked at me in the eye since.

I've had this happen a few times. At first I felt awkward about it, but then I realized why should I care? Even today, the cashier at Golden Corral made a comment about it. GC is probably my favorite place to pick stuff up after class. I can get lean grilled chicken breast, veggies and other healthy options and not have to worry about cooking lunch (I've tried leftovers but Chef Mike makes me ill - I think it is from the food dehydration) especially on days when my husband is at work. Either way, it usually comes to about $2 and some change for my lunch. "What do you have in there, a salad?" What does it matter to you? I'm not going to explain my life story and why my container only weighs a few ounces. That is my business, not yours.

This brings back my only truly awkward/shocked/speechless moment. I had just been cleared for soft foods and I went to the market's salad bar to get my teeny tiny lunch. At that time, I was especially fond of their chicken salad and their seafood salad. I got MAYBE two tablespoons of each in the salad bar container (knowing I would take half home) and went to the register.

The cashier, a big girl herself, looked at me (remember, I was just about 6 weeks post op and still quite the fatty) and said, "Girl! You know you eat more than that! Who you trying to fool??" in the loudest voice. And yes, everyone in line turned to look at me and my pathetic salad. I was hormonal, stressed at the idea that any food I ate still came back up because of my stricture, and absolutely floored that anyone would say something like that. I barely held my **** together, told her I had stomach cancer and moved on through.

She's not looked at me in the eye since.

Drops mic!

As others have mentioned, I find that I actually enjoy eating out more now than presurgery. Red lobster has endless shrimp right now, before surgery I loved endless shrimp. I had strategically planned how to eat (and take home) as many shrimp as possible. I would literally eat myself sick. Presurgery, eating out was about quantity vs quality. I felt like I needed to "get my monies worth". Post surgery, eating out is about enjoying the experience-- good food and even better company. I order something on plan ( grilled or baked lean Protein and veggies). Eat what I can and box the rest if I want ( sometimes I don't and I've gotten past feeling wasteful). What I've noticed is that people are mostly self-absorbed, no one is paying as much attention to me and what I'm eating ( or not eating ) as I thought they would.

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Edited November 2, 20169 yr by losergrl75

I've had this happen a few times. At first I felt awkward about it, but then I realized why should I care? Even today, the cashier at Golden Corral made a comment about it. GC is probably my favorite place to pick stuff up after class. I can get lean grilled chicken breast, veggies and other healthy options and not have to worry about cooking lunch (I've tried leftovers but Chef Mike makes me ill - I think it is from the food dehydration) especially on days when my husband is at work. Either way, it usually comes to about $2 and some change for my lunch. "What do you have in there, a salad?" What does it matter to you? I'm not going to explain my life story and why my container only weighs a few ounces. That is my business, not yours.

This brings back my only truly awkward/shocked/speechless moment. I had just been cleared for soft foods and I went to the market's salad bar to get my teeny tiny lunch. At that time, I was especially fond of their chicken salad and their seafood salad. I got MAYBE two tablespoons of each in the salad bar container (knowing I would take half home) and went to the register.

The cashier, a big girl herself, looked at me (remember, I was just about 6 weeks post op and still quite the fatty) and said, "Girl! You know you eat more than that! Who you trying to fool??" in the loudest voice. And yes, everyone in line turned to look at me and my pathetic salad. I was hormonal, stressed at the idea that any food I ate still came back up because of my stricture, and absolutely floored that anyone would say something like that. I barely held my **** together, told her I had stomach cancer and moved on through.

She's not looked at me in the eye since.

Ha! That's what her nosey ass gets! Bet she felt an inch high!

Sent from my XT1565 using the BariatricPal App

I live in Los Angeles where people follow different diets and have different eating habits. I'm 2.5 years post op and haven't had a server comment on my order. Not one. I haven't had a single person comment on how much I've eaten. I've never had anyone ask if I was sure I didn't want a drink with my meal or if I didn't like the food. Not one server has blinked an eye. Just lucky, I guess.

Nope. It's because you live in LA. I live in New York City and also have never ever had a server question what I ordered or how much of it I ate. Never. Really...never.

This weekend my husband's aunt and uncle are coming. I am not telling them about my surgery. They really love to eat out.

I plan on telling them I am on a diet plan and following doctors orders. I think that will suffice.

I will probably order Soup and maybe an appetizer.

The people who own and work in restaurants are there to make money. They don’t appreciate people who take up their seats and their time and don’t spend enough money.

They would rather have someone order a $40.00 meal and leave an $8.00 tip than someone who orders a $3.00 bowl of soup and leaves a fifty cent tip.

They don’t care that you can’t eat more. When I go to a restaurant, I order a full meal and a takeout box. I tip generously. I usually have enough leftovers for three more meals, but I don’t make the business owner and waitstaff suffer because of my inability to control my eating without surgery.

Damn...I waited tables for years and never got peeved because someone ordered soup and salad vs a full meal. I should have been mad at the elderly, kids and non-drinkers, too, eh? And not ordering apps AND dessert?? How rude, while filling all those seats intended for $40 meals. The nerve of them. Maybe restaurants should have a dollar limit that you have to reach or you get charged that much anyway.

I think I'll keep ordering my soup and a glass of wine, tipping 50% and ignoring the fact that opinions like yours exist.