I'm two days away from surgery. And my boyfriend made some comments basically telling me that my weight loss from the lap band isn't going to be to my credit. I know this surgery won't make me just drop any weight I'm going to have to make some serious life changes to succeed with my weight loss. I've been with him like a year and the relationship is pretty serious. He's also made it clear he doesn't want me to get the surgery. How should I deal with this? He's supposed to be my biggest support system.

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Drop the weight, join a gym, and you'll have your pick of guys...

Spandex works good also.

This process will be a million times more difficult if he's not on board and he's supposed to be your support system. He may even sabotage you without realizing it. My DH did not want me to have the surgery because he thought I'd "never enjoy food again." I had to open a can of whoop ass and tell him my health was MUCH more important than us enjoying a fat steak together. sheesh...priorities! Despite all that there were days where he would egg me on to eat something or say it's no big deal or say one bite won't matter. I had to be superwoman for awhile and essentially tell him he was wrong and it IS a big deal. It was very hard.

He was wrong. He fully admits it now. We are both happier, healthier and our marriage is better because I basically told him to get on board with this or hit the road. I needed a support system and found it here for the first year+...by that time he could see how much more active and how much better I felt both physically and mentally about myself...thats when HE got totally on board and realized that I was a better me when I was in good health. It's not about being hotter in a skinnier body...although I fully admit I physically look a ton better now than I used to, It is about making sure you are emotionally and physically healthy. If he can't get on board with emotional and physical health you may need to rethink your relationship...

Edited October 25, 20169 yr by ADJL

It may just be that he's uneducated & ignorant & feeling a bit insecure. My father still makes comments 8 years after I was banded that leave my mind boggled. And it's solely due to ignorance.

Your bf will need to get on board really fast. You will vomit. A lot. And it's not easy for people to see you doing that meal after meal.

You'll know soon enough whether he's going to be supportive or not.

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My boyfriend (of three years) is SO supportive of my decision to have WLS. Not because I'll "get hot"...but because me losing weight will make OUR life better. I'll be healthier and happier, which will make him happy. He is emotionally invested in my overall wellbeing and I couldn't ask for a better support system than him. I am so excited to start my journey!

I felt a little triggered with the "credit" remark. Hopefully you are not doing this for credit, but for yourself.

Some questions (not for you to tell me, but for you). Did he go the partner's class if your doctor has one? Is he willing to read about it and learn how to be helpful?

If the relationship is only a year old, only you know how committed the two of you are. Therapy for you for sure, and maybe for the two of you...

Hang in there and go with your heart. And good luck with the surgery, the lap band didn't work out for me.

I think he is worried that you will get skinny and hotter and u won't want or need him!! I'm going through the same thing with my husband ! Do what's best for you at the end of the day

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This is not about him but you your health. You do what you need to do. I personally wouldn't drop him because he don't agree. But neither would I not get the surgery do to that reason either. If after the surgery he still won't support you, then find someone that will. A family member or someone that will help you through your journey. Except your friend make it very difficult for you let him hang around until he jump on board or leave. Either way you win! He may be afraid something could go wrong. So don't just assume he don't want you to do it because he's haten on you. Be wise and be well!

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