that I am getting a little irratated at how helpful, careful, sweet etc my husband is being?

Every time i call him or grimace he is like "whats wrong? Are you ok? What do you need?" and when I get up he is asking where am i going or if i need help. I appreciate him trying to be there for me (especially since he is pretty lazy most of the time) but its getting a little trying.

Tomorrow will be one week post op.

I know that when he has the surgery he will be a giant baby and i will not be able to be anywhere near as doting without getting irratated, nor will i be able to be as physically helpful as i will be less than 6 weeks post op.

Am i horrible?

Is it hard just to say 'thanks babe but I will let you know if I need help'

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I can't only dream that my husband would give that type of affection and care which I highly doubt you should feel very lucky to have him !!!!

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Is it just your husband that irritates you?

I find myself getting irritated very quickly post- op. I've always had a short fuse, but normally I'm pretty good keeping it under control but now I snap at every little thing (especially my husband!)

It makes sense with all the crazy hormonal shifts our bodies are going through, but it's a real issue to be mindful of.

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I know my emotions are all crazy! Hormones, no matter if you are male or female...are all nutty. Forgive yourself and explain it to others you might have a short fuse with. I get road rage when grocery shopping. I have to keep it in check.

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Do you have a honey do list? If you're like me, the garage always needs cleaned. But in all seriousness, maybe if he had some tasks to fill his time while you're recovering and trying to relax it would help him feel like he is fixing things.

If he's a baby about surgery, then what he's doing is what he would want YOU to do, for him. That's basic "love languages" stuff. You aren't the kind of person who needs that stuff, and it probably irritates the crap out of you when he's a giant baby about things that you handle perfectly fine.

I'm the same way. My wife is a bad patient, and she doesn't deal with pain well at all. I get irritated when she doesn't do what she's supposed to do, and my perception is that she's struggling with stuff I would not find difficult. And the answer is always, "You don't know how I'm feeling!" And that's the rub. I don't. Just because one person has a high tolerance for something, that isn't going to be equal across the board for everyone. Some people bounce back quickly. Others take a long time, complaining about it the whole way. Some are good patients, some are not. Everyone is different. So I finally realized that when she describes something as excruciating, it really doesn't matter how I would perceive it...to HER, it's excruciating. So I try to be sympathetic.

I'd suggest you just consider that, when thinking about your husband - especially if he gets a procedure done and is a "baby" in recovery. Because to us, it's simple...but to them, not so much. But that's why he's doting on you...because that's how he'd want to be treated, and that's how he shows his care and love.

If he's a baby about surgery, then what he's doing is what he would want YOU to do, for him. That's basic "love languages" stuff. You aren't the kind of person who needs that stuff, and it probably irritates the crap out of you when he's a giant baby about things that you handle perfectly fine.

I'm the same way. My wife is a bad patient, and she doesn't deal with pain well at all. I get irritated when she doesn't do what she's supposed to do, and my perception is that she's struggling with stuff I would not find difficult. And the answer is always, "You don't know how I'm feeling!" And that's the rub. I don't. Just because one person has a high tolerance for something, that isn't going to be equal across the board for everyone. Some people bounce back quickly. Others take a long time, complaining about it the whole way. Some are good patients, some are not. Everyone is different. So I finally realized that when she describes something as excruciating, it really doesn't matter how I would perceive it...to HER, it's excruciating. So I try to be sympathetic.

I'd suggest you just consider that, when thinking about your husband - especially if he gets a procedure done and is a "baby" in recovery. Because to us, it's simple...but to them, not so much. But that's why he's doting on you...because that's how he'd want to be treated, and that's how he shows his care and love.

This is a very helpful man's perspective post. Unlike the one calling me a debbie downer with no knowledge.

It makes a lot of sense. In general he likes me to do stuff for him that he could easily do for himself, like get a beverage. I havent thought about it from love languages point of view before.

HW 385 SW 359 Sleeved 10/5/16

Are you irritated because his requests to offer help require you to think? My SO seems to appreciate me just doing things rather than asking. For instance, taking care of the dinner arrangements so she can really relax. (That does NOT mean I don't want her input). If this sounds like your source of irritation, coach the boy up. If my girlfriend hadn't told me how great it was for me to plan out dates for her I would have never known. Just a suggestion though you might just be venting and if so, never mind;-/

It might be good to remind him that after surgery healing is promoted by doing as much as you can for yourself, past the activity restrictions like lifting, housework, etc. His seeing you being self-sufficient now will be a good preview of what you expect from him in his turn. Be vocal about why you are doing it yourself, to promote buy-in and understanding of how it will have to be for him. Then you will show your support for him later by celebrating openly everything he does for himself, because that is the best support in this situation.

Edited October 13, 20169 yr by QTR-nevermore

Give him some tasks that will benefit both of you. Maybe research for some new recepies for Protein drinks or pureed foods? The internet is filled with all kinds of recepies and then you can try them together. He can emerge himself in the internet for hours. In return, maybe you could ask him for a pillow or a bottle of Water, once in a while, so he can feel he has had an important role in your recovery?

Men are usually straight forward and can't read hints ????

Nilla

@@mrsNilla - "men can't read hints" PREACH IT. Learn it, live it, love it. Truth. We are not mind readers and if you are faking, you will forever get the stuff we were doing when you faked it. Just saying. All that said, the men who love you want to know what you want, I know you want to be desired and feel that if he "really loved you he would know" but he probably really does love you, but he doesn't know what he doesn't know. OK, end of that rant (for now).

. No one takes care of you better than your mama does!!

Ain't that the truth! My momma took care of me while I was on bedrest during my pregnancy. I would thank her, and all she would say was, "It's my pleasure, Honey!"

It might be good to remind him that after surgery healing is promoted by doing as much as you can for yourself, past the activity restrictions like lifting, housework, etc. His seeing you being self-sufficient now will be a good preview of what you expect from him in his turn. Be vocal about why you are doing it yourself, to promote buy-in and understanding of how it will have to be for him. Then you will show your support for him later by celebrating openly everything he does for himself, because that is the best support in this situation.

If he's a baby about surgery, then what he's doing is what he would want YOU to do, for him. That's basic "love languages" stuff. You aren't the kind of person who needs that stuff, and it probably irritates the crap out of you when he's a giant baby about things that you handle perfectly fine.

I'm the same way. My wife is a bad patient, and she doesn't deal with pain well at all. I get irritated when she doesn't do what she's supposed to do, and my perception is that she's struggling with stuff I would not find difficult. And the answer is always, "You don't know how I'm feeling!" And that's the rub. I don't. Just because one person has a high tolerance for something, that isn't going to be equal across the board for everyone. Some people bounce back quickly. Others take a long time, complaining about it the whole way. Some are good patients, some are not. Everyone is different. So I finally realized that when she describes something as excruciating, it really doesn't matter how I would perceive it...to HER, it's excruciating. So I try to be sympathetic.

I'd suggest you just consider that, when thinking about your husband - especially if he gets a procedure done and is a "baby" in recovery. Because to us, it's simple...but to them, not so much. But that's why he's doting on you...because that's how he'd want to be treated, and that's how he shows his care and love.

These are the two best replies I've seen! Spot on, IMO. Also, is your husband anxious or obsessive. Mine is. For him, taking care of someone is his was of dealing with that anxiety. That is another possibility.

Oh, and as for the other guy who called you Debbie Downer, I think he might be projecting. I didn't get the impression you were downing your hubs for being lazy as much as making a general observation. Like he would normally NOT offer to get you a drink or whatever and would be the kind to ask you to get him one. I didn't AT ALL take your comments as intending to insult your hubs.

I agree with @@Icantbelieveit

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It might be good to remind him that after surgery healing is promoted by doing as much as you can for yourself, past the activity restrictions like lifting, housework, etc. His seeing you being self-sufficient now will be a good preview of what you expect from him in his turn. Be vocal about why you are doing it yourself, to promote buy-in and understanding of how it will have to be for him. Then you will show your support for him later by celebrating openly everything he does for himself, because that is the best support in this situation.

If he's a baby about surgery, then what he's doing is what he would want YOU to do, for him. That's basic "love languages" stuff. You aren't the kind of person who needs that stuff, and it probably irritates the crap out of you when he's a giant baby about things that you handle perfectly fine.

I'm the same way. My wife is a bad patient, and she doesn't deal with pain well at all. I get irritated when she doesn't do what she's supposed to do, and my perception is that she's struggling with stuff I would not find difficult. And the answer is always, "You don't know how I'm feeling!" And that's the rub. I don't. Just because one person has a high tolerance for something, that isn't going to be equal across the board for everyone. Some people bounce back quickly. Others take a long time, complaining about it the whole way. Some are good patients, some are not. Everyone is different. So I finally realized that when she describes something as excruciating, it really doesn't matter how I would perceive it...to HER, it's excruciating. So I try to be sympathetic.

I'd suggest you just consider that, when thinking about your husband - especially if he gets a procedure done and is a "baby" in recovery. Because to us, it's simple...but to them, not so much. But that's why he's doting on you...because that's how he'd want to be treated, and that's how he shows his care and love.

These are the two best replies I've seen! Spot on, IMO. Also, is your husband anxious or obsessive. Mine is. For him, taking care of someone is his was of dealing with that anxiety. That is another possibility.

Oh, and as for the other guy who called you Debbie Downer, I think he might be projecting. I didn't get the impression you were downing your hubs for being lazy as much as making a general observation. Like he would normally NOT offer to get you a drink or whatever and would be the kind to ask you to get him one. I didn't AT ALL take your comments as intending to insult your hubs.

You are spot on. Things he said to me a couple of days ago made it clear that he was reacting to anxiety from not being with me during the surgery.

So was the remark about general laziness, like asking me to get him a soda rather than get it himself.

HW 385 SW 359 Sleeved 10/5/16