I apologize for the length of this, but I'm so lost and need suggestions, support, or whatever you have:

Before I decided to have surgery I weighed 500 pounds. I say that, but it could have been more. I know that was the biggest weight I was aware of, but I'd spent years telling the doctors not to tell me my weight.

I had the gastric sleeve done in July of 2014. My surgeon had me lose some weight before he did the surgery and my surgery went well with no complications. My weight was coming off slow but steady, and by October of 2015 I was down to 299 pounds. That's when one of the only friends I had in the world passed away, and I didn't handle it well.

I stopped walking on my treadmill. I stopped measuring my food. I stopped caring about if I drank while I ate or if I ate slowly. Worst of all? I started eating fast food again. At first just a little, but then several times a week and amounts that I shouldn't have eaten. The result? As of a month ago I was back up to 360 pounds. I gained 61 pounds in about 7 months! Who does that? To make matters worse, I'm 45 years old. I'm WAY old enough to know better.

I'm feeling so angry with myself and frustrated. I went to a support group meeting in June to try to get back on track and was told "You should have never had the sleeve. The sleeve isn't for heavyweights. You should have had the duodenal switch. You've most likely ruined and stretched your sleeve out." I was devastated. I spent $14,000 to have this done and I may have ruined it? I don't think any surgeons near me do the duodenal switch, so that's probably why I hadn't heard of it. Regardless, I've spent teary days since that support group meeting.

So what now? A couple of weeks ago I decided that until I know for sure what to do, I'm going to go back to doing better. I have an appointment for Monday to meet with a therapist who specializes in food addictions/binge eating/chronic overeating. I started walking on the treadmill again. Only 10 minutes per day. I know it's not much but my stamina is very low and the loose skin from my stomach pulls on my back, but I hope to build my stamina and increase it. I haven't had fast food and I'm back to weighing my food.

I'm down from 360 to 340. That's progress, but some of that might have been sodium bloat from the fast food.

Anyone have any thoughts? Advice? Thank you SO much for reading this. As I gained weight over the years, I slowly pulled away from people and lost almost every friend I've ever had so I don't have people I can turn to. I'm hoping some of you here might have advice.

Thanks.

@@Alex Brecher. Thank you! I've heard a few people say that sleeves don't stretch, and I hope that's true. You're certainly right that I just have to keep on moving forward and working each tool to the best of my ability. I sure didn't get to 500+ pounds in 2 years, so I'm going to just keep going forward and losing it piece by piece.

I truly appreciate your comments. I'm going to keep coming back and reading everyone's posts whenever I need a pick-me-up. Thanks again!

@@OutsideMatchInside I do need to look into some of that shapewear. Do you have any brands or styles that you like better than others? If you don't mind, do you have a link to some? Thanks for the comment!

@@Hopefully A Butterfly

When I was your size I purchased most of shapewear at Avenue. A 4x should work for you and provide you enough control. If you are really squishy, a 3x might be better.

http://www.avenue.com/en_US/easy-up-easy-down-firm-thigh-slimmer-230122658.html?dwvar_230122658_color=101#start=4&cgid=shapewear-thigh-slimmers

http://www.avenue.com/en_US/firm-control-legging-230124221.html?dwvar_230124221_color=101#start=5&cgid=shapewear-thigh-slimmers

Just make sure you get the maidenform brand, not the avenue brand. maidenform offers a lot of support, the avenue brand not so much. If you live near an outlet mall you can try the maidenform store, but I think they don't have above 2x in the outlet stores. I have only shopped at them since I have been smaller.

You're human. Your friend's passing affected you greatly. I'm not a professional, but your description clearly sounds like depression to me (something I've suffered from for years.) Many people who are depressed or entering a depressive episode stop caring for themselves: what they eat, grooming, hygiene, even going out to run errands or visit friends. One way they deal with their feelings is by turning to food for comfort.

Before my sleeve, the guy who gave me my psych eval suggested I seek counseling. I thought, "But I've never had an eating disorder. I don't binge. I don't eat for comfort." Well, let me tell you. He gave me several names. I chose someone who specializes in eating problems (anorexia, overeating, binge eating, etc.). I came home from my first session in tears over something in my past that got dredged up. Without thinking I walked to the fridge and promptly ate two helpings of the leftovers (read all) my husband and I had planned to have for dinner. There wasn't anything particularly great about those leftovers. We're not talking typical comfort food. Envision tasteless and boring and you pretty much have it.

It wasn't until after and I had to confess to my husband I ate everything that I said to myself, "That was comfort eating." It wasn't what I had thought (secretly eating sweets or other Snacks to make yourself feel better). I ate "normal" food, but too much of it.

I give you this story to suggest you find a good counselor who will help you recognize the times when you're likely to turn to food and come up with things you can do that will provide you the emotional relief you need without eating. I also suggest you talk to your physician about your depression because even if you may have gotten a handle on your grief by now, the depression could linger due to chemical imbalances.

Hang in there. It won't be easy, but the wonderful thing is that you caught yourself before you gained back any more. That's a huge accomplishment. Recognizing a problem is the hardest part of all. Lucky for you that you already know what you need to start doing again. And you can do this!

Wow, to the OP- I can relate very much. I lost my dad just about 4 months ago and it has been incredibly difficult for me (a stress eater). Combine that with having started a night job about a year ago and I am up TWENTY pounds from my lowest. i wasn't even at goal yet so I have a lot of work to do.

Wow, to all the responders- your messages are inspiring and thoughtful. It is great to see so much support here without judgement. Only those who have walked this path can TRULY understand.

For anybody interested, there is a new Regain forum under the GENERAL WEIGHT LOSS topics. Some good threads getting started there as well!

Well don't feel to bad! At least you're going in the right direction again! I too have messed up big time. I quit seeing my nutritionist and Doctor and gained 60 pounds back so I now have to lose 80 pounds total before even getting the surgery. Now I'm back on track and seeing it through.

Best of luck! Keep going you got this!

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I apologize for the length of this, but I'm so lost and need suggestions, support, or whatever you have:

Before I decided to have surgery I weighed 500 pounds. I say that, but it could have been more. I know that was the biggest weight I was aware of, but I'd spent years telling the doctors not to tell me my weight.

I had the gastric sleeve done in July of 2014. My surgeon had me lose some weight before he did the surgery and my surgery went well with no complications. My weight was coming off slow but steady, and by October of 2015 I was down to 299 pounds. That's when one of the only friends I had in the world passed away, and I didn't handle it well.

I stopped walking on my treadmill. I stopped measuring my food. I stopped caring about if I drank while I ate or if I ate slowly. Worst of all? I started eating fast food again. At first just a little, but then several times a week and amounts that I shouldn't have eaten. The result? As of a month ago I was back up to 360 pounds. I gained 61 pounds in about 7 months! Who does that? To make matters worse, I'm 45 years old. I'm WAY old enough to know better.

I'm feeling so angry with myself and frustrated. I went to a support group meeting in June to try to get back on track and was told "You should have never had the sleeve. The sleeve isn't for heavyweights. You should have had the duodenal switch. You've most likely ruined and stretched your sleeve out." I was devastated. I spent $14,000 to have this done and I may have ruined it? I don't think any surgeons near me do the duodenal switch, so that's probably why I hadn't heard of it. Regardless, I've spent teary days since that support group meeting.

So what now? A couple of weeks ago I decided that until I know for sure what to do, I'm going to go back to doing better. I have an appointment for Monday to meet with a therapist who specializes in food addictions/binge eating/chronic overeating. I started walking on the treadmill again. Only 10 minutes per day. I know it's not much but my stamina is very low and the loose skin from my stomach pulls on my back, but I hope to build my stamina and increase it. I haven't had fast food and I'm back to weighing my food.

I'm down from 360 to 340. That's progress, but some of that might have been sodium bloat from the fast food.

Anyone have any thoughts? Advice? Thank you SO much for reading this. As I gained weight over the years, I slowly pulled away from people and lost almost every friend I've ever had so I don't have people I can turn to. I'm hoping some of you here might have advice.

Thanks.

Give yourself credit where credit is due. You started out at 500 lbs. You're at 340, regardless of weight gained you are better than where you started.

The therapist is a wonderful idea. It sounds like you only fell back into what is comfortable for you because you were experiencing uncomfortable feelings( grief and loss). It's natural for humans to do this.

I don't think obesity happens on purpose. I think it's a mental disorder ( These are only my opinions by the way. I do have a master's degree in mental health counseling so I'm only going based on my opinion/experiences).

We stick with what's comfortable even subconsciously. You experienced a loss of your only friend, that's traumatic. You're beating yourself up for something you weren't necessarily in control of. A therapist will help you identify new coping skills for life stressors. That's the problem with emotional eating it's our only coping skill. We need to learn to restructure our thoughts( it's possible but takes lots of work). You're reaching out so you've already started.

Btw I wish I could take my own guidance... I'm getting the sleeve in 3 weeks. It's easy to spew out all this information but hard to execute the behaviors.

I hope this was helpful.

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I am so sorry about the loss of your good friend. It is so easy to loose our way especially in times of extreme emotional upset. However, look at you! You are already back on the right path and found your way back on your own despite a very negative "support" group. You have already turned things around and lost 1/3 of the weight regain. That is already a success. Build on that. I recently had my first stall that lasted for a month. During that time I had doubts that told me maybe this was it and maybe I wouldn't loose any more weight. I started to buy into that negative thinking that for me (the weight loss) it was finished, it didn't work for me. I am only not even 4 months out! So silly, but I was listening to the negative voices in my head that we all have. I found that as soon as I tightened up my tracking of food, upped my protein goal to 100 grams, increased my fluid, lowered my carbs and was more consistent in walking on my treadmill I have lost 3 lbs now this week. Our sleeves work!!! It's the negative voices in our heads lying to us that they tell us we've 'ruined' our sleeve or 'failed' or that we 'can't' loose any more weight. You are proof that we are in control of our own success, you are moving forward and being successful just by starting to try again. Keep it up girl!!!! You can do this!

What is the surgery that you can eat anything and not gain weight?I had my surgery in 2000 the ryn but every day I gain more! What's up with that??

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Temporary relapse is a normal part of the recovery process from addiction. It is important that you have developed the skill needed to reverse relapse and continue on the road to recovery. This is an amazing accomplishment!

You should be proud of yourself for this. I am proud of you!

@@songsmith thank you so much for your response. I'm sorry it took so long for me to come back. I've started my first semester of nursing school and it's been crazy! I went to a counselor a few times who was supposed to specialize in eating disorders, but I think I need a new one. She seems to be a behaviorlist, a therapist who focuses not on feelings or emotions, but observable aspects of behavior. Her advice for me was to keep a food journal and look at myself in the mirror each day and say "I will not eat anything today that I am not supposed to eat even if ISIS attacks my city." That may work for some people, but I weighted 500 pounds not long ago. Just telling myself "No" isn't going to work for me. I'm heading back to my insurance company's list of therapists and trying again. Thank you again.

@@mi75 I am so sorry for the loss of your father. That's a horribile thing to go through, and I wish you healing. Thanks for the tip about the regain section. I'll be checking that out.

@@mcplu28 thank you! Best of luck to you, too. We can do this. We just have to work each day at it.

@@dccarite, I agree with you. Extreme weight gain is a mental disorder. Some weight can be just overeating, but I didn't get to 500 pounds by having a good mental health. I didn't find the therapist for me with my first try, but I'm heading back to the list of therapists for my insurance and trying again. Good luck with your surgery. Keep us informed, ok?

@@miamomma YaY for breaking through that stall. That good attitude is going to keep you moving in the right direction. Thank you so much I'm trying daily to Celebrate all the weight I have already lost while moving to lose more!

@@Lindairene I don't think there's a single surgery that does that for us! I'm still considering revising to a duodenal switch as I know a few people who've had success with it and it does have the least weight regain of any of the surgeries, but it sure isn't an eat-anything-you-want thing!

@@Hollyhock Thank you so much! I really need to keep focusing on how much weight is gone (my sagging belly skin SHOULD serve as a good reminder lol) and just keep moving forward. Do a little better every day. thanks again

Maybe in your head when you are thinking about how much you weigh, silently subtract the 40 lbs of xcess skin that you will one day remove. This is not weight you can lose through diet or exercise.

I'm sorry my response was so brief. I am feeling very sympathetic to what you are saying. My husband had a heart attack last Wednesday evening so I've been very caught up with that. I brought him hom yesterday and he's doing very well. No permanent damage to his heart. I've had a few binges myself this week and have not done such a great job of eating every few hours or diarying. But now that he's home, I hope to change that.

Wow, I'm so impressed with your ability to take control and put yourself back on track. It's really hard to do all that, so give yourself some serious credit. You sound like the kind of person who is going to be just fine. Btw, I'm 58 and am about six weeks out from surgery: proof that bad eating knows no age limit! From my perspective, you're just a kid! :-)

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