Please Read: Keep BariatricPal a Safe Place

[LipstickLady 25,682]

We must also expect the person/people reading to be civil and mature.

[justhere4theshow 462]

I just come here to learn and share. I need to learn the very valuable skill of not engaging in every argument/debate that I see. Y'all have a great day!

[GinaCampbell 434]

People of all ages, creeds, religions etc congregate here. With one issue (I am making an assumption here) in common, a desire to lose weight through WLS or maintain a weightloss from existing WLS.

We are from all over the globe experiencing different surgeries, different surgeons in different countries.

Some of us are in pain, frightened and worried. Either trying to make one of the biggest decisions of our lives or trying to deal with the aftermath of such a decision.

Kindness is key, so is compassion and grace.

However, the above may look and sound different to each human here!

I read what I want, I say what I want, I learn loads and have made new friends.

If people need to leave to keep themselves safe, then the rest of us need to respect that. The same way if a person asks a question, even if it is about a stall or drinking beer two days out, we need to show a respectful silence or look away.

Everyone is valuable. Everyone here has different personalities and styles.

There is little point in becoming offended whether it be because of someone being snippy on a thread or someone asking us to play nicely together!

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[emme.vee 142]

Too many people, too many levels of emotions, not everyone will be pleased all of the time. You can't control how everyone is going to react to every word you are putting out there. Someone is bound to get offended one way or another.

Me? Give it to me raw, tell me the nitty gritty. Don't sugar coat it. Don't patronize me by saying things nicely in order to avoid conflict. I will not be offended because I come here for advice. I'm new to all of this. I want to research and know and be prepared. I don't want to look into this experience with rose colored glasses.

But again; that's my opinion. I know everyone doesn't feel the same. I have yet to see someone be rude on here. I don't understand what this stemmed from, but hopefully vets don't get pushed out. I like being informed on every possible situations and I really enjoy reading these posts.

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[Sharon1964 2,530]

In my experience running other boards, blanket "play nice" threads, while well-meaning, don't reach the intended audience and usually serve to upset those who it is not aimed towards.

I find it much more effective to warn the offenders privately.

I do the same thing at work. Blanket warnings or directives to change behavior don't work. You have to speak to the offender directly.

Just my two pence.

[justhere4theshow 462]

I have gone back and re-read the thread here, and I really need to call myself out and apologize! I never wanted to come across as such a bitch. I really do respect all of you, I am grateful for your wisdom, and I just realized I did the very thing that I was complaining about. I really need to get a handle on my attitude (I keep blaming it on hormones, but that's pretty weak!) Let me just say that I now realize it is our differences that make us so valuable to each other. I am sincere when I say that I really hope to be more tolerant and respectful to all of you. There was no need for me to stir the pot.

[sharonintx 1,275]

"All our members are polite, politically correct, sensitive, and joyously knowledgeable" said no internet forum ever.

Unfortunately when you have any type public forum there will always be nice people, funny people, abrasive people, know-it-alls who really know very little, closed minded people who think their way is the only way, and desperately needy people who could not form an independent opinion if their lives depended on it.

This is the world wide web, the blazing fast internet, the information super highway.

There is really no way to control what type of person joins. You can spend your days trying to block the numerous a-holes or you can leave it up to each individual to determine who gives sound advice and responses.

There will never be a day that you have an open forum consisting only of genuinely nice people. You can certainly ask for courtesy and respect from members but to think that everyone will cooperate is unrealistic.

It takes all kinds to make the world go round.

[Dub 9,922]

Safety is a wide ranging topic.

Listening to someone berate their sleeve because it allowed them to eat a 20oz steak early on post-op raises some safety concerns for sure. The urge to comment on this dangerous act was compelling, although I'm quite sure someone became butt hurt over our lack support of that behavior.

It's a fine line between coming across as being supportive Vs a jerk. I'll do my best to be positive and helpful but I'm not going to lie.

[justhere4theshow 462]

I am the first to admit that sometimes the truth hurts! Some situations just can't be supported. I would want to know the truth if I were doing something to hurt myself.

[Loudy227 96]

Thanks, Alex, I had been thinking about the same ideas this past week.

It especially makes my blood boil when someone responds to a post with "well if you're thinking of doing that then I question your commitment to weight loss." I think it is really not a helpful response. You don't have enough information to make that call. I'm sure it is not too difficult to get your point across without suggesting someone is destined to be a weight loss failure.

[LaDivaDev 129]

Greetings, all!

I think my take-away from Alex's post is this: "Be ever mindful that you communicate on this forum from a place of positive intent, and do your best to consider the impact it will have on the other person. Let this guide the manner in which you engage in this forum." In other words, this isn't the place to be a jerk. In a nutshell, that's the conclusion I came to. Works for me.

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,899]

LipstickLady,

Stay true to yourself. I have ready many of your posts, they are written respectfully and honest, even sometimes with "tough love" because you are truly concerned.

I also read responses when someone was trying to rip you a new a$$, but you responded back to them in a respectful manner.

As far as "pussyfoot" goes, is that a birth defect? If so, man, I would love to sell women's shoes.

This is why I like (most) men better than (most) women. They look at what's presented to them without adding a whole lot of interpretation and emotional connection. You gotta take words on an internet forum at face value instead of reading into every word spoken as a direct hit.

Sigh.

Staying true to myself is stepping away. Eventually these boards may revolve back into being a place where one can just be oneself but for now? Not so much.

You can come sell me shoes anytime.

Do you prefer a traditional pump or one with a tongue and laces? They do come in 50 shades of grey.

Maybe your husband can take you out "shoe shopping" later.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Greetings, all!

I think my take-away from Alex's post is this: "Be ever mindful that you communicate on this forum from a place of positive intent, and do your best to consider the impact it will have on the other person. Let this guide the manner in which you engage in this forum." In other words, this isn't the place to be a jerk. In a nutshell, that's the conclusion I came to. Works for me.

Girl, I couldn't agree with you more.

To add to that -- some people are gonna be offended because they WANNA be offended.

[nickisleeve 127]

Hit dogs will holler!!!!

But I'm guessing it's a post surgery hormone they inject in some. I've read post and watched videos of how after surgery ppl tend to turn into mean b*****s.

Maybe it's the low carbs, I pray I don't lose my hair or turn into a mean _______.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

In other words, this isn't the place to be a jerk. In a nutshell, that's the conclusion I came to. Works for me.

@@LaDivaDev

you are aces

good luck with gastric bypass in august

speedy recovery

kathy