Alright, so...

It seems that I rather suck at eating. I was fortunate enough to have my appetite and hunger return a mere 6 weeks after surgery, so getting appropriate nourishment hadn't been much of a struggle from that time until recently. Somewhere around 4-6 weeks ago, my appetite and most of my physical hunger (barring perhaps the middle of the night or first thing in the morning) seem to have just switched off. Since then, hitting my goals has become quite the battle. This morning I poured over my MFP entries to average out my calories and Protein for the past month, and it came out to 687 calories (current goal range is 900-1100) and 68g protein (surgeon's goal range is 75-113g, my personal minimum is 90g). And if I'm being entirely honest with myself, several of those days were 'padded' a little. Not deliberately - just things like recording a Protein Bar but only finishing half, recording a snack I intend to eat at work but forgetting, things like that.

I know that I shouldn't be consuming so few calories at this stage, and that getting my protein in should be my top priority. I know that I need to suck it up and eat whether I like it or not. I know that eating when you don't want to is no walk in the park for anyone. But I feel that I am having a particularly difficult time with it. I've no problem with the timing - its not that I'm just getting busy and forgetting that its time to eat (okay maybe a few times, but its not the main issue), so setting an alarm won't help much. The problem is that if I don't feel like eating, then not only do I flat out not WANT to, but I am physically averse to doing so. The thought of it turns my stomach. Having food in my mouth can trigger my gag reflex. Swallowing becomes very difficult. I instantly feel 'full' and like I'm stuffing every bite. Now there is nothing physically wrong with me, as I can eat just fine when I actually want to.

I really don't know what the problem is. Full disclosure: I do have a notable history with eating disorders (nothing threat-of-hospital-worthy since my late teens, however I've had more minor relapses as recently as 2010), but I truly don't believe that's what's going here. An eating disorder involves a certain mentality that simply isn't present right now...not to mention that I've grown too old for that sh*t. I don't know if its the summer heat, the upset of my recent move, working for the first time in a decade, having to share a house...whatever. I don't want to make excuses. I've been considering returning to a liquid diet for a week or so to see if the absence of solid food will re-trigger my hunger/desire for it. Does anyone think that might work? I'm quite certain I'm not the only one in the history of WLS who has struggled with this. If you are one of them, what has worked for you? How have you been able to get passed this? Does anyone have any suggestions? Harsh words are as welcome as supportive ones here - I know that I'm totally f*cking myself over right now.

I'm going to end with a few stats and tidbits so no one is forced to dig around in my profile or past posts for relevant information if they don't want to:

• Gastric bypass on 25 Jan 2016 (5.5 months post-op)
• Pre-op loss = 86 lbs, Post-op loss = 64 lbs (month 1: 26 lbs, month 2: 13 lbs, month 3: 9.5 lbs, month 4: 10 lbs, month 5: 3.5 lbs, month 6: 2 lbs so far)
• Age 35, 5'7", 205 lbs, goal 170 lbs
• I currently have NO medical team due to my recent move to Canada, so consulting my surgeon/nut/psych is not an option. I must fulfill a 3 month residency requirement to qualify for insurance here, then I can get a referral to a new team for further care (paying out of pocket is not possible for me at this time).
• The vast majority of days still include adequte Fluid intake and Vitamin supplementation

Thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to read my novelette and reply to it.

Viff and I are friends. I can poke him and he won't get mad. (I think he likes it.)

Of course I like it! Hell, I usually have to pay for it...

BigViff? You know I adore you, but seriously... Men don't count. They look out the window at a pretty girl walking by and they break their stall.

Break a stall? I don't think so. Break a sweat, maybe!

Your story is amazing, I wish I can be as successful as you. I'm sure you'll be able to figure out a way out of your current status.

Good luck and God bless!

Your story is amazing, I wish I can be as successful as you. I'm sure you'll be able to figure out a way out of your current status.

Thank you very much for the kind words. I have to keep reminding myself that I HAVE been quite successful to keep from getting caught up in the stalls and early (I feel, anyway) slowed loss. My surgeon told me to expect to lose 60-70% of my excess weight from bypass. Starting at 355 lbs with a goal of 170 and currently sitting at 205, I'm already down over 81%. I have to remember that I've already exceeded expectations, even if I'm not at goal yet.

@@CHM,

I agree with the others that short-term, you’re find medically with your consumption if you’re absolutely physically unable to eat the food you know you should. However, it sounds like you probably could up the intake a little. For example, you mention that you might “forget” to eat a snack at work – that’s not a question of physical revulsion, so maybe you could make a little more effort not to be forgetful.

I would also be super honest with myself about the past history of eating disorders. Is an eating disorder mentality coming into play here? Be honest with yourself. If so, you need to address it if you want to have a truly healthy relationship with food. I don’t know if that’s something you can address yourself by being super vigilant, or if you need to get help – that’s something you need to decide.

Good luck!