T-minus 1 hour.

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life. I guess that is true for everyone, but for me tomorrow is my first day 100% focused on my gastric sleeve journey. Tomorrow I am starting my pre-op diet, 20 days before my surgery date. My doctor only requires a two week diet, but I am tired of waiting. I am ready to get started now. The sooner I start, the more weight I will lose, the sooner I will hit my milestones. Besides, there is something powerful about not waiting until I am forced to go all in. By starting early, I feel more in control.

I am hoping to use this journal to chronicle my experience. To keep me accountable. To share my feelings and to get support. Generally I am much more of a browser than a contributor in forums like this, but this time I decided to put myself out there.

So here goes. One year. My journey.

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DAY 10

11 days pre-op

CW: ???

11 days out and today is my birthday! I am officially on the one year count down to 40 where I give myself the best gift of all- a new body. Had a great day. Went to dinner with my husband and youngest son, where I took advantage of the lean meat and veggie option my surgeon allows. I try to stick to liquid most days but if a girl can't have a grilled pork chop on her birthday, when can she have one?

I don't know how much I weigh today. I decided to only weigh in Wednedays and Saturdays because I was starting to get obsessive with the scale. You guys know how it goes- weigh in the morning. Then again that night. Maybe step on the scale a couple more times just to make sure the scale is working right and you haven't lost more weight than you originally thought. Feelings of elation if it is lower than expected. Sadness if it is higher. Spending time retracing your actions the day before making sure you didn't mess up... It is exhausting just writing about it. I have found that weighing in everyday is great when I am trying to maintain, but terrible when I am trying to lose. Apparently that hasn't changed for me in the past two years.

Anywho. In a great head space. Very ready for my turn to join the losers bench... "Red rover, red rover let ME come over!!!"

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Happy Birthday!

You can do it, hugs

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DAY 12

9 days pre-op

CW: 339

Feeling kind of down today. Less motivated and excited about the surgery. For the past few weeks I have been in a state of heightened anticipation waiting for the surgery and suddenly I just feel overwhelmed by the enormity of what I am about to do- and more importantly the unknown. I am a super control freak and a planner by nature. Not having any guarantees is upsetting. I am not feeling confident in my ability to make a lifetime commitment to healthy eating and exercise. I am so tired of fighting with my bad habits and desires. The reality that I am taking such a drastic step, such risk and that fight still won't end is depressing. I just finished the Emotional First Aid Kit: A practical Guide to life after Bariatric surgery. It was an excellent book. Very insightful and a little tough love-y in a good way. But it did outline all of the challenges people face after surgery. The head, heart challenges. And so much of it was hitting home. It just kind of freaked me out.

On top of that, i have an enormous load on my plate at work. I am on a trip all next week. I am trying to prep for two weeks off. Plus prepare my family, my house, my self. Ugh. Very overwhelmed.

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Thank you @@Inner Surfer Girl

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DAY 14

6 Days pre-op

Sooooo I had both a NSV and a stark reminder of why I am on this journey today. First I put on some pants I haven't worn since I started my pre-op diet and they were really loose. Like- probably should have them taken in soon loose. I am also starting to notice a difference in my face which is exciting.

Now on to the bad- beyond having to buy two airplane seats in Southwest and then explain to everyone who wanted to sit next to me that the seat was "reserved" and beyond having to ask for a seatbelt extender... Today I had to call down to the front desk a request a change of hotel rooms for a handicap room. The toilet in the bathroom of my very nice hotel was wedged tightly between the sink and the shower, with not more than an inch on each side. My hips could not comfortably fit and since I am staying for three days I had to ask for a new room.

I would be completely demoralized except I know I am doing everything I can to change my future. Next time I am in town I will not need special accommodations!

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DAY 13

5 days pre-op

Was in the HBO store today and bought a tshirt. Naturally I picked up the XXXL. It occurred to me that maybe I should buy I smaller shirt since I will legitimately be losing weight soon but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't think I really believe this is about to happen!!

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Day 20

1 Day pre-op

Sooooo tomorrow is the big day! I am finally starting to get a little nervous- thinking of all the things that could go wrong. Praying I am a person that is grateful I made this decision and not one who regrets it. Praying I don't have any complications. Praying the pain is bearable. Praying I lose weight steadily and am not a slow loser. Praying- just praying. This time tomorrow I will be on the other side. Anyone reading this please say a prayer for me too!

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Good luck

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Prayers and hope to you!

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DAY 23

3 days post op

Still in the hospital but I made it. Thankfully. The past couple of days have been rough. As much as I tried to prepare, I really didn't think it would be as hard as it has been. The pain has been more than I anticipated (I've had two c-sections). The nausea hits me without warning. The pain meds keep me so drowsy I can't get my fluids in. I have been as mess. But things are looking up- they have me on two rotating pain meds, auto nausea meds which has allowed me to work on my fluids and walk around. So as rough as it has been- I am optimistic for the future. Just keep sipping. Just keep sipping. Sipping sipping

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I Love reading your updates. You are going to fly through this year and not even recognize yourself!! Can't wait to be where you are.

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Congratulations and welcome to the other side!

Day 24

4 days post-op

I finally got to come home today. We finally found a cocktail that kept the pain and nausea at bay - which made my blood pressure come down. Taking a shower was amazing. Laying in my own bed- phenomenal. I do kind of miss the relative peace and quiet of hospital though. Having a toddler around is the opposite of calm. My husband is doing a great job of occupying him, but he wants mommy mommy mommy.

I did well on my fluids today. Not up to the recommended 48 oz but more than yesterday and I did get 50 grams of Protein. I will try again tomorrow. I created a little check box calendar to help me track my progress (and because I love checking things off lol).

All in all, today was much better than yesterday and hopefully tomorrow will be even better!

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Day 25

5 days post-op

Today was better than yesterday. Probably due to getting 10 hours of sleep in my own bed last night. Working on my fluids- 40 oz and 53 grams of Protein so far. I am sooooo relieved I still like Protein shakes. That has made it much easier to get my nutrition in.

I also started "exercising" again today. And by "exercising" I mean walking on the treadmill at .5 miles per hour, clutching the side rails for 10 mins. I was clearly careful not to over do it, but I thought it important mentally that I stay on top of the exercise habit I have worked so hard to create. I read that once you skip as little as one week of workouts, it may take up to 6 months to get back in the habit again. No way! I plan to make the most of my honeymoon period. So even if I have to crawl on the treadmill for 5 mins, I will keep up with a dedicated exercise time.

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DAY 26

6 days post op

Day 6 kicked my butt! After a couple of days feeling better I seemed to regress a little today. First of all I was exhausted and slept most of the day way. Then in a foolish attempt to start weening off meds, I tried to go 10 hours without taking anything for pain, nausea, muscle spasms etc. About 9 hours in I was hurting pretty bad. I was scared something serious might be wrong (like a leak). So I threw the kitchen sink at it- pain meds, gas X, zofran, took a half mile walk, hot shower, heating pad. Feeling better now so at least I know it was self inflicted. I guess I am not ready to fly solo yet.

Worst part is between the sleeping and the pain/nausea I fell way behind on my fluids. I did well with Protein but not nearly enough total Fluid. Le sigh. Tomorrow is a new day

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