Old photos..Now I'm questioning everything.

[Kindle 8,667]

So once again, I'm the odd ball out here. Losing weight did not change who I was on the inside. I had dysmorphia in the sense that I never thought I was fat. So when I lost 100 pounds my body finally matched what my head always believed. I had no problems adjusting to what I saw in the mirror. And to tell you the truth, from an emotional well being standpoint, I was a hell of a lot happier all those years being large, I just didn't know it.

My real depression and unhappiness didn't happen until I realized that in order to remain thin I could not dull the pain of life with food and alcohol. I became miserable. Feeling emotions rather than feeding them sucks. I finally sought out a therapist who is helping me work towards some sense of happiness again. So when it comes to old pictures, once I overcome the shock of seeing how big I really was, they actually bring back memories of how freaking happy I was....fat, drunk and happy. These days I'm just thin, sober, angry, and sad.

[Healthy_life2 8,319]

@@Kindle

Many fortunate people in the world who are healthy mentally. They have not had to change anything about themselves at any point in life. I just have not met them..lol

We all have our crap to overcome in life right? I just happened to work them out during the same time frame of weight loss.

Not sure if your post was sarcasm or real..But I can see the flip side of anything.

[Kindle 8,667]

@@Kindle

Many fortunate people in the world who are healthy mentally. They have not had to change anything about themselves at any point in life. I just have not met them..lol

We all have our crap to overcome in life right? I just happened to work them out during the same time frame of weight loss.

Not sure if your post was sarcasm or real..But I can see the flip side of anything.

Not sarcasm at all. I was just pointing out the difference. Your past is hard for you while mine is the opposite. I was a strong, confident fat person and fir the most part, life was good. I only became a blubbering mess after losing weight and I no longer had my emotional crutches (food and alcohol) to back me up.

My best friend committed suicide 17 months postop and it was then I discovered I had no constructive coping abilities. I stayed drunk for the 18 months following my brother's death prior to my VSG but I couldn't do that this time. The illusion of my mental health went out the window and i realized what a wreck I really was. My therapist, antidepressants and testosterone replacement are my new crutches that keep me from joining my friend at this point.

So you are right, we all have certain mental issues. Being obese is simply one of the symptoms, not the cause. And unfortunately surgery only treats that one symptom. It's a lot harder to find and treat the cause, But it sounds like you have made great strides in that department.

All I'm saying in response to your OP, is that like it or not, the past is a part of who you are. You already said it, you conquered and overcame so much. Forgiving and accepting a past that you can't change is just a part of that and definitely better in the long run than hating a stack of photographs.

[MissB1982 75]

Hello. I actually have not had surgery just yet, it's around the corner, but I have lost almost 100 pounds from my highest weight before surgery. First off, people can be so rude in how they say things to you. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of. I love seeing my before pictures, however the mind works in mysterious ways because I don't look too much different to myself right now. Maybe after surgery. But when you're big your mind tells you you're smaller. When you're smaller your mind tells you you're bigger. But not once have I felt ashamed, because big or small, depressed or content, you are you and you only get to be you in the course of life and you is a great thing. Life consists of growing, ups and downs, and evolving, and that Is just a piece of your beautiful life story. Don't be afraid to look at the old you and don't be afraid to correct rude people family or not. Self esteem and worth are inside of you at all times, it's just hidden deep down. When they talk about and make comments about the bigger you, guess what, they are still talking about you now because you're the same person, just your appearance changed . Defend yourself, don't let them get under your skin, cause they feel bold enough to make these comments now, but were they telling you this when you were bigger? Probably not so what's the motive and point of telling you now? Not saying curse anybody out lol, everything can be done politely and in love, all I'm saying is don't feed into the negativity of what other people say. That woman in the pictures who was bigger has just as much right to respect as the thinner person you are now.

Edited June 30, 2016 by MissB1982

[KristenLe 5,979]

@@rshredl 100lbs in 6 months is excellent!!! Congrats!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Hello. I actually have not had surgery just yet, it's around the corner, but I have lost almost 100 pounds from my highest weight before surgery. First off, people can be so rude in how they say things to you. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of. I love seeing my before pictures, however the mind works in mysterious ways because I don't look too much different to myself right now. Maybe after surgery. But when you're big your mind tells you you're smaller. When you're smaller your mind tells you you're bigger. But not once have I felt ashamed, because big or small, depressed or content, you are you and you only get to be you in the course of life and you is a great thing. Life consists of growing, ups and downs, and evolving, and that Is just a piece of your beautiful life story. Don't be afraid to look at the old you and don't be afraid to correct rude people family or not. Self esteem and worth are inside of you at all times, it's just hidden deep down. When they talk about and make comments about the bigger you, guess what, they are still talking about you now because you're the same person, just your appearance changed . Defend yourself, don't let them get under your skin, cause they feel bold enough to make these comments now, but were they telling you this when you were bigger? Probably not so what's the motive and point of telling you now? Not saying curse anybody out lol, everything can be done politely and in love, all I'm saying is don't feed into the negativity of what other people say. That woman in the pictures who was bigger has just as much right to respect as the thinner person you are now.

@@MissB1982 -- I have a girl crush on you.

You're so smart.

[MissB1982 75]

Thanks ????. I've been there many times, it took years to get my confidence, I think it's there now , but even if some days I don't have my confidence, I know better to rely on people for confirmation of it .