Feeling like a failure

[brandeett 52]

This is very, very, VERY hard for me to write. Please, before anyone responds, I don't need any harsh criticism, I just need support. I was sleeved July 31st, 2015. Up to date, I have lost 60 pounds. Yes, I am way behind in my weight loss. I've gotten off the path and have started eating bad food again. The sugary things were making me sick before, they aren't now....why? I just don't understand it, I know people that have gotten the sleeve, have "gotten away" with eating sweets when they wanted, and have lost 100 pounds by now. I'm not saying I expect to go back to bad habits and the weight still come off, just wondering why it's different for me? I thought certain foods would still make me feel sick. I want to get back on track. Just need some suggestions on how to. And has anyone ever heard of going from sleeve to bypass?

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[MBP 128]

Don't give up and just restart the suggested diet. 60lbs is awesome and nothing to be ashamed about. Good luck!

[KristenLe 5,979]

Try doing the 5 day reset. I highly recommend counseling. Your sleeve is just a tool - the work still needs to be done and that involves life long changes in eating habits.

[FrankyG 1,450]

Sweets and high fat don't make every person sick after the surgery, and most of the time it is a short term effect for those that do get sick from them. I couldn't touch high sugar for about 6 months, but guess what? That effect wore off and I could eat anything now with no serious repercussions other than gaining weight. I know that, so I don't eat crap foods all the time. I do eat stuff like a cupcake or a cookie for special occasions, but I plan out my day so I know I have room in my calorie count and I eat healthy 90% of the time, so eating something "bad" occasionally doesn't derail my whole life.

Relearning how to eat healthy during the honeymoon period is what the surgery is really all about. You have to throw out everything you used to do and establish good eating habits while the restriction takes care of the Portion Control. That is what everyone is supposed to learn how to do during the honeymoon phase after surgery. It is really sad that the doctors don't explain this part better to every single patient before they have the surgery. If you don't do this, then the weight loss will happen in the beginning just because you're not able to eat as much, but likely will slow down sooner, and also regain is very likely once your metabolism adjusts in a year or two and all you still eat is crummy foods.

Anyway.

You definitely need to try doing the 5 day reset. It will help remind you how your stomach feels and feel the restriction again, and should help you detox from the sweets/crap food cravings - eating high carb usually makes you crave more carbs - it is a vicious cycle.

You made some mistakes, but the sleeve is still there, ready for you once you're ready to recommit to eating correctly. You lost the best time to make fast and easy changes, but if you put in the work, you can still make it happen. But you have to be willing to do the work.

Start tracking every bite of food and sip of drink. Get your Protein and Water goals figured out, keep your carbs low (under 100 definitely but if you can push it down to 50 grams/day that would be even better), and get your calories for the day down to around a 500 calorie less than you burn in a day.

Throw out all the junk food in your house. Tell friends and family to not tempt you with foods like that and don't go places where you'll feel weak until you get control of yourself. Think of it like being an alcoholic or trying to quit smoking. You don't go places where you'll feel tempted and you ask friends/family to be supportive of your struggle and not offer you things you shouldn't be having, and do your best to remove the temptations from your path.

Exercise - find something you enjoy doing and then do it a minimum of 5 days a week. Even if it's just walking a 2 miles around your neighborhood after dinner, it's something if you're currently doing nothing.

What seems to work best food wise is whole foods, that you cook yourself. If it comes in a box or frozen package, it probably isn't a very good choice. Learn to read labels REALLY well, and figure out things like net carbs, sodium levels, etc., and check out both here and bariatric recipe sites like http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/

Proteins should be the main part of each meal and every snack: things like fish, chicken, lean cuts of beef, cheese, yogurt, even Beans and lentils. Healthy vegetables - leafy greens, red peppers, squash, zucchini, avocados, broccoli, cauliflower... watch the ones that are high carb like corn and green peas as even healthy veggies can have high carbs sometimes and you need to be aware when you eat them. Should also be including healthy fats like coconut or olive oils and things like nuts or avocados have fat too, but it's a good fat (just watch the amounts and calories). Watch things like lunchmeat that are usually high sodium (again, read labels!) and be aware of times of day that you might be weak and have healthy Snacks on hand to prevent the quick stop at the drive thru or dropping by the office vending machine.

MEASURE everything. You can't rely on eyeballing food amounts. Get a digital scale, and weigh your food so you get accurate calorie counts. It is way too easy to guess and over-estimate your food portions.

And you might need to see a counselor that deals with eating disorders if you can't get control of your eating and get your head in the right space to succeed at this. Please don't take this as being mean, but worrying over what others did and comparing your lack of success while eating bad foods isn't helpful or realistic. But here's the thing. You aren't a failure unless you give up completely. Don't give up, and you will succeed.

[mskittykat03 113]

I agree with everyone else. Don't give up. I have always been a sweets eater so I made the decision to not tempt myself. I don't think they will make me sick, I just know they won't really do much for my nutrition. Besides, there will always be cake, or other goodies so I know I can have them another day. I have seen people losing quickly while others are slow. It doesn't matter to me what everyone else does. My Dr and nutritionist are pleased with my results and so am I. Work on you, forget everyone else and yes, talk to a professional. Can't hurt.

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[Dub 9,922]

Don't have the struggle.

Avoid it by simply doing what you know is right......sticking to the plan.

Avoid struggles by keeping it simple.

Just do it.

[Kindle 8,667]

You have two choices....you can do the things necessary to lose weight and maintain that loss, or you can choose to indulge in the behaviors that led to your obesity in the first place. Which, of course, will lead to the same result. Like @@Dub said it really is that simple. @@FrankiesGirl gave some good detailed advice on what to do but I'm pretty sure you already know what you should be doing.

If you can't change your behaviors on your own, you need to seek professional help in the form of therapy or counseling, because it really is hard to do. The importance of the psychological changes you need to make in order for WLS to be successful far outweigh the physical changes made by your surgeon. That's the part people just dont seem to get. fortunately I paid attention to the advice from veterans before I even decided to have surgery, so I was prepared to make the changes. But it's never too late to turn yourself around. You just have to want to.

And, BTW, sleeve to bypass won't work without behavior changes, either. Success or failure is up to you, not the type of surgery you have.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

In your shoes I'd do two things:

1. Throw away all the foods you're eating that you shouldn't be eating. And don't replace them. Make your home a safe place that supports your WLS journey and goals.

2. Find a good therapist to help you stop sabotaging yourself and your future good health. Pre-WLS, I did a truly piss-poor job of caring for myself. And self-care is the secret to everything we're trying to do here. It sounds like you need help to learn how to do that for yourself. Don't deny yourself this resource you need to cross the bridge between self-destruction and self-care.

Good luck!

[livvsmum 2,368]

I suppose some may be able to handle "the old foods" in moderation, but I learned early on....about 7 months post-op....that's not me! Having something sugary, carby, etc can set off days or even weeks of bad eating. I was a food addict. When I open that door to let those same triggers back in, yeah....doesn't work. And you will find (as it sounds you have) that with time, you can eat pretty much anything and things that may have made you sick in the beginning don't now that you've healed completely.

And yes. I actually have a friend who had her sleeve revised to a bypass, and she hasn't lost a single pound more. They are both tools. The key is in how you use your tool.

[BarrySue 602]

I feel you, OP. Twice now I've had two weeks where I've just chomped away on chips because I was feeling impulsive and out of control.

You're good. Slow your roll. Take a breath. Rome wasn't built in a day, and this is not some mad dash sprint to the end. It's finding ways to eat that you can live with for the rest of your life. You've lost the equivalent of a third grader, and you should be immensely proud.

Your journey is not my journey, or his or her journey. Don't get discouraged or try to compare yourself to those who, quite frankly, are sometimes blessed by youth, genetics, or other factors that help them lose weight faster (I'm young, and my entire family is thin, I don't have to combat genetics like so many others).

Hang out on the forums, too. Find people to chat with who can empathize. Whenever I'm having a bad week, I come spend time here to feel less isolated and get into a good headspace.